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Please send letters to: MAIL Dept., CREEMMagazine P.O.Box P-1064 Birmingham, Ml 48012

KIDS TODAY!!

Thanks and congratulations to Little Stevie Mercy for his compassionate and truthful letter concerning Black Flag and the punk message in general (July '82). I, too, am growing weary of the establishment and its confused and ignorant perception of my generation and its music.

At a time when society is at its most conventional and music is geared more towards mass commercialism and appeal (commonly known as the "Journey Syndrome") than creativity (which is what music is all about, in case those in the back can't see), punk and new wave rise above all the other more predictable sounds and by doing so breathe life and vitality into a now-stale art.

The message is one we all can adhere to— healthy and stimulating rebellion. Unfortunately, the "Outsiders" perceive us as crazed, delirious, drug-abusing adolescents with nothing better to do than, to repeat the words of B. Flag, "watch TV and have a coupla brews." Really.

We are a generation of observers. We are a sensitive youth, angry and disgusted by the actions of our elders. We have been written off all too often and we are "tired of your abuse." You are the puzzled and ignorant generation, refusing to let us in on the joke (but, of course, we already know). We are making a statement with our music, we are the controllers of our fate and therefore it should be understood that as a generation of observers we are the creators of tomorrow. So, to hell with your mendacious beliefs and your hypocritical speeches, I'll take the truth over that mixture any day.

It was something you said,

Julie Shelton

Tustin, CA

P.S. Perhaps if you'd listen to the words, rather than condemning them you'd understand, but I doubt it.

(Perhaps life does stink. — Ed.)

WHO IS SYLVIA?

ATTENTION: IMMORAL MINORITY (regarding the report of a California Assembly committee investigating Rock 'n' Roll)

A "full-scale" hearing has been planned to investigate allegations that certain entertainers are plotting to undermine the morals of middleaged parents and brainwash them into Satanism. Records such as Barry Manilow's "Copacabana" (which reportedly says "Come on Satan, light my fire" when played backwards) and several others by Frank Sinatra and Slim Whitman have reported references to Satan. Also, at a concert by Lawrence Welk on his recent world tour, marijuana was placed into the bubble machine, intoxicating the audience while Welk's band played "Highway To Hell" and Welk pranced the stage in a Satan costume. Younger people should be made aware of the intentions of such perverted performers and write their local congressman to have such, performers and their records banned from their cities.

Long Live Rock,

R.D.

Seguin, TX

P.S. Come On! Really!

SNOOZEOLA!!

I have no acquaintance with Bucky the Wonder Dog, and I think both the Clash and Led Zeppelin suck. I also think Canada is great, so I'm afraid I can't add anything to the ongoing debates in the letters column. I would, however, like to offer some random thoughts.

1.) How come the Stranglers got all sorts of bad press when they used strippers in their live shows, but malnourished Peter Wolf can run around with Playboy bunnies and no one gives a bleep? If El Wolfo was serious about this down with the Moral Majority stuff, he would think twice about the exploitation of women (which it seems to me is what "Centerfold" is about) and forget the bunnies. I'm trying to.

2.) Why does Chris Salewicz have to be so goddamn serious in all of his articles? His Girlschool story was so ZZZZ, he had to talk about Kathy Valentine half the time to fill up the space. J. Kordosh should take the boy and teach him a few things, or else farm Chris S. out to Rolling Stone. Others who suffer from the same symptoms of snoozeola are Iman Lababedi (though he tries hard), Bill Holdship (forgiven for defending Elvis) and Sylvie Simmons (who is saveable).

3.) Speaking of Rolling Stone, have you looked at that rag lately? It sucks so badly, I'm embarrassed for them. Lay off Canada and insult Rolling Stone instead.

4.) And speaking of J. Kordosh, we know he hates Rush, but he doesn't have to tell us in every story he writes. I hate them too, so here's two little tidbits for J. to chuckle over:

a.) I met two Rush fans who told me tire Who were a "bubblegum" group.

b.) The staff of Canada's only rock magazine (almost as bad as R. S., but not quite) voted Geddy Lee "Canada's sexiest male rocker"?!?

