PLAYING by the BOOK

PLAYING by the BOOK

FEATURES

J. KORDOSH

There seem to be more how-to books around than there used to be. This means one of two things: either there's a lot more to do nowadays, or a lot of people know a lot less about doing anything. What the hell, maybe it just means they're easy to write.

In any event, vidgames have become a big deal in the how-to genre. This, in itself, proves nothing, since publishers couldn't see money any better if it glowed in the dark. As a satellite phenomenon, it's interesting, and maybe it proves that Johnny can sound out words, but that's about it.

The only substantive question we can ask is: do these things really work? Can you actually plunk down your $2.95 and master the malignant screen? Or is the whole thing an obvious hoax? Are these just a bunch of re-written Scarsdale Diets? And are they available in braille?

And here's the great thing about how-to books: no one knows. I know I couldn't even learn the rules of Chutes And Ladders out of a paperback, but— then again—maybe you could build a Lunar Lander from a footnote. I suspect that most of these tomes end up on a deservedly-forgotten shelf, especially the ones that ramble with an earnestness usually reserved for stuff like Auschwitz, particle physics, and feminine hygiene. My best advice is to try to read as much of any book as you can without actually buying it before they throw you out of the store. I mean, some of these things cost a bundle of tokens.

THE VIDEO PLAYER'S BACK-POCKET GUIDE BOOKS by Fred Goldstein and Stan Goldstein (Pinnacle):: Here's a strange collection— the Guide series covers Pac-Man, Defender, Donkey Kong, Centipede, Tempest and Asteroids, each in its own 64-page format. What's cute about 'em is that they all measure Vh" x Vh“ and cost a buck-fifty apiece. That's an alarming 24/ per square inch. Well, I guess Fred and Stan just wanted to do a ''little'' writing.

The Guides all maintain the same layout. . .chapters are Basics of Play, Playing Know-How, Playing Strategies, and Game Scoring. This last chapter's great because it's just a chart for you to fill in your high scores, date you scored, place you scored, etc. You could use it for more than videogames, if you know what I mean.

Even though the authors urge you to ''always keep your Back-Pocket Guide with you," I don't think they're washable, so keep your launderer informed. On the whole, these are actually pretty decent, even though they didn't help me "drastically improve my score the minute I hit the control panel." The whole set's not worth nine bucks, but one or two faves might be worth picking up. Like they say, "Your friends will be amazed." You don't wanna shortchange the gang, do you?

HOW TO MASTER THE VIDEO GAMES and HOW TO MASTER HOME VIDEO GAMES by Tom Hirschfeld (Bantam):: Hirschfeld's a wellknown expert, but—more importantly— becomes one of the world's finest nonchemical tranquilizers when you put a pen in his hand. To describe him as dull would be a serious disservice to a talented craftsman. Adjectives that are more to the point include disorganized, incomprehensible, and glue-andscissors. Seriously, these books would be more interesting if they were written in Pidgin Ukrainian.

On a purely descriptive level, the author's ostensible objective is to teach the reader winning strategies of the most popular arcade and home games. That certainly explains why he included the same chapter in each book, cleverly changing the title in case anyone's still awake at page 168. I refer to the chapter's titled "Off-Screen Exercises" and "Off-Television Exercises," respectively. It's too bad he kept the funniest part of the book at the end...

Tom kicks it off by explaining "Physical adeptness is essential to implementing your strategies," describes a few hand/ eye/finger aerobics, and wraps up the whole mess with a quote from the New England Journal Of Medicine. Stuff like this shows that Tom's a real expert, you bet.

Well, outside of reading into lines like "You can accomplish wonders by training your hands," Hirsch's books are impossible to follow, mainly because he sticks to an outline form when he goes over every game. No kidding, the kind of dippy substitute for organized thinking they force-feed English students. Zippy reading fhey're not, and my advice is to fake 'em to a nice barbeque.

HOW TO WIN AT E.T. by The Editors Of Consumer Guide (Dell):: This one's all right. It's short (32 pages), it's in full color, it's to the point, and it's expensive ($2.50). It gives excellent advice that will not only help you score big at E.T., but will help you in day-to-day life as well (e.g., "Don't use short cuts unless absolutely necessary. Keep to a leisurely stroll. Don't run fast unless you absolutely have to." Kinda like a paperback mom.) Definitely worth it for E.T. freaks. Both of 'em.

GUIDE TO THE VIDEO ARCADE GAMES by David Lubarand Owen Linzmayer (Creative Computing):: Once you understand that Lubar's a writer and computer programmer whose hobbies include "sleeping late and collecting thoughts" and Linzmayer's "temporarily doing time as a high school student," you know you've met some qualified authors.

The Guide covers the usual twenty biggies and is written in a bland, congenial style that doesn't make you feel your immortal soul's in danger if you don't follow the author's notions. The graphics are simple enough to understand, which is something of a rarity in the genre. Possibly a bit over-priced ($3.95), it's probably one of fhe best books around for beginners.

