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THE BEAT GOES ON

Supersnoops CREEM have uncovered this top secret shot of singers Rex Smith and Rachel Sweet exchanging actual wedding vows as part of a wacky new promotion! "It's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it," groaned a none-too-pleased Rachel, snidely adding that her new hubby "certainly” had the right first name.

December 1, 1981
J. Kordosh

THE BEAT GOES ON

HUSH HUSH, SWEET RACHEL!

Supersnoops CREEM have uncovered this top secret shot of singers Rex Smith and Rachel Sweet exchanging actual wedding vows as part of a wacky new promotion! "It's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it," groaned a none-too-pleased Rachel, snidely adding that her new hubby "certainly” had the right first name. "Way f figure it,” grinned a CBS. lawyer, "we'll have Rachel do 'D.I.V.O.R.C.E.' on her next album! We plan to completely control her life! It’s great!" Anything else? "Yeah," winked the lawyer. "Wait'll you see the 'Having My Baby' videotape I “

Scientists Prove They Can't Prove Anything!

ATLANTA—After conducting a study on Bendectin, an antinausea drug, the Center for Disease Control has concluded that it’s safe for pregnant women to listen to John Denver during their first three months.

While giving the hold-itdowner the all-clear, the CDC admitted that “it is impossible to prove any agent safe,” which is comforting as hell. These guys are even talking about stuff like milk, air, and rolling over in your sleep!

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