For the so-called New Wave to evolve into something more than a pathetic little trickle—commercially— there will have to be a major shift— and I mean major—in the taste of the American public. It'll mean bye-bye to long, tasty, self-indulgent licks, byebye to the whole concept of guitarworship, bye-bye to complex chord progressions and instrumental virtuosity as we know it, bye-bye to fancy production techniques. Unlikely? Well, it has happened before, and it may be happening again.

Speaking 22 years ago, Frank Sinatra—more recently one of Elvis' more misty-eyed eulogizers—had this to say about the King: "Rock 'n' roll is phony and false. It is sung, played and written for the most part by cretinous goons, and by means of imbecilic reiteration and sly, lewd; in plain fact, dirty lyrics...it manages to be the martial music of every sideburned delinquent on the face of the earths"

Well, sideburns are definitely o-u-t, but you can read this type of review of any given punk rock show on the West Coast in the San Francisco Chronicle or the L.A. Times. What Sinatra was doing was judging the new wave of 1956, a wave that eventually swept all that came before it into culture's garbage bin, by the standards of the time. Elvis and his successors—the Stones, Beatles, Airplane, Kiss—set up new standards. And today, Sinatroid critics and rock hacks are seeking to judge "punk rock" or "New Wave" or whatever the Industry and Media wants to label it, by those standards.

You cannot compare these bands to Aerosmith, Humble Pie and the Grateful Dead. Punk rock wants to bury those bands, not by imitating them and doing their thing better than the originals, but by bringing in a whole New Order. Some call it junk, like Sinatra did 20 years ago. We'll see, Robert Duncan, we'll see.

Out here in the land of crunchy granola, surf 'n' sun and Jerry Garcia riffs-up-the-ass, that which is called New Wave is basically a second generation phenomena. The night after the NBC^TV report on the London punk rockers, the Mabuhay Gardens in San Francisco drew up plans to raise the ceilings to accommodate the pogodancers. Within a week after the show, the scene's coif and couture had been radically altered and at least one band began singing in an English accent.

The bands were bored with the accountant-and-lawyer-dominated Music Biz take-over of the Youth Culture. And anyway, how the fuck do you compete with Peter Frampton and Wings on their terms? No way— so just change the whole ball game. The Dils' Tony Nineteen (he's 20 but he used to be 19) doesn't say he sings better than Freddie Mercury. "I think Freddie Mercury is a pompous toad. We don't say we're better than them on their terms—we don't emulate them; we want to destroy them. Tastes are changing."

Patti Smith inspired the first set of bands—the Nuns, Crime, the Motels —and the Ramones helped gel a viable scene and inspired still another generation of bands. Many bands who claim the Ramones as their progenitors agree with the Weirdos: ''After we heard the first Ramones album, I thought that if they can do it, anybody can do it."

So who's "punk" and who's just a re-hashed '70s bar band or a left-over glitter band? Well, there are a bunch of criteria and a band's gotta fit into all of them to be genuine punk. One's personal appearance, one's on-stage stance, one's lyrics and the way one plays one's instruments are the determinants. We've compiled a list of the mostly unrecorded California punk bands. The concept is beginning to catch on, and if it takes on the Coast, watch out America.

SAN FRANCISCO

A genuine New Wave scene began attracting attention in the Bay Area just over a year ago. Today San Francisco boasts three punk-oriented venues—the Mabuhay Gardens (formerly a Filipino supper club tucked between massage parlors, tit shows and dirty bookstores ih historic North Beach); the Tatoo Lagoon (until recently a declasse gay disco in the warehouse district); and Blades, a rock theater owned by Porn Kings Artie and Jim Mitchell. The Bay Area also supports a large number of fanzines catering to punkers and the two most important rock radio stations, KSAN and KSJO, give a heavy emphasis to New Wave music.

The Nuns

Punk has gotten its insidious foot in the door with the Nuns, the New Wave's veritable Trojan Horse. The Nuns' following in California is legion. In only a year they have become the biggest and most important new band in the state. Their songs are the most requested on Bay Area radio stations and they have become major cult figures in Los Angeles: When they play the Mabuhay—their home ground—lines start forming hours before the show and at a Bill Graham Winterland show the Nuns drew more applause than the Ramones and Dictators combined!

Not easily penetrable at first listen, the Nuns' inevitable accessibility is due to their mastery of two factors that few other West Coast New Wavers have gotten under their belts ...or suspenders—an ability to write songs and an ability to deliver those songs musically. Their gritty N. Y. rawness—both lead singers, Jeff Olener and Richie Detrick, are New Yorkers —is reminiscent of the early Velvets. They even have a lovely Nico-esque chanteuse of a keyboard player, the icy-veined Jennifer Miro.

