MAIL

MAIL

Please send letters to: MAit Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O.Box P-1064 Birmingham, Ml 48012

LULU STILL REVOLTING

Re: “Women In Revolt” .

May 1980 Issue of CREEM Lulu is not “little.” She only remains less visible today, less “tall” in the crowd of contemporary female vocalists, than in those “Shout”/“To Sir, With Love” days.

No. She is not “little.” If you require more than my word for the truth of that statement, listen to the full-of-ironic-understatement interpretation of her cover of Tarney’s “Bye Bye Now My Sweet Love” on her 1978 Rocket Records, “comeback” album, Don’t Take Love For Granted.

Then. Don’t take Lulu for granted.

Sincerely yours,

Jim D. Browning Mitchellsburg, KY (Do you have a quarter?—Ed.)

BLONDIE / CREEM DEAL UNCOVERED!

Hey, c’mon now. I like Debbie Harry as much as the next man (oh, hello Mr. Stein) but having her on your cover four times in one year is a bit much (I’m counting the reader poll issue... wouldn’t you?). .

Let’s see some new faces on the covers, OK? I for one am hoping to soon see Neil Young under the CREEM logo. You owe him one, since you didn’t review Live Rust.

Otherwise you’re perfect. For what, that’s another letter.

Artie Brooks Bridgeport, Conn.

(Wrapping fish?—Ed.)

THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES I have been prompted to write to you with comment and much thanks for the mention of the Danish group Savage Rose in your article “Women In Revolt.” It was a pleasure to see the group’s name in print again and that people in the States still remember their brief burst of acclaim some years ago over here.

It was inaccurate though to mention them in the past tense ’cause actually they recorded (on and off) through the 70’s and for the most part are still together.

I had the great pleasure of staying with Anisette and her husband, S. Rose member, composer and pianist Thomas Koppel last summer and although they are not a “hit” group in Denmark, they have a small but intense following in Scandinavia and live a very modest and honest life in a poor part of Copenhagen.

Although their last LP Solen Var Ogsa Din (The Sun Was Yours Too) was well received they were dissatisfied with the record company, got out of their contract and are now without a record label. They are very political, play benefits and prisons and generally want nothing to do with the international, capitalistic music business.

I don’t know if you’ve heard of the Rose’s more recent recordings but Anisette really doesn’t have much in common with “a Janis Joplin on PCP.’ Her amazing voice is: compassionate, then child-like, at times skinless with thrusts of startling power—there’s just no one like her!

Well, that’s a little bit about Savage Rose in case anyone wonders what became of...And again thanks for remembering!

Kind Regards,

Dave Byers Hamilton, ONT.

Canada

PATERNITY SUIT IN OFFING!!

I have living proof that while Bob Matheu may be tepid, he most certainly is NOT limpid. It’s due in November, so check back then. (Where are you when I really need you, Bob?)

Bet YOU didn’t think he had it in him either. College grad (almost)

Clemmaville, USA

P.S. This is an absolutely SERIOUS letter! {We always knew Bob had it "in” him. Know what we mean?—Ed.)

ASK A STUPID QUESTION...

I’ve often wondered why Robert Christgau writes such stupid reviews. He answered my question himself in the May 1980 review of the Undertones. Last line—“I don’t think.” Be-Bop-A-Lula I don’t mean maybe,

Ross Rorvig R.R. n Rothsay, MN

(No more A-minuses for you!—Ed.)

VITAL CREEM READER INFO! Contrary to traditional belief you don’t have to be a lawyer to become president.

Sixteen of our American presidents were in occupations other than lawyers before becoming our country’s top executives. The lists of non-lawyer occupations of U.S. presidents are: Andrew Johnson/1865:1869/Tailor Ulysses S. Grant/1869-1877/Soldier Theodore Roosevelt/19011921/Writer Woodrow Wilson/1913-1921/Teacher Harry S. Truman/1945-1953/Businessman Dwight D. Eisenhower/1953-1961/Soldier John F. Kennedy/1961-1963/Writer Lyndon B. Johnson/1963-1969/Teacher All you blue collar workers. Keep your expectations up, someday you might occupy the number one position in the country. Anyone can become president.

