DON'T CHECK OUT WITHOUT YOUR BAGGAGE

DON'T CHECK OUT WITHOUT YOUR BAGGAGE

In 1974 CREEM published a comprehensive street guide to drugs, written by Lester Bangs and intended to show our average reader just what the various substances he/she might be ingesting would do to their body. No preaching, no happy talk; just the facts: if you're going to stick it down your throat, here's what you can expect. Seven years later, some of the drug variations have changed; drug "cocktails" seem to be the thing, a particularly deadly development as seen in the overdoses of John Belushi [heroin/cocaine "speedballs"] and James Honey man-Scott of the Pretenders [cocaine and Valium] — but the message is still pretty dire. We've gathered together some of the latest medical information, as well as the thoughts of some music personalities [serious or not-so... ] on the issue of drugs, again, with the hope of keeping our readers informed upon the subject all too close to all of us.

The Editors

Rick Johnson

A few years ago (Sept. '74), CREEM published an info-jammed report by Lester Bangs on the use and abuse of drugs. Historically speaking, it was about a year after the Feds came down hard on Ludes, making them extremely hard to come by. A "new" drug of choice—angel dust/PCP —was sweeping the country faster than stray voltage in a milking parlor. Most significant was the fact that the winner of the 1974 National Spelling Bee copped the honors by correctly spelling narcolepsy.

"In my years as a musician in the music business, I've done my share of drugs and let me tell you, I'm thankful to still be alive, let alone intact, and still playing, thinking and feeling well. You see, I don't do them anymore, and feel much better for it. I've seen too many of my good friends come and go—Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Keith Moon, John Bonham, Tommy Bolin, and the list goes on and on. Granted, these people were great, but the drugs didn't make them greats they killed them. Don't be a fool, be cool with the drugs." MICHAEL SHRIEVE,

Novo Combo

Whether ifs stomping them out of existence or gulping them by the handful, this country is obsessed with drugs. A function of boredom and response to symbols, the issue has been polarized beyond rational discussion for most.

Take a look at some of these book titles I stumbled onto in the library: Satan's Needle, Forbidden Game, Pot Is Rot, Heroin, Deviance and Morality (what is this, the UK album chart?), Narco Priest!, Agency Of Fear, Escape To Nowhere, The American Disease and my own personal favorite, Wir Kinder Vom Bahnfof Zoo, which, roughly translated, means "the terrorists puked in the children's zoo."

Anyway, we thought it might be a good idea to update the story as well as the

"One thing to remember: whatever you do, you don't want to abuse yourself. ..So I guess I would preach temperance, moderation, y'know— some semblance of sane behavior, if you choose to be around something like that. If you choose to make a practice of it, then I think you should be careful of how you use, and potentially abuse, drugs." BILLY SQUIER

handsome, durable wood-grain vinyl material reference chart for readers wise enough to skip the text.

You aforementioned wise guys will note that the chart is mucho derived from Lester's original, which looked like it was copied from a yet-uncovered reference book. And I really looked, because I wanted to copy out of it myself. But really—why bother learning how to spell methylester of benzoylecgonie when ifs right in front of your nose?

Now that all the disclaimers are out of the way, you "smorgasbrains" (LB again) better check this out. It may be your only opportunity to learn something from this mag other than the psychosexual problems of the record reviewers.

LSD

PAISLEYS TRICKLE DOWN

There was no such thing as an LSD menace until 1943, when it was discovered more or less accidentally. It soon fell into the shifty fingers of psychotherapists who—get this—saw it as a potential tool in "curing" alcoholism, not to mention all you ever wanted to know about paisleys.

From there, it was trickle-down city. Shrinks fumed on patients, patients turned on friends and, by 1956, the first signs of a fledgling acid scene appeared. Can you picture LSD in 1956? I hate to even imagine what a '56 Packard looked like to a tripper.

The LSDeezy scene stayed smaller than Sly Stone's brain until 1962. That was the year of the international thalidomide disaster, when a thought-to-be harmless tranquilizer, taken by pregnant women, produced deformed babies. Government agencies fell all over each other trying to ban any drug they could think of, including LSD.

