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Please send letters to:

MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O. Box P-1064, Birmingham, Ml 48012

SALUTATIONS FROM SPACE Your magazine is even better than buxom belly-dancers with taco shell tu-tu's.

M.G.

Tangiers

SIX PACK TO GO

I would like to know if there is any way I could get some Boy Howdy! Beer? My husband and son are beer nuts. If there is no way for us to purchase a case of this Boy Howdy! would there be a way we could pay for the beer and have someone out there drink it and open all the cans from the bottom and send us the cans?

Sincerely,

Mrs. R. Zetts Twinsburg, Qhip

(Beer nuts, huh. They'll go well with the Boy Howdy! when we oet distribution in Ohio. — Ed.)

DISPOSE OF EMPTIES PROPERLY

Patti Smith? I'm not sure yet. At times I feel the generation gap, or maybe it's being surrounded by New Jersey and its contents, makes your mind shrink.

I purchased the Desire album by Dylan, also The Best of Jethro Tull. 1 guess 1 feel secure with artists that 1 can relate to. Patti leaves me empty; it's not a pleasant feeling, veifcy uncomfortable. A cut. has to hit a responsive chord (emotion) inside, otherwise nothing lingers after.

1 thinly I'm going through the change, I'm beginning to ramble.

Best regards,

Nigel

N.J.

(Dear Nigel: Your pants are too tight. You're welcome. — Ed.)

HELP WANTED: PROOFREEDERS You guys have made some mistakes before, but this takes the cake. In yoifr March issue you've got the captions under the pictures in The Beat Goes On, mixed up. The guy with the bicycle spoke through his cheeks is not giving nor receiving resuscitation. And, contrary to popular belief, Englebert Humperdink is not receiving acupuncture. Was this a joke or are you guys really the dorks I think you are?

Love and Kisses,

Q-bomb

Va. Beach, Va.

(We yam what we yam. — Ed.)

SOURGRAPES

What is America coming to? Where have you gone wrong rock. and roll fans? I fear for the future of rock and roll when alcohol rates as' the second best drug and LSD rates eighth! Have you lost all meaning to your lives!?

Mars

Somewhere foul in Jersey City New Jersey, U.S.A.; Earth (Yes. And we're looking to unload 300 black lights as well. — Ed.)

THE MISSIONARY

This is in regards to your cover of January. I, too, am a Christian. I, too, consider Jesus as my Lord and Savoiur. But I thought your cover was DAMN FUNNY! Honestly, it's people like this Diana Lester person that give Christianity a bad name.

By the way, I was in church a few weeks ago waiting for the service to start and I h^d my tape player with me. I also-had a copy of Rock 'N' Roll Animal with me and was playing it just to pass the time. Well I played the thing and you know what? I didn't get one nasty comment! What does this all mean? Is this indicative of the decline of the Church? Or does Lou have Connections? Peace and Love

and all that ^

Chris Johnson Webster Groves, Mo. /

(Connections for what? — Ed.)

FOR KRAFTWERK FANS ONLY For an assignment in my managerial accounting class I would like to use your 1975 Annual Financial Report, please.

Sincerely

T. E. Brady

Sterling College, Kansas

INCENSE & PEPPERMINTS

Awrite, this is probably the first time in many moons that you guys have received a letter from someone who is not a liquid-brained groupie, exalting Elton John or Lou Reed and spewing forth such pure frogshit as "Oh, CREEM, my fife was empty and straight before you!" Now it's pretty obvious that you guys promote drinking. That's why Boy Howdy! is a beer, not a chemical, right? As the last Remaining acid freak (tell me I'm wrong) reading CREEM, I've got to say drinking sucks. And when you and the rest of the alkies begin to beat each other to bloody pulps I'll be some where between Utopia and Gumbyland listening to ELO.

Ellis D. Freekoutt

Seattle, WN ,v

Remember us vye invented rain!

(Can you fly? — Ed.)

WINNING THROUGH INTIMIDATION Alright you stupid turkeys. I've had a bad day so get out of my way! First off,, 1 finally muster enough courage to write a letter and you jerks don't print it Secondly, I had to get a haircut yesterday that made me look like a Transylvanian cereal bowl. Thirdly, 1 got a rejection slip from i some rate-a-record rip-off system, and fourth; my issue of CREEM comes out of my mail box looking like King Kong used it for a door mat, and who really cares if your mother died last week?

In Wonderland

Here. ,

There, ,

Everywhere,

(Thank-you. — Ed.) .

OCEAN'S 11 GOES PROTEST Even; though you excluded said category, Bob Dylan gets the Frank Sinatra Imitator of the Vear Award. Rolling Thunder * Rat Pack, i.e., Robson plays Peter Lawford, Joanie, Joni, Ronnie,etc. play Shirley McLaines, .Jack Elliot is Dean Martin, and Allen Ginsberg gets Sammy's role. And of course old "he did it his way" Bob plays Frank.

One question remains: Why didn't Dylan appear with Patti Smith?-Could it be he knows something we should?

Chris Wolfe

N.Y.

(Is it her breath? — Ed.)

HE'S SEEN ROCK'S FUTURE '

It was bad enuff last week when a muzak version of of Hearsedriver Young's "Only Love Can Break Your Heart" came over the local 72degree seasonally-controlled 2,153-store shopping mail's 'lo-fi cones, but crymuhkrjee!!! This little brat on CBS's Medical Center just asked Dr . Gannon if he liked Bruce Springsteen!!! (Of course, the unfeeling dill had no reply; deafened by the stethoscope, ya see). Not only does intramural payola exist (Clive jived), but rock is reaching the common (read "older, more senile") man. AAAUUUHHHH!!!!!!

What'll be next? Seth Justman playing organ on Let's Make a Deal??? Puh-leeeeze, mister; bring back 1966.

Andy Anaheim

San Jose

STAR'S CARS NO. 14A Hi. I am writing on behalf of my husband who neglected to tell Ron Pownall about his car (Star's Cars No. 14).

Joe is very fond of cars — in fact, he collects them. The car he posed with is a 1971 Corvette LT-1 which, as Joe says, is "aYnonster!" It is a deep blue convertible/coupe, which is it has two different roofs: a white convertible and a matching blue hard top. It was the last year they made these particular 'Vettes. Joe has also put some work into the engine and put on wide tires. What exactly he did you'll have to ask him. I don't understand car mechanics, but whatever he did it made the car a real "monster."

Hope this helped a little.

Love,

Elissa Perry ,

NY, NY

(Every little contribution helps, Elissa. Thankyou. — Ed.)

ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES,

PT. 1: HALITOSIS

Last night I had the strangest dream. Mick and Keith had finished a gig at a university where I attended. Somehow they ended up crashing on the floor of my residence. Lights out was at eleven sharp; and the two English youths (?!) lined up at the washstands with the rest of the boys on the floor at ten forty-five.

Mick completed a fastidious toilet, going as far as to clean his ears with a Q-tip; but Keith was disgusting fif he even refushed to wash or brush his teeth.

Next morning the smell of our room was immense, but Keith gallantly offered me my choice of two aggies, a cats-eye, a broken plain third, or a scratchy copy of Berry's On Top by way of reparation.

Does this mean I'm losing some illusions I've cherished? Or does the fact that I clumsily pissed the bed last night reveal that I'm undergoing a major moral decline myself?

Troubled, but *

Stuck on Polyrhythms,

Hartford, Conn.

(The fact that you did it clumsily indicates only that you're getting worse at wetting the bed. