MAIL

MAIL

DEPARTMENTS

Please send letters to:

MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine

P.O.Box P-1064

Birmingham, Ml 48012

RONSTADT UPSURGE BEGINS!

Since CREEM is the last rock magazine I would expect to say anything good about Linda Ronstadt (not that other rock rags, like The New York Rolling Stone, are that crazy about her), I approached your review of her Mad Love LP with more-than-a-little dread.

But—surprii-iise!!—Mitch Cohen actually likes Mad Love! And what’s more, Richard Riegel (of all people!) defends Linda in the first of three paragraphs of his Thin Red Line review.,Plus, JeffNesin, in his review of GetHappyU, indicates a wish that E the Costello will “stop beating on poor Linda R.” for recording his songs. (Nesin was probably being ironic in that line, but who cares?)

Keep up the good work—I just might start subscribing to CREEM again.

Thanks,

Hooded Claw IV*

Fission Viejo, CA

P.S. Who’re you callin’ a wimp? Besides Ronstadt, I also like the Stones, the Pistols, the Pretenders & the B-52’s.

(Wellit won’t happen again, wimp. —Ed.)

RONSTADT DOWNSURGE CONTINUES!!

I’ve just read Mitch Cohen’s review of Linda Ronstadt’s newest money-making venture and I can’t believe my eyes! “Neatly splits the difference between ’65 and ’80” and “a modern rock statement”; what is this bullshit?

L. Ronstadt is nothing more than a slick entrepreneur who knows how to go after the bucks. She has no idea what new wave (or, dare I say it, dunk rock) music is about. Honestly-now, how many punks holiday in Africa with a state governor? Christ, Sid Vicious must be rolling over in his grave. ,

Her new album is nothing but a decadent display of bogus tripe—a concept at which she is particularly adept. Why doesn’t she just go make albums with Dolly Parton and Emmylou Harris and leave the new music to the kids on the ; streets. It’s our music Linda—fuck off!

Just another overnight angel,

Karen McCarthy

Tampa, Florida

(Wake up and smell the coffee, honey. It’s 1980.-Ed.)

TELEGRAM, SAM!

TO CHERRI, OF MAIL, JUNE 1980 RE STEVE/PUNKY/LONG HAIR ON GUYS STOP AGREE LUSTFULLY; STOP SORRY' BUT THAT’S THE BREAKS STOP HAVE YOU CONSIDERED CRAIG CHAQUICO OR FRANK MARINO STOP THAT'S JEFFERSON STARSHIP AND MAHOGANY RUSH RESPECTIVELY STOP HOPE YOU GET IT ANY WAY YOU WANT IT STOP MAY THE BEST WIN STOP

PREACHER

WOBURN, MA

NOT-QUITE-SO-VITAL FACTS!!

More Trivia:

1) Ted Nugent likes to swear.

2) The Partridge Family was not related.

3) The name Iggy Pop sounds like an indigestion cure.

4) Keith Richards uses drugs.

5) Dead rock stars sell more records than when ’they were alive.

6) Ian Dury is short.

7) “Cheap Trick” spelled backwards is “Paehc Kcirt.” (Now do you understand?)

8) The Boomtown Rats don’t live in Boomtown.

9) Blondie is a group.

10) The Knack.

11) Slim Whitman lives at Woodpecker’s Paradise.

12) Jefferson Starship and Jefferson Airplane are one and the same.

13) I like Ike./

14).(.(Do-it-yoUrself trivia).

From,

Stoney or the Plumber or God

Who lives in Dada’s Bar and Grill

Pittsburgh, PA

P.S. I only use illegal drugs.

P.P.S. The Knack.

LETTER FROM A JERK!!

Do you know what makes me wanna puke?

1) Any band formed befpre 1976.

2) Hippies. (And your little country is literally crawling with fucking long-haired refugees from tne (ahem) 60’s.

3) Hicks (Rednecks to you). Here in the land of the tundra, the hicks still speak with full-blown Irish accents, eh?

4) Commercial n^ wave bands. Fact is, the fans of these bands are worse than the defenders of the old guard cause they threaten to ruin the bad reputation of us punks. Don’t get sucked in by these short-haired ex-flower children. Of course, we’ve got you ’Muricans to thank for these chicken-shit little outfits like the Cars, the Knack, and, God forbid, Billy Joel????

