SO YOU WANNA BE A ROCK AND ROLL STAR

SO YOU WANNA BE A ROCK AND ROLL STAR

CREEM'S IRREVERENT GUIDE TO THE MUSIC BUSINESS

by

Richard Robinson

PART III

(As all good things must, so in this, Part III of CREEM's irreverent guide to the music business, we conclude the final chapter of our immortal success tale. Hopefully, having followed Parts I & II, you have become fully advised as to unseen pitfalls and what to do with the money.—Ed.)

THE RECORD COMPANY

The President: Mr. Groovy. Sometimes he is a genuinely nice guy. His job is to understand you. He hangs out with you. Sometimes he remembers your name.

Company Hippie/Guru: Young, hip, male. Actually understands a little about rock & roll. He may be the assistant to the president or head of A&R. His job is to agree with you when you say the record company is trying to fuck you.

A&R: Your first contact with the record company. These are the men and women who put their low-paying, big-expense account jobs on the line to find new talent. Most of them aren't long for their jobs. Many are young, interested people who you should keep in touch with as they have a fairly healthy artist-oriented perspective of record companies and the music biz.

Legal Department: This is where you get into serious business—and hot water, if you don't have a knowledgeable music lawyer fronting for you.

All record company contracts come out of the legal department. If there are any company men at the record company, you'll find them in legal. They aren't there to give you a good deal, their job is to keep everything for the company. Their demands can only be modified by a tough negotiating lawyer or getting the record company president to tell them to let you have more than a bottle of Midnight Express for each album you record.

Public Relations/Press Department: Public relations will not make you famous. It has to be in the grooves.

Sometimes record company presidents, artists, and PR people alike think a rave review or interview will make you a star. Often they give you press instead of promoting your records.

Don't believe in PR. At the same time, make sure the PR department knows your every move, has plenty of recent photos of you (you can never have enough new photos), and does something about your concert dates, TV appearances and interviews.

Sales: These people try to get the distributors and one-stops to take your record, then try to get them to put the records they've ordered into the record stores.

Sales has a heavy say in whether the company will press 5,000 or 50,000 copies of your album on the first run. Buy these people coffee,.remember their kids' names, etc.

Promotion: There is no one jiver than a record company promo man. It's a twitch he gets from his job. He spends all day being nice to the assholes who demand tribute because they work for a radio station. Many promo men get so shell shocked from this that they stop total strangers on the street and kiss their asses.

Have compassion, although there is nothing more distasteful than a groovy FM promo man shucking and jiving. Usually the older these guys are, the more shuck you get.

There are a handful of exceptionally talented promo men...real people who seem to like this kamikazi existence from some fatal flaw. Love these few, have pity, and encourage them to become your manager.

By the way, these promo men are responsible for getting your record played on the radio (sort of).

Advertising: Most record company advertising departments are at least two years behind the times. They come from the advertising world, think they're hip, and strongly dislike being told their ad looks like shit or that their ad campaign hasn't got anything to do,with your audience. Be as calm as possible with these people, as they hold a grudge for years and will get you in the end. Compromise is the best you can do here, unless you have approval of all advertising written into your contract.

Art Department: In many ways, art is similar and related to the advertising department. But usually some creative people are involved. Try to get album cover art approval in your contract.

Accounting: Don't be afraid to call the accounting department. They're not in the music business, so be nice and polite and call them daily, being nice and polite until you get your check. It won't take long.

Women In The Biz: There are talented, high-energy women in. the music biz, but the record company segment (except for PR depts.) has few women with positions of power. The record biz feels girls are there to buy records, write fan mail, and grow up to answer the phones. Since many male rock stars have the same attitudes, record execs think they're just hip. But bear one thing in mind: if you know what .you're doing in this business, you can have anybody's job.

WHAT YOU WANT IN YOUR CONTRACT

—As high a royalty as possible paid as often as possible on as close as possible to 100% of all records manufactured. This isn't easy.

—Total creative approval of record, package and ads.

—Get them to pay the studio costs direct, not out of your royalties.

—As few option years as possible. (Some say that if you've only got a two year contract and you don't get hot until your third year, you may never get the chance, because they'll drop you after two years, so the point is debatable.)

—A reasonable advance. Record companies no longer hand out millions of dollars except to has-beens from the '60s. But don't fall for that "we don't give big advances because we want to be able to pufit into promotion and advertising" rap. Get enough cash to buy the equipment you need and stash a little under the mattress.

—Cash commitments to underwrite and promote your live concert tours and other promotional activities.

—As high a royalty as possible on foreign and record club sales. It's a big world out there.

—Some sort of incentive plan where, as you stay with the company longer and sell more records, you'll get bonuses and royalty increases.

—A good lawyer. There is no way you can do this by yourself, t

RECORD COMPANY ONE-LINERS

"There wasn't time." This applies to getting records in the stores, organizing co-op radio and print ads, setting up interviews, and so forth. You can only get around this by telling them of updoming needs as early as humanly possible. It's a good practice to tell more than one record company employee—that way not one of them can deny you ever said it if they don't do it. Put it in writing and send a copy to everyone concerned.

"The airplay doesn't warrant it." This is used for everything from not buying you lunch to not having records in the stores. Sometimes they're right about this.

"We'll have product in all the stores by Monday." .Or whatever day it is you're leaving town.

"This is great. It's a sure hit." You'll hear this most often before you sign the contract. You probably won't hear it again until you've had a few million sellers. When you've done that, they'll tell you it's a hit every time you sneeze.

WHAT COUNTS

1. You.

2. The kids.

3. A good accountant.

WHEN TO GIVE UP

Any band that hasn't made it in five • years should give up. If you've been in a band for five years, you're too old to rock & roll anyway, so get a real job.

ROCK & ROLL FOOTNOTE

I'm sure I've ruffled some record company feathers with my approach to the subject of How To Be A Rock & Roll Star, but I think on the average I've made a fair, if somewhat harsh, appraisal of the music business. It's not easy to be a rock & roller and I think when you put your talent on the line, you face even greater obstacles than those I've outlined here. I do want to say, though, that the music business —like so many other parts of show biz—does have some exceptionally bright and talented people in its ranks, from presidents to mailroom boys. But I must be equally quick to point out that for a fledging rock star, it's not always easy to tell who the goojd guys are.