MAIL

MAIL

Please send letters to:

MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O. Box;P-1064, Birmingham, Ml 48012

MASH NOTE FROM A STAR

Howdy Michael Davis. I'm Ruby Starr. You don't know me, but maybe you're beginning to. I'm not one for writing, but I would like to thank you for the write-up on the LP. What you said was not far off at all—Thanks!

Right now I'm singing with Blackfoot. You may have heard of them. They're from Jacksonville—Rickey Medlock and Greg Walker play on the final Lynyrd Skynyrd album, on "One More Time". Look close and listen.

I talked to Leon Wilkeson, bassist for Lynyrd Skynyrd. He's gonna make it. Makes me very happy. If you can under stand... Ronnie was a very good friend.

We're all very drunk right now, and I don't really know what I'm trying to tell you. We were just lookin' at CREEM and saw the write-up. Thank you.

Love,

Ruby Starr & Blackfoot Oakland, AK

NO-NAME DROPPING

Can you name one rock critic who:

1. Doesn't have an association with a member or members of Blue Oyster Cult?

2. Writes favorable reviews for Emerson, Lake & Palmer albums?

3. Hasn't held a "dinner date" with Patti Smith?

4. Has never been to Max's or CBGB's?

5. Has never taken a ritzy vacation in California?

6. Doesn't have a criminal record besides

Susan Whitall? ' ,

Well, can ya?

Demma "Kreschurb" Blair Doldrums, MD

(1. Caroline Kennedy (Rolling Stone) avoids all foreign members; 2. That question is too hard; 3. Joe "Hard To Get" Fernbacher; 4. We only leave for Big Mac attacks; 5. Ed Ward never leaves Sausalito; 6. Susan: "I'm perfecting my Mackenzie Phillips imitation."— Ed.)

WHAT HAVE WE DONE?

See what has happened to me since I first picked up your goddamn magazine. In 1969 I never even heard of the Stooges much less CREEM. I was clean cut and an altar boy. Then at 17 1 began to grow my hair and do crazy things like smoking Camels and drinking Night Train. Now everyone is cutting their hair and messing it up. What is a young man to do? Now that the Stooges are broken up over four years and my eardrums are black and blue I'm a total wreck at the ripe old age of 21 and it's all your fault. I just thought you might want to know to clear things up between us.

Sincerely,

The Subhuman Buffalo, NY

P.S. When we lose the war I'll be a drummer in a Russian band.

P.S.S. Since B.O.C. went disco I don't know which way to turn and it's gonna start snowing soon, please help!!

(Our typesetter thinks you're cute and how's about a date?—Ed.)

FOREVER OBLONG?

After reading the review of Ringo's new album, I almost ripped up the magazine. I have only one thing to say to you, dear Lady CocaCola: do the letters F.O. mean anything to you?

Mr. Starkey was great as a Beatle, better alone and will most likely get better again.

Wendy Schuler

Farmington, MI

(Lady Coca-Cola: "F... ?O... ?")

HOT RODS TO HELL

Re: "This Muff's No Snuff Buff", July 1976; Vol. 8, #2.

QUESTION: Do you really care? Or, are ya scared of being labeled something else than a rock rag? Lissen. I gotta idea. Take yur nation's biggest selling face and figure (a.k.a. SEX SYMBOL), take her to the top of a Pinto, wire the car so that if anybody touches her or the car...BAGROOM...you get the picture. Then a timing device starts a fire in the car and it is realized that it is only minutes 'til You Know What again...All major TV networks are there to cover the action. The total viewing audience is greater than that of Roots, The Godfather, etc., combined, and the level of excitement would be positively paralyzing. Then at the crucial moment when EVERYONE is totally engrossed and close to the biggest orgasm of their lives, you whisper finely enflucted words that strike a killer chord in the pink and grey matter of all the people in your fair land. FINALE: Everybody snuffs each other and then I can wander about preaching religious to the monoliths of commercialism. ANOTHER QUESTION: Do you think anyone will take me seriously, or will they take me facetiously (as intended).

Well??????????

Ubiquitously yours,

Rex Canuck

Winnipeg, Manitoba

You Know Where

(It's Canadians like you who give Rush a bad name.—Ed.)

SJLTDS3H 1S31 JLS3HD 3ISSHV

Whoever wrote that short article on Andy Gibb in the December issue and made wisecracks about his beautiful choppers probably wore braces ten years and his old lady never bought him any Crest! Roger Daltrey's teeth are prettier! How about Freddie Mercury?

Actually a Queen Fan

Bubble Gum and Braces

Apopka, FL

(My place or his?—Ed.)

HELLO, IT'S ME

I just want to say that I've been buying CREEM for one year now. I've even been reading it for six pionths!

God of Thunder,

Scarsdale, NY

(God of Thunder, come down and dance. —Ed.)

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING

Did you know that Eno's full name is: Brian Peter George St. John Le Baptiste De La Salle Eno?

Do you have any positions opeh? I have a lot more esoteric information to give you. For a price. Fifty grand plus an expense account would be nice.

A dollar will get you one qf the Runaways' phone numbers.

Give an aspiring English major a break, huh? Your Future Editor,

Pat Holloway (alias The Evil Dr. Wang)

Valparaiso University, IN

(Huh!—Ed.)

POETIC JUSTICE

The only reason I'm wasting my time writing this is in support of Yes. In October's issue one of your critics literally spit on Going For The One, and it rilly, rilly hurt me. I think it was AirWreck Googenheimer or whatever his tag is. I love CREEM but I can't stomach the creep who writes dumb things about Yes.

