Confessions of a FILMFOX

Confessions of a FILMFOX

by Jaan Uhelszki

Bernie Taupin not only longs to sing his own songs, make his own albums, but is pining for a picture deal. Just the other day he hinted very heavily to his buddy Henry “The Fonz” Winkler that he, and another chum of theirs; a certain Alice Cooper would very much like to guest star on Happy Days as a couple of J.D.’s. Stay tuned to see if Winkler takes them up on the tip and pulls a few strings.

What do you mean can Bemie act? He seems to think so: “After I saw The Man Who Fell Jo Earth, I said if David Bowie can get up and get away with that, at least I’m going to try. The Bowie movie is the worst movie I’ve ever seen in my life. Bowie is so disgusting, I couldn’t stand sitting through it... I nearly went to sleep. He’s so bad, so bad, I’ve got to be better than that, so I’m going to try.”

David’s co-star, the marvelously trashy Candy Clark, wasn’t too impressed with her leading man’s talents either. Especially his puckering power, as quoted in London’s Reveille tabloid: “He didn’t turn me on [in the nude scenes]. No way. But I don’t think I’m his type either. He doesn’t go for white girls and he’s lousy at kissing. It was as though he were cleaning my teeth. ” Maybe Davey should try Ultra Brite on her for their next flick or should I say rematch? British-Lion is after both of them for a reunion in another Sci-Fi thriller, Zero Hour.

Norman Lear's provocative and addictive adult soap opera Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman has proved to be a launching pad for two of its stars. Louise Lasser (Mary) has been huddling behind closed doors with Neil Bogart, the president of Casablanca Records—discussing a record deal. According to Neil, Louise is a cross between Barbra Streisand and Olivia Newton-John, and should be big, big, big. And I’m sure that’s according to whether Lasser signs up with his label —that enchanting and successful corhpany that also sprung Kiss on you.

And all this time you thought Loretta Haggers was just a country crooning bumpkin Well, Loretta, better known to her parents, her answering service and her agent as Mary Kay Place has snagged a starring role along with Liza Minnelli and Robert De Niro in Martin Scorsese’s latest celluloid stare into the capital of concrete called New York, New York. Don’t worry, it bears ho relationship to the aforementioned soap—all titles are merely coincidental, coincidental.

Ringo has had problems with his love life lately. First he was busy denying that he had a hankering to rewed his ex—Maureen Starkey and that he and Debralee Scott (Mary Hartman’s TV sis) were a serious twosome. Actually, Ringo left his heart with his old flame, Nancy Andrews, and is back to reclaim it. We spotted her lounging around the mixing board at Cherokee Studios in Los Angeles where he’s recording his new album.

As for Debralee, she’s not mooning over the loss of her Beatleboy. She’s been cruising along smoothly with Richard Dreyfuss and we hear they’re having a whale of a time together.

High Rollers . John Lennon has been approached to score the music for the film version of Hunter Thompson’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, but since he hasn’t committed himself, maybe he thinks it is just a lot of craps.

No calm after the storm. After Part Two of the Rolling Thunder Review fell through, Bob Dylan didn’t slink back into his elusive retreat, but instead started working on a full feature movie based on his song “Lilly, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts.” Our latter day culture hero also has written a role for himself in it, where he portrays a wild game of canasta.

How would you like to be Kong for a day? A 40-foot styrofoam and horsehair gorilla called King Kong falls from grace from high atop the World Trade Center, with a concoction of Kayo syrup and red food coloring flowing from his mortal wounds in the final scene of the remake of King Kong.

It’s rumored that Elton John and Barry Manilow are financing another version of these monkeyshines called Queen Kong.

Maybe Rod should add another verse to “I Don’t Want to Talk About It.” He certainly has the knack for straining his love life. He threw a soiree in London recently and served up a huge faux pas along with the hot hors d’ouevres. When asked whether he was about to take a stroll down the altar, he intimated that it was unlikely he and Britt would take the plunge saying: “When I do get married, it’ll only be to the right girl.” Needless to say he was sweating blue bullets over the slip, after Britt got wind of the remark and gave him a piece of her mind, and none of anything else. A few days later a tres contrite Roddy admitted: “I should have kept my big mouth shut. Britt is everything I want.” So, who was that unidentified blondeshell we saw him with backstage at the Beach Boys concert. I’ll give you one clue; it wasn’t his next door neighbor Barbra Streisand—who has up and sold her Bev Hills villa and was nowhere in the vicinity. If Rod and pretty Britty haven’t hit rock bottom, they’re traveling on some rocky road, and not as in Baskin-Robbins.

Television’s indestructible Bionic Woman, Lindsay Wagner, is suffering from anemia, so they’ve recalled her back to the plant for a complete overhaul and lube job.

Warren Beatty, that sloe-eyed star, turned producer, has his next project already picked out. It’s the remake of Here Comes Mr. Jordan, and the beautiful Beatty is doing some fancy footwork to get Muhammad Ali to star in the classic comedy role of a dead boxer who comes back to earth. If Ali can “fly like a butterly and sting like a bee,” I’m sure he’ll have no trouble coming out of the crypt swinging.

Where were all you over-aged bobby sockers on the night of September 30,1955? Probably crying into your cherry phosphates, because that was the day Janies Dean died—and the name of a new movie chronicling the tragic event, starring Richard “John-Boy” Thomas is called 9/30/55. So, 10-4, sweetie!