THE OFFICIAL l-HATE-VIDEOGAMES HANDBOOK by Emily Prager (Pocket Books):: A light-hearted jab at the vid world, the Handbook features games like Punk-Man (object: "To trash the record producer's office"), Anorexian ("the diet game"), and the much-needed Tits And Asteroids (where the dangers include teenage pregnancy and shotgun weddings). Includes tongue-in-cheek histories and descriptions of video sideeffects that could've been lifted from Mad magazine. At times a bit ponderous, fhe Handbook is best regarded as a cheap last-minute gift item.

VIDEO INVADERS by Steve Bloom (Arco):: This is a really fine discussion of the whole phenomenon of vidgames and not strictly a how-fo book. As far as I know, it's the only definitive history around. Bloom went right to fhe inventors and manufacturers fo gather a lot of inside dope that's simply unavailable elsewhere. For example, Wizard of Wor was banned in Germany because it's a shooting game. Eugene jarvis, the craftsman behind Defender, describes his brainchild as "a game for punks."Tim Skelly, fhe inventor of Star Castle, Star Hawk, and Rip-Off, says that "Anxiety and agression are the two keys to designing games."

A good chapter on the future trends in gamedom and a very readable history/ sfrategy/general commentary on various games wraps up Invaders. This is a real book (I know because if's even got a bibliography) and one of the top two you should have on your shelf if you're into vidgames at all.

SCORE! BEATING THE TOP 16 VIDEOGAMES and KEN USTON'S HOME VIDEO '83 by Ken Uston (Signet):: Ken Uston—self-described as "master of Vegas casinos and video arcades alike!"—is sort-of a prime rival of Tom Hirschfeld in the realm of expertdom. Whereas Hirschfeld is plodding, though, Uston is bold and innovative:this guy actually rates 303 games for hand-eye coordination, game versatility and mental challenge. Plus he comes right out and tells you how to cheat to win! (Regarding Cosmic Avenger, he says: "If you're really competitive—and sneaky—don't tell your opponent you're holding the bomb button down continuously, or even that you're taping it down, if you can get away with if." Hey, fake me to the Vegas casinos, Ken!)

Of the two books, Home Video is probably the best, but both are jammed with charts, graphics, and tables enough to please any student. Written for players of all skill-levels (which all fhese books claim fo be, naturally), these are especially good for the middlin'-to-nearexpert. And Uston's no chump, believe me. At one point he says, "It will be tempting for many of you to ignore this advice." Not me, Kenny, just hand me the tape.

I HATE VIDEOTS by Mark Baker (Fireside):: Cut from the same cloth as /Hate-Video-Games, Baker shows a little more class by being a lot more vicious.

His naming famous addicts of famous games (General Curfis LeMay hooked on Missile Command, Jonathan Livingston Seagull a Donkey Kong freak, and Aldous Huxley, Timothy Leary, Tony Orlando and The Grateful Dead all into Tempest) is at least the right idea. So are some of his, uh, blanket dismissals of every game of nofe. Space Invaders is "smug and simpleminded and so are the stupid videofs who play if." Defender fans are "know-it-alls who could screw up anything with their grandstanding and then have the gall to blame it on you." A Berzerk player "will never stand his ground and fight like a robot, much less like a man. He's disgusting."

Some healthy semi-smut and inspiring ways of treating the "terminal videot at home until his ultimate demise" make this a helluva funny book. Howcum you misspelled "Vidiot," though, Mark?

THE COMPLETE VIDEO WARRIOR by Ma|or Mayhem (Golden Press):: A straight-ahead advice book by fhe anonymous ace video warrior, this is especially strong on simple, colorful graphics and no-nonsense strategy.

("OK, the aliens are in place. Move your ship to either edge of fhe convoy and knock out two or three rows of aliens." Yes, s/r!) A little preachy, but good. DEFENDING THE GALAXY edited by Michael Rubin (Triad):: The penultimate in vid-books, this one's got it all: it's readable, it's funny, it's informative, and it's got a sensational layout. Acting on the premise that "Living right and dying well are what video games are all about," Galaxy includes chapters like "The Unwritten Rules of Video Games... Written" ("Only game if you are reasonably clean," "Do not lie about your gaming abilities—exaggerate,"

"Do not take gaming too seriously"), "Jamming In—The Fine Art of Being 'Next'," and "Other Sports— Alternatives For Well-Rounded ness" (biking, frisbee, and surfing, "a silly sport.")

Even though Galaxy is chock-fu II of understated humor, it's also chock-full of truly useful information, like a directory of 122 games, an excellent "required reading" list (where we disagree 100% on the relative merits of Hirschfeld and Uston), and record high scores "as of September 3, 1 982 at 1 1 p.m." on the world's most popular arcade games. Plus a state-by-stafe run-down on where the best arcades can be found.

There is absolutely no way to not enjoy this book, even if you've never played anything more hi-tech than tic-tac-toe. In case you have trouble locating a copy, it's available from the Triad Publishing Company, Inc., P.O. Box 13096, Gainesville, FL 32604 for $4.95. It's worth twice as much.