HOME: Central Park 'N' West ,

AGE: Much like cheese

PROFESSION: Hoop ling For Dollars

HOBBIES: Having his eyes examined; giving guided tours of Upper Manhattan; babysitting schizophrenics; buying Ronson lighters; diary farming.

LAST BOOK READ: Polarized Sunglasses From Space by Luther Grosvenor

LAST ACCOMPLISHMENT: Told Detroit that Cleveland Rocks"~and walked away.

QUOTE: I've been wantin' ta do this for years..."

PROFILE: Mixing a dash of Dylan and Davies with a dab of British working class heavy metal and a smidge of carrot-topped glitter stardust, our hero spawned a band that seemed destined for the top of the rock 'n' roll Hoop... er, heap. The formula failed to jell, and following breakdowns and breakups, this schizophrenic returned from exile as the allAmerican alien boy, winning fans, influencing friends, and getting his songs recorded by Barry Manilow. Welcome to the big time, Ian!

BEER: Boy Howdy!