MAIL

MAIL

Please send letters to:

MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O. Box P-1064 , Birmingham, Mil 48012

CATERWALLING FOR CHARITY I was both appalled and surprised at an advertisement in your magazine. Your recent plea to your readers to save the Met is a joke! I never buy your magazine (I have better things to do with my money) but read it on occasion. You guys ask your readers for a favor? HA! The readers of CREEM deserve a much better lot than you guys. Anytime anybody tries to write to you morpns, you give them some half-assed stupid reply. Then you expect them to donate funds to the Met because YOU ask them to? You guys are mqre stupid than I thought. It is quite obvious that your readers are far more knowledgeable about rock than you are. Saving the Met is a very worthy cause and if you all get any donations at all, it will be because it is such a good cause. Why dont the writers at CREEM start displaying a little respect for your fans(s)? Just remember, you're nothing without them. (CREEM is pretty close to zilch anyway.)

Boy Howdy!

John McNamara Washington, D.C.

(Jerk. Now we'd like to take this opportunity to reiterate that it is still not too late to help save the Met through the CREEM/PIONEER. We all owe a lot to music campaign. Checks should be made payable to The Metropolitan Opera/ Pioneer Fund and addressed to U.S. Pioneer Electronics Corp., Dept. M.E.T., 75 Oxford Drive, Moonachie, NJ 07074. Remember, for every dollar you give, the Met gets four.—Ed.)

ANOTHER TRUE IDENTITY REVEALED

We are giving you the first opportunity to print this authentic photo of Gene Simmons— WITHOUT HIS MAKE-UP!!! We went to great extremes to share this with our fellow CREEM readers. Geine is pictured here at age 18, a senior in high school. The resembl

All Aboard For Lady Stardust Akron, OH

IN SEARCH OF BRIAN WILSONS ROOT I concur wholeheartedly with a recent Bob Christgau re-review of the Beach Boys Wild Honey LP that appeared in CREEM. It took considerable beans for Brian Wilson to put out . such-a smart and simplistic album in the midst of ffie 1967-68 crazies. The music biz took note. Dylan, the Band, even the Beatles toned down their artiness and went for the solar plexis after that album. I dont even give a poop if Brian became a turnip for a while because of it all. And at the risk of sounding like a predestined Calvinist, I figure Brian is about ready to ram it once again. I only wish I was white.

Rape & Pillage The Joint,

Waterbury, CT

(Why?r-Ed.)

MONKEY BUSINESS STRATAGEMS Your magazine is fantastic, but you know that! Well, how about some nice exotic articles on the Sex Pistols, the Damned, and the Ramones? Maybe put them all on the cover, it sure would sell more copies?!! Also, try to run another Iggy centerfold, Im in heat! Lets all get together and do some mondo bondo on a nun? What ya say? Silver Adams New Orleans, LA

(How about if we put you on the cover... then we can all collect unemployment insurance, what ya say?—Ed.)

REQUIEM FOR A HEAVYWEIGHT A professional wrestling manager, Dave Drason, claims his wrestling charges listen to Bachman-Turner Overdrive, Aerosmith, the Rolling Stones, etc., but that their favorite group is KiSs. I guess this means Robert Duncan will soon be facing Bruno Sammartino in the new Madison Square Garden. Think of the possibilities.

AHX-1138

S.A.S.E.

Oklahoma City, OK (No—think of an epithet.—Ed.)

CARMEN CAUGHT CRAMMING Wanna hear a real juicy, hot scoop? Well, I went to high school with Eric Carmen (Charles F. Brush High School in Cleveland—him 67, me 69) and he actually stuffed his crotch with Kleenex. Ya, he was a real dork back then—shy and a little imp. But Erics made up for all of it, living in L.A. and all, and saying things like “Ive learned that I dont have to do anything." But all of us here will forgive Eric as long as he keeps on rockin.

Sincerely,

A die-hard rocker from Cleveland, OH (Well did it help?—Ed.)

ONCE SHOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGH It seems to me that once a long time ago I wrote a letter to your magazine. A year and a half. Dont I have enough talent to be able to have my letter printed in your trashy pulp? Im normal, you know. I dont like Lou Reed. Print something about Foreigner—theyre as good as anybody else. The picture of Kiss on the cover of the August issue rota: The Nips are cute. Why dont we bomb em? Just because I didnt type this is no reason not to print it. Really. Let me know whats happening with Mick Ronson and David Cassidy. Tell Stevie Nicks. I love her. Latter. Debbie Hcirry looks like a dog.

David R.

Muncy, PA (Anything else?—Ed.)

WHAT WAS THE OCCUPATION OF POPEYE THE SAILOR?

1. Who was on the cover of the first CREEM?

2. Do all your magazines get beat up before they get sent out?

3. My friend Jackie would like a date with Frank Zappa. Do you think you could arrange this?

4. Am I the only one that likes Freddie Mercury?

5. Why doesnt somebody fire Lisa Robinson? Sincerely yours,

Mercury City Paradise

(1. We forget. 2. We hope so. 3. We dont think. 4. We hope not. 5. “We" includes she. —Ed.)

