HOME: The Juvenile Detention Center at Uncle Benjie’s Alligator Farm. AGE: Consenting.

PROFESSION: Sometime delivery boy for Shelley’s Sandwich Shop in Gainesville, Florida; osteopathic and surgical supplier of Mudcrutches; legal counselor (still matriculating).

HOBBIES: Tracking down the three pre-Geritol women living in Florida; Cuban dissection; bird watching; communal grocery shopping; bingo sabotage; disclaiming Gator heritage; watchingFM with the sound turned off.

LAST BOOK READ: Proper Care & Maintenance of Your Cheekbones by Marisa Berenson.

LAST ACCOMPLISHMENT: Removing such regional expressions as “tough as a razorback’s nose,” “kiss my crocodile” and “we didn’t cop to the barbeque” from song and everyday speech.

QUOTE: “The rrayn in Sppay n falls mmmaynly on the playn... Ah think ah gottit!”

PROFILE: Ex-redneck leaves Gator Country in search of fame and a new accent; finds Shelter from the storm; breezes in on the New Wave sans surfboard; makes big splash. Hits keep poppin’, lawsuits hop pin’; current Top Ten refugee.

BEER: Boy Howdy!