MAIL

MAIL

Please send letters to:

MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O. Box P-1064 Birmingham, Ml 48012

GROUP ENTROPY

Hello! You beautiful maniacs, you, hello!

FIRSTLY: Thanks for the Debbie Harry calendar! That gal is gorgeous! Don't make no snide remarks, either, or I'll resurrect Oscar Wilde and we two will come up wif somethin'. An' if we don't, Tommy will.

NEXTLY: Anyone who doesn't like punk (It AIN'T dead!!!!!!) and has nerve can meet me at the next Patti Smith concert and I'll rip their guts out. I'll be wearing a brown bomber jacket and chains. Anyone who hates punk and has no nerve can take this letter, shove it, pull it back out and chew on it!

THIRDLY: When are ya <)onna start getting some male-type sexy pix in yer mag? Girls do read it, ya know. Even Debbie Harry rans like a change occasionally. (And I don't mean Leif Garrett, either!)

FOURTHLY: You people don't put half enough pix of Lenny Kaye in your mag either. Just cuz he isn't the editor... f

FIFTHLY: The junque foode guide was great! Not to mention, delicious. (Burp) Excuse me!

LASTLY: Does anyone wanna buy a set of' parents? Slightly used, but well-trained. And they're housebroken. Contact at the same address as the anti/punks...I'll sell cheap! Or trade! For almost anything...a broken Strdt...a Blondie album...an old CREEM...last Friday's newspaper...some used gum/..Rick Johnson's Plastic Wood bucket...

Love & Solidarity/Power in the Darkness!!!!!

Back in the Garage,

The Fury (That's feminine) a.k.a. R 'n' R

Nigger

Home for the Lost in the Flood

Birdland/Jungleland/Garageland, MI

P.S. Oops,. I ain't from Birdland, MI cuz that's in the Upper. Peninsula, which is right by Canada...and we all know 'bout Canada...don't we?...

(1: You're welcome. 2: One of our misguided ad directors prefers to challenge you to Patti Brooks at ten paces. 3: We're working dn it. 4: We keep chasing Lenny, to no avail. 5: Hope you boiled it first. 6: Only if they are heavily insured.—Ed.)

' HOW MANY WAYS CAN YOU SAY "BOFFO"?

As concerned college students that like everyone else have to spend seven bucks for today's poor quality records, we count on your reviews to make that seven bucks worthwhile spending. We'd really appreciate a review written in "English". After reading the first sentence in.j.m. bridgewater's review of Elvis' Armed Forces, I (we) stopped reading, got out my Webster's Unabridged and attempted to continue. Fortunately the Elvis album had been purchased before this issue of CREEM came out. By the way, did Mr. bridgewater enjoy the album? If he, did I wish he'd tell us instead of trying to display his flair for the use of the thesaurus. Oh yeah, the rest of your magazine is pretty decent.

Sincerely yours,

Neil Crumley

Skip Moosher '

Brian Bonacquisti

Bill O'Brian

Oswego, NY ~

HOW ABOUT BATDORF AND RODNEY?

Batman and Robin*—move over. Woodward and Bernstein—go home. Holmes and Watson, Martin and Lewis, Redford and Newman-r-the show's over, get lost. For from the ever-demented pages of the Boy Howdy! mag comes the newest of all dynamic duos, the heroines of the frozen Midwest—Sue Whitall and The Therese (or Kat Gisi, depending)!

The Gene Simmons article was great, "let'simprovise-and-get-rid-of-the-badparts - with -anexacto-knife" journalism at its best. I thought the team idea was very good way back when the Ted Nugent interview was concocted. I'm just waiting until you tackle something.really tough, like the tag teams of Page and Plant, Jagger and Richard or even Tyler and Perry.

But do you suppose you could get Lisa Robinson back into the act? That's what this country could really use rfeht now: a triumphant return of the Three Musketeers (or Four if you took The Therese along again). Even in this male dominated world of rock 'n' roll, a ray of hope still shines through.

As ever,

Carol Morokoff,

In(lian-no-place

(Would you settle for Billy Altman in a fright wig?—Ed.)

IN SEARCH OF WHITE.CANED JUSTICE

No! No! No! You've got it all wrong. Nancy Wilson is the sex symbol,not Ann.

With Love from Toronto,

a Hijinx Talking Head

(Tiffy Womby Wilson gets our uote.\—Ed.)

WHO SNUFFED THE LIQUID PAPER KING?

I am writing concerning one Richard Riegel's review of the Clash's second album. While I agree with him that it is a brilliant LP, some of the reasons behind his decision are suspect to say the least—for one thing I am not impressed with his claims of hip credibility, and having the first album. For one thing, who ever heard of resorting to the disgustingly hm practice of listening to an album with headphones. Also, if he is so hip to have the imported album he must have all the singles. So why doesn't he tell us that "Guns On The Roof' is a straight repeat of the "Clash City Rockers" riff. These are merely minor points in his misinterpretation, however.