5.) And finally, Rick Johnson is the best. Pay him more money, so he can buy more junk food and warn us.

Coo roo coo coo

Coo roo co coo,

A REAL CANADIAN FROM THE GREAT WHITE NORTH

Victoria, B.C., Canada

(Rick "likes Twizzlers best"!!—Ed.)

LESTER

Just last night, I was stocking the copier at the AM/PM mini market (work the shotgun-bait shift there), when I started to think of the state of the rock crit art vis-a-vis CREEM. I concluded as I was hurling cans of Mello Yello into place, that all you guys had to do was to get Lester back and things would be fine again. The next day, I bought the 'July '82 ish, 'and learned that the Prince of the run-on sentence was gone.

As a reader of long, long standing, I can recall Lester's bouts with Lou Reed, his "interview" with a very dead Jimi Hendrix, his two-parter on Jamaica (compare his account with the limp liberal yarn punk by his junket-mates from Rolling Stone sometime...) and his lovably snotty record reviews like I read them yesterday. He was a perceptive writer but, far more importantly, he never lost his passion; the belief that good rock was to be cherished and that bad rock was worse than schlock. It was almost a betrayal of trust. He tried to lay down the impression of being a cynical, jaded hack (sort of a Sam Spade with headphones), but the goggleeyed fan always managed to bubble up from under the veneer work. Bangs' craftsmanship made him readable, but his passion made him believable...which brings me back to CREEM.

Lately you guys/gals have been getting a lot of mileage out of style and posture while being more than a little sparse in the passion department. When I want breezy, zippy, snappy prose sans balls, I'll buy a copy of People. I buy CREEM to read the best down-and-dirty rock mag on earth. So cut out the puff pieces on Loverboy and the pinups of David Lee (yeah, I know he sells mags, but—jeez—a little restraint, huh?) , and get down to some serious bitching and cheering again...and for Chrissake, give Bangs a spot on the masthead. You ow? him that,

I.C. Lotstoo

Erie, PA

P.S. To Ronnie Lane: I stole half my bass licks from you. Get well soon, I want to steal a shitload more, OK?

TOO MUCH!!

There is a present enclosed in this letter. Ready to open it? BOOM!! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Well, anyway, the reason I am writing this letter is to tell you that not everyone who reads your magazine is human, and that we Smurfs listen to more than just "La la la la la la." We especially enjoy smurfing to Smurf Cell, the Smurfmates, Joan Jett & the Smurfhearts, Smurfy Quatro, and Candy Cream and the Smurf Dream. Please smurf more about these artists, remember, not everyone who smurfs CREEM is human.

Smurf-cirily,

Jokey Smurf

Norris, TN

P.S. Print this or Gargamelfa will get you!

YUK!

Remember "Aerosmith"?

Knowing I'll be able to say that about Van Halen one day keeps life worth living. Castrating David Lee,

Beowulf

Trenton, NJ

EITHER/OR!!

What an unfair review of the new Talking Heads album in your last issue! If this guy Jeff Nesin teaches at the School of Visual Arts in New York, why the hell is he writing record reviews for CREEM? And why, in the sake of all fairness, does he have to take a poll to do it?

If those survey answers were written by art students, I've got no East Coast competition! They probably play air-guitar on their T-squares while listening to Bruce Springsteen!

Next time why don't you choose someone who's not so wishy-washy to review a band who deserves much more credit than they received!

Signed,

A Competent L.A. Art Student

(and former Valley Girl)

The wrong side of the tracks,

Newhall, CA

P.S. Please don't ask, "Where the hell is Newhall?" It's not in Canada—CA stands for California!

(Tell it to our Art Director. —Ed.)

WHEEE!!!

To every deadhead who thinks punks are fags: you are wrong. Hippies and burnouts are the real fags. Here's the true facts.

