VAN HALEN
(Pronounced “Boy Howdy!”)
The CREEM Archive presents the magazine as originally created. Digital text has been scanned from its original print format and may contain formatting quirks and inconsistencies.
HOME: Their moms’ and dads’—honest.
AGE: Why not?
PROFESSION: Having found the Van Halen in everybody, their sworn mission is to isolate the Freddie Mercury in everybody, and shave it.
HOBBIES: Alphabetizing and filing their groupies; protecting David Lee’s hair from vandals; not getting married; getting married; pondering Rush cover tunes; better women’s hosiery; grandiose genital boasts; alienating HM fans and punksters alike.
LASTBOOK READ: No, no, no, no...
LAST ACCOMPLISHMENT: Caused Geddy Lee to feel superior to someone.
QUOTE: “Hey, we love women—as often as possible!”
PROFILE: And the cradle rocked in Southern California, spawning four who ran with the devil ’til they really got everyone. Golden boy David Lee Roth proved his manhood by reading Women’s WearDaily, finally concluding “You’re No Good” and packing it in. The ship wasn’t sinking, but when women & children came first, was it any wonder Valerie Bertinelli stepped in? For the art of sonic screeching and furry underbellies everywhere, drink up, Van Halen!
BEER: Boy Howdy!
Authentic There are zillions of ways to get your name In the papers, but only one way to slake your thirst for CREEM. The quality standards we set down in the dawn of the Seventies have been on a Wild Mouse ride through the Highlands, the Lowlands, and the Barstools. Every drop’s a hoot.
Always say Boy Howdy!