Lloyd Davis Chicago, IL

MALICIOUS THREAT!!

If Richard Riegel ever mentions Andy Warhol’s “15 Minutes Of Fame” again I’ll cut off his balk. Sometimes Maybe Fuck Off Horry’s Rane Bronx, NY

(Can you wait 15 minutes?—Ed.)

ABSORBING QUERY!!

Hello, I haven’t written you people for a very long time. I just wanted to say that today is very significant for me. I realized that it’s a lot better to receive a CREEM issue in the mail (May 1980—“Women In Revolt”) than a long lost (awaited) love letter from a long lost (awaited) lover. Plus, it’s even more significant to receive a free product (“For the lady of the house”) from Procter & Gamble (“New Rely Tampons”) and a CREEM issue (May 1980—“Women In Revolt”) in the mail on the same day, at the same time. I’d like to know why you didn’t mention Kate Bush in this issue. Thk is the lady who sang (and wrote) all about the “Strange Phenomena,” the “every girl knows about the punctual blues,” from her The Kick Inside album, known for “Wuthering Heights.” I’d like to know why more women won’t sing about menstruation and the revolutionary new feminine protection products on the market today. Well, Kate Bush wanted to be the first celebrity to sing about it because she believes “It’s totally natural.”

Anyway, so much for bodily functions— speaking of which, I’ve been wondering about something as insignificant—Are the Ohio Players still a group?

Love and napkins, .

Leisa Tampon of the Ragged-Outs Vineyard Haven, MA (No. And it’s a bloody shame.—Ed.)

WARD, WHERE’S THE BEAVER? Well, gee, Wally...What if it closes up on you and you can’t get out? Won’t your wiener bust? Beaver Cleaver Elm Street Virginia Beach, VA (Ward: “In your pants, stupid!”)

OMISSION PETITION I’ve been reading your magazine now for a few years, and I have come to a few decisions about you: (1) The mag’s material is usually about 60% acceptable, and (2) It’s put out by a bunch of shit-heads! Honest opinion. I’ve been tilling you about the happenings in rock in the black ciraiit, but you haven’t been listening. Just how the cruddy fuck could you do an article on women in rock (May 1980) without including Joyce “Baby Jean” Kennedy of Mother’s Finest, Dawn Silva of the Brides, Patti LaBelle, or the female queen of black rock, Betty Davis? In case you really are as unhip as you seem to be, Betty Davis was the wife of Jazz-man Miles, and in the early 70’s she was one of the black artists to expose her people to R-O-C-K, along with Hendrix, Sly, Funkadelic, Mandrill and a few others. Betty sang like Jank, only with more female personality! Dawn Silva is the lead singer for the Brides, and has also sang with Sly Stone— and she can rock with any of the chicks named in your article. We all know who Patti LaBelle is, and when she wants to rock, few can fuck withher! And that brings us to the reigning queen of rock today, “Baby Jean.” Debbie Harry is a nice little white girl, but “Baby Jean” k all woman, she’s short but her voice is stronger than anyone in your article, and I know because I’ve heard all about them. And just in case you don’t know who Mother’s Finest is, then it’s time to close down the presses Bobba! Now get to work and stop bullshitting and smoking angel dust. Gone.

“The Kidd”

Richmond, VA

(Your letter is about 60% acceptable. Pass that cigarette lighter. —Ed.)

ARNOLD ZIFFEL FANS UNITE!!

J. Kordosh’s fine write-up on Green Acres introduced a very perceptive insight into TV sitcoms of the late 50’s and 60’s, of which Green Acres is certainly the most obviously bizarre example. But there are more examples: who can forget the incredibly surreal quality of I Love Lucy episode in which Lucy sneaks into Ricky’s club disguised as, first, a lamp, then a man with no face, and finally (oh God it was weird) an upright vase. And whatabout the one in which Little Ricky’s grade school class has a play set in “The Magic Kingdom”? When those little rabbits start hopping to the beat of that creepy music, I really felt hallucinogenic. And we were raised on that kind of stuff.