1. Rush's logo is a rear view of a naked man. Pure Homo.-

2. Led Zeppelin's Swan Song label logo is a naked man with wings, commonly known as a fairy. 100% Gay.

3. The great poet/stiff Jim Morrison played with his weenie in Miami during a concert. I am glad he's dead.

4. Most hippies have long hair, which is no different than the hair of a woman.

If these drug eating, beer swilling shits would take a good look at themselves,, they would realize what a waste they are. As the Teen Idles have said, "The only good deadhead is one that's dead."

Hippie = homo

Atom Smasher

Louisville, OH

P.S. Please do an article on D.C. Hardcore and Minor Threat!

WETTON VS. LOWE!

Jah knows you bozos don't encourage letters that comment directly on editorial content, but I can't help reacting to the Asia article in the August, 1982 issue.

Sweet Gene Vincent! I couldn't let Wetton's revisionist rock history go unchallenged. The Beatles began as a decent rock 'n' roll band, then became the best-marketed pop band of their generation with effects arguably as detrimental as beneficial to their successors, but the Beatles did not invent the wheel. Chuck Berry will doubtless want—justifiably—to duckwalk over Wetton's face for the suggestion that only R&B existed prior to Johnpaulgeorge&ringo's emergence, and Don and Phil Everly will be equally amazed to discver that they weren't rocking in fine harmony when the Quarrymen were still. scuffling for bar mitzvah dates in Liverpool, doing their damndest to sound like those heroes from across the Atlantic. And is it mere coincidence that Macca owns the Buddy Holly catalog?

I'm no rock historian. I've just been listening to the stuff for 28 years, since Fats Domino stole my heart with "Blueberry Hill" when I was in the third grade, which leads me to assume that this knowledge is pretty much public domain in the States. If the Brits are really that ignorant of the heritage from which they are devolving, perhaps Mr. Wetton ought to consider funding a series of roots seminars and tutorials to educate himself and his peers. I'm sure Professor Lowe would be available to do the honors.

That's enough therapy for now. Thanks.

Sincerely,

Ranger Ramona

Cincinnati, OH

P.S. The staff seems really bored by the need to give publicity to stuff like Asia, Loverboy, and Aldo Nova, which is gonna sell tons regardless of merit. If you're really so desperate for filler, ask Riegel to get the full details of the R. J. Miller Tooth/Rock Greatness Correlation theory. It answers burning questions like how has Ray Davies lasted so long, and what has gone wrong with the Clash...

(Keith Richards, call your office... — Ed.)

CONCEPT OF KARNI!

I used to like Dave DiMartino, you know. Used to. That is, until I read his biased, huffing, utter trash story on Asia. This asshole obviously went into the Asia concert with the atitude that they were going to be nothing more than an artrock Foreigner. Listen here bastard, just 'cause someone's got a single in the Top 10, that doesn't automatically mean they have all the musical merit of Shaun Cassidy. Look at Joan Jett! And may I remind you, Mr. DiMartino, that your beloved Doors (they're my beloved Doors too, but that's beside the point!) put plenty of singles in the Top 10. Does that automatically mean they are junk music too?

Furthermore, Mr. D. said that ELP was serious and pompous. Don't you know camp when you hear it? Come on now, can a song called "Karn Evil 9-1st, 2nd, and 3rd Impressions" be anything but camp? Lene Lovich you can accept as camp because she's one of your beloved punk rockers—ELP you can't because they carry the formidable art rock tag, which means rock critics must listen to it with utter seriousness, then pick out a reason to hate it. You bastards killed ELP. Carl (my main man) even said it himself.

A final word of warning: One more rip-'emto-shreds Asia story and Carl will play his "over again again" drum solo on your balls. If you put down just one more of my favorite bands, I'm switching to Circus. At least they know good music when they hear it—their Asia story was intelligent and well-thought out (everything DiMartino's wasn't). Maybe that's the problem— Asia is too intelligent, too talented, and too beautiful for you guys.

A devoted Asia and ELP fan,

Maureen Fraser

Alias Nicki

Alias Topsy

Alias Whoever

Red Bank, NJ

(Let's send out for pizza!!—Ed.)

DOG'S BLIND, TOO!!

