VIDIOTS IN THE NEWS

VIDIOTS IN THE NEWS

NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY ATARI

NEW YORK—Boardrooms at Warner Communications are still reverberating from shock waves following the announcement that its fourth quarter profits would drop some 50 percent due to Atari's inflated sales projections.

Two stockholders, Meryl and Richard Glovin, recently filed suit against Warners here, charging that Chairman Steven Ross sold some 140,000 shares of his stock prior to a Dec. 8 announcement that Atari would not perform to expectations.

Warner Communications previously revealed that other employees—including Atari Chairman Raymond Kassar and Executive Vice-President Dennis Groth—sold shares of Warner stock before the news was divulged.

Some financial experts contend that the sales are a possible violation of federal law prohibiting "insider trading."

When the Atari information was announced by Warners, the stock value dived about $25 a share.

The Glovin's class-action lawsuit joins several other legal challenges by investors. The Federal Trade Commission has also reportedly begun a probe into the matter.

It could not be substantiated that Bugs Bunny was being considered for a high-ranking executive post.

PUSH 'EM BACK JACKSON, Ml—A recently televised rerun of a high school cheering competition here was interrupted by a pornographic film clip lasting, oh, about three minutes or so.

"There is no explanation that we know of," said Jeffrey DeLorme, regional station manager of Jackson's Continental Cablevision. "To our knowledge, it did not originate from our offices."

The "explicit sex act" hit the screens at 11:30 p.m.

PAC-MAN DEMANDS A SACRIFICE!

Robert Hays, star of Airplane and Airplane II, is sorry that he's made one too many Airplane movies—but not half as sorry as Johannes PocMan, famed bohemian video figure and carnivore! "I will get you, Robert Hays!" says the cute little cult hero. "I will get you and eat you up YUM-YUM wacka-wacka!" "Darn you !" retaliates Hays !

and says Artie Davis, assistant cheering coach at Jackson High School, "really got everybody's attention."

Continental's DeLorme rationalizes that the clip was probably not beamed to "every" household: '"We received six phone calls, and we have 12,000 subscribers," said he. "That tells us it was a very small, isolated problem."

Coach Davis, however, painted a grim picture in contrast: "All my cheerleaders watched the show. Just think of the teenagers who saw it..."

OK, coach, then what?

CUSTER LOSES AGAIN

LAS VEGAS—The odds defied the most realistic tote boards here. Custer got beat by the Indians.

And women, it must be added.

Custer's Revenge—that controversial "X-rated" game cartridge that sparked widespread protests by Native Americans and women and a lawsuit by Atari—will soon disappear from the video scene.

The Game Source company has assumed sales and distribution rights for the adult video games manufactured by

American Multiple Industries. Although Games Source will continue the "Swedish Erotica" line (which featured

GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF!

HAWTHORNE, CA—Fads come and fads go. One day, it's flashing aquariums. Next day, everybody in town wants to rotate on fire hydrants. And now it's videogame gloves.

Modeled after golf gloves, the vid mitts are meant to ward off the very real formation of dreaded joycallous and all shapes and sizes of blisters. The finger tops, interestingly enough, are

Custer's Revenge, Bachelor Party and Beat ‘Em & Eat 'em), president Richard Miller said "racism and violence toward women have no place within the context of a TV game." Goodbye Custer.

Game Source will market eight new adult games under a new series title, "Playground," and will reduce prices from $49.95 to about $35. They will also package the Atari VCS-compatible cartriges in cases which can be locked. MORE SLEAZY BUSINESS WASHINGTON—What could a man do after slashing mass transit subsidies, crushing the air traffic controllers' union, boosting gas taxes, cutting federal money for Conrail and chucking safety regulations?

Join the cable explosion, of course.

Drew Lewis resigned as Secretary of Transportation effective Feb. 1 to become the new chairman of

snipped off to improve the grip and allow the player's fingernails room to pant.

"They're really a pretty good buy," says designer Nancy "Give 'Em" Heck of her $12 creation. What'd'ya expect her to say, send the money to the Bun Bar defense fund, instead?

The true usefulness is still unestablished. Remarked one unimpressed consumer, "You need videogame gloves like a sheep tick needs a hot comb."

Warner-Amex Cable.

