MAIL

MAIL

Please send letter to: MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine

P.O. Box P-1064 Birmingham, Ml 48012

AH WHAT THE HELL, BLESS EVERYBODY

Ah-ha! Finally, a writer with enough skill and sensitivity to put the Police in their true (and deserved) light!

God bless Dave DiMartino for that excellent interview (and...uh...um, other stuff) of the Police, the greatest band ever.

Just about every other interviewer tears what they. really are apart, or asks questions that somebody with a double-digit IQ would think up.

Keep it up, Davey! I know of only one other writer who’s done those boys justice and that’s Susan Whitall. Bless you also, Susan.

And hey, how about them great photos? Mr. Roberts knows his Canons!

Please print this letter. I spent over an hour thinking of what I should write. Besides, I’m hoping maybe a copy of the magazine will get back to one of the trio and they’ll write me a thankyou note. Wish me luck!

Sherry Barrett

Clio, MI

P.S. Sting’s right. The world does “suck.”

WE GET TEN OF THESE EVERY MONTH!

It’s about time somebody appreciated great music. For years, the RAMONES have put out great nonstop rock ’n’ roll without wimping out like most of the other “punk groups” they inspired. But there has been little recognition of this legendary band. They deserve to be up there instead of all the woos groups that have commercially sold out. The RAMONES are what music should be, fast moving, straight-ahead rock without all the bull which groups like Journey and Loverboy thrive on. He who doth not like RAMONES hath never heard RAMONES!

Bashy Weinberg

Seattle, WA

(...and now we never have to print one again!— Ed.)

HOW WARM?

Thank you for your subscription order—and from all of us, a warm welcome to Young Miss.

We hope you will not only enjoy reading the magazine, but will share in its continuing creation by sending us your comments and ideas and taking part in special projects.

Jane Daniels

for Young Miss

WINNING STREAK ENDED

Hi, I’ve been a CREEM subscriber for five years. But please allow me to redeem myself by pointing out that I’ve never sent you any letters.

Kathy

Los Angeles, CA

THEN THROW A BLANKET OVER IT!

Have you ever noticed how repulsive some usually adorable guys look with their shirts off? I just saw U2 in concert on HBO and really enjoyed it—as long as Bono kept his shirt on. When he took it off—oh well, back to MTV! (sigh)

John Taylor, too. Ever see the video of “Save A Prayer”? Put the shirt on, for God’s sake! I hope 1 never see Nick Rhodes with his shirt off, ’cos I hope to be in love with him forever, but I’ve read he only weighs (get this) 126 pounds. My little brother (age 11) weighs more than that!

OK, wanta see a real wimp? Check out Brian Setzer in the video of “I Won’t Stand In Your Way.” UGH!!!!!!! He looked really cute in the closeups of his face. Too bad he had to take his shirt off and ruin it all.

I suggest that all of the above watch the US Festival Day 1 the next time it comes on Showtime. INXS are the first group on. Michael Hutchence—what a BABE!! Even with his shirt off! He puts the othfers to SHAME!! As for the rest of you, let’s see some iron-pumpin, huh??!!?

Shabooh Shoobah

Barely Breathing in D.C.

P.S. Paul Stanley looks like Liza Minelli! (Boy, is Syl Sylvain ever mad. —Ed.)

TRAY CHEEK!

Could you please tell Lynn Goldsmith that it is “nouveau-riche” to drink Perrier water out of the bottle? If she must persist at this “faux pas,” the six-and-a-half-fl. oz. bottle is much classier than the 23 fl. oz. bottle. My Daddy said she could never obtain a membership to our club.

Princess Isabella Syracuse, NY

NICE USE OF “VERY”

This is just another VERY boring letter, from a VERY bored person, who buys and reads this VERY boring magazine!

A VERY bored person

somewhere in a VERY boring town near

Boston, MA

P.S. Don’t print this VERY boring letter, because it’s VERY boring.

P.P.S. I also think Joe “Deli” Russo is VERY boring.

MEMO: DON’T LET THE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD SEE THIS!

Rock ’n’ roll stars with their first names beginning with the letter “J” who would be better off dead:

John Cougar

Joe Cocker

Jerry Garcia

Jonathan Cain

Jim Capaldi

John Oates

John Panozzo

James Young

Joe Perry

Joe Walsh

Jackson Browne

Jane Wiedlin

The Raven and Wendy

D.C. (David’s Chicks)

(What about J. Kordosh?—Ed.)

WHOSE TRULY?

I have noticed a definite lack of intelligent wit in your magazine since the “Who Needs The Beatles?” issue. If it doesn’t improve, I’m going to quit buying CREEM. Here’s my suggestion: bring back Susan Whitall!

Bob Arner Rockford, IL

(OK, Mrs. Whitall—that’s all the free plugs Sue gets until you bring us MORE COOKIES!—Ed.)

WHAT DOES “CONDONE” MEAN? The picture of Terri Nunn of Berlin in the November ’83 issue implies that your magazine condones violence against women.

