MAIL

MAIL

DEPARTMENTS

Please send letters to: MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O. Box P-1064 Birmingham, Ml 48012

SAYONARA

Konnichiwa (Hello)! I am a new CREEM reader. What a great magazine is this! I’m from Japan one and half years ago. I just started to speak hot regular English because CREEM and you guys make me crazy! The world—galaxy’s greatest rock ’n’ roller is Kiss! I think they’re really fantastic group, (ha-ha) Hey, ya, remember this great girl—Miwa. I’m gonna be a rock ’n’ roll star someday.

Love ya all,

Miwa Joh Annapolis, MD

P.S. I want penpals of CREEMer. Please write me! I’m going back to Japan next summer. (Hey—don’t leave on account of us!—Ed.)

SEARCH...AND DESTROY?

I am writing to ask if there) is any way to get ahold of Rod Stewart. It’s important and I have no way or ideas in which to get an address or number. Could you please tell me a way you can find out these kinda things.

It would be appreciated.

He’s an old friend.

Jennifer Foster Beverly Hills, CA

(Nice try, Britt, but your Beverly Hills postmark gave you away.—Ed.)

FOREIGN INTRIGUE I am just being new in this country. I buy a CREEM Magazine .to read. It is good? Yes. Please print more on this group the Lester Bang.

I do not fully understand. Is this punk rock? Also, please tell me where is Boy Howdy? I am wanting to have it.

Thank you,

Nicoli Rocola Los Angeles, CA

(You give new meaning to the lives of all xenophobes? Yes.—Ed.)

BANANA SAY YOU WILL Hey, hey, hey Stones fans. I got some news for you! Just so happens my father knows Bianca’s mother. And would you believe she sells fried bananas and potato salad at a cheap food stand? Well, it*s true. She lives in one of the worst slums in this fair city.

Just confessin’

Paul Cuadra Manaqua, Nicaragua

P.S. If you visit this place don’t buy food at a food stand unless you like the bain and misery of diarrhea.

(How late are they open?—Ed.)

AW SHUCKS

In an effort to maintain my values as a musician and composer, I am no longer involved with the group Blondie. Presently I am in Los Angeles formulating my own group. However, my song, “I Am Always Touched By Your Presence, Dear,” will appear on the second Blondie album.

Thank you for all the kind words you have published about Blondie and myself in the past. I feel now that I will be able to express my talents as fully as I had wished to while in Blondie and hope that you will keep an eye and ear open for my future efforts. Once again, let me thank you for the attention you have given the band and myself in the past.

Sincerely,

Gary Valentine Los Angeles, GA

RAMONE CLONE

I don’t know who else to talk to, so I thought you’d understand. Here’s my story:

Come midnight my London Fog land I lurk downtown, creep up upon a hapless preppie and

FLASH! tear ©pen my trench and EXPOSE! to this wholesome-computerscience-face my BLACK-LETHUH-JAK1TCHAINZ-FILTHY-TEE and gabbagabbagabbagabaGABBA-GABBA-GABBA-BABBBAAAAAAAAAA****** (*whew*). Gee, that felt good. Doktor Howdy, I wanna be a Ramone. Specifically, Joey Ramone. Every time I hear his voice grate through speaker mesh like a cross between Tomrify James and Bryan Ferry on Quaaludes I DIVE into my closet and ROLL in the aforementioned garments, beating an imaginary guitar. My friends say I have epilepsy. When I did it Thanksgiving Day and my mom made me listen to the “Theme From Rocky” for TWO HOURS, I threw up my dinner and was reduced to a glassy-eyed heap, sucking on the collar of my jacket: Even DDT (Disco-Dung treatment) can’t faze me now. I’m reduced to a diet of newsprint and cheap beer, but jdunno how I’m gonna get to be 6'4”.

Where can you buy granny glasses these days?

Hear todak, gone tomorrow,

Madam Midnight Blacksburg, VA

(Learn to be more accepting. If you can swing the height, we’ll rip the granny glasses off John Sebastian and send them Air Excess. Now go play in traffic, kid.—Ed.)

NOLO CONTENDRE Answer these questions if you can, assholes! 1. What makes you think you know anything about music?

2. What makes you think you can dare critisize the people you do?

3. What makes you think that you are celebrities (oh vomit, choke)?

4. What makes you think?

Love & Kisses,

Flagrant Rob

New York, NY

P.S. They call your sister 5 P.M.!

(1. Our readers. 2. Our lawyers. 3. Our groupies. 4. Our Publisher.—Ed.)

PUNK JUNKIE

It started when C. Phnag told me about Punk Rock. I was hooked on you. Every so often in the last year I’ve had a remission. But you guys are a chronic disease. I love being a CREEM junkie. Jean-Guy really means well so please ask Patrick to go easy on her (after all, she’s trying to learn French and become a Vet, although it is better in New York).

I wanna say Hi to my mom and dad and Sire. Even though Renay & Giacomin laugh at you, Pat feels it’s Sex Pistols or God. Please keep the New Wave rolling so that he won’t harras me in the Caf & haunt the school.

I’m enthused—when’s the next issue coming out?

An unnamed Yankee stranded on an obscure island somewhere off Lake St. Louis in Quebec.

(Please send the cavalry.)

(The cavalry’s on its way—you’ll recognize them by their white coats.—Ed.)

CALLING JIMMY PAGE 1 have heard rumors that the Canadian Power band from Canada named Rush worshiped the Devil. And their sign of the star and man was a Devil sign. Is this rumor true.

John Smith Lexington, NC (No, but it should be.—Ed.)

GIMME SOME SKIN I know this is gonna sound stupid, but I’m gonna write it, like it or not. Is it or will it be possible for women-to be big rock stars without having 40-inch chests and 35-inch hips, and not have to wear clothes cut down to here and slit up to there?

Signed,

Another Farrah Fawcett Athens, GA

P.S. When are you guys gonna have an anniversary TV show like that AWFUL one that Rolling Stone had? I just now cut off the TV. It got so bad 1 thought the dogs across the street would never stop howling and the lark’s vomit wouldn’t stop coming through the ceiling.

(1. No. 2. If we had a 10th Anniversary show on the tube, the censors would yank it off the air faster than you can say wangdangsweetpoontang.—Ed.)

OVERDOZED

Alright, you guys, I got a few complaints. Just because a few of us readers can only write to you under a doctor’s supervision and in crayon (Like my burnt umber? Cute, huh?) don’t mean we don’t care about music. Sure, my room is padded, but I can get into the Ramones, Rod and Queen (nice mixture)! They let us out to see concerts. And, of course, I have my own record collection. (Doc said 1 could have records since there’s no sharp edges. Only on the covers.) I mean, my father may be Idi Amin Dada, my mother may be Sid Vicious and my twin sister thinks she’s the Marquis De Sade, but all in all, that don’t mean ya can’t print these letters. I’d better go. I feel an attack coming on.

Andrea Amin Du Sade (aka Simba)

The big house with the little cells Bellview, Uganda (aka Chi-Town)

(Under separate cover we’re sending you sharp edges. Hope they make it thru security.—Ed.)

CURRIE QUINTS IN DEATH OUTRAGE In your August 1977 issue of CREEM, you had a picture of Cherie and Marie Currie, and you said that Marie was on the left and Cherie was on the right in the picture. Now, after hours of studying the photo, I have come to the conclusion that you were mistaken. I personally believe that Cherie was on the left, leaving Marie

on the right. I came to that conclusion because of the fact that Marie is said to be taller than Cherie, and by comparing the facial features of both girls to another picture of Cherie. But then maybe, during her days with the Runaways, Cherie was really Marie and Marie was really Cherie.

Sincerely,

Siri Forde Kiester, MN

(I don’t know—you tell us!—Ed.)

THE LIPS HAVE IT Thanks for the article on The Stones. It’s about time. Yours was probably da best out of the other 10 in the last 2-3 months. One thing: ya should have taken the shot of Jag chewin’ on Watts and made it into a centerfold. I hate Robert Christ-gau for his beating off all over Love You Live. Gau, the only thing that’s deteriorating is your “Consumer Guide,” jerk. Occasionally Yours,

Tulc “Loo” Retsoy Okemos, MI

P.S. Excuse me if I didn’t say anything new, funny or original.

(Excuse us if we don’t reply.—Ed.)

DIAPER RASH

I’m the #1 Babys Freak and I know that the Babys are more than terrific! I saw them in concert Nov. 5 and Suzie Whitall should give them a helluva lot more credit than she did in her "Don’t Worry Babys...Broken Hearts Make Good Records” article (Dec. 77). The Babys gave us everything we wanted and more! Sure the Babys didn’t have a “good year,’^ but I’d like to see a rock group that had it good from the start! I didn’t like the way Suzie acted toward John and Tony. I think she should of got some answers from Mike and Wally. Maybe the interview would of went better if Suzie wouldn’t of been around some of her weird friends.

