MAIL

MAIL

Please send letters to: MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O. Box P-1064 Birmingham, Ml 48012

GAME PLAN MAPPED!

October 1980: CREEM cover featuring Rob Halford of Judas Priest.

December 1980: Printed two letters expressing agony over the October cover.

March 1981: Printed quote in Reader’s Poll: “Don’t ever put Judas Priest on the cover again or you will perish.”

—John Johnston, Brimfield, MA

August 1981: Less than a year later, Rob Halford again and this time on a (?) motoreycle.

C’mon, he would still look tougher in a tutu sitting on a moped!

Hey!

Olive (Hi Jackie)

Brandon, FL

P.S. Approximately how many votes (or how much !) would it take to get the world’s greatest drummer into the top ten of your 1981 Reader’s Poll? Please send a reply to:

Committee to Elect Winston DuBose

Into the Top Ten

Tampa, FL

This man is going places, he’s even a personal friend of Ian And.erson!

(Then he better watch his flute, —Ed.)

NOTE FROM MOM!

You’ll have to excuse Little Davey Lee Roth. He’s emotionally unbalanced. He has no control whatsoever over his obnoxious behavior. Or, better yet, just ignore him altogether. Like I do.

Sincerely,

Sybil Roth

Bloomington, IN

ST. LOUIS BLUES!

Today must have been the hottest day of the year so far, in more ways than one. Earlier, a sweat-soaked bunch of us showed up at the doorstep of a grand but aging ballroom in St. Louis with its poor air conditioning system, perhaps in spite of it. There was leopard skin, fatigues, hair: bleached-greenpinkblue-spiked-greased-gene vincent ducktails-shorthaironlynohippies!—no mohawks either (sorry L.A. and Wendy O.), chains, spiked heels, black/white apparel, even leather (there always is). So, all dressed up and this the steam chamber to witness Conctete evidence to The Biggest Prize In Sport, The Boys In The Gang: 999!

We slam-danced, spastic-frenzied-dervish, sang along raising the temperature to at least 110, teaching the boys the true meaning of heatWAVE. They were exceptional, and Nick Cash even admitted that this would be their hottest moment ever! And as we were all turning into pools of salt water on the floor, I realized the importance of these sounds and their effect/ affect on us, the push of the physical being to the extreme, the acknowledgement of the human spirit. Some kid had gotten his face pushed into the stage and bloodied his nose. Nick Cash had seen this and pulled him up on stage to see if he was alright, then he had a roadie take care of hint. I doubt seriously that any of the obnoxious mammoth monster rock groups would’ve done the same. Anyway my faith in what’s left of punk and new wave is restored.

I also saw John Cale last month though it’s not so easy to write about seeing him, seeing a legend is spellbounding experience for me. He looks at you right in the eyes and you know he is, even through his shades, and you just get kind of hypnotized. Or when he sings something like “Mercenaries (Ready For War),” it’s as if he’s possessed, screaming the chorus, strangling himself with the towel around his neck. He’s impressive beyond word’s description.

Your interview with Mr. Cale in the August issue was much appreciated. Ditto the Velvet Underground story in July. I really enjoy CREEM even though I don’t get into heavy metal stuff. Trouser Press sticks to more of the kind of groups I like, but they've got no sense of humor, take themselves way too seriously.

Anyway, jhanks for listening. How about something on Colin Newman and Wire?

Walking On Thin Ice

Wilson Joliet

Fairview Hts., IL

(You must be taking us too seriously. — Ed.)

THE RUBBER SPUD!

Stop putting stoopid pitchurs on the cover of your mag. I’m embarrassed to buy them.

ME

Akron, OH

P.S. It’s nice of you to finally put Joe Strummer’sbirthdate on your calendar.

(It was nice of Joe to finally pay us. —Ed.)

KORDOSH P.R.!

I got my August issue of your rag mag, and I almost fainted when I saw Judas Priest running wild in your mag. The article and the pictures were so hot I must have read it at least ten times.

I was so surprised when I found out J. Kordosh wrote it. I nearly puked. 1 thought he was a squid after he attempted to write that shit about RUSH, but now he almost made up for it just by interviewing JUDAS PRIEST.

Signed,

Mike Borg

A Priest Fan

Burlingame, CA

(At least you read it ten more times than Kordosh did. —Ed.)

MATCHBOOK COVER!

Congratulations!

You are one of the lucky few that has been chosen to participate in this special introductory offer to enroll in

THE RICK JOHNSON SCHOOL OF ROCK MAGAZINE WRITING

You too can learn how to...

...collect nasty comments regarding rock performers for future use and profit.

...use terms such as ‘Genotype Cointoss’, ‘public uggabugga', and ‘burrito pu mice. ’

...formulate ‘entertaining’ and ‘humorous’ insults for every species of animal that comes anywhere close to a musical instrument, with merely the aid of a thesaurus.