In response to Agnes Van Osbourne's very pathetic attempt at deaf-mute humor:

Q. Why is Helen Keller's hand black?

A. She keeps trying to read the waffle iron!

So there,

The Society For The Annhilation Of Cathy Rigby

Billings, MT

P S. Rick Johnson—do you find pineapplefilled donuts sexually stimulating? Just curious... (Later, you'll remember this letter and "feel foolish. "—Ed.)

OUR BOYS IN UNIFORM!!

Why oh why did you allow that trembling wimp oi wimps, J. Kordosh, to write an article on the band FEAR? What's the problem, you run out of Ambrosia albums? He all out of his prescription of Thorazines? Couldn't you have found a nice, safe, contrived Foreigner concert for that pig-suck?

I really loathe xenophobiacs, and I know I'm not alone. Just because a band comes along that stirs you from your MOR comas and forces you to use that heap of fermenting gray matter you call a brain, do&n't make that group of musicians so horrible. Now does it?! FEAR, though not entirely an original concept, have an urgent message to convey, they have a sense of humor, and are in fact talented musicians (listen to "Beef Bologna" and tell me Ving can't pick leads!).

Granted, FEAR is not a band for the average soap opera mentality. Their audience is the open minded, the daring those people who are fed up with Boston-Kansas-J.Geils-StyxZeppelin-Floyd-Rush pre-programmed "safe" crap, and who need something new, reviving and meaningful. Just because their music isn't "nice" doesn't mean it doesn't have any value. Listen to "Let's Have A War," "Getting The Brush," "New York's Alright..." and tell me it's no better than a bunch of leftovers from the age of "Rower Power" crying "Ohhhh babyyyyy, I need you so much! Please come back to me!!" Jeeeeeez! What does it take to get through to you morons?!

FEAR is right. We need a wkr—so YOU (Kordosh and the rest of you close-minded CREEM writers) can go die!

Love and Kisses,

Specialist-four Steve Lawrence

Fort Campbell, KY

(Cp/. Kordosh has "no comment.''—Ed.)

ROCKABILL-US-LATER

I've put off writing this letter for about six months now, but obviously my patience has been in vain. What I've been waiting so long on is just a simple article or two on one of the many U.S. and U.K. rockabilly bands that have sprung from that widely ignored and criticized neo-rockabilly revival of several years ago. Bands like the incredible Stray Cats, the Shakin' Pyramids, the Polecats, the Rockats...The list goes on and on. Even the L.A.'s Blasters!

Wait. Let me make a quick retraction. You have run pieces on the Stray Cats and Rockcats. But I'm talking about "bits and pieces," not the feature-length articles these hard-working bands deserve.

So how's 'bout it, folks? Do I have to sell my little sister to the Turks? Look, I'll even move to Westwood, or Beverly Hills, and have a Jacuzzi and steam room installed in my lousy stinking condo!! And I'll devote my musical tastes to Hall & Oates (sounds like a horse food), Christopher Cross (where Christ was nailed up), and Foreigner. And I'll promise to always be fashionable things like A'nt Music and "punk rockers" and uncool types. How about it?

TURN TO PAGE 72

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 10

What else can I do? I'll get a 9 to-5 job in the city, live in the suburbs, have lawn parties and invite all my golf buddies, drive a Porsche and lead an otherwise uneventful—damn boringlife. Oh, and of course, get married and have 2.1 children, or is it 1.8, or 1.9 or 2.3? And later will come the interior decorator (we'll just HAVE to impress our friends with out refined tastes), and an esteemed., private school for the children, and servants. Gawd, could you imagine? I don't know what could be worse, other than eternal hell fire and damnation.

Anyway, I seem to, have strayed from the point, that being that I don't feel you are giving fair coverage to rockabilly bands and I'm gonna sit right here and hold my breath 'til I turn varicose blue unless you do something about it. So I'll give you one last chance. Then I'm really gonna (slang for "going to") get pissed off. See, I've got this Sears leisure suit (100% polyester) and I'm going to throw it in with my whites next time I wash clothes. There's lots of other mean things I could do. Like toss my dog Buffy out the window of my home next time I'm on leave (four stories). Gosh! A guy like me could rule the world. Hey, forget it, man. I'm taking over the universe soon, so I guess 1 won't have time to read magazines. Thanks anyway.

