LIKES CREEM MAIL! Thank you for keeping me entertained for the last 14 years. I really enjoy reading your magazine. My favorite part of your magazine are the letters. Reading them makes me feel like a normal person. Next to the letters, I like the replies from the “Ed.” And, of course, there are the captions under the pictures.
The CREEM Archive presents the magazine as originally created. Digital text has been scanned from its original print format and may contain formatting quirks and inconsistencies.
Please send letters to: MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O. Box P-1064 Birmingham, MI 48012
LIKES CREEM MAIL!
Thank you for keeping me entertained for the last 14 years. I really enjoy reading your magazine. My favorite part of your magazine are the letters. Reading them makes me feel like a normal person. Next to the letters, I like the replies from the “Ed.” And, of course, there are the captions under the pictures.
Beth
Northville, Ml (Of course. —Ed.)
A USE FOR AUSTRALIA?
Q. What do you call a boomerang that won’t return to you?
A. A stick.
N.S.
Staten Island,NY
SHADES OF ELVIS!
Me and my friend Donzo are in a county jail.
Scott and Donzo
Mt. Pleasant, IA
WHINNY!
So far I’ve written you five letters, had two printed, but I still haven’t gotten Mr. Ed to make a snotty comment. What if I told Mr. Ed that I know he is really the elusive caption writer!! What if I told him I was contemplating suicide by swallowing back-issues? Or that I was going to unearth Jim Morrison’s coffin? Or what if 1 told Mr. Ed that I would never write another letter again!! Peace, Mr. Ed.
Alice
Hackensack, NJ (Wilbur... Wilbur?—Mr. Ed.)
SKIN DEEP PLUS WET SHORTS
I want to be an actor, but every time I write someone and ask them can they help me or recommend me to agents and managers, I don’t get an answer. 1 want to be one of these—an actor, model, or do one of these—TV commercials, soap operas, films or a TV series. Please do your best to help me or recommend me to someone like agents or managers of TV series or TV commercials. Please write or call me and tell me your answers.
Wayne Wheeler
Brooklyn, NY
(Hey, where’s that casting couch we had in here???-Ed.)
JETT PILOT OUT?
There’s this damn.teacher at school. He thinks he knows everything. He told my friend that Joan Jett had died! We got really pissed-off about it. I don’t believe it. Some say she’s still alive. I’m not sure about it, though.
I like Joan because she’s my favorite rock singer. I never gave a damn for teachers! I would tell those people who don’t like her to stick their head in a mudhole.
Candy-O Tuba City, AZ
HEY MASSES—LISTEN UP!
Just wanted to write and thank you guys for doing all the great stories about musicians and bands that are striving to make rock ’n’ roll more interesting for us all. It looks like rock music journalists at other publications would want to feel that, like you, they were helping popularize fresh, innovative rock sounds.
Rock ’n’ roll doesn’t need superstars and corporate rock pretensions anymore. These are the ’80s! Rock needs more renaissance men like Costello and Gabriel. It needs more modernminded bands like the Police, the Clash and A Flock Of Seagulls. And, most of all, rock ’n’ roll needs open-minded radio personnel willing to give these and other musicians and bands a chance to show the masses what ’80s rock is all about.
Brent Canter California, MO
WHICH WITCH IS WHICH?
There being a bad for every good (or the other way around depending on which side of the fence you’re watching from), there does exist Satan-rock. Bands like Tank, Bitch’s Sin, Raven, TygersOf Pan Tang, Witchfynde, Angel Witch, A 11 Z, Rabies, Grim Reaper, Quartz, Witchfinder General and others.
Bill Davis Beaver Falls, PA
(You left out Placido Domingo!—Ed.)
FOG HAT, ANGUS, FEET If I may, here are some comments on your Close-Up on Metal Music issue: 1) Are you sure you don’t mean Stone Blue instead of Stage Blue in your Foghat discog?; 2) Angus slobbers; 3) The girl in th4 picture with Rob Halford has ugly feet.
I Am Not Ugly!
Harrisburg, PA
BRIBED BY EDITORS?
Your magazine is really informing, not only to avid rock ’n’ rollers but many branches of music. Could you update some music coming out of Michigan? People never believe me that Detroit is the rock ’n’ roll capital of the world.
Could we please see a picture of Connie Kramer, who is in the driver’s seat?
Jeff Davidge
Anchorage, AK
TIPS ON PERSONAL HYGIENE
To David Lee Roth—Please comb your hair, and for crissake stop shaving your ass!
Melissa Small
Fairfield, CT
ELMO REVEALED (AGAIN)!
Elmo is the ugliest member of the Black Widows motorcycle gang from the Clint Eastwood jnovies Every Which Way But Loose and Every Which Way You Can. Gawd, is he ugly. And what’s worse, he stole my checkbook!
Paul Akstulewicz
Menasha, WI
WOE WOE WOE!
2/4
Beam me up, Scotty, this planet sucks!
2/6
Second thought, Scotty...I wonder what it would be like being a green M&M in a bowl full of Van Halen?
2/10
“Woe to you, oh Earth and Sea, for the Devil sends the beast with wrath, because he knows the time is short...Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the beast for it is a human number, its number is six hundred, three score and six.”
2/14
Diary of a madwoman/Walk the line again today/Entries of confusion/Dear diary, I’m here to stayl/Enemies fill up the pages/Are they me?/Monday ’til Sunday in stages/Set Me Free! Raven Mad Waipahu, HI
IS THAT ALL THERE IS?
I have just bought CREEM for the first time. I’ve never cared for rock until I heard Def Leppard. If they can change a country music fan into a rocker; give them some credit and write about the group. They’re great!
Peggy Lee . v
Elizabeth, NJ
(How was din-din with Paulie, Peg?—Ed.)
BOY GEORGE, BY GOLLY!
Seems the wheel of fortune has taken a downward spin now that I’ve seen The Culture Club. The singer is very offensive. Is it possible to have him lashed and executed in the very near future? I would urp on his [male appendage] if I could. Then I would urp on his face.
Laurel Revis
Native of MI only a year ago | (That does it. Kordosh, get rid of those dreadlocks. —Ed.)
PRAY rrs NOT SO!
I KILLED ELMO!
Mrs. Elmo Kirtland, OH
ED’S REVENGE!
Please read!
Dave A. (A proud Canadian)
Burlington, Ontario
Please write this letter!
Jett Fan Brooklyn, NY
Please print this. I’m sure a lot of people would appreciate it.
D.P.S. (Wicked Cool) • .
Boston, MA
Print this, please. I had something to say!
ME
Lancaster, PA
Please, please if you have any fetelings and sympathy for sex-starved women, please print this, CREEM!
S.B. & K.L. (David Lee Roth’s Hungry Women)
Van Nuys, CA
PLEASE! Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty,
pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty,
pretty, - pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty,
pretty, pretty, pretty, PLEASE print my letter! Alicia Jagger Richards Dix Hills, NY
Please print both my letters.
Marcia DiGiacomo Albertson, NY
Please print all of this or none of this. No editing please.
Fred Marcin Columbia, MD
Please don’t print this!
S.L.B.
Narberth, PA
Read this! (Don’t print that).
Tom Sawyer & Seaside Woman Quincy, MO
Don’t print this: Since it took me;so much time to write this, please print it:
Lee S., the only Clash fan that matters Montreal, Canada
Personal for Adam Ant only. Do not print.
Sugar & Spice Keystone State, USA
Print this or die!
Mr. Belinda Carlisle!
Fraser, MI
If you don’t print this, I’ll find out.where Robert Christgau lives and bum his house down! BC
Somewhere Near NYC
You never print my letters when I write them in blue, so I guess I’ll try red.
Laura
The Fallout Zone Hicksville, NY
How come you never print my letters? It’s hard typing with little hairy paws. The keys all stick together.
K. Koala Boston, MA
Thank you CREEM for publishing my letter.
Van Halen Fan Milwaukee, WI
, I know this isn’t gonna be printed, so I’m wondering why I went to so much work for this letter. What a stupid bother!
Kinky Karin /"
Waterloo, IA
Is there any chance of getting my stamp back? Mike Gucci Las Vegas, NV
A LETTER TO THE EDITOR”?
Darling Dave,
Would you give me the pleasure of making all my dreams come true? I always dream that you and I (ha ha ha), well, you know what I mean. I’m sure it would be a lot of fun, and I know I wouldn’t be disappointed.
Love,
Your Lil’ Dreamer Somewhere in CA
(Says Dave: Let’s ALL discuss what we want1”)
AN OFFER TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY I bought an issue of CREEM. It was a March issue, and on p. 36 the article was worn off. I wouldn’t have minded, but the ahicle is so worn off, 1 don’t know what it’s about. If you would, could you write me and give me another page of that issue, or tell me what to do?
Mary Conway Maple Glen, PA
(Here’s what you should do: Go out and buy all the March issues that you can find. Then take all the blank pages and mail them to us. These are your “proof of purchase. ” VJe will then send you a picture of Dave DiMartino dancing with Bill Holdship. Note: you need at least ten blank pages to participate. Sent them to Blank Pages, c/o CREEM Magazine. —Ed.)
TURN TO PAGE 64
CONTINUED FROM PAGE 8
GEORGE / GEORGIA?
Boy George is really a girl impersonating a boy being a girl.
Raymond Alvarez Elmhurst, NY
MEMBERS MARRIED!
I heard a rumor that Simon LeBon and John Taylor of Duran Duran are married. Is this true or not? Are any other members married?
Melissa Murrin Appleton, IA
(John was married to Andy was married to Roger was married to all June’s Dancers. That answer your question?—Ed. )'
READ THIS / DONT READ THIS Don’t print this: Since it took me so much time to write this, please print it.
Lee S., the only Clash fan that matters Montreal, Canada
BIRD FOOD Billy Joel sucks owls.
Rich Beilin New Brunswick, NJ
(For the last time, no more hoo letters!—Ed.)
