Confession of a FILM FOX

Confession of a FILM FOX

Well, hello there, darlings, it is I, the Fox extraordinaire, feeling zappy, zippy and—tee hee—somewhat trippy! So if your fervent fox reads as if she’s having an off day, you’d best not blame it on the news that Erik Estrada and actress/model Kathy Shower are about to wed —because frankly, dearest readers, it may well be the very first shower that grinning gargoyle has taken! I despise him! Don’t you? Speaking of hate, don’t you just know that the eternally welladjusted Judy Came—star of Laugh-In, and more, shall we say “allegedly-drug-related” encounters with the law than President Reagan—will be getting yawno Burt Reynolds’ dander up? Why? For signing on \ with an agent to write a “full expos§” of the three years she spent married to the wigged wonder! Judy who? Burt why? Why indeed * captive savages! Why £ do theater owners the world over want the severely overfed Linda Ronstadt stuffed w/apple in mouth? Well, I don’t know, dears— but some of it might have to do with the fact the The Pirates Of Penzance was offered to pay-TV services by wonderful Universal and to theater owners simultaneously! This, of course, angered t.o.’s, whose bread and butter lie in their ability to be the fustest with the mostest, as the loquacious Allen Hester might say! That zany Universal! Well, if Linda can act as well as she can sing, let’s all go out and eat Chinese instead! This Fox finds it hard to believe that Billy Joel is leaving the business to become a pet store owner—don’t you?

Scads of editors at the CREEM offices were amazed to hear of Debra Winger's surprise nomination for Best Actress in the ’82 Academy Awards! Most surprised was a certain Elvis Presley fan whose favorite films are The Fan and Taxi Driver and who’s recently taken to wearing a nylon stocking to cover up his new mohawk haircut! As they say, dear readers, no names, please!!! The entire world of southern California is absolutely twittering about John “Now My Head Looks As If It Might Fit Entirely Into A Bowl Filled With Fresh Porridge’’ Denver's stunningly embarrassing rendition of “A Day In The Life” during February’s Grammy presentation! “A total of 487 either became physically ill or were rushed to nearby hospitals!” No verification on this, dears, but wouldn’t it just figure? Not to be nasty, readers, but when production was halted on I Can’t Dance due to what one person described as “a chemical imbalance” in starrette Kristy McNichol—don’t you wonder what’s really going on? Oh well! Love ya, Kris! Snicker, snicker! This Fox would rush to see Gandhi if she didn’t have to wash her hair every night from now on! Make me snore,” demands all America! Seen munching on burgers at a Detroit bistro: two people you’ve never heard of!

Useless human Robert Stigwood apparently pitching Sir Richard Attenborough to direct Evita after famed King O’ Excess Ken Russell wised up and departed knowingly! This Fox suggests that everyone connected with Stigwood, Gandhi and the muttonheads who wrote Evita sequester themselves in Afghanistan until 1999! Rumors persist that a certain 5’10” blond actor likes Tootsie a little bit too much!

Get this, Boss fans—Tim “Get that razor blade away from me, or I’ll... I’ll... (sob)” Hutton is now going out with Joyce Hieser— whose last full-time boyfriend was none other than Bruce Springsteen! Bruce’s answer may be on Nebraska—but everytime this Fox rushes to play it she feels like seeing Gandhi instead! As they say in Tinseltown: Snort! Snort! Nice to hear that Buddy Ebsen has reconciled with his wife Nancy. Ebsen’s twofold contribution to American culture as both Jed Clampett and Bamaby Jones of course makes him singularly the most important person alive! And, dear readers, you would do well to remember that! And until...“who knows when”... bye-ee!