It seems to me that there is a point in comedy where there is no place to go but to the bizarre or sick (or both). Like in Pink Flamingoes. But TV’s censorship would never permit something like that to be on during prime time, for heaven’s sake, so what else is there to do but have a man climb up a telephone pole in pouring rain or to have a pig become a bigger attraction than the star of the show? Or to have a man in a gorilla suit introduced to a fairly regular-type soap opera (Ryan’s Hope)? I thought it was a Saturday Night Live take-off at first.

Well,'I watch Green Acres, Get Smart and I Love Lucy as often as possible. They give me a sense of wonder.

Edie & the Eggman

New York, NY

(Hey, stupid, you got your clothes on backwards!!—Ed.)

BIG STAR BAIL-OUT

Concerning your latest blurb about Alex Chilton’s latest, Like Flies... This fine LP is available right here in the U.S. of A. on Memphis’ Peabody Records. Damn fine album, and why don’t you review it? This is the last time I’m bailing you fellas out. , .

Rock hard,

Edd Hurt

Clarksville, TN

P.S. I got my copy in Knoxville.

(We prefer shrink wrap. —Ed.)

END OF CONTINUING SAGA!!

In response to the response to my letter:

1. Fuck you ,'

2. If Strummer lays a hand on my love beads, I’ll kick his balls in.

3. May the Great God Page forever piss on your gold-edged razor blades.

Sonya Sikka

Kamloops, B.C.

P.S. Peace and Love

(Uhh...THANKS CANADA! Now shut up. -Ed.)

WHAT ABOUT THE MAZOLA?

Greetings to the Juvenile division of the Great American Right Wing Neo-Fascist Set of CREEM readers! If drug rock is so fantastic and in such a great position, why does the New Wave threaten you? Old doesn’t mean better, or maybe you’re one of the missing links who still thinks the world is flat? And why are you so threatened by gays? Do you think it’s contagious, or are you having trouble keeping your hands to yourselves? Actually, if you only KNEW how many people around you are quietly gay... Well, actually, with your Cro-Magnon ideas about women, you aren’t gonna see many of them either! The only thing that’s gonna spread for you is Parkay! (Or the intellectual equivalent, if that’s not too high level for you.)

Love & Kisses

Ouida Montague (and nope, I don’t look like a dyke!)

Tucson, AZ

P.S. I’ll cry real tears if CREEM reaches that pinnacle of mediocrity called Rolling Stonel Luv those SF Mutants, Pink Section, Germs, X, UXA, Slash mag, Clash, Jam, all 2-Toners, Sex Pistols, Undertones, SLF, Cramps, 999, Ultravox, Foxx & Pil. More! More! More!

(Don’t butter us up. —Ed.)

FUN WITH METAPHORS!

Your “Women’s” issue was about as much fun as seeing a fat girl masterbate (sic) in a sex education film. I mean just because a few greasy, skinny whores are screaming that they can’t get their hands on a big cock, dosen’t (sic) mean shit. The one exception is Marianne Faithfull who at least means it.

You want a good “C’mon let’s fuck” record? Try the first Bonnie Raitf album (you should be at least as drunk as she was when you hear it). I wouldn’t touch Ellen Foley with a ten foot pole but I’d touch Bonnie with my ten inch pole!

A Neil Young Hippie-Type

Trying to get the hell off the New Jersey

Turnpike

(Speaking of 10-inch Poles, seen your dad around lately?—Ed.)

MEATHOOKS IN SPACE!!

A letter in your May issue claimed that the Youngbloods were the only rock band ever to appear on the Tonight Show. Absolutely wrong! Not so! The greatest rock band ever, the Byrds, appeared there in July of.1967 (without Crosby). McGuinn spent an interminable period on-screen tuning his 12-string Rickenbacker, after which he said to the assembled multitudes “we tune because we care...”