Yes forever,

Spoon Johnson

Buffalo, NY

P.S. Air-Wreck roust be good for something, try Mailboy!

(Joe Fernbacher is your man. Air-Wreck already put time in-the mail dept, circa 1975-76. —Ed.)

NO HOPE

Beeautiful mag.

Much variety.

Pure Rock.

Klaatu?!?!?!

Is it possible for you fellas to send me information on Klaatu or where I may find someone who will?

My friends say positively they are the Beatles. I love their Klaatu album, but Hope isn't nearly as ecstatic.

Help appreciated,

Marty Moulton

Caroll, IA

(How many times do we have to tell you: Ringo is Klaatu!—Ed.)

CALLING ALL CARS

Do any of you guys know where Alvin Lee is. ..?

P.S. Find him. . .

Alvin Lee Friends

"Woodside, NY

(Then what?—Ed.)

DOGGY DIRT

Your December issue of CREEM showed a perfect example of why I never listen to R&R "critics." Thank you Robert Christgau for giving a perfect review to Iggy's fantastic album Lust For Life. But now we come to some "Idiot's" review, a Gregg Turner (notice the play on Words). Anyway, this guy (he actually spells his name with two G's—no class) really did it to the Ig, not to mention Bowie. He said he could give 10,566 reasons why the LP "sucks." Well, the fool only gave three! (Ya see, he can't even count!) Well, Mr. Turner, may a Diamond Dog do its thing upon you and your "microbe infested" review!!!

A T'd-off Iggy fan,

Philadelphia, PA

CURING INSOMNIA

It's Bill Wyman's birthday and I'm in a good mood. The last few issues of CREEM have been really great, starting with Woody in the March issue. April was good cuz of Page, May for Queen, June for Keith, July for Zep, August was great cuz of Bad Co., September for the Nugent interview, October wasn't that great and November was fantastic cuz of the interview with Rod Stewart. I can't wait for December. BOC is cornin' to town in two days. I don't have any money for that though.

Peace and love,

Kimmy Carbullido

Omaha, NE

P.S. I don't claim Omaha, I'm movin' out as soon as possible, and I was born in Ohio, learned to talk in Boston, was potty-tr,ained in Alaska and fell asleep in Omaha!

(Only to drop a big one in Birmingham!—Ed.)

LOVE IT TO DEATH

I just wanted to thank you for being such a great rock magazine! You're the best! Your interview avec Rod Stewart was super! Thanks a bunch! In your December issue the photograph of Mr. Stewart and Mr. Plant playing foot ball (soccer) was Perfectl Please print a bit more on Rod Stewart (my #1 man) and Queen. Thank you for everything!

Your Number One Fan and Reader,

Linda Laeuter

Sturbridge, MA (!!!—Ed.)

SPACE TRUCKIN'

This is my response to my letter of some ten days ago (We threw it out—whew!—Ed.), in which I promised to devote my time and energies to the people by exploring the realities of space colonization. I'm sure you'll be interested in the results of my inquiries. The Beatles have responded to my challenge and have agreed to be the opening act in my combined autobiography/ colonization presentation.

By using the almost universal acceptance of the Beatles, I hop£ to bring an instant authenticity to my project. Their reunion is of enough significance that through them, I c^n communicate to the whole population, not just various special interest groups.

The concert will take place the first week of the new year. I hope that the speculations and the realities involved with colonization and this particular event will thrust this solution to the world's troubles into the limelight..

Sincerely,

"David Bowie"

Indianapolis, IN (PfffffffMfmffffWffft'-Ed.)

DOG STAR WARS

I think Ted Nugent should have done the theme to Star Wars.

R. Hyle Matawan, NJ

(Hey, R.—check out "Journey To The Center Of Your Mind"—Ted never repeats himself. —Ed.)

TANSTAAFL

I really dug Rick Johnson's article "How To Be A Rock Critic. (In One E-Z Lesson)." I just cin't make out if all that you described in the article is true, like you don't get paid or whatever. Like, what if you had to review a concert or interview a rock musician or a jazz musician (which I would prefer interviewing) wouldn't you be entitled to expenses or maybe a budget? Like, I can dig that what you're trying to imply, apparently, is that rock criticism is only for love of it and, like, you even have, to spend your own bread to get something like a record to review/criticize.

Anyway, the thing is like over here (Philippines), you get a free ticket for the concert plus a fee for your review. I done me some reviews on records, too^but like, the paper or any magazine wouldn't like to print any of my bad reviews; like, they say the record company would hassle me and the paper if any.of the negative comments about their record would be printed. Then they would just print the albums which I rated good. It's really screwed, ain't it? Like, the buying public really ain't got no choice but to read good reviews on every kind of album and sometimes get an inferior record.

Anyway, I wish you people more power, and keep giving them bad record albums the review they deserve.

G. Cage

Manila, Philippines (We'd rather review you.—Ed )

PILTDOWN BAND EXPOSED!

Being an attentive rottk fan, I discovered a surprising fact that deals with the ever-magnanimous operarockers—Queen. While chronologically listing and numbering Queen's tunes, starting with their first album to the present News Of The World, side one to side two of every album, I attained the fact that Brian May's "39" is none other than the thirty-ninth tune that Queen has written. Coincidence?

Dale Leroux Westbrook, ME