I'm giving up acid after this,

Specialist-four Steve Lawrence

(Yep, I'm in the Army)

Fort Campbell, KY

(My sarge says we're supposed to kill things) Keeping this country safe for capitalist greed...

(Aren't the Gang Of Four looking for you?— Ed.)

A PLEA!

Hey—

1. Please tell Christgau that those lightweights in Quarterflash are not from Seattle. We get enough bad press from the Wilson sisters—give us a break.

2. Pete Townshend married Karen Astley on May 21, 1968.

3. Somehow, get Nastassia Kinski for the CREEM Dreem feature.

4. Sue Trouser Press for being so limp.

5. How about an article on 60's and 70's almost "made-it's" (Big Star, Television, Twilley, Gram Parsons,. Frankie Miller, Graham Parker, John Hiatt, Dolls, etc.) (Supply your own lists...)

6. There are no comments about David Lee Roth, the Clash, Led Zep or AC/DC in this letter.

7. You haven't published me since 1973.

8. I'd like to say keep up the good work, but somehow it's not appropriate.

Tone Deaf,

Eddie Mole

Seattle, WA

P.S. We wrote a tune about Belushi to the melody of "Louie, Louie." It was funny.

(At least something was. —Ed.)

ROCHESTER!

No way! No way—there's just ho way in heaven or on earth that I saw the guy who played Jimmy in Quadrophenia being Puck in A Midsummer Night's Dream on PBS's Shakespeare Plays!!! I mean, it's one hell of a long step from a mod wimp to an airy spirit... (or is it?). He was pretty good, I guess, but when will the madness end?!

Well, last week I went to see the Police in Syracuse. As a matter of fact, a week ago right now, I was in the Carrier Dome, listening to Black Uhuru (they opened). If I heard then shout "DAAAAAY-O!" once more, I was seriously considering leaping onto the stage and throttling the lead singer. Did I pay good money to hear Harry Belafonte? Hardly. Other than that...they were okay. The Police, of course, were great. I'm still worried about the possibility that, between songs, when everybody was yelling and cheering, Sting shouted: "Hey, Tish! Meet us at the Holiday Inn after the show!" and things were just too loud for me to hear it. I'd be really upset if I'd missed something like that.

To, um whoever asked what "b/w" means on records, sorry I forgot your name—if I'm not mistaken (always a possibility) it means something like "backed with." You're welcome. Any more questions? Feel free. .•.

Whoever said: "Real life ain't this way"— real life is, indeed, this way in...

Ro-chacha, N.Y.

Sincerely,

Tish

P..S. Whoops—name's supposed to go before the city, right? Sorry.

MOON OVER MIAMI

And to think I used to like you guys...You actually praised the new dB's LP to great extents/extants, huh? Well, I just bought it and I ain't impressed. Oh yeah, the music's real keen, but these guys are muscling in on my territory! I mean, here you have a group who had the nerve to release a song titled "From A Window To A Screen" a full five months after my second album came out (including "What So Funny 'Bout Peace, Love & Communism"—get it?) Now, I grant you, I may have had a little help (read; Stale) from Dave Elder with this concept, but who sez Holsapple & Co. didn't either, huh? On top of which, you scuzzbags didn't even review my album(s)...and I even tipped my hat to Boy Howdy! on the liner notes of my Dedication To Riff Randell (AD-78707-5) LP... did they? Now, lemme tell you, I never expected to have to write a letter to this mag, it's dehumanizing enuf to be places among these others, little less to have to put up with whatever comment your ed. may have to make in rebuttal —but here it is. Read it and then forget it. Then buy my albums. At least they're Canadian Content.

Greg Moon

Ontario, Canada (Stop snickering! We ain't got Haig...On the other hand, we ain't got the Dead Kennedys, either...hmm, I guess it all evens out.)

(Who ordered this pizza?—Ed.)