JOHNSON BONER EXPLAINED! The Heavily-Into-Numbers branch of the Ranger Institute has just completed the statistical analysis of the 1980 CREEM Reader’s Poll, with special attention on the tragic, unexpected results of the Rock Crydick portion, which this year was sleazed by the ever-unlikely Rick Johnson.
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JOHNSON BONER EXPLAINED!
The Heavily-Into-Numbers branch of the Ranger Institute has just completed the statistical analysis of the 1980 CREEM Reader’s Poll, with special attention on the tragic, unexpected results of the Rock Crydick portion, which this year was sleazed by the ever-unlikely Rick Johnson.
Tall scientists from The Institute asked the following question of voters: “Why in the world did you ever vote for Johnson?” Here’s the breakdown:
5%—Same first or last name.
9% — Easiest to remember or spell.
10% — Paid to do so by candidate.
14%—Influenced by the last-minute “Every vote for me is another naij in Canada’s coffin!” TV ads during Dallas.
62 %—Thought to themselves: “Well shit, 1 figure we already elected one fascist pig this year, so why not go ahead and elect Rick too?”
I hope these figures will be useful in preventing a recurrence of this stunning international boner.
. Rusty Coathanger
Head Boohoo
Ranger Institute
Macomb, IL
PUBLIC NOTICE!