MAIL

MAIL

Please send letters to: MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O. Box P-1064 Birmingham, Ml 48012

AMERICA’S WOMANHOOD REMAINS UNTHREATENED

Do Boy George and Adam Ant go to the same beautician? And if they do, can I have his/her number?

The Mother Of Rock

Lynda

Davis, CA

When does Boy George become Ma i George? 1 hope he doesn’t change—being Boy George is probably better than being Man George.

One From The Female Gender

(A Creature Of The Night)

Las Vegas, NV

Ask me if I love Boy George and I’ll say yes! So all of you that think you can insult Boy George have another thing coming! Do you think he’d change just for you? This is the ’80s! Start worrying about how you look, and stop worrying about how George looks!

George’s Girl

St. Paul, MN

I adore Culture club, but that Boy George, WHOA! Zany! I saw the UFO (undoubtedly feminine object) here in Chicago March 5th. He was so fat that he looked like he was in POST PARTUM, singing barefoot, loose-fitting garments, you know? A bulging wasteline and a chunky butt, that’s what’s under those coats. He’s losing his glamour, but the music and singing is tasteful, yeah, sweet and sly. Hey, Boy George, you may conceal, but your mount is coming in loud and clear!

Nes-sah

Chicago, 1L

BAD BOYS UNITE?

Is Boy Howdy related to Boy George? Do you really want to drink me? Mayor Rasin Cinnamon City, CA How the hell can you call Led Zeppelin satin worshipers?

THE FINAL CONFLICT

RR & AR

Portland, CT

40 LBS. LIGHTER THAN WHAT?

Yes, 1 stole this Harrah’s stationary while 1 was in Nevada watching the new Mamas and Papas with Mackenzie Phillips.

With the money I won gambling, 1 bought the Lita Ford Band’s new album. Not only is she at least 40 pounds lighter, her lead guitar is as hot as the album’s covert \

Also, it’s about time a black (Michael Jackson) was on the cover of CREEM. It’s bad enough you never publish my letters because I’m black— thanks!

Frieda Peoples

Reno, NV

(You’re welcome, and it’ll never happen again!— Ed.)

WORSE YET, NO CURE!

I am a Billy Squier and would like to know if you have a mailing address.

Susie L.

Poquettesville, SC

(Somedays, everybody’s a Billy Squier!—Ed.)

HA HA ON SID NOW

I love Sid/But look what he’s did/He’s gone and killed himself/Now I like Bob Geldof.

Mariesa Weber the punker!

Tampa, FL

BAD INDICATION

CREEM magazine—I’m impressed! Actually, I’m in major shock. I’ve always been very impress-

ed with your Van Halen articles and every once in a while, I will see a Journey or Loverboy article pop up.

.Then, lo and behold, I find Prince, and on the cover at that! Well, you now have my vote for magazine and article of the year! I have never been let down by you yet. I never plan to be.

Lovergirl

Miami Beach, FL

(This was written before we nerve-gassed her puppy!—Ed.)

OK, EVERYBODY FORM A LINE BEHIND OTIS

This letter refers to your May article on Prince. I think he’s really gross! He calls himself an entertainer?! He has to get up onstage and strip—is that what you call entertainment?! Maybe some sickos might think it is, but I don’t! I have to admit he has a few good songs, but it’s sick when you have to get up onstage and act like a sex maniac! I think Prince needs a brain transplant.

Duran Duran Fan

Pineville, KY

BILLY SPACECHILD - COME ON DOWN!

My name is Don Motz (pronounced with a long sounding “O”) and my religious nickname is Billy SpaceChild.

I’m writing you a short letter because of the reference you used in the title of the Feb. ’83 issue: “Take The El Out Of Motels And It’s...Motes?”

That title you used in CREEM amused me a lot because it may possibly apply to me and it’s very creative.

Whether it applies to me or not, is really not that important. This may possibly be wrongful speculation of mine. In the past three years, I have written several letters to Lou Reed about my religious ideas, beliefs and activities. Repeatedly, 1 told Lou to pass my beliefs and ideas around to other persons (if he chose to do so) with hopes to help influence other persons religiously.

