MAIL

MAIL

Please send letters to:

MAIL Dept., CREEM-Magazine P.O. Box P-1064 , Birmingham, Ml 48012

MAGGOT MALIGN ANCY

As much as I appreciate the Christgau guide to 1967, I would like to point out the omission of one very influential album. I am speaking, of course, of MORE OF THE MONKEES. You may laugh but where do you think John Cale lifted that organ sound for Sister Ray? I'm A Believer, you betcha. Maybe it was Cale atthat, ever notice how much he resembles Peter Tork? Ever notice how much Mick Ralphs resembles Squeaky Fromme?

Beware My Love,

Peter M. Booth

Federal Way, WA

(You're absolutely right, but did you ever notice how much Johnny Winter looks like Edgar Winter?-Ed.)

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO WHO?

Has everyone forgotten about Elton John? What has happened, 1 personally do not think his songs are getting worse, and I seem to recall one of his songs hitting no. 1 not long ago. Surely people haven't forgotten already. And I believe Elton was the guy who brought us that fabulous L.P., Captain Fantastic and The Brown Dirt Cowboy. Not long ago, it was popular to praise the man, but nowit seems it's just the opposite. I absolutely could not believe my eyes when I saw that he was voted Most Pathetic of the Year (anyway, I think the Bay City Rollers should have gotten the award). Now that's pathetic! I mean, is this the thanks he gets!?!? I don't know about anybody else, but Elton has brought me a lot of pleasure all these years, and I appreciate it. I don't think he deserves being cut down.

Disappointed,

Maty Goe

Sutters Creek, AR

(We don't think he deserves being cut down, either. He's far too short already. —Ed.)

TAIL HUNGER JOE

CREEM beats all the rock magazines on the shelves, but you have one fault. Us Joe Cocker fans would love to read an article on our hero, so why the hell don't you guys get cracking and do an interview or article on Joe Cocker?

Yours truly,

W.M.B.

Cobourg, ONT.

(Every) time we try to interview the Dranothroated singer, he barfs on our tape recorder. —Ed.)

WETDREAMWOE

Hey, talk about having strange dreams...A couple of nites ago Starz was on TV, you know? So I watched, outta curiosity, to see if this dude Michael Lee Smith REALLY looks like "youknow-who," you know? So I flipped on the show and there "HE" was, M.L. Smith, dude in question, all lips and pouting and really hot-lookin'; Southern tailor-made animalistic sensuality pouring from every opening in his, body; it was love at first sight, thought 1. So when 1 went to bed that nite I figured I'd have this dream about him, you know, something reaHy_scorchy, like "Alice-Through-The-Looking-Glass", really wet and steamy, you know? Like a triple X-rated porno-movie, since I've all but exhausted every possible fantasy about Cub Koda. So instead, I had this really weird dream; Slade broke up, really just kicked overiike a dead buffalo, and Noddy Holder ended up working'behind the lunch counter at my local Woolworth's, with white store-boy apron and all, serving up tuna salad. So one day I went in for lunch (hadda be a weird dream, I never eat in Woolworth's) and was about to eat wlfen Noddy discovered this tremendous dead horsefly-in the Coca-Cob bin, and I became totally repulsed and started to barf because I love Coke, aind the dead fly didn't turn me on. So Noddy said, "Well, cheer up, you still have me to love", climbed over the counter (over the tuna salad) into my lap and started to slobber on me; thank God\hat's when I woke up! Well...maybe someday'I'll meet Michael instead. Bye guys.

Teri ("Slip me the ole pork, boize") Farris In the wilds of New York City, NY (Robert Christgau wants to meet you at the above mentioned Woolworth's for a patty melt. Interested?—Ed.)

TOP SECRET EYES ONLY

I have heard and seen many things about the Kiss Army. I would like to know more about it. Randy Strictland Kermit, TX

(If you gotta ask, kid, you'd better not mess with it.-Ed.)

F.Y.I.

