BETWEEN THE BUTTONS

Do you like everyone to know where your loyalties lie without having to wear some grotesque t-shirt emblazened with some equally grotesque slogan? Do you want to voice your opinion without screaming it like some medicated jerk? Do you have the desire to be a cool guy instead of the usual run-of-the-mill doghead zombie-twit who drools and slobbers incoherently, yelling "Disco Sucks," "Fuck FM Radiol," "It's OK to like Nick Lowe!”, like a dummy? Do you want members of the opposite gender to worship you like you truly believe they should? Have you the desire to become a true avatar of good taste, a veritable oasis of modern musical intellect? Well, a/mosf-cool person, you can enhance your wardrobe very cheaply and voice your social/political/musical beliefs without opening your big mouth and making an ass out of yourself. All you have to do is buy /steal/borrow-and-never-return buttons (badges in England) with your fave rave's picture, or maybe even a direct quote/slogan pertaining to the person in question.

What button you wear says a lot. People can immediately tell if they might have something in common with you. They may detect a personality quirk that intrigues them, they might even be able to tell whether or not you're worth bothering with. Really, when you see a person with a happy face button on their lapel, you know there is something wrong with them, and that they are to be avoided at all costs.

You may want some tips on how to add to your collection of buttons. These are a few:

1. Go to record conventions. At these conventions, there are usually tables set up with racks-upon-racks of old, new, obscure, and scratched records. You may pick up an album or two, but there are buttons and other related paraphernalia to be had for a price. Usually, buttons run anywhere from about 50 to five bucks. Sometimes, if you buy in quantity, they can be purchased for a little less. Try and talk the dealer down if you can.

2. Get in tight with a record company person. These people generally have access o promotional items, and if you're real (sniff) nice, they will give you whatever your greedy little heart desires. Most of them have friends at other companies, so double your fun, you cur.

3. Steal em off of drunks. This one of the favored methods of connoiseurs. Go to a club where drinking 'til you drop is the groovy thing to do. Wait until a little past midnight to start your mission. By then, the pickings should be fairly easy. Merely slide up to the lush wearing the button you want, wait until the bozo has their head turned in the opposite direction, and have a grab-and-run sale. Another great method for procuring buttons from the opposite sex is to get friendly with them, put your arm around them like you are hugging them, then let your hand wander down to where the button is located, and deftly remove it. They'll be none the wiser. Good luck and happy hunting!