I read most of the rock ’n’ roll magazines a lot because of my religious interests in the rock ’n ’roll arena. Needless to say, CREEM leads the way in fruitful and comprehensive reporting of rock personalities: the work!

“Keep up” the good work!

Donald Motz

(Billy SpaceChild)

Akron, OH

P.S. There’s nothing wrong with praising God, is there?

(As long as you don’t do it like Sister Ray did. — Ed.)

OUR DARKEST HOUR

Did you ever think maybe Ozzy Osbourne is completely sane and sober and we are all so out of our mind—non compos mentis—and so drunk on life’s miseries we don’t even realize it?

Just a thought...

Deep Thinker

Deep Thinker Woodland, CA

TOO, TOO REAL

One intimate evening, while dining with a female Russian weightlifter, Dave DiMartino was asked, “How’s your pizza?” He replied, “I don’t know, I haven’t heard the secorid side!”

Tired Of Ignorance

Ontario, Canada

SEMANTICS OF POOCH

Take the “i” out of Bozzio, and it’s Bozzo!

Idea Gal

Jordan, NY

FREEDOM OF THE (CENSORED!)

To the (CENSORED!) who wrote the record review for Def Leppard’s Pyromania album—your review totally (CENSORED!). You must be

Lawrence weix s numoer one tan. l suppose you (CENSORED!) while watching Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. And I’ll bet money you think Boy George is (CENSORED!).

I’d like to know where you get off saying Ginger Baker could (CENSORED!) Rick Allen’s place on drums. Compared to Allen, Ginger Baker sounds like (CENSORED!).

Sharyn Aguglia

Rochester, NY

AIR BAG ART

It’s a beautiful day in this Naderhood, a beautiful day for a Nader. Would you be mine? Could,you be mine? Please won’t you be my Nader? Hello, boys and girls. Welcome to Mr. Ralph’s Naderhood. Can you say “government regulations,” boys and girls? We need government regulations because grown-ups are too stupid to buckle their seat belts. Can you say “air bags,” boys and girls? We want to put air bags in cars so*Mommy and Daddy don’t smash their brains out when they have an accident. If they smash their brains out, you might have to go live in an orphanage or come live with me. I’ll change you into just what I want you to be, whether you like it or not. Bye-bye, boys and girls

Someone In

New Jersey

P/S. Would you believe I copied this letter out of Car And Driver because I’m too stupid to think up a letter of my own? \ (Would you believe we were stupid enough to print it?—Ed.)

ACCUSATIONS OF EXCELLENCE

Just wanted to take a minute to thank you for an excellent article on Black Uhuru, one of today’s most exciting and lively bands. Their rhythmic sounds are so much more challenging to the decade-old rock cliches of most established American acts.

Musically, Jamaica is where it’s at right, now. No matter that Black Uhuru’s Caribbean accents are hard for some to understand. Music is an international language, and the reggae beat of Black Uhuru has much more to say than does the “retread rock” of Loverboy, Foreigner or Bob Seger

Brent Canter California, MO

HEAVY METAL, LADY AND THE TRAMP LINKED!

Hey! Didja know if you play Girlschool’s “Future Flash” backwards, it says, “Oi there, don’t you know you’re ruining your needle? And there’s only one thing to say to all this, and that’s bollocks! We are Siamese, if you please. We are Siamese, if you don’t please. We are Siamese, if you please. We are Siamese, if you don’t please.”

So now we know Demon Rock is an equal opportunity employer! “Oh my sweet Satan,” indeed!

The Green Manalishi Sin City, MD

P.S. 1 am a girl! A chick! A bird! A member of the weaker sex! A fair vessel! I also like Led Zep,

Blue Cheer, the Clash, the Runaways, Black Flag, Fear and Motorhead!

P.P.S. When are y’all planning on interviewing Jimmy Page?