1) The "mysterious" singalong chorus to "All The Young Punks" is: "all the young punks you better laugh 'cause there ain't much to cry for, all the young cuhts leavin' town 'cause there ain't much to try for".

2) "English Civil War" is "about" the dangers of the neo-nazi National Front's policies.

3) "Safe European Home" has not got anything to do with the fuckin' USA. Or any goddamn revolution. It's about Strummer and Jones' trip to Jamaica which they thought was a big disappointment when they had .looked forward to an Experience living up to their love for and influence by reggae, yet another page in the history of music where the pathetic U.S. rock community is left years behind their British counterparts.

4) "Tommy Gun" is not self explanatory. It is not a story of the tommy gun, it is a serious look at the problems created by the glorification of mercenary forces. Rather ironic innit that of 4 ^yes E. Costello has reworded it slightly, changed the tune and released'it as "Oliver's

Army". Just as "Capital Radio" became "Radio, Radio". Still find him original.

5) Any nation that changes the name of a song so it doesn't in any way have "punk" overtones doesn't deserve the first Clash album.

Although I was born a Yank, I disown myself "f from such hypocrites and know that British music far surpasses its counterparts. Nonetheless Johnny Thunders and the Ramones remain as an oasis in a very dry desert. >.

Mark C.

London, ENGLAND

(Born American? Better snuff yourself, pal, before the neighbors find out.—Ed.)

FULL MOON QUARTERLY

Some person told me that you had a picture of Linda Ronstadt in your magazine, and she wasn't wearing any clothes. This person also told me that it was a picture of Linda Ronstadt without any clothes on, a billboard, on the moon, of all places. Why didn't I see it? Do you publish your magazine bi-monthly? Or do you publish your magazine every month?

Jessy Hangar

Providence, RI

(We'll let you know when the next lunar excursion is planned. Until then, look for new issues as frequently as our legal slush fund will allow.-Ed.)

FOR THE BENEFIT OF EUTHANASIA

Paul McCartney has given new meaning to the "Paul is dead" hoax. We realize that Paul McCartney has been in a musical coma for the past 10 years, but since hearing the disco cut from his new album, we are convinced that the diagnosis must be changed to "brain dead"! ,

Poo and Doo

New York City '

(You mean to say that "Silly Love Songs"didn't qhange your life? All is lost!—Ed.)

QUESTIONABLE CENSOR-IBILITIES

I would like to correct Robert Christgau on his review of Lou Reed's Take No Prisoners LP (which, by the way, is Lou's best since Metal Machine Music). Referring to you, Mr. Christgau, Lou calls you a "Toe-Fucker", not a "ToeFreak".

Thank You, /'

Joe Brya

Yonkers, NY

(Whatever became of poetic license?—Ed.)

GREEN RIVER REVIVAL

Keepers of the Phlegm and mostly Therese (who I know is reading this and don't worry sweetheart this ain't a put down letter and can I go dUft with you if I ever get to Birmingham?), help 'me please 'cause Ann Flanders don't unnerstand me. I got a problem and buddy-Boy Howdy is the only living thing (except maybe for J.M. BRIDGEWATER—looks funny in caps) what kin halp.

Ya see, I happen to like Creedence Clearwater Revival more than any band that ever was (Which is why I buy your mag. The first four letters—CREE—always make me think of Fogerty).'So what's so bad 'bout that? Well nobody else in the world remembers whom the heck they was!!!! I am bombarded by disco freaks (living in New York Shitty it's unevitable), Styk fr.eaks (Lester was right!), Heart freaks, Bee Gees-how-can-anyone-sell-this-many-lousyrecords (?) freaks, Areasmith freaks, Phallinger freaks, (oh I'm fart blooded) and, oh horror of horrors* ELP and Yesp freaks!!! Nobody but me in the whole world knows what good music is!!! At least nobody I know personally like. :

How come nobody but me thinks that BOC is the best heavy-molten-metal band in the universe? (And for anyone who says theygone commercial, listen to Some Enchanted Evening and if you're still alive just try telling me they went commercial just try I dare ya.) Why so everyone think Bob Dylan is boring? (And still say Street Legal was a good album.) Why don't nobody but me buy albums by the Sex Pistols, Clash, Ramones, Dury, Lowe ^t al? (oh Elvis thfe Cis a star now, big mashed potatoes. I had his first record two weeks after it come out, and now everyone is an Elvis fan. Where were they in the early days before Elv became fashionable?) And am I the only^ human who remembers the Youngbloods? And how come nobody never heard of Ralph McTell?

Verily, I live in a world of fools and half-eaten apples. What, is there for me to do? And where the hell is John Fogerty now when we need him!!!!!!!!