5) Queers. I laugh (ha, ha) . When I visit the big, bad U.S.A. and see all these simpering little glop-gobblers floating around the streets.

Finally, it may be Dullsville up here in the Land of Ice and Snow but the beer’s good and the girls are pretty and at least we can laugh at ourselves. Whether you know it or not the whole world is watching you Yanks as you exploit weaker nations like my own while at the same time you continue to heap praise upon yourselves in your ugly narcissistic ways, and nobody likes either a bully or a braggart. You won’t be on top for long though, you’re going to get nuked because Russia knows what a wimp you’ve got for a president. When Nixon was in, the States didn’t take no shit from no one and your dollar was actually worth something. Therefore our dollar was worth something. Luckily, there is a good side to atomic war, just picture the Knack getting Knuked.

Snot-Baby McNamara

Ottawa, Canada

(Kill any baby seals lately?—Ed.)

PROOF IOWA EXIStSH

Hi. I’ve been out traveling, and no, I haven’t seen the future of Rock and Roll (George Crumb? The Feelies?) but there are a few items just dripping with importance that you should know.

First off, the singularly amazing Charlie Burton is without $ band, for reasons of GREED (Iggy was right) within the band, Rock Therapy. The guitarist worked his way into Sleepy Labeef’s outfit, and pool* old Charlie is looking for musicians who don’t claim Styx as a spiritual influence. (People ’round hyar don’t like their musical Teddy-bears threatened.)

There’s this nifty band from Des Moines called Luxury who have a couple of singles out meriting airplay and fame. You like the Romantics? Well, fetch. (The singles, “Stupidest Thing” and “Green Hearts” are available from 3701 Carpenter, Des Moines,Jowa, 50311,,and NO, I’m not being paid for this. The band just drives me ga-ga.)

Saving the proverbial hottest patootie for the last, | now come to news about Chris Spedding. While on the Yale campus in March, (after stumbling onto a skull and crossbones type of secret club, like a schnook) I got to see the Pretenders at Frog’s Palace. Opening for the Pretenders (Lissen, Chrissie Hynde may lead, but the band’s leader is James Honeyman-Scott, a fret cadet to honestly drool over) was a little, unknown band by the name of The Necessaries. WHHEEEEEE!!! A group of New York type of fanatics and I functioned as the Chris Spedding Fan Club, and boy, did my jacket get wet! The band was great, and Chris looked as blank as possible, whileplaying ,the crowd into an absolutely British frenzy.

See these guys. Now.

Yeah, the Pretenders were good, but we hear enough of them from the press. Banging your head on the ground is a much more risky task than it used to be, so it’s just natural that I go looking for ragamuffin little bands in unlikely places.

Wouldn’t you?

Bill Murphy

Lewis, Iowa

(We would if we lived in Iowa. —Ed.)

B.F. SKINNER WAS RIGHT!

I just bought the BEST ALBUM EVER!!! WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRSVM. Not that / and II weren’t good (Because I kicks ass) but shit the cover is the hottest thing since Zep’s Fuckin’ Collage!! Page Kicks Ass, Eddie VH shreds, Trower cranks, Hendrix: Not enough words to describe, Page, Roth, Tyler, Marylyn forever!!!!!!!!. And Scorpions tear it UP!!! And anyone who doesn’t think so can eat my Tallywacker!!!

A Fucked Up Heavy Metal Fan

Wasteland, CA

(Canada is lovely during the summer. —Ed.)

ANGEL IN MY WALLET

Dear Sirs:

I wish_ for you to cancel my daughter’s subscription to your magazine.

After I took the time to look into what your magazine is all about, I do not feel this is what I want in my home, or for my teenage daughter to read.

1 am a Baptist minister and what I believe in and preach does not go along with .what you address between the covers of your magazine.

I hold no hate for you or any desire to bring you harm, 1 do pray that you would with the help of Jesus Christ turn your talents to good.

Yourstruly,

Rev. Mack Blackwell

Lockhart, TX

EUTHANASIA: WHY NOT?

