THE BEAT GOES ON

THE BEAT GOSE ON

Pugnacious Punks Talk Turkey With Tom

L.A.—Punk rock is now officially for real, thanks to Tom Snyder.

The Neandermouthed host of NBC's Tomorrow show invited Kim Fowley, Joan Jett of the Runaways, Bill Graham, critic Robert Hilburn and the Jam's Paul Weller to discuss New Wave bambam between Efferdent blurbs.

Between Joan's Brando imitations, Paul's unintelligible gum-talk and Fowley's puckering, it was tough to pick a winner, but it was probably Bill Graham for saying almost nothing and looking thoroughly disgusted throughout the entire show.

Selected highlights follow:

Snyder: I must say, Kim, you look,ridiculous tonight. Fowley: That's because I'm a Yale man posing as a mug.

Snyder: Why do kids stick pins through their ears? Hilburn: They're space-age ducktails.

Fowley: Because they're silly.

Snyder: What are your songs about?

Jett: Lotsofthings, like...uh, hating people...

Weller: (between gum noises) Youth.. .suppression .. .school teachers... WWII...

Snyder: Did you wear lipstick in high school, Kim? Fowley: No, but I had a trained attack dog and a .410 batting average.

Hilburn: .410?

Snyder: Bill, wouldyoubook the Jam?

Graham: Uh... (squirm, squirm, squirm).

Weller: (chews gum menacingly)

Snyder: If you get rich, won't you become part of the establishment?

Weller: Yup.

Snyder: So there will come a time when the oppressed become the oppressor? Weller: Yeah, that's healthy.

Fowley: Well, as Dylan said, "The times, they are a-changin'."

Snyder: Thank you, Kim. Fowley: That's alright, Tom.

Rick Johnson

A Cure For Punk Rock?

LONDON—There's another New Wave sweeping the city, and it's equally infectious, if less fun.

A "near epidemic" of inner ear infections has stricken London, according to Dr. George Peterson, and the culprit appears to be that staple of punk fashion, the safety pin.

"I'm all for self-expression," Dr. Peterson declares, "but these kids should realize what poking unsterilized objects into their ears can do." While lips, cheeks, and noses appear to be more; resistant to infection, the ear is highly sensitive. Often, a small sore goes unnoticed until it's Too Late.

Rolling For Dollars

HULL, U.K.-England, always a leader in imaginative decline, has now suffered its first skateboard robbery.

Mrs. Ruby Chater, 59, was walking down a hilly street near her home when four youths on skateboards whizzed up behind her, grabbed her purse, and continued on their way. The bandits made off with about $11, almost enough for an extra-large tube of glue.

"We believe it was the first skateboard mugging in Britain," a police spokesman said, blaming it on "thrillseeking" youngsters with nothing to do.

Is this another example of the problem of board youth?

Rick Johnson

The doc claims to have seen over a dozen cases where the infection has spread to the inner ear, resulting in partial or complete deafness and a fanatical devotion fo The Clash.

Rick Johnson

The Godz

COLUMBUS—In order, to understand the Godz, you have to understand the Agora. And in order to understand the Agora, you have to understand why 2,000 people would jam into a broken down, hot old cavern of a concert hall in the middle of downtown Columbus, Ohio; brawling and shouting and drinking and falling down on the beer and spit-covered floor.

Once you figure that out, you can understand the Godz: just four typical Central-Ohioans who carry guns, ride motorcycles and sit around getting fucked or fucked up. And five or Six nights a week they put on eye make up, take off their shirts, strap .on guitars and create a little! frenzy.

I look out and there's thousands of people, so intense and fucked up—I mean, the front two rows look like something out of Attila the Hun's frontline troops, and they're frothing£ at the mouth. They're falling over the rail trying to get to me, and the security people are picking them up, just throwing them back on the other side of the rail. It's like The Night Of The Living Dead...

Yeah, Iggy coulda done that with the Stooges back in '69 With one hand tied behind his back. But there's more. The Godz are a conservative,, real, honest-toGod rock 'n' roll band. The passion is there, along with the balls-down frenzy you need in order to lose it in the Midwest, but the rock 'n' roll traditions are upheld.

