CAN YOU BEAT THAT?

CAN YOU BEAT THAT?

EXTENSION CHORDS

by Bill Paige

CHICAGO—Bonzo and Moon were there—in spirit, at least. The summit was billed as "the largest group of rock drummers ever assembled in one place" and you wouldn't have had to listen very hard to be convinced of the fact. Tap tap tap. BOOMBOOM.

Three dozen or so stickmen started arriving about noon on Sunday, a time better reserved for bloody marys by the hotel pool and armchair quarterbacking the previous night's gig. Yet they came, attracted by some strange force. Like Richard Dreyfuss

and Melinda Dillon in Close Encounters. BOOMCRASH!

Not everyone had worked the night before, however, and they were easy to spot. Clear eyes. Combed hair. A kind of eagerness (restlessness?) trying to keep itself in check. Boom boom boom.

The journeymen stood out, too. Sunglasses. A change of clothes. Confused about exactly why they were there and curious when they might be able to leave. Thump. Thump. BOOM.

Why have these guys sacrificed a perfectly good summer day to come to this place? These are supposedly intelligent people— who else do you know that gets away with working one hour a day, six months a year? So why? Good question. Tappity tap. CRASH!

"I've known most of these drummers for years," explains Bill Ludwig III, director of artist relations for Ludwig/Musser Industries. "All I do is ask them to come here for the shooting of this year's endorser's ad and they show up. We don't even pay any of their expenses."

What power. CRASH CRASH CRASH!!!

Inside.. .photographers and photographers' mjnions scurried about, fixing lights and hanging so many white umbrellas the hangar-like studio looked like a Pirates Of Penzance fire sale. Several others gave a last-minute shine to the cleanest 18-wheel semi-tractor trailer this side of a chromefitter's rod & custom show. The truck isn't carrying much of a load—two drum kits, a few extra snares and tom toms and pair of sticks per customer. BOOM BOOM!! Clakity clakity clak. Just enough to make some noise methinks. Is there an asprin in the house?

The Photographer is ready. One by one they straggle in, carrying cans of Stroh's, Coca-Cola and cups of coffee. Harmless cures. They all seem to know adrenalin works better anyway. If they could only score some fast.

Photos by

Hey, there's Don Brewer from Grand Funk (now playing with Bob Seger). And Blue Oyster Cult's Rick Downey. Michael Derosier, didn't he used to be with Heart? Aynsley Dunbar! Alan White! (Oh no! Does this mean Yes js really getting back together?) Who's that rich-looking guy over there? Oh, Alan Gratzer from REO Speedwagon. Nice tan. Is that Myron Grombacher from Pat Benatar's band? He's shorter than he looks on television. Danny Gottlieb, where's he from? Pat Metheny's old band? That's stretching the rock concept a little, eh? Foghat's Roger Earl is one of the last to arrive. Even later is Rick Allen from Def Leppard, prompting a countryman to chide him for acting "the pop star." Can't these Brits afford wristwatches?

Ten biggies and twice as many faces you'd have to look up in a drummer's Who's Who. They're probably the famous and soon-tobe famous. Where else could you get up early and be asked to put your professional credibility on the line?

The Photographer is still ready. Make-up. Polaroids all around to see if everything looks right. Collect the beer cans. "There's too much black in the middle—can one of you guys move to the side?"

Tap tap tap.

The Photographer begins. "OK now everybody, look towards the front of the truck. Pretend you're looking down the road...heading down the road...OK, ready..." Click. "OK, good." All of the 20 or so shots are variations on this juvenile coaxing. The theme of the campaign is "Ludwig delivers."

The din begins casually at first. Guys just fooling around, amusing themselves. Tap tap tap. BOOM! On the drums. On the truck. On each other. Pop rooooollll, SMASH! Clakity clakity clakity clak. Snap Boom Crash. BOOMBOOMBOOM.

Soon it starts to sound like an army of kindergarten students turned loose in a Tinkertoy factory. The Photographer uses this energy and hies to build the drumming to a crescendo just before taking each picture. Sometimes the players get tired of the game, and get completely quiet for the shot. Click. Then they pick up the cacophony right where it left off.

Some of this is barnyard preening. The rest is just part of getting comfortable, doing what you do best. Hauling out those textbook riffs you could never use in concert. 1-2-3-4. Some play on the beat. Others fill in. Eat your heart out, Ginger Baker's Air Force.

After an hour or so the skinboys are allow ed to get off the truck and dig into a gigantic submarine sandwich. A nourishing breakfast. Some are due back at the hotel for an afternoon press conference (the electronic media wants them called "news conference" but this event promised little real news and NO electronic media) but others must take off for tonight's show. Too bad— they had to miss the cocktail party and Japanese steak dinner. Plus everyone talked about them behind their backs.

At the press conference we learned the following tidbits:

—Alan Gratzer is discussing a possible musical project with Eddie Van Halen and Brian May. He also admitted his first drum kit was decorated with a picture of Mickey Mouse.

TURN TO PAGE 61

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 44

—Aynsley Dunbar is working on a soundtrack for Louis Malle's new film. His first kit consisted of "big cans with plastic lids."

—Roger Earl loves to visit Chicago, the home of his blues idols Willie Dixon and the late Muddy Waters. He also admitted to being 43 years old.

—Rick Allen will be Roger Earl's age in 2006.

—Drum machines are A) dangerous in the hands of non-drumers B)good for practicing C)very restrictive.

—Keith Jarrett and Jaco Pastorius are very good drummers. So are Michael Brecker, Paul McCartney, Todd Rundgren and Adrian Belew. Roger Earl "hates those kind of people."

—Don Brewer started out as a guitarist but switched when he saw drummers "getting all the girls."

—Myron Grombacher's custom-made drum mounting was created by metal sculptor David Lang at a cost of $7,500. Myron thinks that's a lot of money. He also started out to be a lead singer.

—Cliff Davies (ex-Ted Nugent) spends a lot of time mowing his lawn these days. So does Aynsley Dunbar.

—Mitch Mitchell was last seen looking a little worse for wear in A) Los Angeles B)London QFlorida.

—By this time, the musicians are fully awake (the sun has gone down) and ready to get down to some serious shop talk. The cocktail party spills over to a nearby restauant and a good time was had by all.

From the looks of things, camaraderie still exists.