In regard to your May ’80 article “Women In Revolt,” you forgot to mention and then there’s and don’t forget and remember... Really, when you’re in Milwaukee you oughtta know it’s oral sex and six-packs (burp!) wherever we go.

SHIT PR GET OFF THE POT

Thomas Crawfordski

Milwaukee, WI

P.S. I did visit KRAFTWERK, ARKANSAS in a dream once...

ENONOWEENO!

Hey guys, not a bad piece of journaljism you’re putting out, it’s rather amusing.

However, you people seem to be getting into a lot of New Wave, and you are ignoring the Master of New Wave. You have mentioned his name at least once in every issue I’ve read, but no articles praising his undeniable seniority over the rest of the crowd.

I’m speaking of ENO. That’s Brian Eno, you know: Roxy Music, 801, Talking Heads, Bowie’s Heroes album. I’m sure you’ve heard of him.

Eno has put out more original, creative music in the last decade than anybody has given him credit for. Face facts, world.

Perhaps if some of your mundane readers encountered a little Eno they would achieve a higher level of awareness. Then, your “letters” column might not read like a third grade obscenity contest.

Cheers,

Third Uncle of the Islamabad Society

for the Preservation and Expansion of ENO

Washingtoh, D.C.i

(P.S. Eno is God; BHR is his prophet.

(Next ish: our review of Eno’s Music For Third Grade Obscenity Contests.—Ed.)

THE kEDS SCARE!

I’d like to thank you folks for not writing anything in your magazine about a band we have in Philadelphia, the Reds. Everyone knows that these guys are assholes. They will never be as good as Hall/Oates. All the Reds care about is drinking Jack Daniels and making my friqpds jump around to their brand of (if you can call it) music? I was dragged to see them the other day at the Hot Club and unlike seeing Linda Ronstadt where everyone sits down and enjoys; people at the Reds show were dancing and pushing me. I left my friends there to take the train home. Oh, by the way, thanks for the Pink Floyd and the Bette Midler ihthe June 1980 issue. But, why did you put the Clash on the cover? They’re no better than the Reds.

Thanks

Larry Rosenburg (A True Rocker)

. Philidelphia, PA

(Sorry, our Linda Ronstadt and Hall & Oates covers fell through. Pass the Jack Daniels. —Ed.)

DOMINUS VOBISCUMI

When 11 young Who fans were trampled to death in Cincinnati, people said it only went to show the evil of rock & roll, and the evil of its listeners. WeH, now nine people have been trampled to death at one of the Pope’s appearances in Zaire. It just goes to show the evil inherent in religion and religious people. Maybe we in the U.S. should ban religion to keep similar things from happening here.

i Robert A. Hankins

Uowney, CA

HORSE TRANQUILIZER MENTION!

From the far-flung suburbs of the grinning lizard American Apocalypse (ie. r Detroit) comes this newsletter designed to enlighten and alternately mind-fuck the hoardes of brainwashed acolytes of dinosaur-rock who feel that it their absolute inescapable duty to write CREEM magazine about such banal subjects as Led Zeppelin, the possible uses of Jimmy Page’s outhouse (aka recording studio) the sexual preferences of new wave rockers (and their fans), and tributes to payola A.O.R. radio stations, Pat Benatar’s body, Lynn Goldsmith’s “development” as a photographer, catatonic trances induced by horse tranquilizers, how scummy are the English?, etc.

This is my word for them—

1. In years past, people tried to hide their mental shortcomings, not to, flaunt them. Take note “10 inches from Cleveland,” “Jim Rowell from Walpole,” “Cheri from Charlotte.”

2. Punk rockers are not faggots. To cite an example, Chrissie Hynde is capable of kicking out a police car window. One shudders to think what Joe Strummer would do if ever collared by J. Page & Co.

3. Heavy Metal exists for the sheer purpose of filling record co. execs’ pockets with moola. Also to keep luded-out Americans satiated with electronic pacifiers to put them in an agreeable state to fight World War III for the oil companies.

4. Listen to the lyrics of Pat Travers, Van Halen, Journey, Led Zep etc. etc. Thisis a direct result of affirmative action programs tct hire the mentally retarded.