"Drugs are for sick people or bored adults with limited imaginations. " LENELOVICH

Presto—instant acid black market! Since it's so inexpensive to produce (a Pepsi canful would make around 1,500,000 doses) cheap "tickets to ride" (luv this lingo) soon flooded the market. STROBES GIRDLE THE GLOBE

Oh shit, here comes Timothy Leary. The godfather of strobe candles and fellow Harvard prof Richard Alpert became the key proponents of the acid revelation. Every time you turned on the television or looked at a paper, you'd find Leary babbling his tripster slogan: turn on, tune in and drop out. If only the man's mouth was a coin changer!

As if that wasn't enough of a snore drama, The Establishment Media (we used to believe this stuff!) started in with froggyeyed warnings and hard-to-believe horror stories. The climate was so fanatically antiacid at the time that one researcher actually faked data that some college kids on acid had stared at the sun until they toasted their retinas. All this sounds kinda quaint now, but it was such a big deal at the time, a New Jersey narco commission chairman called LSD "the greatest threat facing the country today.. .more dangerous than the Vietnam War."

FUNNY BABIES

Then there was the great LSD Chromosome Scare of '67. A New York doc came out swinging with the news that acid damaged white blood cell chromosomes in a test tube. Although he somehow failed to mention that caffeine, virus infections, x-rays and Lou Reed have the same effect, it was front page all the way: Hippie Girl Gives Birth To Six Pound Plastic Drop Cloth!, Shoe Trees Shed No Tears!, A Tractor Seat In The Nursery? It's no wonder that kids don't buy today's angel dust tales after all these years of plain old lies.

"In my opinion there is no reason for young people to use drugs of any sort as I believe they are harmful for mind and body and to a great extent the result of an awful myth of false glamour which has been a part of the world of rock 'n ' roll for the last 25 years. I hope that my success has been an example to young people everywhere that those awful days are over and that it is hard work and dedication to your craft which achieves results and not the use of drugs. A new generation is here and we won't get fooled again. "

ADAM ANT

SLUGS ON THE MOVE

When your average Bernice plants some microdot on her tongue, she'll see action and pronto. Within an hour, the heart rate, body temperature, blood pressure and blood sugar level jump right off the chart. The pupils dilate until they look like counterfeit quarters and you may well find what Anatole calls "an awareness of your reptilian antecedents becoming unnaturally vivid."

The merest little thought becomes deeply introspective (and hilarious the next day). My socks! They're... blue! If you really get off, the famous All-is-One syndrome may occur, as well as textbook synthesisia (sounds become colors and V.V.). Pretty silly, huh?

LSD has no physically addictive properties and there's no known fatal overdose. One of my technical advisors would like to point out "this shit is scary, especially the sound of your heart pounding and pounding." It sometimes brings on the Telltale Heart Syndrome, where you can hear it beating below the floorboards, in the freezer, the cookie jar, you name it.

"Stupid!!!"

JOHN COUGAR

The tales you hear about trippers jumping off ghettoes, thinking they can fly, undoubtedly have a grain of truth in there somewhere. However, the subject has been Linklettered into meaninglessness. The occurence of freak-outs and flashbacks has been blown way out of proportion. Particularly flashbacks, the figurative herpes of acidheads.

COCAINE

TAKE THE INCA CHALLENGE

The cocaine fad in this country is really getting out of hand, if you ask me. You don't have to be a cop to notice that snortheads are some kinda pain in the ass after five minutes. Of course, the drugee thinks he's Mr. Personality and just won't believe otherwise.

It all started way back with the Incas, the zany South American tribe that at one time was the highest (O.U.Kid!) civilization in this neck of the globe. Until the Spanish soldiers got their smallpox-infected mitts on 'em.

When the Incas had tons of slave labor to perform, they'd simply chomp on the native coca leaves, which enabled them to work indefinitely, ignore hunger and tell charming anecdotes about their early childhood.

The conquistadors who eventually made it back to Europe (all five of 'em) brought coca leaves along and, over the next couple centuries, the fun spread slowly but surely throughout the continent.

The active ingredient in coca—cocaine —wasn't isolated until 1883, but thereafter blooey! One bent lobester who was fascinated with the feeling of permanent tornado that coke brings on was a minor league neurologist by the name of...Sigmund Freud. Now we know where he got all those crazy ideas about weenie-hacko and rebus envy.

"Fuck drugs!" TED NUGENT

"Everything's a drug, basically, including records. Different drugs for different people. Some people function with no drugs except something like caffeine. Drugs are fine if you use them, just don't let drugs use you. Needles and freebasing are real bad."