ITS LIKE THAT ALL OVER

Did you know that here in D.C., it’s not cool to like a band after they achieve commercial success? What I wanna know is—what should our band do to be cool and make money without being commercially successful?

Scarlett O’Hara

Somewhere in the midst of Washington, D.C. (We’ll think about it tomorrow. —Ed.)

KORDOSH PROVERBIAL “HEAD”?

Regarding last month’s Styx review: I always knew you had the brains of an insect, Kordosh, but you hit the nail on the proverbial head by referring to yourself as “the old cockroach in the spaghetti.”

Have you ever stopped to think, Mr. Kordosh,

what shape this world would be in if it weren’t for bands like Styx and Toto?

Karen “Backstage Butterfly” Troupe Long Beach, CA

INSIDE JOB?

Although I’ve never written a letter to youse before, I now feel my time has come.

I read your magazine from cover to cover (including the ads) each and every month and I must say I find it very different from the other magazines I “subscribe” to.

Anyhow, I just wanted to let you know that I finally reached a milestone in my life and I’d like the whole world, according to CREEM, to know about it.

What, you ask, is this great accomplishment? It’s American-Canadian Champion Wilheim Von Eton Strasse.

Joan Ned Farnbacker Birmingham, MI

P.S. Please print my letter and I’ll make sure you’re supplied with an everlasting supply of com candy.

(Corn candy? You sly stud-farmer you!—Ed.)

RATE-A-RECORD TIME AGAIN Why does CREEM hate ELP (Emerson, Lake and Palmer) so much? I mean, they play so fast. Hubert MacDonald Timmins, Ont., Can.

ROLL OVER, JAMES JOYCE

Concerning Raven Mad’s letter of June ’83:

I have nothing against stream-of-consciousness style writing. I do, however, believe it should only be attempted by the conscious. Thank you. Love,

Chris

Austin, TX

WHAT DOES D.I.Y. MEAN?

Here’s some good names for rock groups:

1. The Liverbreakers

2. Boy Say No

3. I Know

4. The Lightpoles

5. Groovy

6. XYZ

7. Blue Footballs

8. Paste Board Boxes

9. Snot

10.Equipment

These are not copyrighted, so if any of y’all want to use them you can. I’ll let you, OK?

(You’re really hip if you get your name printed in CREEM magazine here in Mempho, so I’ll hope you’ll print this, cuz my popularity isn’t very good right now.)

Tina

of Memphis, TN

(Yeah, we remember peer pressure. —Ed.)

PODUNK VIXEN WAILS An Open Letter To Styx: You bunch of pompous asses, you really do think that you are gods. Just because we’re Little Rock (A/K/A rednecks, podunks, etc.) you think that we have to grovel to get you to play here. You guys have got to be kidding. Just because Dennis looks lil$e Liberace doesn’t mean that he will be treated like him. I’d like to start a petition asking you not to play here ever again. Nuff said.

Robin

Little Rock, AK

GOOD FWEEP?

Hi! We’re Scooter & The Worms and we’re a rock band. We sing, but nobody comes to our show, so I think we have a pretty good chance of making it. Just wanted to say how much we’re gonna miss Mz. Whitall—she was obviously the nuts and bolts of the operation. Does this mean she’ll be shaving snowshoes with the likes of Yawn Wiener and those other thin-lipped cocktail lappers? Oh well, we send her our best. She was a good fweep.

Anyway, your mag is still tops although there’s not enough R. Johnson and not nearly enough J. Kordosh (amazing what people will say to get a damn letter printed). Those guys make this mag, so give ’em something to do! Johnson has yet to write that much-needed expose on Peppermint Doilies (not the band, the plate garage). And what about a rematch between Kordosh and Rush (the best thing you’ve ever printed besides Boy George’s bobbypin hints), maybe an interview with Geddy’s schnozzola. I can see it now—

Kordosh: “So where do you guys get your great song ideas?”

Geddy’s nose: (a long, ugly silence)

Kordosh: “That’s what I thought!”

Yup, without these two and their typewritertongues, you’d be Trouser Press in no time. Not that you’re so bad, Dave, just kinda boring.