A Woman Babcock, WI

CHRISTGAU, BULL LINKED!

Marc Almond did a great thing by bullwhipping that record critic. Watch out, Robert Christgau, you’re next!

Tracy

Somewhere In Oklahoma

EARTH TO ERIC!

Some Pieces Of Advice For Eric “I Wanna Be Black” Burdon:

1) Don’t lip sync.

2) Don’t rhythmlessly thrash yourself around your mike like a testy man occasionally jumping to swat at flies on a lazy Sunday afternoon. (Stand still & fix your beady eyes on that camera, Jack, like you used to.)

3) Do not stand next to Chas Chandler, anywhere.

4) Find good songs.

5) Find good musicians (who can all manage to stand the sight of each other & you).

6) Let not your ego compensate for lack of other things.

7) Don’t make another comeback unless you’ve got a damned good reason to (like “burning inspiration”).

8) Don’t become a Buddhist, or any of those silly things. And don’t play golf.

9) Come to Jordan.

I’ve Gotta Get Out Of This Dump Jordan, New York

DEATH MAY BE YOUR EASTER BUNNY!

At first, I idolized Peter Sellers, but he died. Then I idolized John Lennon, but he died too. Then I idolized John Belushi, but he too died. It looks like everyone I idolized died—now I like Duran Duran! Especially Simon Le Bon—heh, heh, heh.

Miss Mean Long Island, NY

P.S. Don’t worry, Ed.—I hate you!

ASKING THE TUFF ONES

On October 22, 1983, at about 9:00 a.m., I was ever so innocently completing my PSAT’s in a less than adequate schoolroom, when suddenly it came—yes, the ever-dreaded AnswerThe - Questions - About - The - Reading - Selection part. As you may well know, thousands of students have gone into comas due to the thorough dullness this section is known to have. This time, unbelievably enough, there was a reading selection about rock music. After convincing myself that, “perhaps this could be OK,” 1 started to read, but before I could get past the first five lines, I found something that I knew would change life on Earth (bop bop) as we know it! It was a quote from none other than (dare I say it?) Robert Christgau! Now, the ultimate question is, does this mean CREEM has educational value?! THINK ABOUT IT!

Agent A. (Rah Rah)

Fawlty Towers (No.-Ed.)

OBVIOUSLY NOT A “REAL” LETTER

I know why you guys never print any of my letters. Cuz you write them all yourselves! 1 knew it! I’m probably not real either!

Ms. Mandy

Garfield, NJ (land of strange furniture)

WHITE HUNTER FACES DOOM

By any chance do you have any info on the Death To Alan Hunter Club? Please let me know! He must be in love with Mike Reno and Steve Perry. He plays such crap and is stupid-acting in addition! The jerk belongs on a radio station in Barstow, California. I mean, who did he sleep with to get the job at MTV? Geez, my grandmother thinks he’s cute—that ought to tell ya something. My grandmother has the hots for Lawrence Welk! 1 mean, chew him up and spit him out!

Alice in MTVland Las Vegas, NV

AIRMAIL SPECIAL DELIVERY

You’re only reading this letter because it’s short, aren’t you?

God

Everywhere

(No—we saw the postmark!—Ed.)

GOT LUCKY

I think you should send Rick Johnson and Kim Green back to college to take Writing 101. Your article on Loverboy was a total waste of time. I happen to like Loverboy, but some people don’t.

I think, as a magazine, you should give both sides of a story instead of talking in circles like you did in the L’boy article. 1 have to admit—the “Hog Balls” was very funny. Also, it said something about Mike Reno being conceited. He may be conceited, but he’s got good reason to be. 1 think he’s a sex god and I don’t give a damn what anybody else thinks.

Amy Coker Spartanburg, SC

...slimy, foul-stenched, repulsive transvestite... should have been castrated...dirtbaggish wieniebrain...I would love to spray Raid on you and watch your legs stiffen.

Mrs. Sandra Taylor

On 45th (between 6th & Broadway)

.. .a final note to Mr. Rick Johnson: devour excrement and terminate.

Elaine Adams Taylorville, IN

IGNORANT SLUTS TAKE NOTE!

To Paul Dean of Loverboy: if you think that crap you play is heavy metal, you definitely have a lot to learn. I would love to see you and those geeks you call musicians play on the same bill with Iron Maiden or Judas Priest. Let me tell you, you wouldn’t last a minute before you’d get booed right off the stage. You would not leave the arena alive. Thank you, CREEM, for letting me use up your time to take my frustrations out on that blabbering boob, Paul Dean.

T.R.B.

Reseda, CA

P.S. Mike Reno has the gayest face and the wimpiest body I’ve ever seen.

MATH ANXIETY REACHES CANADA

Did you know that an average of four Elvis Costello songs will fit in an average of one Led Zeppelin song (or 2.6 Iron Maiden songs)?

The Mad Calculator Winnipeg, Manitoba (Yes.-Ed.)

NOTHING UPSTAIRS

My friend and I are heavy metal attics. Michelle & Christy Lost Addressville

(Fug off!—Ed.) W