BOB PFEIFER &

MYRNA MACARIAN,

Human Switchboard

GRAY MATTER SLURPEES The Timothy Leary of his time, ol' Siggy plowed snow on just about anybody he could until he realized some of the unfortunate side effects we'll get to in a minute. Freud himself joined the anti-coke side a few years later, but it was too late. Mankind's Nose was now hep to the fact that snuff was the only cure for mute nostril agony.

Meanwhile, back in the States, patent medicine ace John "Bugs" Pemberton introduced Coca-cola to the nation's taste buds in 1885. A combination coca extract and kola bean, Coca-cola was an instant smash. Lots of our great grandaddies had lotsa fun with these gray-matter Slurpees until the coca part was banned in 1906, leaving just the ho-hum caffeine from the Kola beans. Insert your favorite Robert Young joke here.

Cocaine use eventually faded away and was almost replaced by the cheap, legal amphetamines available in the '50s and '60s. Naturally, the Feds then jumped on easy speed and druggies switched back to ...coke! Subtract one century and go back to start.

WAY THE COKIE CRUMBLES

Cocaine indeed behaves a lot like speed minus the crash. The cokie immediately thinks he's the most important human being on Earth. Yes, even bigger than Erik Estrada. They talk as if they'd just invented the mouth and are generally in the vicinity of Cloud 92.

A controversy point is the addictiveness of the drug. Richard E. Schultes, an authority on drug use among "primitive" people, spent eight years in the Amazon Valley observing native life. Schultes reported that he chowed down coca leaves the whole time and did not become addicted. Oh yeah? Then how come you ate it for eight years, smartypants?

"Although I do not do drugs anymore, at least at this point in my life, if used, drugs should be used as a sacrament to intensify reality and experience and not to numb it. The real issue, however, is that regardless of whether you want to use drugs or not, the choice should be up to you. The government should not tell you how you can or can't alter your body chemistry. That is fascism. All drugs should be legal, and this includes pleasure drugs, religious drugs, and medical drugs. If a society is to be free, then people must be free to make their own decisions..."

WENDY O. WILLIAMS

The biggest myth here is that coke is a harmless, fun drug just slightly more serious than Tang and has no addictive properties. No such luck. Although the physical effects of cocaine withdrawal are negligible, the psychological impact can be profound. Unbearable depression often sets in which the user feels can only be remedied by more coke. The stuff is so damn reinforcing, the compulsion to go back to it is even stronger than that of alcohol or narcotics.

The classic symptom of longtime cocaine abuse is called formication psychosis, where the user seriously believes that snakes, insects, squids, mudpuppies or members of Fear are riding skateboards just beneath the skin. Papa John Phillip's description of this is particularly striking. He went to half a dozen skin specialists and begged them to get rid of the bugs crawling all over him. The doc would say "what bugs?" and John would storm out of the office hollering "liar!"

MI first heard about dope in school— it*s what the gym teachers called me." RICK NIELSEN

MARIJUANA

MARIJUANA HELL The earliest recorded reference to pot comes from the Chinese of 2737 B.C., a mere 5,000 years ago. It later turned up in ancient Persian writings, the Bible and The Arabian Nights as well as plugs from Homer, Mohammed and Marco Polo.

In early America, the Pilgrims and even George Washington grew it. But it really "exploded on the scene" (pardon me, impacted) amid such 19th century scribble bards as Baudelaire, Dumas and Gautier. Whoever they are.

WHY DO YOU THINK THEY CALL IT DOPE, ANYWAY? CREEM '82

To purchase "Why Do You Think They Call It Dope Anyway" T-shirts specify size (S, M, L, or XL, and color (black or white), enclose check or money order and send to Dope T-shirt, CREEM Magazine, P.O. Box P-1064, Birmingham, MI 48012.

Marijuana-based patent medicines were as popular as joining the Talking Heads by the late 1800's. Recreational use of weed and hash in artistic-looking "tea-pads" and "hasheesh hells" kept rolling along until there were almost 500 such places in New York City along by the late '20s. Price of admisssion? One thin quarter!