So, since yob seem to like printing dirty words; titties. Excuse me now while I go CREEM. Like Dylan said, "I shall be released." Keep,on Chooglin'.

P. "I don't need no wah-wah's" Eicher That's a German name and if you pronounce it wfong I'll make a lampshade out of you.

Jackson Heights (which I'm sure you've heard of), NY

P.S. Please print this, as my entire school will be eteVnally grateful: "Eric is god" Gene Simmons may not have any talent, but (surprisingly enough) he's right about masses and stuff that he spoke of in his interview. (And next time you put in a Blondie Pin-up, sh'ou; something. I gotta have something to stimulate my wet dreams, don't I?)

LITTERING THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST

What-is this world coming to? Patti Smith on a kiddy show singing "You Light Up My Life"? Is there no justice? All I ask is that Debby Boone sing "Rock and Roll Nigger"!!!! To me that would be justice.

A CREEM Reader

"yes we do rock" Seattle, WA

P.S. Can I join the Punky Meadows'lip farm?

What ever happened to Miwa Joh?

(Inquisitive fellow, aren't you? Sounds like you got too close to the exhaust pipe of the Clash tour bus. Take two greyhounds and call us in the morning.—Ed.)

WE'RE ALL BOZOS ON THIS BUS

Crazy world ain't it when Rod's latest album climbs to #1 on the charts when what the public wanted and needed was a fireball of a rocker like last year's David Johansen album.

Why? Elvis II told us, sales are in the hands of radio programmers "out to anesthetize the way that we feel!'. Record buyers beware!

The Iron Bagel

Wolfville, Nova Scotia, CANADA

PEOPLE PLEASIN' PEOPLE PLEASIN'...

Hi it's me Tom, (I was going to say hi it's me again but that would be stupid considering my name is not again), the one with the BAD penmenshit. I just wanted to right to you to tell you how great it feels to tell my friends that I subscribe to your magazine (even though I don't) and to congratulate you on your tenth. (I myself just had a fifth but after 2 glasses I caught myself readin' Circus and immediately turned myself in to the sciceatrick ward.) And with all this controversy about what mag is best of all I say this:

I don't want to argue

I don't want to debate

I just want to say

I think CREEM is great!

and Susan, Catherine, Linda and the rest of the CREEM clan thanx for making the best ten years of my life even better. And I hope yoor still around in 1999.

P.S. Can you do rrte one more favor? Naa, forget it if Mark Don and Mel don't wanna get back together the hell with 'em. We'll do jus fine without them. Right....

Tom (the mad bomber) Tkach

Plains, PA

(C'mon, all you semi literate readers—write to us, before we slash our dictionaries!—Ed:)

RAT ON

The Readers' Poll was excellent, but the accompanying paragraph was especially apropos to the present situation, as the decade is turning the corner and those of us with some semblance of musical integrity and taste wait on the edge of our collective seats, hoping against hope that the complacency of the Seventies will be eclipsed by a new order of eccentric passion. We need rock 'n' roll like we've never needed it before. It is the responsibility of every radio station to emphasize an open-minded format, so that we can indeed oust those wimpy-Vienna castratos with silk shirts tied at the waist (could be just about any name band today).

And we're gonna do it, too, don't doubt it for a SECOND, damn it. We at WJCR-FM, the Washington & Jefferson College radio station, are pushing new bands like never before, bands like Devo, George Thorogood, Plastic Bertrand, Dyan Diamond, the Clash, the Ramones, the Fabulous Poodles, Peter Tosh, the Police, Nick Lowe and Dave Edmunds (as well as other Stiffs). Naturally, we also pay homage to the Stones, the Yardbirds, the Doors, and we love Sixties psychedelia music. At first there was opposition to such a format, but we told them to go rob a sperm bank and held on, and it now seems that we are gaining some converts. I only hope that other stations start picking up on the undercurrent, so that we can promulgate the new sentiment fo all corners of Foreignerland. An exhortation:

GET UP!!! MOVE, YOU LAZY BASTARDS!!! THE TIME IS NOW!!! SMASH ALL OF GARY WRIGHT'S SYNTHESIZERS!!! DEPORT PABLO CRUISE FOR ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION!!! KILL ALL SMUG/BLOATpD /INSIPID/VACUOUS/TRENDYASSHOLE DINOSAURS THAT DARE TO LUMBER IN AND OUT OF MADISON SQUARE GARDEN.

And you'd do well for yourself to do it, too. Or else we're all done for, Jack. Get on it.

I'm so bored with the U.S.A.

Bill Loeffler

WJCR-FM

Washington, PA

P.S. When are you guys finally gonna do the obvious thing and feature Ronnie Spector in CREEM Dreem? If not her, at least have Rachel Sweet.