The Nuns are an original band who spit at the new wave as they ride its crest. Guitarist Alejandro Escovedo may play minimally, in true-blue punk fashion, but the counterpoint to Jennifer's piercing Farfisa piano, gives the band an interesting—and musical —sound. Their songs, "Decadent Jew," "Suicide Child," "Mental Masturbation," "Child Molester," "Chicks," would be classics anywhere, any time, regardless of whether an audience of lamebrains and pinheads with green hair and plastic garbage bags decided to jump around and strangle each other or not. The Nuns have got it both ways—-if New Wave makes it, they're the best of that; if the wave recedes, they're still a promising young rock band.

Crime

On October 31 Crime celebrated a full year of performing. Their fame— or infamy—is widespread and they never fail to pack the places they play, at least partially because they play so infrequently, preferring each show to be a special event. They were the first West Coast punkers to put out their own 45, and to date they have released two well-received picture-sleeve records, "Hot Wire My Heart" b/w "Baby You're So Repulsive" and "Murder By Guitar" b/w "Frustration", each as threatening and impenetrable to the ear as the quartet's hard-as-nails demeanor is to the visual faculties. Crime takes pride in the fact that many of their shows—or events— have ended in riots, or at least smashed windows and broken furniture. Their hard, fast, often atonal onslaught drives their fans into pogo-dancing frenzy, while the uninitiated scurry for the nearest exit.

The Avengers

On seeing a recent Avengers show, another band wrote a song called "Victims of the Media." The Avengers are s the perfect punk band—not a safety t pin is out of place and every ripped, ~ painted t-shirt is exactly right. Lead 4 singer/shrieker, Penelope, (a modern Judy Garland) spends her days at Vidal Sassoon's having her hair done. (It's never the same color at any two shows.) But as ridiculous as the Avengers are as a concept—they are from the form-without-content San Francisco Art Institute—they happen to be the definitive punk rock instrumentalists of the U.S.! Their guitarist, Greg Scars, defihes New Wave guitar; and since punk rock so heavily emphasizes the de-emphasis of guitarhegemony, Greg is in a crucial role. He's the fastest guitar in town and he y has been heard playing leads, when no one is around, that would put Eric Clapton to shame. The drummer and bass player are also first-rate musicians—if I may use the term loosely— and Penelope s deafening screams actually are nausea-inducing, a definite plus. Their big song, "(I Wanna) Fuck You," gets even the most ludedout hippie audience up and pogoing.

Nuclear Valdez

This power trio from San Jose claims it is composed of two 19-yearold brothers, Donny and Eddie Valdez, on guitar and bass respectively, and a 17-year-old cousin, Rudi Sanchez, who recently took over drum chores when brother Mickey Valdez returned to the ancestoral home in Tijuana (after developing distinctly Ginger Bakeroid tendencies). However, it has been recently discovered that the Nukes are in fact disc jockeys on San Jose's hard-rockin' KSJO radio. These guys are only in it for the furl—which doesn't make them all that popular witlji the deadly serious artistes and hard-core pinheads. The Nukes, however, have a huge following in San Jose and San Francisco for their hilarious 3-chord compositions, many of which sound exactly like Ramones tunes. Their mantra-like anthem, "We All Eat Meat," is a fave, as is "I Didn't Wanna Hurt You," the tale about a vengeful spurned lover who runs over his ex with a snowplow (in San Jose?). Several major labels have shown an interest in this band and they can probably make it as a novelty item, if the New Wave proves to be a bust.

Street Punks

The Street Punks are not quite a bona fide punk rock band. Their lyrics are punk; they do look like assholes onstage (ripped clothes, safety pins, sunglasses, etc.); and they are sufficiently energized and maniacal in their presentation—with lead singer Mike Trengali guzzling beer, spitting beer, writhing in beer, dousing the audience in beer, etc. The problem—for the pin heads at least—is that the Street Punks are basically a rock band. In fact, this group of teenagers from the suburban East Bay was until recently a good, progressive hard-ass bar band. Attracted by the notoriety and fun around the p-rock scene, they tore up their t-shirts, wrote a couple of new songs, simplified some old ones, got haircuts at Sassoon's and started gigging at the Mabuhay. Hard-core punkers find their music excessive (excessively musical) and too technical and their old rock friends find them disgusting and trendy, but they seem to be a good compromise between old wave and new.