Before we all start building time machines, you should know what happened next. This being the golden age of yellow journalism, various newspapers published wildly sensationalized accounts of "lethal weed" use. There was the famous "J.O." case, where a kid smoked a joint and then immediately murdered his best friend and stuck the body in the trunk of his car. Worse yet, the corpse was deflated! Incidentally, it later turned out that the guy was also a heroin addict.

Another popular and much-used story had various young children accidentally getting a whiff and immediately going insane, assaulting their siblings and experiencing a craving for reruns of Topper. Best of all was our pal Harry Anslinger's description of a kookie fella who took a few takes, blacked out, and chopped up five members of his family with a hatchet. Despite the helter-skelterish charm of the tale, it just plain never happened, as Harry was later forced to admit.

"I used

to have a drug problem, but now I make enough money. " DAVID LEE ROTH

ELECTED NUISANCE

There are more myths about bong-brain than anything since the debate over the contents of Rod Stewart's tummy.

The biggie—that smoking dope leads to Stronger Drugs—was finally slipping a bit until Mrs. Prez made it her official nuisance. Although the idea is about as accurate as saying alcoholics all got started on Dr. Pepper, heaven forbid any truth sneaking into the issue.

The backup myth is the old Not Enough Known laughter. There've only been about ten million studies, dating back to 1894. The conclusion? Smoking dope gets you stoned.

Then there's the story that too much smoke makes the user lazy and unmotivated. Absolutely untrue! I, uh...(yawn)...I think I'll finish this later.

IN SEARCH OF ANCIENT SPEED FREAKS

The origins of shooting speed, unlike most drug lore, has been frightfully well documented. I think maybe the researchers had their throat in the till.

The earliest speed freaks were American soldiers in Korea and Japan in the early '50s. The war-mutts found that shooting speed intravenously produced an effect far superior to gobbling tabs. Lucky they weren't on Oreos.

The first U.S. hotspot was the San Francisco Bay Area in the early '60s. A handful of doctors began "experimenting" with the use of amphetamines to treat heroin addicts. The junkies, no dumb bunnies, would sell the speed and use the money to buy more smack. Back to the swallowing board.

When easy access to crank was ended by 1962-'3 crackdown on script artists, speed kitchens set up shop all over Northern California. This bathtub production was so kwik V e-z that speed became not only easy to find, but cheaper too. Thank you, law enforcement!

HARD CAMPERS

The final kicker can also be attributed to the law. A '67 drive to wipe out acid and pot in the Bay Area was so effective that the only drug in town for a long time thereafter was meth. You know the rest of the story.

"I think drugs suck. I think that if that's something you choose to do, go right ahead. I just want nothing to do with it. It just bothers me, the thought of having a good time artificially because I think you can have a good time without being drugged up. I've seen a lot of people really suffer. I personally can't stand talking to someone who doesn't get the joke the first time. I hate having to explain things to anybody. It's a turn off to me. "

MOON ZAPPA

Your average speed freak is a rather hard-core little camper. He injects the stuff night and day in ever-increasing dosages. A good run can vary from a couple days to two or three weeks. The freakee doesn't sleep and barely eats the whole time. Mostly he sits around tackling heavy philosophical issues not unlike Joe Garagiola's recent attempt to "explain" Pumpsie Green. Then there's the added fun of reviewing your entire life in minute detail while growing more paranoid by the minute. A laff-riot, huh?

The speedster eventually crashes, sleeps a day or two and then starts the whole process over again. What a today kinda guy!

Of course, you don't need to shoot to get hung up on this shit. As is the case with coke, the user is convinced that he's the most intelligent, thoughtful, quick-witted person in the history of mood-snarf.

Speed writing was and is a popular method of creative fingerpop. Used to be big on the rock critics' hit parade, washedup college students that they are/were. Eventually the fad piddled out—at least aijiong us old-timers—because it just isn't worth flushing two days (one to zoom, one to recover) down the toilet for one cute Rock-a-rama. If any of you budding crydicks think it'll help, forget it. All it'll do is get you mixed up and socially ostracized if you're really lucky.

BIG ENOUGH ASSHOLE

The most widely-accepted myth associated with amphetamines is the old axiom "speed kills.' In reality, dead speed freaks usually get that way because of the complications of the whole lifestyle, i.e. no food, no rest, (no fuss? no muss?), dirty needles, etc. In fact, crank-blanks recover better than most other addicts, given a year or so away from the drug.

