HOME: The kitchens of Sara Lee; the barnyards of Bob Evans; the Ding Dong racks of Hostess; the parking lots of McDonald's; etc.

AGE: Left-over.

PROFESSION: Keeping surplus grain away from the Russians.

HOBBIES: Assaulting anchovies, fingering filets; burping, sweating, farting.

LAST BOOK READ: They CallMe Hamboneby Ernest "Big Boy" Rackov.

LAST ACCOMPLISHMENT: Accidentally sat on his girl singer—and revived her.

QUOTE: "You know you want me!"

PROFILE: As far as putting the grossest tonnage into heavvy metal; mistaking Paul Williams for a chair; picketing Weight Watchers conventions; writing mash notes to Divine; blazing rock 'n' roll paths where no bulldozer dares to tread, Meat Loaf takes the cake—every day—and lots of it.