5. The Clash should be commended for living in the heart of the beast so long and surviving. This shows that they have more guts, integrity, and humanity than any of the heavy metal busi-~ nessmen masquerading as musicians.

6. While you heavy metal fans cruise around your local “Hamburger row,” drink, try new chemicals, and Unsuccessfully try to be as “Macho” as the stars you listen to, the world around you is being pawned for oil, gold and nukes. Don’t you dummies realize that they’re gonna bury you intact with your 8-track stereos? Wake up! ' 1 ,

7. We all live by the river Joe Strummer sings about in “London Calling. ”

8 CREEM magazine is not the only rock ’n’ roll magazine in America. But it’s the only one that gives a shit about rock ’n’ roll or what’s going down in the 80’s.

9. Nero fiddled while Rome Was burning, right? But I’ll bet no one stopped to listen to him. That’s what I’m trying to point out. Us new wavers are trying to tell you something. Sober up, take off those headphones and for Pete’s sake, listen!

Sign Me

Won’t Get Fooled Again

Battle Creek, MI

(Don’t bother us when we’re watching television. -Ed.) 1

TASTE MAKES WASTE

IT’S ALL BULLSHIT!

I am referring'to the May “Women In Rock” article. HA! How the hell can you even justify featuring the masses-oriented Synthetic Wave of SueSaad and Pearl E. Gates (pardon my vomit on the letter); Pat Benatar (DinosaurMasturbatory Rock: Donna Summer for the Van Halen crowd); and even the “danceable” Lizzy Mercier. Descloux (she looks like a boy, for Christ's sake). As for “danceable,” big deal. 1 dance to the Residents (anyone every, frugged to The Third Reich And Roll?). I immediately realized Dave DiMartino was responsible for the majority of that article. That’s right fans, “Neuter-Rock” Dave DiMartino. Consider Dec. ’79. The sickening Clash story which lauded the decaying corpseof David Johansen, and heaped abuse on the Clash (London Calling indeed!). AOR Rock is real neat, isn’t it Dave? Even if it’s been dead for five years. Do you like your lobotomy, Dave?

' But, back to the point:

Granted, the divine Lene Lovich (Yowsa!), Rachel Sweet (Double-Yowsa!), the Slits, and Kate Pierson and Cindy Wilson of the B-52’s were mentioned, if rather briskly. But nowhere in, that entire fucking article were Judy Nylon and PatPallidin (Snatch) or Poly Styrene. And above all, WHERE THE HELL WAS PUNKESS SUPREME SIOUXSIE SIOUX???? Everyone connected with that article buy a copy of The Scream and play it until the vinyl burns.

Until Magazine, Wire, and Public Image, Ltd. Sell millipns of records and become boring old farts, or get the credit they deserve (both are unlikely),

Mic Logical

The No-Wave is not dead

Minneapolis, MN

P.S. By the way, how about something on Wazmo Nariz? i

(Will Vqn Halen do?-Ed.)

TURN TO PAGE 63

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 11

INCREDIBLE CULTiptE LAG!!

In the March 1980 issue of CREEM, page 8, 2nd column, top; you commented ona letter sent by Johnny Werp saying (I quote) “Yeah, but have you ever heard Dark Side of the Moon on headphones, man?” Well, I got extremely curious and got my tapes out and played it on my “stereo—rereo” and listening to it on my headphones, man?” Well, I got extremely curious arid got my tapes out and played it on my darkness, four excellent doobies, and a pixwheel (colors; red anid white). Totally blew my mind and my five senses except for touch! Why not touch you might ask? Because I was with my boyfriend and touching plenty of him! 1 broke up with him though! Why? Because he’s too straight! Why am.I telling you this? You probably don’t even care!? Anyway tell Johnny Werp that 1 agree and the “evil weed” is fabulous!^

Sincerely Wasted,

Linda Zander

Bloomfield, NJ

P.S. Amphetamines are Ampheta fabulous!

P.P.S. Marijuana is for lovers! (So is Columbia!)

P.P.P.S. Luv ya Ed.!

