MAIL

MAIL

Please send letters to: MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O.Box P-1064 Birmingham, Ml 48012

HOLD THE PICKLE!

This letter is to remind Mr. J. (Quiche-Eater) Kordosh that the current year is NINETEEN EIGHTY-TWO and to suggest that his impressions of the Fear band (July '82) belong to the middle class, washed-out, over-the-hill Woodstock gang of writers who might find more enjoyable employment writing cute remarks about potato chips and imported beer for Oui magazine.

The Cutes (a cancerous disease born of too little imagination and too little control) can strike at any time. But it usually strikes the writer who is intimidated by the new/—and used to cover up an uneasiness with the material being written about. It can happen to anyone, and we sympathize.

We suggest that Mr. Kordosh re-acquaint himself with the street, which perhaps he never was acquainted with anyway. He seems to be suffering from a severe ass/elbow differentiation confusion.

There is a certain amount of power that goes with being a Mr. Firstnighter rock 'n' roll critic and a certain amount of vigilance by the readers of that critic's publication is necessary for this

reason.

It is perhaps too easy to put a letter grade on a particular record, as does Mr. Christgau, like a high school teacher showing the student the error of his ways. This is the arrogance of a dubiously-won maturity, an arrogance that says it has lost touch with all the other realities outside of what appears to be a rather insular magazine publication.

Kordosh can put down phony-baloney "artists" such as Aldo Nova but is obviously confused when confronted by real in-your-face art as performed by Fear.

Kordosh appears to fail to understand the real dissonance of the untalented as opposed to the jive dissonance used for artistic effect—abstract music in a real and sweat-soaked context meant for the people and not necessarily for some white-wine sipping middle class asshole who should have seen the writing on the wall a long time ago. :

While we have not seen the Fear band live on stage, the record (The Record) is about the nightmare that didn't go aiway simply because characters like Kordosh "grew up" like that other snivelling geek, Jerry Rubin.

The nightmare is still there J., and with hair on it, too.

It took someone with the artistic insight of a John Belushi to see and promote that vision when he encountered it. That's why the Fear band made it to Saturday Night Live. Belushi can be credited with some of the best and most memorable characters that SNL ever created and was big enough, artistically, to distinguish a good idea from a bad one. This is part of Belushi's legacy and it will not be forgotten. We don't need some tacky paperback biography churned out after the fact of his death—like all the Lennon crud—to tell us that, because we know it. It's in the work.

We suggest that pickle-sucking douche bags like Kordosh should be chloroformed or at least thrashed with a camel whip. These two methods are the only known cures for a case of the Cutes.

Madam George and Rocky.

Appleton, WI

(Perhaps he should be forced to read dull letters. — Ed.)

ELMO VS. OTIS!!

That CREEM DREEM of Dale Bozzio is so HOT!! It melts in your hands and in your mouth!!

Someone out there in rash Existence who never gets letters to CREEM printed,

Brooklyn, N.Y,

SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL"!!

Once and for all, stop, quit, end, terminate, nix, and finally halt calling Stewart Copeland "Pluto"!! Furthermore, I REALLY resent finding a prime example of it in your POLICE SPECIAL EDITION. Didn't your mothers ever tell you that if you can't say something nice, SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!? Stewart is unquestionably gorgeous as well as articulate, multi-faceted, creative and sadly overshadowed by Sting. Why give Ace Face all the positive publicity? I mean sure, he's pretty, but can he sing? Also, note that you alre constantly making fun of him. (Little drummer boy? A flasher? A good skate? DO WE KNOW HIM???!!) For your information, Stingy-poo is not the only Policeman considered sexy and desirable. Copeland and Summers have just as many followers as Gordy, only we respect them enough not to set up camp on their doorsteps or follow their kids around. So please, CREEM, start to respect Stewart, as I do. No more "Plutos" or "Evjl Stewarts." And NOTkHING is wrong with his face (shame on you for page 30)!

Lois Lane

Toledo, OH

P.S. I typed this letter because, somehow, my last handwritten one wasn't printed. I got my typewriter yesterday, can you tell?

(On/y by the paw-prints. —Ed.)

LESTER

A California contact recently sent me a newspaper obit. The notice read, "Lester Bangs—died in his Manhattan apartment—. He was 33." A very sad piece of news.