The reason Kiss wear make-up is to hide the fact that they're actually Slade.

„ Yours regretfully,

Black Bart Washington, MO

(The real reason Kiss wear make-up is to hide the fact that they're actuallyKorean. —Ed':)

MORE LOOSE SHOES PLEASE

Would you please tell me where I could buy a pair of those jam looking snakeskin platform boots like the ones that Ted N ugent is wearing on page 45, of the January issue of CREEM. I would be very happy if you send me the information. If you are not sure, maybe you might ask the Motor City Madman himself.

Thank you,

Don Pechumer Charlotte, MI

(Sorry, Don, but Ted made those boots out of Alice Cooper's last boa constricter. There's not another pair like them in the world. —Ed.)

DOLLAR DIPLOMACY

So far, the best reason I've found for not buying CREEM consistently'is CREEM itself. Long live Ted Nugent, Boston and Blue Oyster Cult. Punk Rock? What a crock of shit!!

Nick Nielsen

March AFB, CA

(The best reason we've found for not joining the Air Force is that it is consistently populated with people like you.*—Ed.)

REBUTTABLE RECALCITRANT

I think your rag is outrageous. Lisa Robinson has a great job (she knows Stevdn Tyler). I wanna jam with Joe Perry (even though we all know Jimmy Page is the best). And Robert Duncan is the world's leading authority on a pretty shitty group.

Thanx,

Mike Branch ,

Clackamas, OR

(You've put yourself out on a pretty shaky limb, Mr. Branch.—Ed.)

ESP EXPLOITATION I was just looking through a bunch of "oldie but goodie" records. I came across one called the "Haunted House" by Gene Simmons! You know what my next question is.

Tony Kamensack Detroit, MI

(Then you must know what our answer is. —Ed.)

MOST QUOTABLE QUERY I just bought my first copy of CREEM. I was wondering...Does anybody ever buy a second copy?

Harvey Zuppke's Mother Palm Springs, FL

(Our demographics show that our average reader usually shoplifts the second copy and then orders a one or two year subscription depending upon the quality of the bonus album offer. —Ed.)

GIVE A SUCKER AN UNEVEN BREAK 1 am writing, to say "I LOVE YOU KEVIN DOYLE"!! Your review of "Wings Over America" in the March issue of CREEM was SO GOOD!! I can't believe I actually read a nice review of McCartney LP in this mag! Usually I'm pretty upset by the constant sarcastic downgrading of McCartney but this time my hopes of a good review were far surpassed! You recognized the man for what he is, a good bass player, a first-rate piano player, a raunchy, romantic singer and an all-around terrific showman on stage!! Thank you for pardpning him, setting him free of splitting up the Beatles, and letting him keep the Wings sprouted! May he fly over America again soon! "Winging it"

Colleen Flanagan Longwang, MO

(May he also buzz your doghouse. —Ed.)

BO Y HOWDY IS A PERVERT My name is Jay Brennan, I am president of the Bay City Rollers fan clubs in Boston, I have received numerous complaints pertaining to your magazine insulting the Bay City Rollers, I do not care what your personal views are, you should not express them in public as you do, the Rollers are a very good family type group and not like the dirty filthy rotten groups you print about, we are a fan club with 2589 members, we think more of rubbish than we think about the groups you publicize. You have the right to publicize any group you like, the magazines that publish Roller features do not put down the groups that you publicize. They would not lower themselves, if you do know of a case that 16 Magazine, Tiger Beat, Teen Superstar, Teen Beat, Melody Maker and Teen World have put down the groups you publicize I would like to know. I have asked our members if they did buy your magazine not to buy it now, I hope you will take this letter into consideration and not publish articles that are going to insult, ridacule [sic] or put down the group, just think you are insulting them by ignoring them in your magazine.

Bay City Roller Fan 4-Ever Jay Brennan

Pres. Bay City Roller Fan Clubs Dorchester, MA (Drop dead. —Ed.)