(Oh God.-ED.) \

CANADIANS PEOPLETOOll

Okay! That’s it! I’ve had just about enough of your insulting remarks.You creeps are constantly putting us down. We. Canadians, that is. Just who in the hell do you think you are? On every other page of your goddamned sleazy rag there is a put-down. Here is just one example—in the February issue, you write of Ms. CREEM DREEM, Pat Benatar: “...Take her—we suspect she’s from Canada anyway.” What’s that supposed to mean? I know there are other insults but I won’t waste my time looking at back issues.

Anyway, as long as I’m going to waste 17 bloody cents, I might as well inform you that this Canuck'here (1) hates beer (2) hates hookey (3) thinks Rush sucks (4) has not said “eh” more than three times in her life (5) would not dress like a Mountieoran Eskimo in a beauty contest (6) had nothing to do with Margaret Weirdeau exposing . her Canadian Beaver to one and all (7) has not and would not kill seals for a living qr in her spare time. And while I’m on the subject of baby seals—I cannot believe what I just read in the paper. LorettaTwit (“HotLips” on M*A*S*H) is asking her friends and family to boycott Canada because of the seal slaughter. Does she honestly think that we all approve of that kinda stuff? What does she expect us to do? Board the next plane to Newfie Land to dub all of the hunters? Get off my cloud, Ms. Slit.

By the way, I listened to your beloved editor, Sue Whitall on a local (American, naturally) radio station, and it sounds like she knows what she’s talking about. That’s the only nice thing I’m going to say.

I’m not going to sign my name in case

I become famous someday

Windsor, Ont., CANADA

P.S. Don’t make any stupid comments if you decide to print this letter or I’ll send France Joli over to sing “Come To Me” 3000 times. Also, William Shatner promises to spread margarine all over your American bodies while Lome Greene feeds you dog food.

P.P.S. What’s Bruce “Macho Boss” Springsteen doing these days besides ripping Lynn Goldsmith’s hair out? I’d like to show him there’s a spot out ’neath the Ambassador Bridge and there will be a darkness under both of his eyes after I punch his lights out. Whatta Beast!!!

P.P.P.S. 1 have a T-shirt exactly like the On^ Bob Seger is wearing in the poster-calendar of the May issue. Do you think we could be twin fans of different countries?

(Where is this “Canada,* anyway? And why do we keep getting letters from it? What will happen to it in the future? Do they speak English there? Do they have dogs and little children? Hot dogs? Hamburgers? TV? Please let us know, won’t you? Thanks.—Ed.)

A PLEASANT NOTE

You buncha creemfaces! An amoeba is not the lowest form of life, you stupid suckheads are! Heavy Metal rules! Punk has sunk, disco lives only in ^Frisco (gay town), new wave is not the rave. Led Zep is the ultimate high in rock, not to mention Rush, Black Sabbath, Aerosmith, AC/DC, Heart (the female version of Zeppelin), etc. What did you guys do before punk rock? Pick your asses? Speaking of asses, who the hell is the Clash? We seen them on (TV and they look like the losers of the Iggy Pop lookalike contest. And they sound worse than Elton John sucking off Bowie.

Now to get to the meat of the letter, we would like to know why you have ignored the great Slim Whitman. This musical giant makes the Clash Sound like bitches in heat. Even though your magazine is a piece of shit, we would appreciate an article on the stupendous, magnificent rock idol we do so humbly call “M. Slim. ”

Very Sincerely,

THE CATHOLICS FROM PLANET CARAVAN

Columbus ,OH

P.S. Jf you’re gonna show tit, show good tit, not the/fuckin’ dogs you homos show.

P.P.S. Robot A. Hull sucks dead elephant cocks. -

(Have you considered professional counseling? -Ed.)

STRUMMER “EAR” CONTROVERSY!!

I’d just like to say Congratulations for the CLASH cover on your June mag.

You’ve finally made it!!

You know I’ve never even noticed before that Joe Strummer had those pointed ears!

It’s a good thing I learn something new every month from my fave CREEM magazine.

» Next month Ld like to see them standing naked on their hands OK?!

Thanx Anyway,

Adieu

K. Whitall (no relation to you, Sue)

N. Broadway, NY

P.S. I agree with you too Sue, 700 miles isn’t CLOSE. Enough.

(But if Joe didn’t drive that far, how would he have found the earmuffs? Also, Sue asks who the hell you are with her unique name if you aren’t a relative. —Ed.)