Lester Bangs had few equals as a rock critic. At his best he was unpretentious, acerbic, incisive. His passion was rock 'n' roll. He truly CARED.

Many of Lester's journalistic endeavors are memorable. My personal favorite, strangely enough, is the set of liner notes on the jacket of the Johnny Winter blues LP, Austin, Texas.

It is most unfortunate L.B. never wrote a book on the Rolling Stones. Such a publication would likely have been the definitive statement on the band's career.

Bangs was a master of summation. He closed out the 1976 CREEM book Rock Revolution in typically brilliant fashion: "It's no lament to say that the future lies behind us—the question, crucially, is what we will do with it, where we will take it. And the carriers of the rock revolution who will be written up in the last chapter of this book's next edition are none other than you out there reading this, right where you are sitting now. Do it, and we'll all meet on this same street corner again, an outlaw mob united forever, ready to forge the fire they'll call the rock 'n' roll revolution of the eighties."

Lester Bangs may no longer be with us physically, but his zany spirit ROCKS ON. He was the scribe who coined the term HEAVY METAL. He had the ATTITUDE.

Lester, we miss you,

Rockin' Rod Gaskell

Ottawa, Ontario

CANADA

FRANK VS. LIZA!!

I am sick and tired of reading your magazine. As a New Yorker, we know everything because we are on top of the world, but your magazine stinks.

1. Everything is made in N.Y.

2. Everything happens in N.Y.

3. The best music is in N.Y.

4. The best concerts are in N.Y.

So why do you tell us about:

1. Things that happen on the farm?

2. Rick Johnson being bit by a snake—who would miss him?

3. And people who mean not one thing to a New Yorker?

Please get your shit together!!

Thank You,

A New Yorker

New York, NY

P.S. Whatever happened to Aerosmith?

(They sell real estate in "New York."—Ed.)

BOUND IN PRINCIPAL!!

I almost fainted when I saw the B-52s on the July cover of CREEM. It was like a dream come true. They've been my favorite band since I heard their first album. I do have some complaints about them, though. Why don't they appear on a show where I'll know in advance that they'll be on? My TV Guide (N.Y. area) never lists plots or guest stars for soap operas. And they skipped Connecticut on their last tour!

Also, the wigs are getting boring. When I saw their "looking up at the camera" photo, I had hoped the shorter styles were signs of the future. Now I see these monsters on their heads! How about some visual subtlety?

CREEM, your wonderful treatment of the B-52's has almost made me forget that rotten review you gave Neil Young's Re*ac*tor album. In the future, I would like to see more of: Joan Jett, Go-Go's, Devo, Clash, Elv Costello, Cheap Trick, Pretenders, Nick Lowe, Squeeze, Neil Young, (and whatever happened to) Joe Jackson and Lerie Lovich.

Lastly. Like the Film Fox, I too saw Victoria Principal's "on the beach" commercial. We need more scenes like that on TV. It was very inspirational and uplifting.

Artie Brooks

Bridgeport, CN

(Can you be more specific?—Ed.)

LITTLE LIMEY LOINS CONCEPT!!

Having seen The Kinks in concert several times, I too once believed the popular myth that Ray Davies has "the best ass in rock 'n' roll" (meaning buttocks, not pet donkey). However, having recently viewed The Kids Are Alright, I am now thoroughly convinced that Pete Townshend's little limey loins are much more attractive than those of the aforementioned art lover. Not only is Mr. Townshend's backside shapelier and sexier, but he shakes it about a good deal more as well. It just goes to show you you can't believe everything people tell you.

Won't Get Fooled Again

Columbus, OH

P.S. Printing special editions of CREEM magazine which focus entirely on one group is a great idea, only you focus on the wrong groups. Instead of wasting an entire magazine on the likes of the Rolling Stones, Van Halen, and the Police, why not do one on a decent group like The Clash? Or the Jam (God forbid), or The Who, or The Kinks, or Bruce Springsteen?

P.P.S. To CREEM'sReaders:

If you subscribe to CREEM for a year, you save only $3.40 (not taking fax or inflation into consideration), but if you subscribe for two years, you save $14.80. Not a bad deal, even though you could save $75.92 subscribing to Time for two years instead, plus you get over four times as many issues.

(Call before midnight so you don't forget. —Ed.)

M.N.S.I!

As modern society adjusts to an everchanging world, a question is posed: Why not set the trends instead of following them?