And it ain't just the music... when white - Irash -turned - bass - player Eric Moore (the man responsible for both the above concert description and much of the Godz' sex appeal) gives a little bump and grind-while flashing his infamous "clitsplit", front teeth, you can smell the girls ip the front row. And when blond-beauty-flash-guitarist Mark Chatfield lopes over and they French kiss with their clothes off right before your very eyes, you know something's going on.

"The spirit of rock 'n' roll goes back probably to when human beings were still half animals," says Moore. In places all over'the Midwest, returning to the half-animal state means losing it. If I say motherfucker or cocksucker onstage, it's because everyone in the audience has those words in their vocabulary. All I am onstage...is a mirror." The Godz, like the British punk rockers, play for an audience alienated from both mainstream commercial rock music and mainstream American culture. And the Godz' songs show it— "Caught In The Act" is about someone being found with someone else's old lady (a true story) and "Keep A Runnin' " is an anthem of Midwestern frustration ("Can't do enough/Can'tsee enough/Can't feel enough") . There's even a song about a Chevrolet.

The band has bejen together for about one and a half years, put together by Moore, who describes success philosophically: "I didn't finish the eighth grade. I went to prison. I should be married to some skinny broad, have three children, and live in a house trailer. And if I'm lucky, I'll buy a cheap house and die in it. I've got a nice stereo, two hot rods, a motorcycle, a beautiful old lady. I got all the pussy I want, all the dope I want— as far as I'm concerned, I'm a rich man. That's all I need."

The Godz span rock's generations—Mark Chatfield is the youngest at 21; while his co-guitarist Bob Hill, 34, has been playing professionally for the past 20 years. Drummer Glen Cataline and Moore are in their late twenties. While Hill "didn't learn how to rock 'n' roll from Kiss," Chatfield,has a strong feel for the late Seventies screaming guitar style, propelling the basic rock 'n' roll structure of the music.

But will all this jel out there in media land? The Godz are going for the big one, with the help of producer Jimmy Einer, with "their soon-to-be released LP on Casablanca's Millennium label.

"I just tell the truth, I play the way I feel, and I work hard," says Moore. "There's no gimmick. Alice Cooper says he drinks a case of beer a day. Bullshit! You can't drink a case a day and not weigh 500 pounds and still put on a show. I've read that in interviews—he's lying. The motherfucker is lying! They just lie—they all lie. ALICE COOPER, IF YOU'RE LISTENING, YOU'RE LYING... Art is complete honesty."

Tony Rubin/ Fred Brockman

Fabs'City Nixes Fabs

LIVERPOOL—The city council here in the Bdatles' home town has vetoed plans for a statue honoring the fab foursome.

"They aren't worthy of a place in our history," sneezed councilman Rod Stoddart. "They made a lot of money and we have never seen them since."

"They ended up taking drugs and bringing tremendous discredit to the city," added fellow councilman and ex-treasurer of the Dave Clark 5 fan club Tony McVeigh. 'They couldn't sing for toffee."

Oh yeah? How about "I'm Toffee Just To Dance With You?"

Rick Johnson

BEDROOMS OF THE STARS #3: Lita Ford of the Runaways

Hellllo... Ritchie? I was just tailing CREEM how they should feature my teen queen boudoir in their Bedrooms series...I knew they'd be interested in my rare Ukrainian pillows stuffed with Spanish fly; my electric leopard spread with four settings: Hot, Hotter, Hottest, and Ritchie; my authentic British'leather coat ripped off of Rat Scabies' back while he was...uh...looking at Joan's funny scar, and oh... everything else...but the photographer fust walks around with a pair of my panties on his face—he says it's to cut the glare from his strobe...Is this what it takes to get into that magazine, Ritchie?

The Gleam In Jon Anderson's Eye

PIANO; TX—Gloria Denny's organ has eliminated the middle-man. Ever since lightning struck some wires near her home, the organ has been playing up a storm, independent of human fingers.

"You can't hardly believe it," Ms. Denny insists, "but when you move some of the keys, it starts playing like a radio. The first time it was playing country music. Now it switches around and has been playing some kind of rock and roll stuff." Some kind! -,

While the organ itself was unavailable ;for comment, rumors abound that Atlantic has signed it for a series of so)o LPs.

Rick Johnson