GOD SAVE THE NEW WAVE (Catch It While You Can)

GOD SAVE THE NEW WAVE (Catch It While You Can)

A Consumer Guide To Toronto Punk

by

Jeffrey Morgan

Just don't tell them you're Canadian and you might get away with it. —John Hamilton drummer, The Diodes

THE HISTORY

BEFORE THE FLOOD: To fully understand the unique New Wave situation which has manifested itself in Toronto, it helps to have a working knowledge of the city itself—before the wave hit.

Before you can perform in any of the local dives lucky enough to have been granted a liquor license from the Ontario government, you first have to sign with booking agents who control just about every place there is to perform in. If you don't like it, there's nothing you can do about it—except leave the country. (If anything, one soon learns that Toronto is a city made up almost exclusively of don'ts, can'ts, and a hell of a lot of ifs.)

IN THE BEGINNING: In the beginning there was nothing. Just a few local post-glitter bands spotting the musical landscape like the androgynous dinosauTS that they really were.

Few noticed and nobody, especially the kids, really cared. There was a vacuum existing which desperately needed to be filled and everyone knew it.

OCA AND THE BEV: Populated by many would-be artists, the Ontario College of Art is located in a grubby part of town where old drunks crawl around and, drop dead on the lawn of the nearby City Hall. It was in OCA's Video and Photo/Electric Arts department where the Diodes, Toronto's first New Wave band was born, late in 1976. /

Around the corner from OCA is the Beverly Tavern where the OCA crowd can be found drinking themselves silly and talking about video, film and music. Especially music. Loud music.

CEAC: The Diodes had been rehearsing in the basement of CEAC (the Centre for Experimental Art and Communication) which was, conveniently enough, just a sl)ot away from OCA and the Bev. Being the city's first punk band, the Diodes were initially met with disbelief and skepticism—which turned quickly to terminal hate in its most advanced stages. When Diode Ian Mackay says, "To most people we're vermin," he's not joking. Banned from every venue, Toronto punk might have been stillborn had the Diodes not converted their CEAC rehearsal space into Canada's first punk rock club, the CRASH W BURN: Aside from the groups themselves (many of which have a seminal charm that's hard to resist), the one man responsible for keeping the New Wave alive in Toronto is Ralph Alfonso. As a result of his monthly New Wave column, Bomp de Bomp in StageLife (Canada's only— and I mean only—rock 'n' roll magazine) and in addition to his being closely associated with virtually all of the new groups, Alfonso became the manager of Crash 'n' Burn during its three month' existence last June, July and August.

Crash 'n' Burn was a hot, sweaty pit that originally served as an old shoe factory. According to the Ontario health deartmenf, the official capacity of Crash 'n' Burn was 40 people. However, most nights saw in excess of 150 regulars, sweating, dancing and passing.out. One night when Crash 'n' Burn threw a massive party for the Ramones, over 200 could be found crushed in attendance.

Not everyone appreciated Crash 'n' Burn, though. Complaints were filed and CEAC, fearing it would lose a prize tenant, brought the hammer down after what turned out to be Crash 'n' Burn's last night; an all-star evening featuring the Dead Boys (headliners), the Diodes (opening act), Teenage Head (audience hecklers) and the Viletones (beerslingers). It was the Toronto New Wave's greatest moment—an event made all the more memorable by the fact that no one knew that after that night, Crash 'n' Burn would never open its doors to the public again.

THE BANDS Diodes

The first and the best, the Diodes (Paul Robinson, vocals; John Catto, guitars; Ian Mackay, bass; John Hamilton drums) get points for being at least two months ahead of everyone else by being theTirst local New Wave group to be formed, the first group to open a punk club, and the first group to be signed by a major record company (CBS).

Musically, they're in a class of their own. Originals right down the line, their sound is fused with the kind of urgency needed to transform good ideas into great rock 'n' roll.

Visually, they're in dire need of a choreographer. Not that their concerts are boring; it's just that when they perform, they take themselves too seriously to be taken seriously. Diode Paul Robinson (who has the uncanny knack of never bending his knees on stage) is especially guilty of this transgression. I

Tor the next two months, however, ^ Diodes rule, OK? u

Teenage Head

Hailing from Hamilton (a steel town of no repute), Teenage Head are next up in the "Win A Record Contract" punk sweepstakes—and for good reason. Claiming the inevitable Iggy/ Dolls influence, Teenage Head provide a no-nonsense good time alternative that's in direct counterpoint to the 'do-or-die' atmosphere characteristic of the Diodes.

When lead linger Frankie Venom starts singing his band's anthem, "Disgusteen," it's obvious to all concerned that rock 'n' roll is what Frankie was born to be. Probably Toronto's only real punk (in the true sense of the worcj), Frankie comes across on stage as a brash and cocky troublemaker with the kind of youthful energy that screams for freedom, or else.

Along with guitarist Gord Lewis, bassist Steve Mahon and drummer Nick Stipanitz; Teenage Head reflect the current state of the art with such original compositions of frustration and infuriation as "Picture My Face," "Top Down," the aforementioned "Disgusteen" and the excellent "Tearin' Me Apart."

Viletones

The most notorious, the Viletones were put together through a classified ad in the Toronto Star by Steven Leckie, the dissatisfied (aren't they all?) son of a well-to-do-advertising executive. Leckie, the Tones' lead siriger (who has been trapped into using the stage name of Nazi Dog), made his reputation almost exclusively by cutting up his arms and face on stage with assorted broken beer bottles. A former high school David Bowie lookalike, Leckie says, "I don't mess with arteries, I just go for the fat and muscle deposits."

