HOME: Whatever the towel says. .

AGE: Worried.

PROFESSION: Itinerant Seattle restaurateurs.

HOBBIES: Road-testing Ted Nugent's pants, trying to remember what bands they were in, Bauhaus hair art, confusing Little River Band fans, and Pablo Cruise fans, and Foreigner fans, and...

LAST BOOK READ: E-ZReed Chord Charts by Sid "Slowhand" Vicious.

LAST ACCOMPLISHMENT: The bass player got pregnant and had Kansas.

QUOTE: "We've tried sex and drugs: we're working on rock'n'roll."

PROFILE: Cloned from a lock of Carlos Santana's thigh hair, Journey were taught the principles of est by Jeff Beck, elocution by Ian Dury, and manners by Dr. Wayne Dyer. Suddenly, without warning, they started touring America and causing their mothers much unnecessary anguish. We are trying to find proof that this band actually exists. If not, CREEM will assume the responsibility of informing their families. Thank you.

BEER: Boy Howdy!