Hope this info doesn't sound like a pro-speed argument. I just figure if you're a big enough asshole to get stuck on any stimulant, there's no getting away from it. When your nose falls off, don't say we didn't warn you.

ANGEL OUST

QUIETING RHINOS

The most popular drug villain of the late '70s/early '80s has been "angel dust." Unfortunately, the same kind of hysterical blab that greeted LSD is now being redirected to this garbage. Then the antidrug goofs will wonder howcum nobody believes them. Vicious circle city, hey pops?

It's especially depressing because this shit really is a bummer, as we used to say. Although there's no telling what's in it when you buy it, it's usually PCP, a large animal sedative. Large as in rhino. Large as in moose. Other potential ingredients include acid, speed, downs, Big Wally and anything else lying around.

You can hardly pick up a paper (or even a disease) these days without finding a bunch of Youth On Angel Dust Pillages Hamlet stories. With the usual propaganda effect, some of these tales cure hard to swallow after hearing that grass leads to dirigible wrecks.

But there are some conclusions that can be safely drawn. Virtually all downs, from Valium to MD 20-20, bring on belligerence if there's any available. The bizarre kitchen combos common to dust manufacturing make it that much worse.

It's the unpredictability factor that's most dangerous. When a few of the boys get together and suck a whale trank, you'll get one that falls asleep, one that pukes on his boots, one that passes out inside a speaker at a Rainbow concert and one that robs a liquor store and wastes everybody in it. This type of wackyness does not go over big with the authorities.

If you've just gotta have animal medicine, try getting a flea collar, shithead.

DOWNERS

DUMB IS NOT ENOUGH

While we're on the subject of premeditated stoopidness, how bout a few words on downs?

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Not enough? OK, let's divvy 'em up between Major Tranquilizers (Thorazine, Seconal, Nembutal) and Minor Tranks such as Valium, Librium and democracy.

The majors appear to be nonaddictive, physically speaking. Not so with the minors, as hundreds of Valium withdrawl victims will attest to. Going cold turkey after the longtime use of these hypnotics is not advised, unless you want your brain to work like a busted mirror.

A particularly fiendish aspect of downs is that, as tolerance increases, the lethal dosage does not. This makes accidental overdose very convenient. Ditto the effect of mixing 'em with alcohol—hey, it's quicker and a hell of a lot more colorful to just slit your wrists, cool tots. Ditto combining them with speed, which is #1 on the aggression hit parade. I mean it, you guys. You wanna die, go suck a hotgun. It's cheaper than repainting!

HEROIN

HEAVEN KILLS

As we all know, heroin is the ultimo down, barely edging out Paul Davis. There is zero argument that it's physically addictive, OK? Seems like everytime you get to heaven someone moves the gates.

The rush you receive from a shot of junk is paradise city, all the more reason not to give it a test drive. Tolerance grows rapidly, and smackists find themselves shooting up to kill withdrawal symptoms at a very early stage of usage.

According to the info I've had access to, the heroin OD is right up there with "speed kills" and the swimming pool/pregnancy theory. What we're really seeing is "acute fatal reaction to the intravenous injection of crude mixture of "H" and other substances." Quinine, commonly used to cut the crap (so to speak), appears to be a major cause of overdose. Most heroin ODs are actually due to combinations like the popular trifecta of smack, downs and old pal speed.

Once again, I'm pissing on these myths just to get at "the truth." I'm not trying to convince anybody that shooting anything is fun or safe or even interesting. I'm just ODed myself on all the misinformation we've been fed concerning drugs. A plea for credibility or using up space at the end of an article?

"Basically, in the '60s when music was uniting kids in a political movement, drugs were more or less a power tool on the part of the government—much like Vietnam—to screw things up. It's a myth that acid or pot will open your mind. It's a sedative—subliminal mind control." STIVBATORS Lords Of The New Church, ex-Dead Boys

ROCK DEATHS DUE TO DRUGS OR ALCOHOL

As you might expect, alcohol and drug-related deaths have been particularly numerous among musicians; the temptations of the lifestyle are well-documented. Still, scanning the death toll is a sobering proposition (sorry.1). As someone said, these are the people who died...

