ROCK VIDIOCY WHAT YOU CAN'T SEE (You Can't Buy)

ROCK VIDIOCY WHAT YOU CAN'T SEE (You Can't Buy)

FEATURES

DAVE DiMARTINO

Back a few months ago, something unusual happened: Captain Beefheart was on TV.

That may not sound like much, but it was. Near as I can figure, it must've been only the third or fourth time Beefheart—aka Don Van Vliet —has ever had a television audience. While his largest audience came with his Saturday Night Live gig a few seasons back, back when he was ''fouring to promote” Doc At The Radar Station, his surprising appearance in late 1982—on Late Night With David Letterman— may have a lot more future bearing on the man's musical career.

While I looked forward to Van Vliet's Letterman appearance for a month, I found myself vaguely disappointed when it happened. Why? For starters, Brooke Shields' earlier appearance on the show screwed up the night's schedule; Beefheart didn't have near enough time. When he finally did emerge onstage, the banter between him and Letterman seemed more stilted than I would've liked—most of which I'd say was Letterman's fault. The man has difficulty conducting a straight interview without putting in a few puns or cracks intermittently to display his wit. (No doubt his attempts to be weird at all costs were indirectly responsible for Beefheart's booking in the first place, but that's getting off the track.) Since Van Vliet himself has an equally difficult time giving a straight interview, the end result was something of a jumble. Being familiar with Van Vliet from a few interviews I've done over the years and, of course, with Letterman from his Late Night show, I found myself uncomfortable because these two usually very funny men simply didn't seem to "get” each other, and I could only wonder what those members of the Late N/ght audience totally unfamiliar with Beefheart's long career were thinking throughout.

Don Van Vliet has rarely gone on the road to tour with his various Magic Bands. His last tour — the one that brought him to SNL—must've been a wearing one, as he decided he didn't want to go through it all again for his newest album, Ice Cream For Crow. Thus, for better or worse, the only avenues of promotion he's provided himself with are two—the Letterman appearance and his "Ice Cream For Crow” video.

The "Ice Cream For Crow” video is superb; not the best ever by a long shot—how could it be, done for "under $10,000" when fhere are bands like Duran Duran around whose video costs dwarf that sum?—but intelligent, colorful and vivid, all that rock video should ever be, Produced by Ken Shreiber and shot by Daniel Pearl, cinematographer of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the video features Beefheart out in the Mojave, the trailer he and his wife Jan live in less than a mile away, exhorting, pointing at the camera, ominous closeups, switches from color to B&W, the Magic Band flailing away on their respective axes as if we were witnessing a jungle dance in the desert. Words like "shaman" should pop up here next but won't; Van Vliet once told a friend of mine in Miami that he loved the fog—"if's so mysterious" —and fhaf same artisfic sensibility seems at work here.

The problem? MTV won't play it. "I don't want my MTV," Beefheart told Letterman, begrudged and justifiably so. The best vehicle for selling records America's got af this point (take a look at the charts: Men At Work, Stray Cats, Flock Of Seagulls— where were they a year ago?), and certainly the only major one available for the non-touring Beefheart to promote his new album, and it's denied him. Gary Lucas, Magic Band guitarist, told me MTV bigwigs thought "the music was too weird"—which it certainly isn't, especially for Beefheart, it sounds more like it came from ZZ Top's Degueilo than Trout Mask Replica, believe me. Furthermore, Lucas says, "they thought Don looked too old," inexcusable from any standpoint considering that brash young punk upstarts like Pete Townshend, Mick Jagger and Grace Slick are in evidence hourly on MTV.

In all, says Lucas, the band is "incredibly disheartened," and who wouldn't be, in their place? Doc At The Radar Station, now out of prinf, sold 35,000 copies, mosf of which Lucas attribufes fo fhe accompanying tour the Magic Band underwent at the time. Currently, says he, Ice Cream For Crow sits at the 25,000 mark and has apparently reached a sales plateau. Not touring, of course, has held sales down; the video's non-appearance on MTV has probably held them down even more. Not

that it's every band's God-given right to appear on MTV— but "Ice Cream For Crow" is clearly and entirely "appropriate" programming, and a damn sight better than the 80th rerun of Loverboy or Tofo you better believe it.

My suggestion: write to MTV and ask for "Ice Cream For Crow." Here's the address:

MTV Comments P.O. Box 1370 Radio City Station New York, NY 10101 ☆ ☆ ☆

A brief word here about The Doobie Brothers Farewell Concert, which is just what you think it is, the last-ever Doobie Brothers performance, shot af Berkeley's Greek Theatre last September.

