MAIL

MAIL

Please send letters to:

MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O. Box P-1064, Birmingham, Ml 48012

30 SECONDS OVER BIRMINGHAM

Thank you for sending me a review copy of your Rock Revolution book. Enclosed is a Xeroxed copy of my review on it published in New Music Magazine, December, 1976:

ROCK REVOLUTION, edited by The Editors of CREEM Magazine, Popular Library, May 1976. $1.50

Sincerely yours,

Mr. Toru Mitsui

Associate Professor of English

Kanazawa University

Kanazawa, Japan,

(You do indeed have very interesting characters for “Rousy YankeeImpeliarist Tlash.” Won’t you guys ever forget Hiroshima?—Ed.)

BILLY ALTMAN, BILLY ALTMAN J ust who does Billy Altman think he is?!?! In the January 1977 edition of CREEM in the “Christgau Consumer Guide” he had a remark about Peter Frampton’s album Frampton Comes Alive. No one says an uncouth word like “f ing” and puts it in front of an album, especially Peter Frampton’s. If you don’t have good taste, and if you don’t know a good album when you hear one, then you can shove it, little buddy! If I ever read another item like that about Frampton or any of his great accomplishments, I’ll never buy your crummy, uncouth, ridiculous magazine for the rest of my life.

You’re sb full of jealousy you stink from it, Billy Altman!!

Susan Jordan

Providence, Rhode'Island

; Well once again, Bill Altman, in his usual nonsensical way, has blown it again. This guy is so stupid, it surprises me that you keep this clown on your staff of half-way decent writers. In case you haven’t guessed, I don’t like the dude s style. In reference to my claim, I call attention to the February ’77 issue, page 67, column 2 .1 feel that his review of Led Zeppelin’s The Song Remains The Same was not only a bunch of bullshit, but it also proves that he missed his lot in life. He should have been Richard Nixon’s press secretary. He makes up things better than Ron Nessen ever did. \

Long Live Led Zeppelin!

Brian K . Phillips

Kalamazoo, Michigan

(Susan; Robert Christgau writes the Christgau Consumer Guide. Brian: Kevin Doyle wrote the Led Zeppelin review. Hmmmm. VJe always ■thought it was the Kiss articles that attracted the whining imbeciles in our readership... now we all know who the real culprits are. And thank you, Billy, for being yourself, again—JEd.)

ONCE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH

Having just purchased your January ’77 issue, it was my first...and my last. I purchased it with reason to read a story mentioned specifically on the cover about Peter Frampton. Like probably a million other readers I was prepared to read something of the man the story was supposedly about. Instead, I wasted my dollar (thank God there was no tax!) and was greeted by a 2 1/2 page collection of the author’s life story. What about Frampton? If I wanted to hear about Billy Altman’s business life, his friends or for that matter how many times he goes to the washroom in a day I would have purchased the mag specifically for that. Again...what about Frampton?!!

Harvey Kuenn Burlington, Ontario, Canada

(Watch for the premier issue of The Adventures of Billy Altman coming soon at a newsstand near you. Frarrjpton who?—Ed.)

LISA ROBINSON IS ON THE RACK

And that Lisa Robinson thinks she has class... Everybody knows dat you don ask for no vintage when youse ordering champagne. No wonder yer “Society Editor” is hangin out with an ex-cheerleader from Brookline High. Mebbe next time around, Bianca oughta have a little talk with the girl...

Eddie & The Hat Racks

Bayonne, New Jois

(It sounds like the only thing you guys should ask for if you ordered champagne would be the cork — Ed.)

VIRGINAL VACILLATUDES

I first saw Starz at a free concert put on in Buffalo by a local radio statiqn. I stood against the stage watching their terrific visual movements and managed to grab Ranno’s guitar pick when he threw it into the audience. After the set I went ’ around to the side behind the stage where other people were gathered. A few minutes later Peter Sweval came over and started talking with us, then shortly after Brenden Harkin came over and shook hands with crazy fans and rapped with us for awhile. Peter returned with a drum stick and gave it to a young kid. Although they were great they still found time to get into the audience' personally. Peter Sweval is quoted as saying “Our intention is to rid the kids of their sexual hang-ups,” Which shows they have a purpose.

Mike De La Hoz Lancaster, New York

(Charlie Manson had a similar purpose—Ed.)

