Mark Farner told me that Grand Funk might break up because Don Brewer wanted to work at something more "secure", something that he would be able to do in twenty years. And, since "nobody knows how long a band is going to stay together," Mark said, "it's not that secure."

Remember "Never trust anyone over thirty"? What will happen now that rock and roll, initially a teenage music, closes in on middle age??

Many of our major rock stars are well into their thirties, (you'd be surprised at those in their forties), some of whom you might consider young are nearing thirty, and surely no teenager has come along to sweep us off our feet. (The Bay City Rollers don't count, and they're not all teenagers anyway; teen "idol" Johnny Cougar isn't happening, and he's twenty-four. And whether Australian guitarist Angus Young, who is seventeen and drops his pants onstage, will change our lives remains to be , seen.)

Mick Jagger, Grace Slick* John Lennon, Bob Dylan, Joan Baez, Joni Mitchell, Crosby, Stills & Nash, Jimmy * Page, Peter Townshend, Keith Rich-

ards, Roger Daltrey, Ian Hunter and Payl McCartney are all well into their thirties. ("Who's not?", asks Danny Fields,) Can you imagine the Time Magazines cover story when these people all turn forty??

The near-thirties include flower child Robert Plant, Iggy Stooge, Patti Smith, David Bowie, Bruce Springsteen, Jackson Browne, Steven Tyler, Mick Ronson, and Rick Derringer. Even the \ Ramones are in their mid-twenties.

When Rock Scene's editors were planning a photo spread called "From Rock Star to Rocking Chair", with a sort of "Life Begins at Forty" theme, Richard Robinson felt sure that it could continue for at least two years without any trouble at all.

But.. .so what? Watching seventy-six year-old cabaret singer/genius Mabel Mercer, whose piano accompanist has been with her for years, it seemed entirely within the range of possibility to me that Patti Smith, at whatever age, could sing, read poetry, play guitar, -with Lenny Kaye by her side. Lenny says they've often fantasized singing "Jesse James" in a Parisian bistrQ forty years from now. It would work, although I'm not sure she'd want to spit on the floor...

Lou Reed's recent Palladium concert proved just how many ways there are

ifor rock stars to ease gracefully into middle age. Lou's music that night sounded sort of like "Quincy Jones Does Lou Reed"; it went beyond cabaret...almost into vaudeville. And when Lou sat down on the edge of the stage to sing "Berlin" ala Judy Garland "Born in a Truck", it gave me some ideas.

For a start, sitting on the edge of the stage makes so much sense, it gives one a rest. Why do you think drum solos have been so popular all these years? It gives the other musicians a chance to go into the dressing room and have a "meeting", or even take a quick nap.

Some other suggestions:

Stand still while performing. It conserves energy, and can be hailed as something "new" and "outrageous". It looks stark, (so in, in these late Seventies), and it's certainly better than all that silly leaping about.

Smoke a cigarette. (Don't inhale if you're worried about diseases.) It's a good prop, and it gives the illusion of doing something while not tiring you out.

Try jazz. You can always claim that you're "exploring new musical dimensions". It may actually be more difficult

to play, but it looks more relaxing.

Imitate another rockstar even older than you. You'd be surprised how many are doing just that now. Then you are referred to as the "young . "

Cut your hair. The aging hippie look is not attractive. Shorter hair, in addition to making one look younger, accentuates the cheekbones.

Make movies. You can vaseline the lens.

Wear darker clothes. It adds to a wasted, haggard look that most critics will find "romantic". (When Melanie appeared at the Bottom Like recently, she wore the exact same schmatah she wore in 1967, and it looked far too colorful and mighty dated.)

Wear hats. (The rock and roll toupee.)

Cut your show down. Most groups play too long anyway.

Maybe Kiss really has had the right idea all along. Who knows, under those masks, they may be middle-aged already. And then again, there are those who have looked middle-aged for years anyway, so they have absolutely nothing to worry about.

(Portions of this column appeared in Lisa Robinson's syndicated "Rock Talk.")