Luey,

St. Cloud, MN

STIFF COMPETITION I subscribe to yer rag, no satisfaction! How cum yah neva print nuna mah lettah’s. Aftah all i ain’t borin’, i dig playin’ chicken at 110 mph. In fact, it’s mah favourite relaksashun. Yah betta count mah reader poll ballot, er else!! Gimmie Heart! Gimmie Tin Lizzy! Gimmie Stones! Gimmie (Johnny) Thunder! Hey you guyz Gimmie Shelter! With Hearts of Stone, Tin Lizzy and Thunder falling on mah head Gimmie Shelter! I’m grateful to be dead. Since the motorbike aksident i’m rezidin’ in a new home. Hillcrest Cemetary Block G, Row 4 Somewhere In Hell Manning, Alberta

(Then you wouldn’t be interested in our lifetime subscription offer?—Ed.)

MUCHAS GRACIAS!

CREEM I want to thank you for doin’ such a damn good job of writin’ such a great mag; all the other fuckin’ magazines condense what stars say; I would really appreciate it if you print more on that great band, Kiss. They are the greatest band around; thanks a lot, CREEM...

Keep up the good work.

P.S. Do you publish notes like this?

A Kiss mis?

A Kisslunatic,

S.P.

Torance, CA

(Only when we’re absolutely desperate to fill 2 inches.—Ed.)

TWISTED BEYOND RECOGNITION

What is this punk crap you’re talkin’ about? The New York Dolls started it? (TRASH!!) The Ramones are America’s Greatest Punk group? SHIT, that novocaine-mouthed singer and the rest of his band are the biggest zombies this side of Boston. -At least Boston can sing.

Kiss is close to being the best Punk in the world, but they ain’t good enough. (Their sound system and warm-up band sucked rocks last Thursday.)

Ted Nugent is good, but once he cranks up his stack, he is no longer in control.

So who is the best Punk in the world?

It ain’t Led Zep, they can’t rock no more.

It ain’t the Stones, they can’t rock no more.

The Kinks, Raiders and Beatles are dead.

WHO was doing what the Dolls were, before them? WHO is as powerful as Ted Nugent, as obscene as Kiss, as fast as the Ramones, and as good as Boston?

BROWNSVILLE STATION, that’s who!!!!

Rockers, listen to one of their last two albums, they’ll blow you away. Punks, listen to their first five and they’ll put you under. PUNK IS (!) ROCK AND ROLL! BROWNSVILLE STATION IS ROCK AND-ROLL! AND I AM A ROCK AND ROLLER!!!!! Flash Gordon Denver, CO (Sezyou?—Ed.)

ARRIVAL, NO. DEPARTURE, YES.

I’d like to say a word about record reviewers. They don’t even like (probably) the group whose album they’re reviewing; therefore, it seems logical to say that they wouldn’t like anything that particular group put out. Take for instance ABBA’s Arrival—obviously he didn’t even like ABBA in the first place, comparing their music with “gooey honey spreading over the world” or something—so naturally he found reason to pick at Arrival, a good album and group in my opinion, whose music is perfectly good for the “pop scene” of teenagers. After all, 30 million copies world-wide of their singles wouldn’t be sold, if they were such a bad group. Get rid of those kinds of reviewers! Thank you! Sincerely,

Doug Thorsen Rockford, IL

(May “gooey honey” clog up your lungs.—Ed.)

SNOWBLIND

After trudgin’ to my little one room school today through the big piles of big Wisconsin snow with my writin’ assignment, mah teacher, Miss Mamie, suggested I should send this little poem to yer exalted" rag of a magazine. The poem goes as follas’—

We’re not Punk Rock,

We’re called New Wave.

So get out of our way,

We’ve got new paths to pave.

So who cares if we’re too loud,

And our clothes we rip and tear.

We’re getting paid for being strange,

So we really don’t care!

Oh, thank goodness that’s out of mah pure and cleanly body! Well, I really have to go now, cause tonite’s the nite of the annual Dinner Dance and Snow Shoveling Ball.

Keep the wax out of yer earmuffs and th’ snow outta yer pants (whoo!).

Marianne Collins Ashippun, WS

(Ever think of writing for Reader’s Digest? —Ed.)