John Belushi, 1982, cocaine and heroin Tommy Bolin, 1977, James Gang and Deep Purple guitarist, drugs John Bonham, 1980, Led Zeppelin drummer, alcohol Tim Buckley, 1975, heroin MissChrissie/GTOs, 1972, heroin Brian Cole, 1972, former Association vocalist, heroin

Darby Crash, 1981, lead singer of Germs, heroin

Nick Drake, 1974, singer-songwriter, drugs Rich Evers, 1978, Carole King songwriter, cocaine

Lowell George, 1979, drugs Jimi Hendrix, 1970, inhalation of vomit after taking sedatives

James Honeyman-Scott, 1982, Pretenders guitarist, cocaine and Valium Janis Joplin, 1970, heroin Tim Hardin, 1980, singer, wrote "If I Were A Carpenter," "Misty Roses" and much more, heroin

Peter Laughner, 1977, Pere Ubu co-founder and rock critic, alcohol

Frankie Lymon, 1968, "Why Do Fools Fall In Love," heroin

Jimmy McCulloch, 1979, former Wings guitarist, drugs

Robbie McIntosh, 1974, Average White Band drummer, heroin Keith Moon, 1978, Who drummer, drugs Billy Murcia, 1972, New York Dolls drummer, drugs

Gram Parsons, 1973, country-rock avatar, drugs

Elvis Presley, 1977, numerous drugs, all prescribed

Bon Scott, 1980, of AC/DC, alcohol Scott Quick, 1976, Sammy Hagar Band guitarist, drugs

Vinnie Taylor, 1974, Sha Na Na guitarist, drugs

Sid Vicious, 1979, Sex Pistols bassist, heroin Danny Whitten, 1972, guitarist with Crazy Horse, heroin

Hank Williams, 1953, drugs A1 Wilson, 1970, Canned Heat singer, sleeping pills

Some information from "Rock Death In The '70s" by Greil Marcus, in The Village Voice Anthology (1956-1980), Quill, 1982.

MISC.

BECOME DRY ICE

Ail right, what else we got here that needs coverage? There's nitrous oxide, another one that sneaks up on you. Everything seems so giggle, some users forget to turn off the gas and laugh themselves into a coma and death. Combined with anything, laughing gas is dangerous.

Does anybody still snin glue, gas, lighter fluid or other solvents? 'Fraid so, comrades, there's just no getting through to some people. Supposedly the biggest dud of a high one can experience—including squeezing lambs—it just isn't worth the trouble.

Snorting up the freon in aerosols is growing in popularity and equally dangerpus. Have you ever seen somebody freeze their lungs? Not cute. Lungsicles have no commercial potential.

Anything else? Opium? Codeine? All editorial staff jokes aside, it's also a narcotic (meaning addictive). Drinking a bottle of cough syrup is an excellent way to turn your insides into aquarium gravel in record time.

' THC? Strictly a fairytale.Like "organic mesc," it's too damn expensive to produce so what you usually get is PCP or acid. The way I see it, if you're jerky enough to beleive in such things, you deserve the rhino treatment. And even mushrooms are sometimes adulterated.

ALCOHOL

I, CATFOOD

There's not much new info on booze. The trouble is, you can warn people all you want about demon alcohol but an individual never believes it can happen to him until it already has.

The only real definition of the occurence of alcoholism is when the drinker himself perceives that drinking is seriously interfering with his lifestyle. It's strictly a case-bycase deal. Sounds dumb, but you're not an alcoholic until you realize you are, OK?

One notion that needs picking is the recently popular model of alcoholism-asdisease. Sounds nice and sympathetic, but then you get people expecting a cure. I mean, what kind of disease is it that forces people to pour hootch down their own gullet? The spastic-arm-and-swallow syndrome? And as for sympathy, ask a real drunk how much good it's done him if you want to see him laugh.

The real problem is psychological and possibly genetic, but the worst partis actual physical addiction. It really happens and isn't that hard to accomplish. Let me tell you, you just haven't lived until you've seen a buddy of yours tied down with restraints in the hospital lock-up, convulsing, hollering and puking bile all night. Fun, fun, fun 'til daddy takes the bottle of T-bird away.

Just do me one favor and don't make a habit of the hair of the dog hangover repair. It works too good.

I hope all this informed gab hasn't come off too preachy. Personally, I'm a firm believer in the idea that, it you're gonna be a fuck-up, you're just gonna be a fuckup whether it's on beer, smack, coke, or chocolate. And that's the way it is...