Warner-Amex's current chairman, Gustave Hauser, left the company on the heels of serious setbacks for the corporation. Warner-Amex is a joint venture between Warner Communications and American Express, the sixth largest cable firm in the U.S.

Warner-Amex lost S20 million in 1981 and is predicted to lose $30 million in 1982.

At the press conference announcing his resignation, Lewis told reporters that he does not consider the company financially troubled.

However, he also admitted he has "great respect" for President Reagan.

FORGET ALL THAT, JUST LEAVE US ALONE!

NEW YORK CITY—A prominent New York child psychologist warns that videogames are leading young enthusiasts into a "life of loneliness."

"Users of the games withdraw from reality," asserts Dr. Judith Meyerowitz, a clinical supervisor at Yeshiva University. "They're being given a positive reinforcement from the machine to continue." No kiddin', Doc! You thought maybe we were playing them to better understand the politics of dioxin-breath?

Dr. Meyerowitz complains that vidgames discourage interaction, encourage isolation, eliminate conversation and teach the player nothing except lots of words with a -tion suffix. No poo, Larue! Sounds like stepby-step instructions on how to survive the '80s.

The doubting shrink's conclusion is to either develop games that are far more interactive than those currently available or just ban kids from playing them.

VIDIOT's conclusion is to ban buttinski psychologists from further air time in this magazine.

TRANSFORMATION IS COMPLETE!

Fred! Come back! insists Kate Pierson, but it's no use! Pierson, who with Fred Schneider and Cindy Wilson form the vocal core of the B-52's, seconds earlier watched partner Schneider decide that he'd much prefer the life of a Centipede arcade game than to continue on with his aggravating, wimpish, whining voice. A wise decision: "Uh, wait a minute Fred,'1 decides Ms. Pierson. “Lemme get a few quarters first, then come back, OK?”

MORE CAREERS OF EVIL

WASHINGTON D.C.—A new study by the American Justice Institute has determined that, except for a rise in 1978, crimes by young people have dropped every year since 1975.

But not in Detroit, Danko.

Motor City metro police see an upsurge in juvenile crime there. And they're blaming it on kids who steal to feed hungry video habits. One suburban officer claimed he's seen kids swipe their parents jewelry to play Pac-Man.

Michigan State University psychologist Gary Stol lack isn't surprised. "Anyone who becomes obsessed with something is likely to do crazy things," he said.

In an example police cite, an 11-year-old girl stole $50 from her mother's purse to play videogames. When she was apprehended later that afternoon, she had only $1.75 left.

Stol I a k says that obsessed people could "engage in criminal, anti-social and illegal behavior."

But spending 193 quarters? That's inhuman.

THAT’S NOT WHAT/

READ

LOS ANGELES—Atari is rumored to be recruiting all kinds of hatchetmen to streamline its ailing operation. And to overcome a pervading rude mood in its press relations, the videogame/ home computer giant has hired a newspaperman as its new Vice-President of Communications.

Bruce Entin, a business reporter for the San Jose Mercury and Los Angeles Herald-Examiner, views his new role as "a challenge."

And Evelyn Wood's new speed-reading course for the blind is "difficult."

EYE DUNNO

NEW YORK—Videogames can sharpen nine different visual skills simultaneously, reports Business Week, who probably know since Dr. Arnold Sherman, chairman of the Sports Vision section of the American Optimetric Association, told 'em so.

Among skills sharpened: dynamic visual acuity (the ability to see clearly while a target moves); ocular-motor ability (looking from one target to another without moving your head); centralperipheral awareness (contrating on one target while remaining aware of others).

Only danger, according to Sherman, is eyestrain. To give your eyes' focus muscles a break, he recommends halting your game every half-hour for five minutes and staring at a distant object.

No truth to rumors that Sherman then screamed "Like the blackboard, you jerks!"

OTTUMWA OLYMPICS 'INCREDIBLE'

OTTUMWA, IOWA— Soon, there'll be the endorsements— Chapstick, Clearasil—then the personal appearances—lunch in Boulder, a banquet in Biloxi. But for now, it's all the thrill of victory for the finalists in the North American Video Game Olympics, held Jan. 8-9 in Ottumwa, Iowa.

The near-winners are Darren Olson, 19, from Calgary, Alberta, Canada; Todd Walker, 19, from Milpitas, California; and Ben Gold, 16, from Dallas, Texas.