DONT BE A FOOL,

STAY IN SCHOOL...FOREVER! Having been a reader of yours for some time now, I used to buy CREEM solely for the personalities pasted across the front cover. Now, however, I find myself turning to the index to find out who wrote what, as much as anything else. I am of the opinion that your staff of writers is as good as any Ive ever read, and by far a lot more interesting (with only one exception: I just know Rick Johnson could do better if he tried. His journalism ethics are terrible, if existant!).

I must congratulate you on being an inspiration to future journalism majors everywhere (well, me at least). Now, if you can possibly avoid going out of publication for any assinine reason until Im through with school and have my degree, I will be quite pleased. Diligently yours,

Carl Morokoff Indianapolis, IN

(We thipk you like us because none of us went through -the mind-numbing process of journalism school, Carol! As far as we can tell Rick Johnson is the best educated of our scribblers, having three simultaneous undergraduate degrees. —Ed.)

FOOLISH BUT GRUESOME Okay Mr. Rick Johnson shlub, pack your bags! You big decrepit mound of decayed flesh. Michael Lee Smith oughta stick his fist through your head and splash out that pea soup you use to 'think with. Then he oughta pull out all your guts one by one to show the world how theyre just simmering in their own stupidity.

Im sick of this money business you night crawlers think you can S.T.E.A.D.ily get away with. Now 1 can send those boys into action. Theyll tear you down over and over, all night long. So pull your plug Cherry baby, cause insulting Starz is a violation.

Heather Mortillaro

(Is that a streetlight or the moon?)

New York, NY

(So you liked the record review, huh?—Ed.)

PERSONAL INQUIRY CREEM, ya put out a great mag! This is addressed to Ian Anderson, of Jethro Tull: All of America doesnt wear blue jeans and I for one dont intend on becoming an overweight housewife hooked on cream cakes! Love songs from the Wood anyway!! Oh, Im thinking about adding a cod-piece to my collection of clear three piece suits—where do ya get em?

Sally Carol Staunton, VA

(Ian insists that you tell him where to get a clear three piece suit before hell reveal his source.— Ed.)

THE BOWERY BOYS ARE A CHEAP TRICK Ira Robbins says that Rick Nielsen of Cheap Trick resembles a cross between Archie Andrews and Huntz Hall. The comparison to that Andrews guy is bad. I used to watch his TV show all the time, so I know that Nielsen is a much better musician, and the two arent even in the same category.

The comparison to Huntz Hall is much more appropriate, but I bet Robbins didnt know that Nielsen is actually Huntz Halls nephew. Or maybe he knew but forgot. But he should always remember to put things like that in his articles. You might say “Who really cares?" but there are a lot of Bowery Boys fans out there who would like to know that trivial piece of information. 1 care because I have one of Nielsens guitar picks. Next Im gonna try and get one of Huntz Halls. Truly,

James Anderson The Armpit of the Universe, MI (Sounds like youve had one too many malteds in Louie Dumbrowskis Sweet Shoppe.—Ed.)

ALL HER BLOODS IN VEINS 1 finally decided that the only way Id ever get a letter printed in your magazine would be to first create a mood conducive to writing and then just let it flow. So here 1 sit at my desk, wearing a Springsteen T-shirt, full Kiss make-up, a safety pin thropgh my nose, and earplugs (so the sound of the Ramones blaring from my stereo wont be too distracting). However, Ive been sitting here for an hour and the only thing thats flowing is my bloddy nose. Thanks to the safety pin; the Kiss make-up is running onto the Springsteen T-shirt; my earplugs are stuck and I just noticed the Ramones album is warped.

What am I doing wrong?

Amazed and Abused,

Sheila Porter NYC,NY

(Try wearing a Kiss T-shirt, full Springsteen make-up, put the safety pin through your ear, squeeze the earplugs up your nose and sit on the Ramones album.—Ed.)

PAID POLITICAL ADVERTISING As one literary man to a group of others, I fully appreciate that the letters section of your magazine is no place to announce the publication of my new play (“Annette Funicello Gets The Crabs From Outer Space"), volume of poetry (“My Toe: Myth Or Legend"), or novel (“Cheese Whiz Addonis On A Half-Shell"); as this would amount to cheap commercialism of the shoddiest kind.

And, If I may speak as a Tunisian, I no speaky englich.

Yours truly,

Leon Trotsky Krakov, VO

(Even with the ice pick in your skull, you still arent uery funny.—Ed.)

AN OFFER WE CANT REUSE Dear New Yorker: (an inhabitant, not the magazine)

I was feeling sick I was losing my mind I heard about those treatments From a good friend of mine Gimme gimme Ramones.

We the people of Texas are gonna give youse an offer youse aint gonna refuse. Well trade you a coupla oil wells, a coupla gallons of 524 gallon petrol, a coupla Longhorn steers, San Antonio and (most definitely!) ZZ Top—if yousell give us the Ramones.

And no tryin to pull the leather over our eyes! So dont try to slip us Kojak or somethin instead—we Texans know a punk when we see one (every day, in the mirror).

Well give the Ramones a good home—food, shelter, ancl a lifetime supply of T-shirts (you know cotton practically grows on trees down here). We cant promise a UTOPIA, though... Cant Buy Me Love,

Toddette Riner (not Rundgren)

Arlington, TX

(OK by us, as long as you take Wayne County, too.-Ed.)