CROUCHING TOWARDS BOWMANVILLE OR ELVIS: What Happend?

I must confess to hating “rock festivals” with some passion. My response to the rhetorical “Would you have gone to Woodstock?” question has always been a resounding “No, no...God no!” What? Go voluntarily to a place where I would be covered with mud, dosed with all manner of cheaply-made hallucinogenics, forced to watch heaving mounds of human flesh copulating all around me, and after all that...not seeing the bands very well!