KISS & TELL

KISS & TELL

Jaan Uhelszki

Blond on Blond: We knew that those playful imps from Pasadena, Van Halen, had an unaccountable aversion to certain colors—you remember their unnatural abhorrance to the dread brown M&M—and of course it's common knowledge that David Lee wouldn't even bother to peel a backstage pass off any deb whose tresses even approached burnt sienna (you remember the brush he gave Christie Brinkley last year—and we're not talking about the kind with boar bristles). What Kiss 'n' Tell didn't know was that this odd pigmentatia phobiosis extended to lead singers. When VH was shopping for a warm-up band for their 1984 tour, one of the criterion for considering a possible opening act was whether the lead singer was a blond or not. If there was even a mere hint of peroxide, he didn't get the nod. We heard from an unconfirmed source that Twisted Sister's Dee Snider vowed to hit the Lady Clairol, if Roth and the guys would just give them a shot. No, not that kind of shot, stupid...In a moment of uncharacteristic candor, Eddie Van Halen revealed that 'our audience is a flat out average person who likes to have fun. Other bands get a little older crowd. Maybe they've traded in their beer for Perrier.

I'm just like a guy in our audience, in fact I wish I could be out there watching my own show.' That can be arranged Eddie—just dye your hair blond...Philosophical opponent and part-time shutterbug Andy Summers of the Police has a different perspective on audiences. 'I prefer to think that our audience wasn't a lot of beerswilling numbskulls.' Pass the man the Perrier...Kiss 'n' Tell II: The bun barely out of the oven and First Girlfriend Jerry Hall is threatening to clutter the literary world with yet another volume of Stones propaganda, tentatively titled, Hall Of Fame. Get Me To The Church On Time: Jerry also divulged that she and Mick the Lip didn't tie the knot before the blessed event, because she felt she wasn't at her most attractive when she was pregnant, so the couple plans to wait and save the nuptials until she gets back her glorious anoretic shape. So why is Mick stocking the fridge with all that chocolate chocolate-chip Haagen-Dazs?...The Cat In The Hat: If you thought that a Harley Davidson was an odd traveling companion, Greg Kihn not only brings his cover-girlfriend Debbie Echard on the road, but carts along their cat, Popokoi, on his swing through the teenage wasteland. Of course, he carries his own kitty litter...The Cat In The Hat Comes Back: Jimmy Page is reportedly planning a return to the rock marketplace with his current cohort and former Swan Song buddy, Paul Rodgers. They are currently auditioning bass players to round out the lineup, which will not include the late John Bonham's teenage son on drums, as first reported. John Paul Jones, not one of the bass players in contention, is also getting restless after his long layoff since the demise of Led Zep—and has been working out some of his kinks in Jimmy Page's homerecording studio (what better place to work on your kinks than at Jimmy's?), before embarking on a project writing the musical score for a Michael Winner film, Scream For Help...Shop Around: Elton John was so enamored of a $2,000 leather jacket he spotted in a French boutique, he ordered 65 of them, which only set him back a mere $130,000...Kevin DuBrow of Quiet Riot, experiencing the first glow of the upper income brackets, splurged in London's Kensington Market and purchased a pair of pointy-toed snakeskin boots for 70 pounds. That is what you would call a rock star's rite of passage. Second Hand Rose: Brian Setzer wasn't about to squander his hard-earned cash on pricey rock star regalia—he's after the real.

But Setzer has a different approach to building a wardrobe. 'Gene Vincent's Blue Caps gave me some of Gene's clothes,' Brian proudly boasts, 'And Eddie Cochran's fiancee sent j| me some of his clothesuand some Polaroid snapshots of him. I'll tell you, to get sonufh'ng that QKtd to belong to Eddie Cochran is a J good feeling '' Cheap All this from a guy. who used to earn his keep from nuik.nq aitificiiil flowers, pre-Stray - • * I Cats..

Those/ ^any^rockers Specimen^! refused to .be disheartened by an iffy crowd response in New York and decided tp, how-you-say. spice up the' act by ordering 12 large pizzas and botn|?ard^g thd' 7" audience with them I hope they :*i held the anch WfisJl|Th.l -Eyfc# Have It: Have you ever noticed that David Bowie's eyes are two different colors? His right eye is blue and his left is grey. What do you mean that explains everything? Does it?...Son of Flipper: David Bowie's son, dubbed Zowie Bowie at birth (yes, that's what it says on his birth certificate) has decided to drop the dated handle and is now known simply as Joey Jones...I Remember Momma: Ex-Wife Angela Bowie is determined to re-establish her toehold in the scene. She has recently resurfaced in San Francisco visiting the local clubs looking for work ('I'll do anything, but I draw the line at waiting tables.') She has a show which consists of Angie-baby singing to tapes of recorded music performed by Lcs Dudek and Thunderclap Newman. (Oh, how very Menudo!) Can she sing? I don't know, but she managed to attract 600 faithful to the club in Atlanta. Angela hangs her hat in greater Los Angeles and rooms with, of all people, Valerie Kendall Van Halen, brief wife of Alex Van Halen... Sting Stung: Francoise Sumner, the almost ex-wife of Gordon, is requesting a cash settlement of 5.5 million pounds in their private divorce war—and this was supposed to be an amicable split...Raid! Jamie ^y§f|||gMrtis has parted ways with the Insect %Jrb.her words: 'It was Nf79vi>,,>'' Curtis is bervM^^gfe,the :[? cqmpariy/pf hi^^^Mteanee, Michael Riv switch thaii

^swabbed off the make-up, but gBpr audigijjjje hasn'r been close ; to the cold cream Diehard foot soldiers of the Kiss Army have still been attending shows m vintage '.Kiss ^fepafftf.:.,;1j|versiy,

Diversify: Gene Simmons. he Jongue-tied, , revealed*to Kiss & Tell that he • ? hpS: tranchedo u t to another arm entertainment industry and has formed Monster Management with Howard Marks. Their clients include Smashed Gladys and Liza Minnelli. That's right, the lady with the Z. As another lady with a Z, I'd like to once again remind you, if you have to Kiss 'n' Tell, Kiss 'n' Tell me.