MAIL

MAIL

Please send letters to:

MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O. Box P-1064, Birmingham, MI 48012

HOW DO YOU REAP

You'd think that people would've had enough of Paul McCartney. I look around me and I see it isn't so. Some people want to rid the world of Paul McCartney. And what's wrong with that? I'd like to know.

Give Peace A Chance, J. Lennon ,

(currently hiding out in Kohler, Wis. with Gary Josephson)

(Recite after me: "I don't believe in Beatles/I don't believe in Paulie/I don't believe in production //don't believe in touring/I don't [ad lib]..." -Ed.)

HEY PATTI: LE BOURGEOIS!

I was reading CREEM with the tube switched on to some soap op when all of a sudden 1 hear some broad singing some lines from P. Smith's "Kimberly." 1 looked up and it's some actress on the show. 1 just about shit. Turns out she's some bourgeois basic waiting for her pseudo boyfriend to pick her yp. During the commercial 1 found out the soapee was Another World. Sure is! So much for Patti Smith mentality. This could explain her near instant popularity. She ain't street punk at all but middle class fairy tale. What ever happened to epater la bourgeois?

Just another buck that feeds ya. '

Moorhear in Minnesota

P.S. Tell whoever wrote that Eno, Another Green World review that if Eno goes M.l.A. it's O.K., we'll find him on our side, (words with music is dead buzzz-beep)

(If you wanna epater so bad what're you doing sitting around watching soap operas?—Ed)

Q: DO KISS WEAR MAKEUP?

A couple of issues ago you had a Kiss Contest. If you won, you would receive a pic of Kiss unmasked. You still haven't announced the winner of it.

M.M.

Brook Park, Ohio

(There are now, in the continental United States, several contest entrants in possession of pictures of Kiss with no makeup on at all. We keep their identities as secret as the group's for their own protection.—Ed.)

TECHFAX

One of those newspaper "Test Your IQ" quizzes asked, "Which of the following is not a chord in music?

a. Minor

b. Diminished

c. Augmented

d. Demented"

1 guess they never heard of Eno.

Shalom,

John Me Intyre Lansing, MI

(How about cemented?—Ed.)

BETTER DEAD THAN TED

How could you give space to a creep like Ted Nugent? I'm refering to the article that appeared in the last ish of CREEM, June '76. Now there's an untalented fake if I ever saw one. He says he would rape a nun if she got in his way. What a crock of deer-shit! He'd probably run and hide in the nearest garbage can. One thing I can't stand is a braggard whose bragging is so obviously lies. He's a wimp and a lousy guitarist to boot. P.S.—l dig your magazine anyway...

Sincerely yours,

Jerry Dirkx Dallas, Texas

(Didn't your parents ever warn you of the dangers of baiting?— Ed.)

TEETH FOR CLEATS SI, WINKLEPICKERS NO

URGENT!!! An Important word of caution: Drop Kiss from the ranks of supreme musicians your rag pushes out at us! These men(?) will destroy the golden pyramid of rock'n'roll before the masses realize what's coming off!! At this moment they have a herd of stone deaf sheep tailing them called the Kiss Army. Soon they will build a colossal army of imbeciles who don't know rock from a pregnant prairie dawg and will seek to eradicate the remaining true artist. You must not stand by and let this happen. Denounce them as musicians. Show their weak and ignorant followers what true shit Kiss really are. Promote the true artists like hell to fuel the fire on our side!!

Take heed!! Kiss will be the death of rock'n'roll with their goons spittin' blood and belchin' fire. Please take heed before it is too late!!

Proffet Plubonius Mongolian Front

P.S. If you fail to transmit this warning to the public I will know that you have fallen into the hands of the enemy.

P.P.S. HOLY SHIT!! If you don't see what I'm rambling about now then you're a damn vegetable. Their new album is called Destroyer. (Lissen: Kiss are the greatest group in the WORLD. Proof: name me one other group that has SHOES LIKE Gene Simmons'!—Ed.)

CLOCKWORK NAVEL?

Is there something wrong with my copy of the May CREEM? Or did one of your cameras drop acid? Or, is it really true—the Bionic Spaceman himself, David Robert (Robot?) Bowie, has NO NAVEL? I've always claimed that the dear boy is extraordinary, but this forces me to conclude that a) he was hatched by the last Great Auk, b) he is very old—"Hello Madam I'm Adam" or c) he is really one of those robots come to bring us ruin/salvation that he delights in singing about. If c), then I'd like to know his intentions. At least I know what Lou taped for MMM.

