SGT. PEPPER'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND

(A Robert Stigwood Production) Directed by Michael Schultz

The following is a verbatim transcript of our patient Meadow Girl's reaction to the movie Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. The friends who took her say they didn't mean to bring her acid flashback on; at any rate, for the good of all victims of the drug generation, we reprint her comments here.

"I like this popcorn ... corny isn't it Peter Frampton . . . girl gingham psychedelic trucks. .. DUCKS! Lotsa bucks! Buck... teeth. Oh, the teeth. They keep coming and cutting and saying hello and they don't stop—stop! No more nitrous oxide ... the colors *.

. stop the Pink Frampton ... OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TOP OF ROBIN'S HEAD??? Head cookies with pine needle frosting rolling down Sunset Boulevard. Hard to see to hear the colors, the COLORS ... we hate love we hate joy we love money—whose money? Robert Stigwood money. Oh the pig, the RSO pig! It's thefre on that spinning coffee table! It's . .. it's playing Alice Cooper records now. See Alice play oh Alice drink more Vernors... no beer—MORE BEER! Cats playing guitar with rat teeth ... white teeth on green flesh oh the colors—WHO GAVE MAURICE THE PURPLE? Microdots. George Burns fixing hi^ hole .. . whose hole? He's too ... little .

. . little Peter and large brown oozing Lucy revolving, revolving . . . bears and sparrows making little license plates too late for Billy Preston a Charleton Heston come to save Peter—don't jump . .. DON'T JUMP DIANE! Kids do the darndest things.

Take me home until it's 1969 again."

Report submitted by Doctors Gisi & Whitall

Urban Blues From Momma Lebo

METROPOLITAN LIFE by Fran Lebowitz (Dutton)

She hates rock. She hates t-shirts which have phrases imprinted on them. She hates house plants. She hates sports. In fact, she hates almost everything. Still, for quite some time now, Fran Lebowitz has been delighting her readers in magazines like the now defunct Changes, Interview, and Mademoiselle. And now with Metropolitan Life, a collection of some of her articles from over the years, Fran Lebowitz has finally established herself nationally as one of the finest writers around and the closest thing we have to a present day Dorothy Parker.

As Jill Robinson noted in her review of Metropolitan Life for the New York Times, the hard part in selecting quotes from the book is trying to find stand out and should be noted. "Notes On Trick" is a terrifically funny account of "the object of one's affectations." A pickup bar for children known as Chicken Little is the substance of "The Family Affair: A Moral Tale."

Platform Shoes Cause Hemmorhoids

KISS by Robert Duncan (Popular Library):: Just when you thought it was safe to go near your stereo . . . All this time Robert Duncan has been using his knowledge as World's Leading Authority on Rock Group Kiss to sit at his typewriter and dodge the unemployment line. Some guys have all the luck—or nerve 11 You can keep him off the unemployment line by buying his book. By the way, after this you will never nave to read anything else on Kiss again (unless . . . oh, no . . . KISS II?).

I am thoroughly enchanted with this book and eagerly recommend it. I have but two minor complaints. First, some very fine pieces were left out, like a review of Jobraith that acknowledges the need for sodomy laws, and one about cabaret performer Ellen Greene which features a class of Jewish girls whose sole phone calls during their adolescence were from their allergist and mothers requesting them to babysit. My second reservation is the title; Fran conducted a contest in her Interview column to choose it, and I sent in The Student Nurses, High Heels, Short Skirts, and Tired Of Vanilla. All three of these are catchier , than Metropolitan Life..

But don't let that bother you. Just get the book and laugh your head off.

-jDave Newberger

Gort Schwarzenegger Slept Here

ALIEN CREATURES by Richard Siegel and Jean-Calaude Suares (Reed Books)_

The Xenomorphs, the Metalunans, the Hydrocephalonic horrors, the Jello Curtain Rods, the crab monsters, the green slime, and of qourse, the beloved It! are all here and boy are we ever invaded. Blew up Chicago, dumped day-old hotdpg water in S.F. Bay, converted Peoria to Endust and—worst of all—turned New York into L. A.!

Lucky for us weenie Earthlings that they're all just in this here book & it's a real beaut too. Alien Creatures covers all the X-terrestials, monsters and fungo-creatures that have been menacing us all these years, and in fun form too. Packed with definitive pictures from all the classics (Gort emerging, Robbie the Robot meeting Earl Holliman), several lesser crawls (Dish Drainers From Mars) and ugly things that bite all the way up to Star Trek and Wars, any respectable Teenager From Outer Space will eat this stuff up, re-discovering weird oldies like The Twonky (Hans Conreid's TV is possessed by aliens) and remembering great lines of dialogue past, like this chestnut from This Island Earth : "Our vast educational system ... now rubble."

Besides the fantastic pix, authors Siegel and Suares have provided a witty, fact-filled text plus fantastic extras like original posters and stills (many in color) and the actual page from the script of The Day The Earth Stood Still where Klaatu bites the dust. Ha ha, dumb alien!

These guys write outstanding captions to their millions of pix too, like "Upon his return to their hiding place, McCarthy kisses Wynter, only to discover that now she too is an emotionless pod," or the real showstopper: "The Hydrocephalonic horrors from Mars face death at the hand of irresponsible teenagers and their car headlights." And if today's nuclear protesters really want to make 'em stop it, they otta get smart like some of these spacers and simply turn the Capitol Dome into puppy-poop shampoo.

I'd rave this book forever, but right now I have to get to work on a low-budget project of my own I'm working on—It Came From The Dead Laundry Pile.

Rick Johnson