LOS ANGELES

Los Angeles has been trying— desperately, and with no sustained success—to get a New Wave venue going. Everything winds up going the way of the big money interests that so thoroughly control the town. This burg belongs to the Record Industry. Even the punk rock "rebellion" is extremely plastic, following trends in London and New York minute by minute. Many bands complain that the close proximity to the Industry retards the development of a "real" scene. There are, however, a number of bands which are beginning to distinguish themselves in the Southland. Ironically;some of the best of the "L.A. bands" are actually from San Diego.

The Dills

The Dills are not only the oldest punk rockers (still punkin') south of the Nuns, they are also the most ideologically pure. "Urine-stained Communists," according to noted scenemaker and Industry hustler KimFowley, the Dills are a trio seeking to destroy rock 'n' roll and all it has come to stand for. Although they claim the early Who as their musical influence, what they play hardly seems to bear that out. What they play, in fact, would

be difficult to describe as music—at least as we know it today. "This is not the rock hustle anymore. We are antirock 'n' roll, anti-drug, anti-booze, anti-groupie, anti-star. New Wave is a rebirth—a change of values." The Dills wear Angola buttons and are serious young men. They have a single On What Records called "I Hate the Rich" b/w "You're Not Blank." They are a funny band.

Zeros

The Zeros, quickly pegged the "Mexican Ramones," are also fr"om San Diegoi All are 17 except guitarist Javier Escovedo (brother of the Nuns' Alejandro), who is 19. The Zeros are lovable and popular. The quartet has a distinctive surfer influence in their music and their look and it seems odd that all the pogo freaks like them. They formed a band because theyhad nothing else to do—and nothing else they could do—and they don't relate a helluva lot to the artsy-fartsy New Wavers. "I didn't even take art," says Javier. They have two singles on Bomp Records, "Wimp" b/w "Don't Push Me Around" and "Beat Your Heart Out" b/w "Wild Weekend." They play fast but never move around onstage. Nice guys.,

The Hitmakers

The Hit-Sfea/ers might be a more apropos moniker for this San Diego punkish quartet, since the bulk of their set consists of covers of old Rolling Stones and Beatles hits. If this singer doesn't experience genuine epileptic seizure onstage, then my name is Fyodor Roskolnikov. The drummer is the outstanding musician of this band, a fact which is not atypical of punk ensembles. A good bar/dance band, but unlike their Dillish progenitors, of np social value and, like the Dills, of minimal musical value.

.Screamers

Even this band, the best of the actual L.A. stuff, isn't really from L.A. Formerly Seattle's notorious Tupperwares, the Screamers consist of vocalist Tomata du Plenty (who has a presence not unlike a freaked out Mickey Rooney), synthesizer player Gear and K.K., "someone who likes to hit things," as they describe their drummer, all spineheads. As you might guess from their instrumental line up, the Screamers are not just another guitar band. Combining influences from such diverse figures as the Bay City Rollers, Denny Martin and Eno, the Screamers are at once radically avant garde and...fun.

"We're not trying to play music— we're trying to play an anxious sound." Actually, what they're best known for is their look—sturdily-molded spiney hairdos, which they confided are cpated in Vaseline so as to collect a potent dose of L.A.'s fine airborne pollutants.

Weirdos

The most popular New Wave band in L.A., the Weirdos were once a drumless quartet—until Cliff Roman nearly ran pver some arty type on Sunset Blvd., brought him to a rehearsal and gave him a chance on the drums. Inspired by the first Ramones album, the Weirdos realized that punk rock would be the next big thing. Claiming to have been weird for years, they also seem to be the main exponents and the main critics of the trade-in-yourpuka-shells-for-safety-pins syndrome. They look like slightly deranged, shorn hippies who read a lot of English music magazines. One of their songs, "I'm Plastic," shows a great deal of insight into these first stages of the Hollywood punk rock scene:

1 come from Hollywood Oh yeah, well I'm plastic Can't ya tell?

But I don't care 'Cuz I can bounce An' I can bend That's all that counts Until the end

There's nothing else I'd rather be And I wouldn't if I could I come from Hollywood. *

Their sound (which they have deluded themselves into actually believing is Top 40 material) is fast, energy-packed and manic. Where the critic once called Elvis' stuff "jungle music," they call this stuff "jumble music." Their loud, raw, discordant barrage makes people jump up and down and strangle each other.

The Runaways

The Runaways are in a peculiar position. As the only West Coast band of this genre signed to a major record label, they have a strong international following. Locally, however, they are only tangential to the New Wave. At once part of the Evil Industry that all punks are supposed to despise, the Runaways are in a position most of the bands envy. And the key to the Runaways' duality—the e ver-controversial Mr. Kim Fowley, their manager/producer/creator.