Another great group to appear on the Tonight Show was the pre-disco Bee Gees. They sang “In My Own Time,” off their first album, while plugging a tour of Canada in late 1974. Yep, Carson even invited ’em over to the couch; where the Bees sat and talked about (believe it or not) biological stains on underwear.

J;C. wars so impressed with the boys that he had them back in the late summer of ’75, when they sang “Jive Talkin’” and “Nights On Broadway.”’

Us punk fans might not be book-smart, but we know our tube. I’m just waiting for Iggy Pop to be named as Carson’s permanent replacement. One looks at his ten-pound meathook being broadcast throughout the hinterlands, and it could destroy the world and make America safe for Regis Philbin. Tell your other letter writers to defer to me in the footure, as 1 am The Greatest Arlington, VA

ALIMENTARY TRACT KNACKED!! About the Knack’s new album, ...But The Little Girls Understand—I,lived in a border city, and some Canadian radio stations play “Baby Talks Dirty,” but Yankee stations don’t. How come? Also, was Dougie Fieger gladly getting an object of considerable size shoved up his asshole while he was singing that song? (He got the sound effects down pat.) Yeah, yeah, 1 know you guys couldn’t care less, but I have a big you-know-what and I’m interested.

John Paxon

Niagara “Thank Christ Toronto’s Only Two Hours Away” Falls, Canada P.S. QUESTION: Why should guys go to see the Knack perform in person?

’ ANSWER: Because Doug Fieger has no gag reflex (Believe me. I know.)

(Who got it down Pat if Dougie didn’t, Huh? -Ed.) l'

BITING PROBE!

Is it dangerous to use headphones during a thunderstorm?

Tony Airhead Springfield, MO (What?-Ed.)

GATORS OF THE STARS!!

I was strolling nonchalantly down 14th Street in New York some weeks ago when a glint of sunlight flickered off a huge, shiny nasal protrusion. When I looked back to see the face this lantern nose belonged to, I was shocked to see the familiar grimace of Mr. Jerry Vile—from the Boners supergroup! He was crouched in the doorway of an abandoned warehouse with a soggy brown bag in one arm and a fistful of cash in the other.

Apparently, Jerry has, like so many struggling starlings, been forced to seek additional income to pay for the tools of his art, and has been selling little alligators on street corners on the Bowery. Needless' to say, this line of work is not at all becoming to the would-be pop star. Pushing gators is no picnic. You’d have to sink pretty low to resort to begging people, especially old ladies, to give you a few bucks for a prickly, slimy, scaly, green thing that gets stuck in the drain and bites.

What has happened here?

We have neglected our once-beloved rock idols—and now they’re trying to turn amphibians into money!

I am gravely disappointed in the fans who have failed to support their heroes. I’m deeply saddened...After all, it’s the American way.

So, let’s get Jerry (and others like him) off thp streets, and out of the gator business! I hereby initiate the “Put the Silver Spoon back in Jerry’s Mouth” charity campaign!

Please send all contributions directly to Jerry.

Thank You,

Krista

St. Louis, MO

(So it was a silver spoon in his mouth before?—Ed.)

SONG OFTHE SOUTH

After reading so much crappagrunta from all these other rock-new wave-punk-schlockrock maniacs, I figured that it’s about time that I put my 2;L worth in. I know 2i ain’t much, but with inflation and Jimmy the C.’s economy, what the hell.

1. I thought that this was a damn letters column, not a pro/anti-Led Zep debate column for chrissakes. It seems like all I read is “I like Led Zep, and Clash can take a “flying fuck”, or “The Clash City Rockers could eat every Led Zep song, Shit it out and still be better than Page & Co.” Frankly I’m damn tired pf it. New Waive lives, there’s no doubt about it. So all you Led Zep haters (like myself) let’s just lay off those unfortunate brainless retards who happen to like middle-aged fatshits who play 17 variations on a theme. I’ mean, Plant’ll die of fat pains soon anyhoo, so we don’t have to suffer through anymore “Into The Out House.” Remember, Bobby, “Death or Glory”...

