DAVID LEE ROTH: MR. COOL OWN WORST ENEMY?

“In all of organized baseball,” sports guru Dick Van Dyke once observed, “there’s no award for Neatest Player.”

That goes double in rock ’n’ roll. Although you see lots of sorry Byrne-outs and limey art-throbs these days who would like to come off as spic and span as Linda Ronstadt’s old scout togs, a real he-man wants to wear them while Linda is still in them.

David Lee Roth (DLR hereafter) is that kind of guy. Despite gender gap accusations from certain genitalettantes, Roth is definitely a 24-hour, full-frontal wild man. When he dances that mess around onstage, dressed in his ripped-up christening gown with a couple strings of aircraft carrier cables around his neck, you can practically hear Jim Morrison doing Dancersize in his grave. Being the controversial cartoon character that he is, DLR is the subject of all kinds of queries (and queerees). few of them nice. So after a brief scientific groping, CREEM’s computerized archives spit out some of the mostasked questions and their MISL-sanctioned answers. And if you don’t like the answers— hey, cut off our wheat supply if you’re so tough!

Who would DLR look like if he was a female?

Little Twinge