What this video plainly represents is the way things are going to be from now on, the way big pop bands will be calling it a day in this videoready decade. Remember Fillmore? When they closed that place down, they made a movie of it—it still hits the midnight movie circuit doublebilled with Volunteer Jam. Remember the Band's sendoff, The Last Waltz? Van Morrison, Bob Dylan, Neil Young—hell, there were biggies all over the place on that one.

Well, there's no more Fillmore anymore and Corny came and went and I guess Van, Bob & Neil had prior engagements, so we're left with Farewell Concert by the Doobiesand, all kidding aside, it's a respectable way for any band to end their career. Essentially the Doobs cover all their biggies from the beginning, climaxing with former DB Tom Johnston emerging and singing along with his former bandmates. Finally everyone who's ever been in the band (and hasn't died yet,

I guess) walks onstage amid much hoopla and everybody goes home happy. It's a thoughtful career retrospective that even manages to include current solo stuff by Michael McDonald ("I Keep Forgetting, " not to mention hit w/ Carly "You Belong To Me), plug Pat Simmons' about-tobegin solo career, and leave the band in the good graces of every viewer.

The concert will be broadcast on the Showtime cable channel through early March and is likely to be repeated several times before going its way to videocassette and videodisc format. It's a Paramount Video production—the wave of the future in rockumentary—and the bucks stop there.

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Here's a brief rundown of some of the best and worst rock videos currently making the rounds. Data was obtained by watching a mind-boggling 10 hours of MTV, and brother, it weren't easy.

BEST

CAPTAIN BEEFHEART & THE MAGIC BAND: "Ice Cream For Crow"—OK, so

maybe I didn't see this one on MTV. I should have.

ADRIAN BELEW: "Big Electric Cat"—This has been out for a while—I saw it in a club once—but I forgot how good it is. Essentially, there is no innocuous storyline at all, just a very colorful series of images that complement Belew's song superbly.. .the way these things are supposed to in the first place. THOMPSON TWINS: "Lies"—An imaginative bit of Magritte-inspired surrealism, this Brit vid brings a lot more to the tube than the cover of Beck-Ola. A series of floating ob|ects are viewed from an apparent hospital bed, again aiming at a less narrative/more psychedelic effect, here with great success. Miles ahead of most U.S. vids.

GOLDEN EARRING: "Twilight Zone"—Always a pleasure to make any reference whatsoever to these guys, which I'm basically doing because this illustrates the potential of rock videos to provide their own visual hooks. At the song's chorus of "When the bullet hits the bone," three guns shoot at the vid's protagonist and POW, down he falls, flat on his face. End result: when you hear the song, you visualize the guns. Great effect.

PRINCE: "1999"—Chosen because it's glib, full of sexual imagery and very colorful—

and like the guy who sings it, it opens up the MTV/racism can-of-worms you've probably heard about already, so we'll discuss it later. In the meantime, good to see it in millions of American living rooms. In more ways than one.

WORST

ALDO NOVA: "Fantasy"

— I know, it's been out for awhile, but lucky me hasn't seen it until now. All I can say is: Does this guy really think girls would want to throw themselves at him while he's onstage? And if he does, would he be kind enough to put a leopard-skin paper bag over his too-large face? VANDENBURG: "Burning Heart" — They announced with glee that "this is a new one" when they showed it on MTV, but forgot to add "for the trash bin" when they said it. Not only do these Dutch fake-right-down-to-the-logo Van Halens stink—the lead singer can't even sing in English, let alone mouth this song's stupid lyrics. Stuff 'em with custard and roll 'em in powered sugar after you've deep-fried 'em, OK? JERUSALEM: "Constantly Changing"—Another new video, this increasingly popular "Swedish Christian Rock Band," long a favorite of VIDIOT staffer Rick Johnson, signals an ominous trend in rock videos: psychedelia for Jesus! I didn't mean it, Sister SimoneI

SAMMY HAGAR: "3 Lock Box"—If I ever witness another guitar smashing through a window pane, I will lose my lunch—by deliberately spraying it all over my record collection, which includes (need I add?) not a single Sammy Hagar album, for now and forever.

APRIL WINE: "You’re My

Girl"—More absurdity from PTWBFCE (Potentially The Worst Band From Canada Ever, dummy), I shall leave it to a recent guest at my house to describe this video: "This band stinks because the drummer is bald-headed and too old for the group." Won't you agree that, surely, she was being too kind?