Anyway, love ya lots (sorta?). And please, for God’s sake, leave Satan alone. He taught us everything we know.

Scooter & The Worms

Kalamazoo, MI

(Nuts and bolts? Oh —we get it now!—Ed.)

FOUR THE HARD WAY

1) Is Boy Howdy really beer?

2) What does B/W mean?

3) Who is Ed?

4) Concerning Rob Halford, what is a tu-tu?

#1 Terry Bozzio Fan

Atlanta, TX

(1) No, not really (BURRRRRP!), 2) Blunderbuss/Wahoo, 3) Yawn..., 4) For example, pink fingernail polish and green silk sheaths are tootoo !—Ed.)

TELL IT TO GENE VINCENT!

I want to warn everyone that Eddie Cochran is a dead man for suing the Stray Cats!

Desprit

Corona, NY

INSIDE JOKE

What’s this crap about Mick Jagger’s shoes?!

J. McCall

Dunedin, FL

(No, no—it’s on his shoes, you silly thing!—Ed.)

‘TRUTH” IN PACKAGING

More results of mindless pastimes like twiddling one’s thumbs...After reading the letter from the girl who read the inside grooves of her album and found messages, I decided to do the same. What did I find? Well, someone at I.R.S. must have a sense of humor. However warped or stupid it may be, it’s interesting because: a) On the A-side of the Go-Go’s Vacation LP, it says, IS THIS RECORD A PENCIL OR A BEER CAN?, and on the other side it says, GIVE ’EM AN INCH; b) On the third side of the double LP I.R.S. Greatests Hits Vols. 2 & 3, there’s a little message saying, WE’LL LISTEN TO YOUR TAPE TONIGHT, WE PROMISE, and on side 4 it says WILL WE MAKE ANY MONEY ON ’EM? NO. Now this is interesting: even though I.R.S. is manufactured and distributed by A&M, not one of my A&M records has any funny messages. And I have lots of A&Ms, being fond of the Police, Squeeze and Joe Jackson. C’mon A&M, get on the ball, you people! Writing messages on the inside grooves of records could be the next hip thing, almost as hip as backwards satanic messages in songs.

Here’s another little message: on the inside groove of side one of the Who’s Face Dances— GUARANTEED BRAND SPANKIN’ WHO (in his/her opinion, I guess) (so why did the critics pan it?). And by the way—it asks on the inner grooves of side two—WHO IS JOE SUIT? I expect an answer, Warner Bros.

A Lover Of Today Chicago, IL

P.S. What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen!

WET ALL OVER

Who let the water out of my pool?!

Elmo “Lewis”

Never-Never Land Jonestown (GU?)

DUELING OBSCURE CARTOONS Is Adam Ant any relation to Atom Ant? How about Fearless Fly? George of the Jungle? Kiesh

Surf City, CA

(No. He’s related to Hoppity Hooper. —Ed.)

IF NATURE CALLS, HANG UP!

Do ya know my concept of heaven? It’s Adam Ant, Prince and me, all alone somewhere, we three and the call of nature! Wow, like what wouldn’t I do. “Nothing.” Wow, like I’m not saying I’d make their day, damn, I’d make their year! I’m not really conceited. I’m just the best! Nothing left for Sugar,

Spice

Harrisburg, PA

(“Nothing?” Could we all lay off the “quotes” for awhile?—Ed.)

CONTEST: WHAT DOES THIS LETTER MEAN?

Hey, I’m a mini-poster fan and I would really appreciate it if you would publicize some personal mini-posters. I’m really into Rock “A” Billy groups, but I like rock and other music too, so will you please publicize this for me?

Juanita “J.J.” Jiminez Los Angeles, Ca

THOUGHT WRONG Thought you might like to know there’s a small cult following of the movie Quadrophenia here in Chicago. Two affiliated revival movie houses, the Parkway (in Chicago) and the Varsity (in Evanston) show Quadrophenia at least once every month or two and sometimes more. I’ve already seen it six times, and the times I go to the Parkway are when I’ve seen this one group of people.