In the 60's, the hippies, who were akin to today's trendies, were bothered by the rigidity of their culture and, instead of a violent revolt, they began a peaceful opposition to society triggered by the contempt for social conventions.

The next generation of young idealists were starting something far more harmful than long hair and a few doobies, as the hippies had done. The Sex Pistols, the first genuine punk rock band, expressed the thoughts of today's young counterculture as they sang "God Save the Queen," a piece about young people's frustration in England. Although the Sex Pistols opened unexplored regions in the Punk-New Wave scene, it wasn't until the turn of the decade that being different was called "New Wave." Many of today's trendies are violent barbarians who eat, drink and live punk rock and its radical dances. As the 80's progress, so will the New Wave. But, as the decade of the 90's arrives and brings with it the next horde of dissaffected young idealists, what will become of the OLD WAVE?

Chris Dibble

Thousand Oaks, CA

(You got us, Elmo. — Ed.)

EARTH OPERA!!

Do you know which album covers smell the best? Elektra album covers! Yes, Elektra album covers!

Love,

Your best friend,

Mark

Conneaut Lake, PA

P.S. When is Pete Townshend's new album going to come out? I'm anxious to find out what it smells like!

P.P.S. Yep!

HOT ROD DEFENSE!!

There comes a time when we must all. bare our souls, lay our cards on the table, and reveal our true identity. So the time has come for me to reveal myself as the true Rod Stewart fan that I am. Let me fill you in on all the sordid details. I own all his records (including Blondes Have More Fun), I like his haircut and his clothes. I've seen two of his concerts and enjoyed them, and I don't believe the rumors that he's gay. I was on his side when he broke up with Britt and I cried when he married Alana. And YES, I THINK HE'S SEXY!!!

Sincerely,

The Last of a dying breed

(Or the only one with enough guts to admit it!)

Pittsburgh, PA

(How's the team?—Ed.)

NUKE THE POOR!

An open letter to BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, PAUL McCARTNEY, BOB GELDOF, and ANDY SUMMERS:

Since the above-mentioned men have refused our requests, we have been forced to take drastic actions. On Sept. 23, 1982, we will take over the Zion, IL nuclear plant. After which, we will announce to the media that if the previously mentioned "rockers" do not conform to our demands, the entire world will suffer the consequences.

Our requests are as follows:

1) For the above-mentioned "rockers" to fly within 24 hours notice to Zion.

2) Upon arrival we will have our way with

them for an undetermined amount of time.

3)After which, a special charter jet will fly us to the Blue Lagoon where the involved "rockers" will live in exile with us for 4 months, 3 days, and 6 hours.

We mean business, guys. We can be reached at the Chicago teen crisis line.

Signed,

Rosalita, Rosane, Michelle, and Brenda Spencer,

F.G.F.S. (Four girls for Sex.)

Zion, IL

P.S. Bruce: bring assorted whips, chains and Candy Pants (Banana flavored)

P.P.S. Billy Altman is NOT invited.

P.P.P.S. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. DON'T TAKE THIS LIGHTLY!!!

TYPICAL DAY!!

This is a very passionate plea. GIVE ME A JOB!!!! Please! Anything! I'll sleep with Valerie Bertinelli for the inside dope on a Big Name Rock Group! I'll review the latest Styx albumen! I'll critique That's Inedible for CREEMEDIA! Along the same lines, I'll eat snails (not French-fried either), comb my yard, and cease spreading the' truth that Styx/Kansas/Boston/ Foreigner is one group of bad studio musicians (and insisting that any band naming itself after a geographical reality must hail from there).

By now you may have guessed that I'm begging. If you could see the rug burns on my knees, the result of daily kneeling to my Elvis Costello albums and praying for a chance to have one witty, erudite word of mine attached to the career of such an artist, you would grant my request out or sheer sympathy.

I am ably qualified—honest. I own my own typewriter, some paper' have lots of free time in this age of Reaganomics, and have made a religion of the better-known New Wave bands (the already-mentioned King, Talking Heads, Devo). I also have a journalism degree from Columbia (ignore that bitch on the phone there who denies any knowledge of my existence).

So come on, what do you say? A cast-off review that no one else wants? A profile of Bebe Buell (the girl I'd most like to douse with honey and lick)? Lunch with Wendy O. Williams? At the very least, you could print this letter so I could tell my friends I've written for a major magazine.