NEW YEAR'S REVOLUTIONS

A prediction for 1977:

Patti Smith will uriite with Jonathan Richman. They will open a t-shirt shop in Beverly Hills.

Al Gionfriddo

Kebwna, British Columbia, Canada P.S. About your caption in your January “Backstage” section. The happier days Elton John and Neil Sedaka are remembering: when they both had their hair.

(Thanks for including your own punchline, Al— Ed.)

AN OPEN LETTER FROM BILLY ALTMAN

Recently Robert Duncan commented in this space about the problems entailed in phoning in a hot story. Since Mr. Duncan has a rather thick streak of bitterness running through his psyche, I took his statements with more than a grain of salt. Unfortunately, I have found that Mr. Duncan may have been correct in his reprimand. The headline for my Rock and Roll Over review in the February 1977 issue should have read SUBMARINER DON’T HAVE NO SECRET IDENTITY NEITHER, because he certainly has an identity—he’s Submariner. I distinctly remember saying the word SECRET when I phoned in the piece, and I have reached the conclusion that a certain member of the editorial staff not only cannot spell correctly but has also picked up a hearing impairment along the way. Either that or someone is sabotaging each Kiss article that comes into the office and...hey, wait:..get-away from my typewriter...I...you...no, NO, NO,,, STOP!!!...

(All right, I’m sick of this shit from you writers. You don’t get your copy in on time, you expect us to run your Kiss garbage and what do we get in return but your snivelling letters. Anyone who shows up at Kiss concerts in full military dress and dances jigs to Steeleye Span records in New York bars had better consider cashing in their chips. You’re lucky we even put headlines on your trash. AND WHERE'S YOUR ISSUE CRITIQUE?-Ed.)

NOT YOU AGAIN

Hold on a second, Kiss garbage?

Robert Duncan

World’s Leading Authority On Rock Group

Kiss

Gum Joy, N.Y.

(Yeah, Kiss garbage!—Ed.)

E.C. WAS HERE

Like my hubby said last month, we’ve been loyal readers of your magazine since before we moved into the big house, but I’m beginning to have my doubts. While on vacation in downtown Detroit, Johnny and I attended a Thin Lizzy concert at Cobo Hall. Afterwards we were invited to a swank social affair at a nearby hotel. Much to our surprise, we ran into a pair of familiar faces—the two eccentric youngsters that gave us such a difficult time at last month’s concert in Chicago. Once again they claimed to be members of your organization, and also boasted to having missed the whole concert. What made our meeting particularly odd was that your editors were carrying two large wastebaskets filled with water. My hubby asked what they were doing with the buckets of water. The little girl (how deceptive appearances can be) stamped on his foot and said very loudly, “Get lost honey, we’re just ,. getting some ice for our drinks!” Then they went down the hall and poured water under some poor man’s door. He came running out of his door totally naked, chased them down the hall, shouting in some foreign dialect (I think it was Canadian). I couldn’t help but notice, that since he was running towards Johnny and I, in this age of modem medicine, he hadn’t even been... Well, I guess foreign lands have their own native customs. The pleasant post-concert party was, of course, ruined as well by the antics of these two, as they threw ice at each other, drunkenly sprawled on the rug, yelled obscenities at their hosts, and made derogatory remarks about the charming young women who attended the affair. One especially sweet lady introduced me'to Eric Clapton, the guitarist, who would have chatted with me all night, except he had an appointment with his barber at the hotel pool for a “muff-diving contest”. (How quaint these English are.) More disillusioned than ever, I remain,

Little Nell Dean •

Downer’s Grove, Ill.

(//you see them again tell them the deadline for their Rush story is March 15th. Finals in the muffdiving contest will be held in the Pontchartrain Hotel ballroom—Ed.)

MANDINGO MALFEASANCE

I am 16, of mixed heritage (black, Indian with a (little but of everything else). I live in the heart of Detroit while all of you reside in Birmingham and equally well-off suburbs. I am writing in regard to the review of Stevie Wonder’s Songs In The Key Of Life by Lester Bangs. I would not expect a white male like Mr. Bangs to be able to understand or begin to even comprehend the meanings Stevie gives to us( throughout this beautiful, symbolic masterpiece. I ywas never much of a Stevie Wonder fan, but'after this piece of perfection, I feel you must have missed something in the process of hearing it. To call it barren was awful, because only someone who had no feeling for the blacks or any minority could say that after listening td “Black Man” or “Ngiculela (I Am Singing).” The songs are haunting and stic’k in your mind and (heart long after the record has stopped. Mr. Bangs, I forgive you though, because you don’t know) what soul is, or beauty for that matter. Anyone who said what you did about this album being pretentious must not know what it’s like being black in a white man’s world.

