HOME: Damp cellars, dipsy dumpsters, blind alleys and tenement stairwells from Dublin to Des Moines.

AGE: These guys remember the Black Plague as "the good old days."

PROFESSION: Spreading ratrock fever to the industrial capitals of the world; eliminating D-Con as we know it.

HOBBIES: Chewing on chicken bones behind Burger Kings; recruiting Woody Guthrie fan club members; providing brain-damaged disc delinquents with provocative prose and points to ponder; finding new uses for flammable sleepwear; collecting girl rattails.

LAST BOOK READ: No, Your Cheese Is by Andrew Peabody.

LAST ACCOMPLISHMENT: Spearheaded an organization to remove all "Mousetrap" games from the European market, claiming such tot toys to be "cruel and unusual punishment."

QUOTE: "I want to get rich and get laid a lot."—"Modest" Bob Geldof.

PROFILE: After scurrying out of Dublin's crumbling pubs to play their first gig as the Nightlife Thugs, these rodents decided to show their true bubonic colors; much to their surprise, their furry brand of rabid rock crept across the continent like vermin on a sailor's scalp, leaving thousands breathless and itching for more. But N0000! That was not enough for these mangy harbingers of death-to-disco, so they sent head rats Bob Geldof and Johnny Fingers to the virgin shores of America, hoping to infect yet another nation. Will they succeed? Stay tuned for next week's episode oiRatnet for the exciting conclusion...

BEER: Boy Howdy!