SOUTHSIDE JOHNNY
(Pronounced “Boy Howdy!”)
The CREEM Archive presents the magazine as originally created. Digital text has been scanned from its original print format and may contain formatting quirks and inconsistencies.
HOME: The soft, white underbelly of the throbbing megalopolis... the South Side.
AGE: Somewhere between Wynonie Harris and ChuckBarris.
PROFESSION: Introducing Billie Holliday blues to hayseed headbangers; sucking Stax/Volt soul from saliva-sodden mouth harps.
HOBBIES: Plotting the death of Chuck Mangione by trumpet backfire; deep-breathing competitions in New Jersey; carcinogenic victory gardens.
LAST BOOK READ: Cook ThatMutha ’TilltBums by Jake & Elwood Blues.
LAST ACCOMPLISHMENT: Claiming unused nicknames such as “Sweet Meat”, “Phlegm Face” and “Baited Breath” as tax write-offs.
QUOTE: “My aunt says I lost my voice because they landed on the moon.”
PROFILE: Lost in a world dominated by FM radio, Billy Carter, disco rollerskating and American Bandstand, Southside and friends decided to pool their resources and turn back the clock; later that evening, after a hearty dose of King Floyd and bootleg hootch, a jukebox mishap catapaulted our heroes onto the charts, making the world once again safe for D.A. haircuts. And what of Jimmy Olsen?
BEER: Boy Howdy!