Metallically yours,

Stardust Lady Ring of Saturn

(He had it surgically removed and gave it to Iggy to replace a nipple bitten off by the latter while in a coma.—Ed.)

DEUTSCHLAND DISCOMANIA

Radioactivity is the best Disco album ever released. The object of dance music is to repeat some riff over and over until it becomes a part of some American Bandstander's soul. The body begins to feel the beat and it moves with the music so without tireless repetition it would be over for the Disco people (that's the way ah un ah uh ah uh...etc.). The computer is the final solution or as Ralf Hutter would say the next step to the problem of dance music. I think a computer can repeat a riff more accurately than any saxophone 1 know of So when are the Ohio Players going to catch up?

Until "Ohm Sweet Ohm" no Disco song ever inspired me to dance. As usual Kraftwerk is out in front. Kraftwerk is the greatest band in the world and besides Eno and the Dictators they have no competition. They even do a great John Lennon ("Instant Karma") impression, listen to "Antenna."

One question: Is Punk CREEM's first born child.

Glen Thrasher Atlanta, GA

(For further support of your first contention, see Simon Frith s column. As for Punk—not the first, but the last, best and the only one that does things we would never think of.—Ed.)

MORE INSECT FURY

I am a WASP princess and just wanted to let you know that here in this morass of decadent luxury and bankrupt morality, you are my sole link with reality. You tell me everythingl always wanted to know about rock'n'roll but was afraid to ask. Keep up the good work.

Sincerely, Rice (short for Denise Crispeez)

(The Orkin man will be calling on you shortly. -Ed.)

BOY HOWDY BRAIN TRUST IN ACTION

Hey, here's a great idea that you can put in your rag someday. The world's first comic-strip/gay— straight/bi/intellectual/rock moozik soap opera. Presented in serial form, it could fill up space in the front pages when you have nothing else to throw in there. Sample plot: Lou Reed marries Patti Smith, and Anita Bryant gets jealous and attempts to put a stop to it by getting Alice Cooper to yell BOO at them. Yeah, it's corny as hell, but when you look at all the BS that gets on the tube nowadays, let's face it—this is worth looking into. Hope to be hearing from you soon, because I sent this to Jack & Jill, and they laughed in my face. Plrrrmmmbbth and Boy Howdy and good shit to everybody.

Tyson

Ballards Crossroads sez hey -Greenville, NC

(How about a version of Warhol's Lonesome Cowboys starring Bad Company and Lynyrd Skynyrd?^-Ed.)

RUSS, YOU DEVIL

Ha! That letter you printed in the June ish concerning Russ Mael's virginity made me laugh.

I know for a fact he isn't.

Sincerely,

A true Sparks fan P.S. I live somewhere

(Congratulations to you and Russ both. —Ed.)

A DIVE BY ANY OTHER NAME

I don't mean to sound uneducated or unworldly, but what is CBGB's (I think it's a club such as Max's) and, an even bigger question in my mind, what does it stand for? It's driving me up and down my walls. Please educate me.

Dazed and confused

Xowie Shelter

Coventry Row

(CBGB's is a club on Bowery and Bleecker in NYC where you can hear and buy beers for the creme of New York Underground Rock Bandom ca. '76. It originally stood for Country Blue Grass & Blues, so you can see how far back this trap goes, and its submoniker, Omfugs, stood for Other Music For Uplifting Gourmandizers. It does not stand for Crustacean Buggars After Girls & Boys.—Ed.)

G AMARA'S DAUGHTER

I'm a Japanese school girl who would like to correspond with American girls and boys. Would • you please send me the names and addresses so that I may write to them? I am, Name: Akemi Tani, Address: 21-16 Uenosono-Cho, Kagoshima, 890 Japan, Age: 17, Hobbies: Rock 'n' roll. 1 like Aerosmith, Led Zeppelin, Kiss, Yardbirds. I'm a member of Aerosmith Fan Club in Japan. I would appreciate it very much if you'd kindly answer my letter soon.

Very sincerely yours, , Akemi Tani

(Yeah? If you're smart enough to correspond with, how come you lost the war?—Ed.)

TIEI> GLADDINGS

For my birthday my boyfriend gave me a copy of Lou Reed's Coney Island Baby, I protested, having heard rumors that this Lou Reed fellow was a degenerate dope freak, or some such other weirdo. To my Surprise, 1 found the music and content of Mr. Reed's record exhilarating and lovely. It has been a long time since I have heard such moving songs about subjects so near and dear to all of us. My fiancee and I listened to this record every time he comes over and right after "Good Heavens" we sit and talk of our future together, a small cottage with a fireplace and flowers by the seaside, until we would have some little ones to take care of. Thank Mr. Reed for his beautiful wonderful album. May Uncle Walt bless you.