...alienate performers and fans alike.

...riffle through archives to find the most ridiculous photo available of a particular musician.

... put all of these elements together to make AN AUTHENTIC ROCK MAGAZINE ARTICLE.

It’s easy!

No need for travel, interviewing, or even listening to any music!

Now, you too can make lots of money with little or no effort!

Merely send $19.95 to: The Rick Johnson School of Rock Magazine Writing, Box 39½ Ottawa, Canada.

I look forward to seeing you in class.

Sincerely,

Karen Takach

President and Founder of TR JSORMW Stratford, CT

P.S. Coming soon: The RJ Fan Club—with a free RJ dart board sent ot every performer profiled in an RJ article. I know you just can’t wait!

...ONLY A MOTHER COULD LOVE...

Q: What state has the most cows?

A: Mooooontana!

HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

Love and Legs Angelia and Jonathon Northern Virginia, VA

P.S. Tony Orlando wears white sox!

WHO STOLE THOSE TOWELS?

I am writing in rebuttal to the remark that all 7-11 stores are run by Oriental types. At my neighborhood 7-11, the two gentlemen who run it are Arabs, they even wear turbans apd everything! They have also raised the price of a 12-ounce can of Dr. Pepper and 2 packages of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups from $1.00 in September, 1980 to $1.15 in July! Inflation hits" us all.

Thank you for your time,

A Junk Food Junkie The Big Circle K in the Sky Los Angeles, CA

(Try the Little Debbie cakes. —Ed.)

BATTLE OF THE BULGE!

Okay...enough is enough! One moire rotten remark about any one of the four members of Queen and I will personally tell you where to shove your magazine interviews.

I just got the August 1981 issue and I was totally shocked at the remarks to Queen in the interview on their “Secret History.”

Two remarks I found very rotten were the ones that said John Deacon was dead and the one that said Roger Taylor took 40 vitamins a day. I don’t give a shit if he does, but you guys make.it sound like he’s a ‘drug addict’ and John Deacon is an excellent guitarist and doesn’t deserve a remark like that! Another one on the same page was that Queen music was only, good for going sissy,...what the hell are you...the experts on browsing wallpaper and going sissy!!!

Another one was where you told Brian to get on the ball and try building some character: why don’t you guys give it a try?

Last of all that remark that Freddie “stuffed” it was really crude! How would you know if he did or not...did you peek? I happen to be friends with a girl who is kind of close to them, I won’t say who but she has gotten a few sneak-shots that prove otherwise about that bulge.

Sincerely,

Angella Mercuri Jonesboro, ME

P.S. It’s pronounced Mercury as in Freddie, but no relation. Can’t have it all, can I?

P.P.S. Freddie told me that the hose was his own.

P.P.P.S. Long live Queen and Heavy Metal Guitarists.

(The word “hose”has many meanings. —Ed.)

PROOF GEEKS CAN WRITE! Although I’m not normally, as Jon Pareles writes, “the kind of geek who reads this rag,” my eyes caught Mr. Pareles’ review of Kate and Anna McGarrigle’s French Record. The review was hilarious. Anyway, it beat the write-ups from such real specimens of Neanderthal Man as Us and People (both of which I don’t know why 1 EVEN looked at, much less read).

But there are those of us who have evolved— who buy McGarrigles records for reasons other than those mentioned by Mr. Pareles, and who, like Pareles, to recognize the quality of the McGarrigles’ songs. Truth is, I think Kate and Anna are wonderful—for this reason, I’m sorry to read that their music “fits no known radio format.” Being a Southerner who is interested in alternative listening (alternative, that is, to the vinyl glop that pervades the Top 40), I was sure that you progressive Northerners had already invented a format that the McGarrigles could easily fit into. Alas, I was wrong...even if such a thing does exist, one thing’s for certain: it isn’t down here.

I don’t know much French, but French Record is an album that I don’t have to understand all the words to to enjoy, because the music is so good. If the sisters have a talent for aligning with the minority, then I guess I’m the minority. But I’m enjoying being there. And Canada is OK as long as there are songwriters like McGarrigles. Au revoir.

J.D. Allen Mobile, AL

(Ou est la hydropole?—Ed.)

CAIN IS ABEL!

WORST LAFF OF THE MONTH:

Q: What do you call an edible root from Manchester?

A: An English Beet.

Oh, God,

Kim Hayden Somerset, KY

P.S. You left out Ivan Krai and Hugh Cornwell. Sorry I missed that issue.

CALLING ARTHUR DEPARTMENT Which asshole is responsible for the change of print on the cover.. .Well?

C. Damore Santa Ana, CA (Land of sun and buns)

P.S. Let’s bomb Canada today!

P.P.S. You guys are slipping. Blondie hasn’t been on the cover since June.

(Your concern has been jorwarded to the art department.—Ed.)