The complete list of whiz kids and video mutants who qualified to participate in the Olympics reads like a roll-call of world record-holders.

Olson held the record for Centipede (15,204,350), Walker is a past champion of Super Pac-Man, and Gold once set the top mark for Stargafe (some 40 million points).

ESTRADA MARRIAGE SET!

Wacky CHIPS star Erik Estrada wants •varyone in town to know he's having a good time with his life, and what better way to let VIDIOT's readership know about it than parading with Clyde, orangutan superstar and "one nice monkey, believe It I" according to those-ln-the-know I The couple plan to keep their relationship a secret, but the grapevine reveals there are immediate plans for three flicks the pair want to do together, including Monkey On A Moped, Hell's Chimps and / Am Curious, Fuzz... "and much more, if you catch my drift," coos one gossip maven I That Erik I

I NEED A CHRISTMAS PARTY!

Mr. and Mrs. John Cougar are seen here at a recent VIDIOT Christmas party held at the Midtown Cafe near VIDIOT HQ in Birmingham. Cougar was in town to plan his forthcoming collaboration with local musical legend Mitch Ryder. Ryder also showed up at the party as did the Rockets, Detroit media personalities and VIDIOT staff members, all playing video games to benefit area children's hospitals.

The arcade olympians competed on five games:

Super Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, Jr., Joust, Millipede and Frogger. Video Athletes played one game each except for Millipede, on which they played three times.

The Olympics were held at the Twin Galaxies Arcade & International Scoreboard here. ABC-TV's That's Incredible filmed the event and will host the finals, to be telecast in February.

How did these ambitious ersatz jocks "train" for the arduous eye-mind battles anyway? Juggle snakes?

Ben Gold laughed. "To 'prepare,' I |ust played eight or ten hours a day over Christmas vacation," Gold told VIDIOT. "Luckily, I work at an arcade."

Despite his rigorous exercises, Gold was disappointed in his Donkey King, Jr, performance ("the absolute worst," he moaned, "only 60,000"). However, he tore them up on Millipede, compiling over 640,000 points).

Walter Day—who owns Twin Galaxies and organized its sophisticated system of record-keeping—was happy. "There's never been anything like this," he smiled. "Boy, this is fun."

As for the future, Day says, "I'm planning to hold summer and winter Olympics here."

Will the current video olympians keep their amateur standing? Probably. The three finalists were not awarded cash for their triumphs. They received all-expenses-paid trips to Hollywood—for the finals.

Not much.

IF IT JIGGLES CAN I KEEP IT. MOMMY?

NEW YORK — Former NBC prez Fred Silverman plans to launch a 24-hour cable network next year that will feature rock music videos, comedy segments, contests, polls and daytime shows "aimed at women."

You don't.

KILL THE SURGEON GENERALI

GRAND HAVEN, Ml—The surgeon general of the U.S. complains that videogames are dangerous. "Everything is elimate, kill, destroy, let's get up and do it fast," ranted C. Everett Koop. But some segments of society yearn for the opportunities videogames afford them.

At the Shore Haven Nursing Home here, patients grab the video consoles every chance they get.

"Even our stroke victims find this really refreshing," commented director Christy Tavener.

"It's about all the action we get," laughed one oldster.

"So we'll wait in line for Ms. Pac-Man."

NOW COUGH!

CHICAGO—A new game called Bugs And Drugs, played on computer terminals, is helping University Of Illinois med students learn how to operate.

"You can't play this for more that 1 5 minutes and not start learning some infectious disease," says Dr. Fred Zar, bigwig at the U of I Medical Center. "It's a lot of fun, but it's unbelievably educational." The game player begins as an average premed student and gradually builds up enough game experience to move from internship to Nobel Laureate.

"You enter the hospital armed with a minimal supply of antibiotics," says Doc Zar. "Your quest is to make it to the 12th floor of the hospital, where the Journal Club is located."

Between 150 and 200 different germs can be encountered on the way up, beginning with ordinary strep throat and progressing to more exotic bugs on the way up. "You have to choose the best antibiotic before it kills you," Doc says.

"I would say that probably only one percent or less of people who play the game become Nobel Laureates and make it to the 12th floor."

That the other 99 percent "just have drinking problems" or else "are unaccountably run over by a fleet of busses" is patently untrue and was, in fact, never brought up.