Jane Mac Donald Halifax, Nova Scotia

(Yes, and for his next project Lou is working on a rock opera based on Catharine Marshall's A Man Called Peter.—Ed)

PLANTS THATTALKTO YOU!

My Yucca plant began doing impressions of famous artists this morning. I've dutifully transcribed two of them here:

Andy Warhol: "Now take the Velvet Underground. Please!"

Da Vinci: "A man came up to me on the street today and said he hadn't had a bite in a week. So, I..." Dutifully yours,

Norm DeValliere

F. Scott Fitzgerald, VA (Can your plant do Reverent Ike?—Ed.)

HOWTOGET YOUR CUQUES

Does the "clique of CREEM" have something against real honest-to-goodness talented people?. F'rinstance: Why no reviews of Jonathon Edwards' great new LP Rocking Chair or Michael Nesmith's Strange. I don't expect you to print this, it just wouldn't go well next to the lovely letters mentioning Elton John, Lou Reed, Dick Manitoba, or any of the other elite leeches you constantly sprinkle over the(pages. One more question: Does the "clique of CREEM" have something against me?

Gardner Wild (I was better, but I got over it) San Diego ZOO, CA

(Whassamatter, you think we're PREJUDICED against sensitive singer-songsters and folkies? WRONGO! Check out recent reviews, pro and con, of Andrew Gold, Joan Baez, Phoebe Snow, Emmylou Harris, etc. etc. etc. Our only prejudice is against smartass letter writers!—Ed.)

TURN TO PAGE 80

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 12

HE'S GOT ENOUGH PROBLEMS ALREADY

Is it true that Ace Frehley overdosed on acid and is dead? It's been going all over the city and I want to know if it's true or not. - ^

A very concerned fan.

Omaha, Neb.

(Justbecause it just got to your city doesn't mean Ace is taking it in 1976.—Ed.)

ROLLING ST6NES: COMPASSION PERSONIFIED

I know what it is! We all know that the Stones can't last much longer so instead of leaving us with some great albums in 1976 and then breaking our hearts when they quit, they have come up with a plan; Namely, throw shit like Black & Blue at us so that when they do quit, we just won't care anymore. Well, it's already working Mick! And I despise you for it! Traitor!

Crushed Sheryl S.F., CA

P.S. Know of any good new groups that might take the above mentioned place in, my heart? (Try as several here-nameless current bands with big-lipped lead singers may—and has anybody noticed that young Steve Tyler in makeup looks like old Jagger in makeup, i.e. a mess?—no one can replace the Stones. Give a listen, instead, to some of what the New Breed say: Dictators, Ramones, Eno.—Ed.)

OYE COME VACUO

In regard to the review of Rosita Mangual's album El Monte Mights. I listened to this "album" and I think it's shittier than George Washington's outhouse. I also think her lyrics are gross, even for a munchkin faggot Mexican. Overall, she sucks, but I like your Magazine.

High upp sincerely,

Seymore Thigh Lubbock, TX

("Dear Simoor: I yi yi am going to come and DANCE ON YOUR EYEBALLS WITH STILETTO HEELS! Thanks again, Rosita."-Ed.)

KISS & MAKEUP

I would like to make a formal apology to Jeffrey Morgan for having offended his sensibilities with the Destroyer album by Kiss. As a matter of fact, I was hoping against hope that, after all of my unforgivable performances in the past, I might finally win his approval with this last effort. It means a great deal to those pf us who strain, unappreciated and invisible, backstage in the great amphitheatre that is SHOWBIZ, to be loved and respected by the vanguard of the Rock'n'Roll press ^ Our little hearts cry out for love and acceptance from all the Jeffrey Morgans of this world. After all Jeff, without you guys, who are we? Anyway, I've enrolled in Law School-and have sworn a sacred oath never to set foot in a Rock 'n' Roll studio again. (I may do the odd MOR date—you know write charts or evep co-write a few pop tunes—but just to keep my chops up.)

Jeffrey, I'm sorry. Really I am. And...1 won't do it again—I promise.

As to the suggestion that Jeffrey might like to drop by for a visit sometime: I cordially invite him and any three of his friends to join us at our Tae Kwon-Do class any day of the week just to say hi to all the guys up here.

Honest, we'd love to see you, Jeff. Hear? Love,

Bob Ezrin Toronto