This isn’t one of those letters full of swearing and condoning Patti Smith (who looks like a veteran of skid row) although she’s alright and whatever makes you happy is the scope. The best rock ‘n’ roll doesn’t tome from out in Grosse Pointe or Birmingham—it comes from the center , and heart of the city. So please until you learn more about soul and living just enough for the city, please, please, refrain from reviewing records you know nothing about.

Beth Jame$

Detroit, Michigan

(Well make you a deal; Bangs won’t write anymore about Stevie, if Richard Pinkston and Gordon Fletcher won’t write anymore about Foghat...Ok?—Ed.) »

TOUCHING ALL DEBASES

While reading through the Letters section of your rag every month, I keep finding sarcastic, idle, moronic, non-sensical drivel such as: “We think your squelch nob needs adjusting, all we’re picking up from you is static.—Ed,” or other nonsense like “We always thought Fowley was a glass wipe anyway.—Ed-,? or “The, brand was Boy Howdy! What else?—Ed.”

Who is the person known as “Ed.”? Does Ed. have a last name? And why does he put a period after his name all the time? Does this Ed. guy actually get paid for writing that shit? Jesus, even, I could do that! I have been saving up editorial replies, I think they are my best to date. I would like to apply for the job of Ed. Here is my portfolio of sayings:

1. “Your mother eats it.—Ed.”

2. “No, but the Ramones are Jewish.—Ed.”

3. “Didyourparentsbeatyouasachild?—Ed.”

4. “No.-Ed.”

If the job is not open in the near future, I’ll sell them to you for a discount if you give me a free subscription.

Love,

Crisco ■ '

P.S. Or the last request, may I write my own reply to this letter?

“Shaddup.—Ed.”

(No, NO, NO/ You can’t have a job and you can’t write your own reply. Shaddup. — Ed.)

YOU ARE A FEW OF OUR FAVORITE THINGS

My favorite group is the Dictators. My favorite song is “Master Race Rock”. I watch Leave It To Beiaver every day. Sometimes I watch the Don Ho Show also, but I don’t like it. My/ all-time favorite movie is March Of The Wooden Soldiers starring Laurel and Hardy. I own every Alice Cooper album ever made. That’s rare. I own every Black Oak Arkansas ajbum ever made. That’s extremely rare. I buy my tennis shoes at Woolworth’s.

Now could you please print the answers to two questions that have been tugging At my brain for ever so long? (Maybe someone else’s too.)

1. About ten years ago there was a fairly popular song called -‘Timothy.” It was about these three guys trapped in a cave and two of the guys ate the other one. No muss. No fuss. I would like to know what group sang this song.

2. Where can one find any of the the Stooges’ albums besides Raw Power? Have Funhouse and The Stooges disappeared forever? 1 can’t find them anywhere. Can you mail away to Elektra?

W.M.A.C.—T.M.O.D.

Winnemucca, Nevada

(Your answers: 1. The group that sang “Timothy” was The Buoys. It should come as no surprise that “Timothy” is CREEM’s Associate Publisher’s favorite song. 2. The greatest tragedy of our time is that Elektra has no more Stooges albums at all! Try drug store bargain racks and garage sales.—Ed.) 'i t

SCHIZOPHRENICS IN THE SNOW

I’m sitting in the dining room of the Snow Bowl ski lodge in Flagstaff,. Arizona right now. This morning I copped the new CREEM at some dip$hit store and I’ve just finished it. Please forgive my scrawl, my hands are still Semi-numb from the outside...

My belief is that your mag, is somewhat schizoid nowadays, the phenomenon being a result of CREEM’s rise in popularity since abput mid-’74. The covert, the major two articles and pin-ups are for the bops and potential new readers (also bops) and the rest of the magazine is for your fans, the folks who buy CREEM for CREEM and not color shots of Aerokiss. It’s been ldng known that success is destructive and I’m sure that all your staff have suffered when one of “their” bands went “commercial.” Well, I tell ya.. .1 have long considered CREEM to be “my" magazine and I’m hurt when I see “Win A Trip To England And Meet Elton” on your cover all summer long. You’ve kept me hangin’ on for years and I don’t have any plans to stop reading (and buying) but don’t turn away from those who love you just to get ori the racks at Woolco, y’know?