2. Damn good article you all had on Annie Golden & the Shirts. My friends this is the most underrated group in America today. And I’ve never even been to Brooklyn. (Though I will have this summer.) How could God have made such a gorgeous creature as Annie. ANNIE, I LOVE YOU. SEE YOU IN JULY. I’m just a looonely Aaaaandroid. (By the way, what’s a “droog”?) Now how about some articles on Squeeze and the Headboys.

3. It’s pretty obvious, I’ve established that I’m a new wave fan. But I still have a love for some r ’n’ r and heavy metal. God help me, I still like Heart and Rush. A person needs some variety in life y’know. But don’t worry, cause I haven’t lost faith yet. After playing some of the new Rush LP I wash it down with the likes of Bram Tchaikovsky, Rachel Sweet, B-52’s, Lene Lovich, etc.

4. I’m writing all this from (musically anyway) ShitCiy U.S.A. Also known as Richmond, VA. It seems like any band that’s half decent either skips over us, or if they’re booked here, they wise up and cancel out. The only decent thing that’s even able to call itself music is Joe Perry Project, and it’s still got a chance to get out of playing. So we get stuck having to go to local clubs, and all they have is a couple of pukes trying to do one of four so-called types of music: country, bluegrass, southern rock and (pardenthe expression) disco. Yea, we’re so fuckin’ behind the times, we still have some that ain’t been burnt down (yet)! But if we wanna listen to a live band, it’s some shit on a stage called “Sandcastle” who get the music and lyrics to different disco songs mixed Up. ..which is pretty hard cause there’re only two types.. .bad & worse. Then there are bluegrass. Nuf ced. And Jeezi’mfeduptomynutswith this crap Southern rock (?). Every band tries to do a weak imitation of Lynyrd Skynyrd or Molly (urp) Hatchet. Groups around here, like a group of jaded teenagers called “Wasted Time” (should replace time with effort) which my best friend sings for, think they’re tuff shit cause they play jerkwater bars. And other places actually like them and want to book them. I tell ya, there’s no accounting for taste aroun’ here. The South may have its good points, but around here music ain’t one of ’em.

Well, I gotta go now and put some Joe Jackson on the stereo, f loaned my Clash LPs to a friend and he forgot ’em today again. I think I’m going through a withdrawal period. Sid was right. Nembutal numbs it all But I prefer alcohol “Klutzy Virg” Claggett Richmond, VA

P.S. I think Joe Strummer put it best, to describe this place: “Aarrgh Buhh Auugharrrgh Nnngghhh.”

(Didn’t we use “Nnngghh” before Strummer uttered such a thing? Does this mean we owe him royalties?—Ed.)

GOODBYE, CANADA Please publish this letter, I’d like to know your answer.

How can you publish such BULL SHIT? For example, that bit in April’s issue about Robin Zander marrying Kristy McNichol. Like beans! For one thing Robin Zander is not 38, and Kristy McNichol sure as hell isn’t 29! Another thing, there’s no way they are getting, or could be married.

Karen Seaboyer Campbell River, CANADA (Our answer: we typed it on our Selectric, then our typesetter Ginny typed it on the Compugraphic, then it was pasted ini Rock ’n’ Roll News, then we sent it to Sparta, Illinois, where some friendly people printed it many times. We call it publishing, and what an achievement it is, wouldn’t you say?—Ed.)

MONTHLY POETRY CORNER!!

CREEM mag,

What a talentless rag!

Hey look! I’m a poet And I sure do know it!

Anyway, the thing is,

What I really mean is,

Yours are the sweetest eyes...

No, no, no! What I want to say is:

All you fuckin’ ass punk freaks Are just a bunch of pencil neck geeks!

Stones rule, so does Skynyrd and the Dead, So stick that into your empty head!!

Eat shit.

E.B. (all donations accepted)

Under the smogberry tree Los Angeles, CA

(Do you have a thesaurus?—Ed.) HI