Alan Jeffries

Podunk, OH

(But then you'd be lying. —Ed.)

YAWNIUS MAXIMUS!

I must thank you for devoting nearly a whole page to Black Flag's Damaged (April '82). After reading Billy Altman's comments it is evident that no intelligent-thinking, literate creature could avoid that compulsion to at least give it (Damaged) a listen.

Thanx for the attention and publicity, Billy. As for your own opinion.What is it you are defending???.Is it the trash your magazine continues to refer to as spirited rock 'n' roll.that which is forced down the public's throat and inevitably swallowed (I puke when / read CREEM!!!). Or do you just feel guilty??? If you can't see the humor and acknowledge the satire in "TV Party" it may just be that it is about yourself!!! Or maybe you are just a true veteran of the scene.too set in your tastes to admit you enjoy something socially disagreeable; too far stagnated in your atrophied brain to be stimulated by it. You may call it maturity.I call it mental deprivation.

TURN TO PAGE 65

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 10

Honestly Mr. Altman,. If you don't like it, the smartest thing to do would be to ignore it (a whole page!!!!). However, I do thank you for the print and the picture. You have undoubtedly caused innumerable others to discover that. BLACK FLAG IS GOD!!!!!!!

Respectfully yours,

Bev Blitz

Key Waste, FL

(Does Jim Jones know about you?—Ed.)

POLICE VS. CURE!!

What's happened? All I can say is that I am dumb-founded, depressed and I am dismissing your rag (fan-fare) as my favorite.

Where does, that leave you, you may ask. Well, I've decided to cut all funds. Never again shall I lower myself to hop to 7-11 to buy this now worthless piece of poop.

The problem seems to lie in the contents of your mag. What happened to the CREEM I knew and loved that sought out innovative music—Stray Cats, X, The Cure, Public Image Ltd, Elvis Costello, Fun Boy Three, etc. Not crap like Soft Cell, Police, the Go-Go's, etc. Even the Police themselves admit their music is worthless. Hell, even Black Flag and the Germs have more sense than to put down their own music.

The endless war between heavy-metal and punk is dull and boring. Since most heavy-metal fans can't read, why don't you publish something along the lines of a coloring book for them? Then, throw the old format of CREEM in the proverbial can and start anew. There are other mags that do what you do, better. So why not do something new and be best at it? I know you have the potential, and you do have some things going for you (the Editor, for one).

Just thought I'd garble out my slosh. Creeching to the malchicks in the home of THE SUBURBS.

Darby Scratch

Minneapolis, MN

(Weren't you in Grace Slick's old band?—Ed.)

HUH?

OK, you've tested the water for three months straight (April-June), and nothing has appeared in the letters column to indicate how the readers of your dear publication feel, so allow me to comment: Thanks for the Kiss pictures! Yes, Kiss still have fans over 14 years old, and we still read CREEM (I personally am beginning my tenth year without missing an issue). It's good to see Kiss back in CREEM, however small or humorous the coverage, where I read about them first. Hell, Gene's chromosomes even got mentioned in Rick Johnson's junk food article (by the way, how about getting David Lee Roth to debate R. J. in the Cowsills' Special Edition?). I was really disappointed when you passed up reviewing The Elder. Along comes an album, a Kiss album, mind you, where multiple listenings are interesting, and you ignore it! Sure, "I" is a feeble remake of "Shout It Out Loud," but it rocks well enough.

Before I start the postscripts and standard Vend of letter but not quite time for the mail truck" crap, let me sincerely say that I really enjoy everyone's writing there at CREEM. Glancing through some of the other rock mags shows what a damn intelligent bunch you are; at least you don't (unintentionally) insult our intelligence Out here—thank you! Now, keep sending out the Kiss info; let's have an article!

A reader until my eyes fall out,

Billy "damn you that is my last name!" Earl

Plum Branch (honest to God!), SC

P.S. The big thing to do in Plum Branch, SC is to drive to Modoc, SC

P.P.S. The little thing to do is call FM stations

and request that they not play "Freebird."

P.P.P.S. The next biggest thing to do is wait for the Bay City Rollers to tour.

P.P.P.P.S. CB radios are still popular here; how about in Michigan?

(Cars, mostly. —Ed.) ff^