Recently the Runaways had a change in personnel. Following a big Japanese tour, Cherie Currie, the provocative jailbait lead singer, and bassist Jackie Fox left the band. Vicky Blue, 17, replaced Jackie and resident punk rhythm guitarist Joan Jett has assumed most of the vocal chores. Lita and Sandy, respectively the guitarist (and a good one I might add—no girlgimmick here) and drummer, claim they are definitely not a punk band. "We're new and people don't know what category to put us in. Our music's a lot better than punk rock— more harmonies, more chords...more interesting."

Joan, dressed in de rigeur New Wave attire, has other thoughts on the subject. She thinks real punk rock only exists in the U.K. and "here it's just media hype." In any case, the Runaways, she claims, "play six or s£ven chords. That's not punk rock; but I'll throw a bottle and chuck a chair out a window and I'll spit on somebody

and throw-up on them." Because of this New Wave charm of Joan's, the Runaways have become part of the L.A. punk scene; three chords or seven, like it or not. The fact that less people see them as)a Fowley-inspired gimmick and more as a rock band, coupled with the fact that each album gets a little tighter and a little more listenable, speaks well for a buncha girls who really do just wanna rockunrawl.

Backstage Pass

Another all-girl band that wants to rockunrawl isn't really an all-girl band. The drummer—Perv—is a boy. They claim they're not punk either—just part of the New Wave. Their attitude and material, they say, is different. "It's more positive and it's pop. And we try real hard to sound good." Well, you'd never know it 'cause musically

* they sound about as...er, avant garde as the other L.A. p-rockers. What makes them different to the'casual observer is that the ladies are self-proclaimed groupies. ("We don't see it in a derogatory light. Musicians are our friends.") They claim to be about to sign with Stiff Records (the Damned and Nick Lowe's label) and they were wearing Stiff t-shirts (not ripped) when I saw them last.

Germs

There are four 'Germs, and their reputation is that of a pogo band that can't play. That may be true, but they make up for their lack of instrumental prowess by being big scene-makers. They smear themselves with peanut butter, throw food at the audience and are big on hairdos. Vocalist Bpbby Pyn, a rich kid, has more safety pins than anybody else in the world; guitarist Pat Smear could be described as a transvestite; Lorna Doom, the bassist, has the fat, dumb image; and the wonderful Germ drummer, Cliff Hanger, has been better known as the lude seller at the Rainbjow. They also have a single out: "Forming" b/w "Germs Live."

Vom

If the main component of these punk bands is a desire to have fun (which it may be at the beginning, but rarely is after they've been paid a few dollars for a gig), Vom would rule su^ preme. Vom wants nothing but fun. Vom is a critic's band in the truest sgnse of the word. The line-up includes R. Meltzer, Gene Sculatti,

Metal Mike Saunders, Gregg Turner and Dave Guzman (the band's token non-critic and token musician). Meltzer, formerly lead singer with an early incarnation of the BOC, is the main vocalist, although this group is blessed with five singers and—need I say—five songwriters.

"I'm the oldest," says R. "I got the fewest years to live, so I do most of the songs. Finally, after all these fuckin' years, rock 'n' roll is do-it-yourself fun.

I don't expect to make a fuckin' penny but all these other bands are such fucking shit that we can't help bpt be as good. There's also cunt at stake—/ get plenty anyway. I've been living rock 'n' roll for the last 20 years and if that ain't preparation, tell me what is."

Vom got its big break when the Nuns took them under their wings. The Nuns, like Vom's other fanatic fans are into the Vom song repertoire: "Wee On Me," "I Love Your Mom," "I Could Use Some Cooz," "Binge," "Punk Poozle," "Gotta Dagger For Ya, Jagger," and a dirty version of the Dictators' "Master Race Rock." Imagine a double bill with the Lester Bangs Band!

THE REST OF 'EM

There are a great many other bands in L.A. calling themselves (or being called) "punk rock" or "New Wave." Many are merely Led Zep/Humble Pie rehashes or Deep Purploid imitations. The best of the local L.A. bands (since the Doors), the Zippers, are much too musically accomplished to be called "punk," even if they do have the Italian bartender from Mean Streets on guitar and a surfer version of Tom Verlaine on vocals. If you wanna say "New Wave" is interesting new stuff, punk and otherwise, then there ya go. But if there's one message in all this punk rock stuff, it's that it's something that almost anyone can do. Among the better new punk bands, if "better" is the appropriate word in this instance, are Needles and Pins, the Skulls and the Weasles. Rodney Bingenheimer, long-time scene-maker extraordinaire and KROQ DJ, has recently put out a single with the New Wave Orchestra on Bomp Records. If punk rock continues to accelerate at its present rate, by the time you're reading this story there'll be at least a dozen new punk rock bands and maybe even one in your town. Join it.