LET THEM DRINK CARROT JUICE I’d just like to say that your mag is the best fuckin’ rock book in history. Down to earth record reviews, in-depth interviews with rock stars, and all the other ingredients to keep Rock ’n’ Roll going until we get old and gray!

Loved your Jan. issue with the excellent interview with Mick & Co. It’s about time Iggy got to be the CREEM Profile. That guy puts out the best damn kick-ass rock ’n’ roll around! He could easily mop up the floor with some of these punk rockers whose IQ’s are about three points lower than a carrot.

Your ever-demanding loyal readers,

Mike Monastra & Michelle Kinnamon Mansfield, OH

(Hey, wait a minute—even Bugs Bunny wears leathers!—Ed.)

SECRETS OF THE STARS Those poor, unfortunate rock-n-roll stars! They are so overworked and underpaid. Just look at them! Their eyes half closed, all bloodshot and dark.

Where do they get all that energy to perform?

TURN TO PAGE 72

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 10

They must drink a lot of caffeinated coffee and Coke. Or do they take “One A Day” vitamins. That must be it.

Wondering,

L.S.

Taylor, MI

(Uh, yea—that’s it.—Ed.)

PUNKFLUNKEE :

I’rh almost positive all CREEM writers are a bunch of 6th grade drop-outs who take all those so-called exoctic drugs. Alls you can write about lately is punk rock.

I sure would like to know who the hell started that shit.

Marc O’Dell Royal Oak, MI

(Blame it on our youth.—Ed.)

MOLARMANIA

GUESS WHAT? Some of my teeth didn’t fall out today!

Scott Zeigler Aurora, OH

MORE FOREIGN INTRIGUE Just picked up your January issue and it’s excellent, as usual. But what’s with all these Canucks, anyway? If they don’t like what you

write, maybe we should tear down the Ambassador Bridge and flood the tunnel and let them fend folr themselves.

They just think they don’t need Birmingham! Bob Shively

Detroit, MI (Presently residing in Norfolk, VA)

TEETOTALING

• I’m a Led Zeppelin fan and I want to know why Led Zep isn’t in the CREEM Profile ever. I’m sure Jimmy, Robert, Bonzo and Jonesy all drink Boy Howdy.

Russell Davis Lafayette, LA

(Who do you think ran off with our supply!? —Ed.)

BORED VS. $ORED I am a CREEM reader and I was reading the Dec. and Jan. issues and there was an article ip the “Rock A Rama” section and someone wrote “The Bay City Rollers are much better than EL&P.” And I just want to say that whoever wrote that is a definite jerk and a moron. How could anyone say that? EL&P definitely are all good—2 out of 3 are great (Emerson and Palmer), Lake is just really good.

Kenny Walden Rosedale, NY

(It was merely a moment of temporary insanity. —Ed.)

NOW HEAR THIS!!

Das Freimaurer-museum, Leipzig, 1932: An apron from the 9th degree of the Scottish Rite of Freemasonry dedicated to “Rache” (revenge) for the Murder of Hiram—meaning anyone who thwarts Masonry’s purposes.

Rialto Books Geneva, NY

CANUCKS UNITE!

I’d like to know where you guyz get the idea there’s no talent in'Canada. We have greater rock bands than some of the American ones, such as B.T.O., Heart, Joni Mitchell, April Wine, Gordon Lightfoot, Viletones, Paul Anka, Neil Yc>ung, Rush—all of which have been in your magazine. But now all you seem to want to do is put them down.

Kelly Baird Montreal, Canada

(YouJust answered your own question.—Ed.)

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS V

CASE #227

Who the hell do you think you’re fooling? Keith Richard is pouring that vodka for some woman. You must think your readers are real assholes. Right? ,

On to you,

Long Island, NY (We’ll drink to that.Ed.) .

MISSING PERSON

Could you please tell me where Jimmy Page is living in England? What’s his address? I won’t mention it to no one at all!! Please^ti’ust me. Oh! Also, does he still live with Charlotte and his daughter Scarlet? She’s so cute.

Robin Worthington Flint, MI ■

(We’d hue to oblige you, dearie, but Jimrpy’s usually “in transit,” i.e. tracking UFOs on his CB.-^Ed.)

ERRATUM

OOPPS! We forgot! (Well, we can’t be perfect all the time!) KISS: “The Tongue Has It’.’ (CREEM, Feb, ’78) was excerpted from material copyright © 1978 by Robert Duncan.