Confessions of a FILM FOX

Confessions of a FILM FOX

OK, raise hands, all those who have had it with Miss Audrey Landers’ incredible disgusting, passionate peach hair color! The admittedly-attractive Miss L., 24 (ha!), has obliterated her dark-eyed good looks with this ridiculous cotton candy tufting all over her little head. Well, this volpine glommed on an old Marcus We/by episode Miss Smarty-Pants appeared in, circa about 1969, with long brown tresses flowing down her hippie teenage back. Twenty-four, huh, Audrey? Let’s see, if she was a nubile 17 in 1969, that’d make her!. .30!!!!! Ve gods! Well, anyway...Audrey’s“maiden”

hair color of soft brown suits her limpid, cow-like brown eyes, so throw away that bleach, sweetie! You don’t want to look like sis Judy, who resembles Rita Moreno with ajeheap blonde wig tossed on. Nothin’ against Rita, mind you—in fact she wouldn’t have the bad taste to go blonde with such dark sultry features. Speaking of Jude, she gave all of her nearand-dear pals doggies for Christmas whether they wanted ’em or not! Wotta gal!

Fun couple of the month: Maty Tyler Moore and... Steve Mar* tin? Well, he’s probably more of a live wire than Grant Tinker, and the leggy former dancer could use some excitement, but what’s Bernadette Peters got to say about all of this?

So what’s new on the curvilinear Joan Collins front, you ask?

Well, it seems one of the

newspaper tabloids started excerpting parts of Joansie’s U.K. -published memoirs, Past Imperfect— you know, the book that lists her red-hot lovers and tells all

the poop about each one. Joan’s been afraid to publish the steamy little tome stateside as it kicked up such a furor in England, thank you, bout now she figures that if some check-out counter rag’s going to make money off her romps with Warren Beatty, well, she wants some of that filthy lucre.

Howzabout a percentage for us?

Liz Taylor’s in such a snit about ABC filming that “docudrama” on her life that she’s refused to go back to General Hospital for another guest appearance, as planned.

Even her little pal Tony Geary couldn’t wheedle her into doing it... Babies a’poppin’! Jaclyn Smith had one, Jane Seymour had one,Meryl Streep had one and is planning another, Raquel Welch is expecting—at the age of 42, forcing her to retire from her hit Broadway play Woman Of The Year, Cindy Williams is about to give birth. ..just what’s in the water at these studio commissaries?

Who’s next, Phyllis Diller? I’m only asking!!!

Gabe Kaplan to play Groucho Marx on Broadway? Is this the work of the same seerriinglydrunken casting agent who foisted Tony Orlando as Jose Ferrer and Sondra Locke as Rosemary Clooney on poor pitiful us, in Rosie: The Rosemary Clooney Story? Somebody, stop this before it goes any further!!

Our fave Diner boy, Mickey Rourke (he also played husband/ rapist John Rideout in the TV movie about marriage rape—yeah, you know.-..) is spotted regularly at a Hollywood diner—The Beverly Hills Dining and Entertainment Experience to be exact. Seems all — the hip cognescenti hang out there—and Mickey, too, you can bet... Mickey will be before the public next in a Francis Coppola production, Rumblefish, in which Matt Dillon plays his brother and

Dennis Hopper is his father! Ail right, man...

So, of the two upcoming James Bond flicks, Octopussy(!) starring Roger Moore, and Never Say Never Again starring Sean Connery, back as Bond after more than a decade away from the role he grew to hate, which will win the public over? Old Rog’s been doing better in recent years as Bond, though his blandly Limey good looks are no match for the hot-even-in-his-’50s, gorgeous hunk Connery, so our money’s on the Scotsman.

Bad girl... Lana Tnrner, brought out of semi-retirement to guest-star on Falcon Crest, has been catting to the press lately that the show’s no good unless she, la Turner, happens to be on that night. Producers and “regular” stars of the show are none too pleased at the fading fluorescent blonde movie queen’s jibes..

Morgan Fairchild, fresh from that “romance” P& mavens cooked up with Detroit Tiger Kirk Gibson, has gone right to the source and nabbed an actual flack as her current boyfriend. Matt Helrich is the PR’s name, and it’s a cinch he won’t be cooking up any more phony dates for Morgie... Meryl Streep seems to be an early favorite for the Academy Award femme division, for her emoting in Sophie’s Choice. Bag or no bag, Meryl’s been kicking out the jams lately with high-gloss appearances in French Lieutenant’s Woman and Still Of The Night— although in the latter her hair gets kudos for art direction, but the rest of the movie is as flat as Roy Scheider’s schnozz.

Fans of depression will be glad to see that the filmed version of Ana Beattie’s book Chilli; Scenes of Winter, cinerriatically titled Head Over Heels, is back under its real name, and doing boffo box office thanks to Beattie’s numerous, somewhat weepy fans. United Artist Classics re-released the flick; they were also responsible for reviving Peter Bogdanovich’s overlooked They All Laughed. Well, somebody cares about these things!