Chow Chow Chow

Hawkus Voidus .

Flagstaff, \Arizona

TURN TO PAGE 72.

MAIL

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 12.

(You hit the nail as squarely on the head as anybody we’ve heard in quite awhile. [Hell, you even got'the date right.] Rest assured that we have our Aerokiss nightmares as well. We love it, we hate it, but ya gotta admit it’s all still rock ’n’ roll. Balancing out the “commericial” with the “quality” is a problem that confronts magazines of all stripes, especially in our genre.. .which goes to show you, you can’t win ’em all. —Ed.)

HOW HEAVY IS YOUR METAL

For the first time since around the Mesozoic period (B.C.), I was somewhat engraved with astonishment at your February issue, which evidently contained quite a strong supplement of high-quality euneiforming in the segment entitled “Records.” This partition embracing inspections of such cultural manifestations as “Black Sabbath,” “Foghat,” “Hot Tuna,” “Styx,” and “Nazareth,” was thoroughly enlightening. Presently, or in the near future, you could perhaps subject your decipherers with substantial articles on these various sledgehammer assemblages. If you continue to call yourself “America’s Only Rock‘n’ Roll Magazine,” why don’t you attempt to infiltrate your magazine with such material as you contain in your recent record review sections.

Bernie Boxer-shorts

Lost In Limbo

Eau Claire, Wisconsin

P.S. I poticed that in your article on the omni-putridKikiD(ee, yoli referred to Elton John as a “frog prince,” which jogged my memory so much that I was benumbed into obtaining a copy of CREEM dated March 1976 in which you designated feared foursome of hepvy mashing, “Black Sabbath,” the same. I’m tremored to find that you have altered your perspective.

(All the metallic brain forgers you mention will eventually grind their way into the rest of the magazine. Our perspective hasn’t chahged... Elton has taken to tattooing his fingers, just like Ozzy, hence the duo-mis-dubbing.— Ed.) '

WHO WAS THAT MAN I SAWYOU WITH LAST NIGHT?

I’d like to inform you (if you already don’t know) that you made a vey bad mistake in your February-issue.

In your “Backstage” section, the second picture on the top says something about Glenn Hughes and Linda Blair, but Glenn wasn’t even in the picture. The only person in the picture from Deep Purple is Tommy Bolin. I think your editors should check things out a little better. If it had been anyone else I probably wouldn’t have written, but 1 have a lot of respect for Tommy Bolin and 1 think that you should be informed about your mistake.

K. Cooper

Portland, Oregon \ '

(A genuine and regretable mis-que on our part. That mistake won’t happen again, but watch for the ones we’re gonna make next month. —Ed.)

IN CANADA, EVERY DAY IS THE SIXTIES

. Lester Bangs approached his review of Bob Dylan’s Hard Rain television special with all the intelligence of a Neanderthal in heat.

Hung up on convention, your correspondent failed to recognize that Dylan is a visionary poet, a surrealist, a creator of impressions, and that as such he fenders standard criticism totally irrelevant.

Dylan is at a place where, in the words of Rimbaud, “poetry will no longer rhyme with action, it will be ahead of it.” Mr. Bangs (Mr. Jones?) obviously did not grasp this very significant fact.

Bob Dylan, then, should not be criticized by those who cannot or will not see. After all, (to paraphrase his own words) he can’t help itjf he’s lucky.

Sincerely,

Neil Cassady

Edmonton, Alberta, Canada (One question: If Rimbaud were around today, do you think he’d be doing interviews with TV Guide? The answer blows at the wind—Ed.)

HEY! THERE'S WOOL IN LAKE SUPERIOR

Year’s end truejisms:

The Moon is in the sky. (Asian saying)

Radio Ethiopia is like gargling in a sauna bath without all one’s marbles.

Hard Rain is reading the Koran in Spanish.

Blue Moves is to rock as Seconal is to terminal insomnia.

The second realization that I was a Phantom From Space (Ted Cooper) came around the age of sixteen. Am touching the skirts at the door leading to the outer recesses.

Cosmjc Climax (M.J.K.)

City of bashful oscillating factors 3965648

(Your non sequiters could short circuit Mr. Spock