They usually sit in the first two rows of the middle section of the theater. And they even have little sayings they interject during the movie, like the Rocky Horror Show groupies. One memorable comment is this one: in the party scene of the film, when Jimmy changes the record on the stereo from “Rhythm Of The Rain” to “My Generation,” at the line where Roger D. sings “Why doncha all f-f-f-fade away,” they sing youknow-what. It’s pretty funny, but occasionally, the “new” audience gets annoyed. There’s another one I can remember well. At the part of the movie where the Mods and Rockers are in Brighton rioting in the streets and the cops are trying to arrest everybody and Jimmy and Stef steal away into a closed gangway and make out (run on sentence, I know), the whole bunch yells “get in there, my son!” This has varying effects on the audience. The “newies” either laugh or get mad.

The regulars, like me, either join in or ignore it. It’s not as if we must hear the soundtrack, we know the dialogue by heart anyway. Well, a little bit of trivia for you, but I must go.

Who, Police and Sting (?) Fan Chicago, IL

(Hey— Tell it to Juanita “J.J.” Jimenez!—Ed.)

WHAT TO DO ABOUT THOSE STUBBORN DECALS The Go-Go’s music will remove bathtub decals. Paige the Raige Carlsbad, CA

BIG DEAL

I am a 52-year-old grandmother. Marilou Bruns Santa Barbara, CA (Aren’t we all?—Ed.)

DARN THAT SATAN!

My father is a priest.

Ted Tarris Auburn, NY

SEVEN

How many times must a record be played on the radio before it gets on the Top 40? (How many licks does it take to get to the center of a TootsieRoll pop, right?)

Lep Fan

No place spectacular

LETS ALL DISCUSS WHAT WE EAT!

Why do plain M&Ms have light brown M&Ms but peanut doesn’t?

Demented M&M Lover,

Would, Wild, and Willing Wendy

Longwood, FL

GLAD TO BE OF SERVICE

I just read your May issue, and I decided on the spot that anyone who is crazy enough to put Prince on the cover and Def Leppard within two pages of a said cover story is crazy enough to help me with a problem I have.

Well, it’s not really my problem, it belongs to a friend of mine. See, he’s rich, good looking, likes loud music, good rugs and loves to cluck! A lot! We have even started calling him David Lee! Well, he asked us to explain why we were calling him this name, and I told him. He got a good laugh. So then I started kidding him about getting paternity insurance from Lloyd’s of London and he didn’t laugh at that ’cause he’d had an awful experience the night before what with leaving his girlfriend so he could go meet some built blond in some bar! But the next day, he called me, apologized for swearing at me and asked me if I knew L. of L.’s address! And I can’t find jt anyplace! Of course, I have limited resources. 1 thought that being such knowledgeable folks, you’d be able to track it down for him. He’d be eternally grateful! I thought of writing to DLR himself, but it would take more time than my friend has.

TURN TO PAGE 72

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 12

So anyway, one comment: I love the captions on all your photography. Do you—actually pay—someone to sit there all day thinking ’em up? Give me a job!

Heavy Metal Fan/Can Read

Some Burg East of Pittsburgh, PA

(You can reach Lloyd’s Of London c/o Lloyd’s, London, England. —Ed.)

FAMBLY TREE

What is all this “Kilroy Was Here” crap? Does this Kilroy guy have any relation to Elmo? Think of it—they make one album, and all of a sudden it’s this great big comeback for Styx. Where did they go to in the first place? Maybe they went over to Elmo’s house for a couple of beers.

C.P.S.

With creative criticism for E.P.M.

(Sez Elmo: Hep! Mek these guys blit!—Ed.)

NOT FROM KOO

Thank you for doing such a great article on my Prince! You were a little wrong on one part—he is King! But as far as talent and looks go, 1 agree with you 100% He is the best!

Thanks again—the cover is great, and I’d love to hear and see more.

Princess Denise Turbes

San Mateo, CA