The other Tones are a catch-ascatch-can collection of the most unlikely of punks. Bassist Chris Hate (nee Poputts) was an original member of Everyday People, an old hippiepop Canadian group with an album produced by Rush's Terry Brown that's still available in the right delete bins—if you're lucky. Guitarist Freddie Pompeii, an American commercial artist, used to be a regular on the city's folk-circuit as a solo acoustic act. He's been playing electric guitar for only a year. Drummer Motor Mike (aka Motor X) used to be a daytime electrician.

Doomed to probable extinction within the next twelve months (Leckie no longer cuts himself up on stage), the Tones have released an extremely § powerful EP on their own Vile Rec| ords, featuring three killer songs: | "Screamin' Fist," "Possibilities," and - "Rebel." If they'd cut out the theatrics and get down to some serious music, they might outlast the cult that currently surrounds them.

Dishes

Not exactly a punk band, the Dishes ("Already A Household Word") came together in 1975 as Sparks/ Roxy Music rip-offs. Their particular precious style of trendy camp has endeared them to the city's pseudo wellto-do literary and artistic circles—a true kiss of death.

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Their first EP ("Fashion Plates," qn Regular Records) suffers from weak production and hideously bad lyrics that try to be witty (a la Ron Mael), but end up being only trite and banal in the process.

The group always seems to be skirting the outer fringes of a record contract, but never qiiiite connecting. After seeing them rehearse, Sire Records president Seymour Stein offered the Dishes the opportunity to play CBGB's with the Talking, Heads. True to fashion (no pun intended), they refused.

The only good thing to come out of

these boys is a manic tribute to Karen. Ann Quinlan called "I'm In A Coma." So good is the song in fact that it was deemed unsuitable for the kind of music the Dishes play and, as a result, it was given to the Diodes instead—who perform it regularly in their set.

Figures.

Next.

Curse

Toronto's first all-girl punk band (you were waiting for that, weren't you?) was discovered by Viletones guitarist Freddie Pompeii in the rental department of a local music store. Needless to say, the subsequent result was the Curse's debut at Crash 'n' Burn as opening act for the Tones.

Both on stage and off, they look like truckers' girlfriends in search of pool cues to ram into somebody's face. Musically, their inadequacies are more than made up By the sheer aural pornography that passes as songs. Lead singer Mickey Skin especially gets points for her repartee of insults with the audience—a charming stage presence that places her somewhere between Don Rickies and vintage Iggy Stooge (both visually as well as vocally).

Guitarist Trixie Danger goes out with Diode John Hamilton in what is probably the first local inter-punk romance.

"Our songs deal with sex and being exploited," says Trixie's sister, Dr. Bourque. "I mean, I'm no social worker. I just want to make a very strong stand."

Patsy Poison is the prettiest of them all. So what?

Machine Rock

Generally , accepted as Canada's number one rock critic (as a result of his abrasive column and reviews in StogeLife), The Machine is in the Unique 'position of being Toronto's best known rock 'n' roller—even though, as of this writing, he has yet to form what he calls his "Death Band."

"God knows I've tried," says Machine, "but I just can't find anyone who's as good as myself."

A prolific writer, he's written several outstanding songs including "Eliminator," "No Life," "Chinese Junk" and "Panic On The Titanic.v

THE BEST OF THE REST

Cads

An off-shoot of Oh Those Pants (a ten-member rock group that specialized in camp covers of mid-Sixties hits), the Cads specialize in satirical numbers like "Rodan" ("Rodan, you're a bad boy, Tokyo is not your toy.") and "This Is Your Life, Patti Smith" ("So why did you fall off the stage?").

Like a good wine, they're slowly improving with age. Their first single ("Over My Dead Body") should be out on their own Hi-Fi label by the time you read this.

Poles

Lead singer Michaele Jordana (nee Berman) took a trib to northern Canada where she had a psychic experience of which she now sings about in songs like "Snow Queen" and "Sacrifice." Snow, ice and frozen tundra. You couldn't get more Canadian if you tried. A stiff breeze could blow this Eskimo away (and should).-

Ugly

These bunch of nodes are led by Mike Nightmare, who's had the dubious honor of having his face turned inside out by Phil Lynott of Thin Lizzy at Crash 'n' Burn.

Nightmare (if the name fits, use it) claims that he sees himself as a combination of the best of Bruce Lee and Antoin Artaud. Unfortunately, on stage he comes across as a combination of the worst of Iggy Pop and Velvets Lou Reed. Sure he's tough looking but, then again, who isn't these days? (And, yes, the band members are indeed ugly.)

B-Girls

Toronto's second all-girl band offers a pop-consciousness alternative to the grossness of the Curse. The group features sisters Cynthia and Rhonda Ross (bass and drums, respectively), lead singer Lucasta Rochas and the luscious Xenia Holliday on guitar.

Dressing in black outfits and stiletto \ heels, they cover songs like "Baby, It's Cold Outside" and "I Need Your Love." Their originals include "Search For The Hurt" and "B Side." Are you still awake?

Concordes

Led by artists' model Karen Smails (twenty-five bucks and she's yours) and OCA president John Armstrong on guitar, the Concordes are your typical art school band playing 747 cacophony. Musicallly, the band needs a few more sessions in the basement, but it's Karen's legs which will provide whatever claim to fame the Concordes might have. (Godknows it won't be her voice, which is a screaming Yoko Ono clone if ever I've heard one—and I haven't.)

IN THE FUTURE: Already, at this very moment, there are countless bands forming and reforming in basements around the country, making groups like Teenage Head and the Viletones obsolete: Deadbeats, Johnny and the G-Men, Martha and the Muffins, Adroids.One such band, the Dents, is made up of eighteenye&r-old kids who've graduated from being Diodes roadies to forming their Pwn band—thus making, in the process, their former employers members of the Old Wave.

These days there isn't even enough time to die before you get old. 11^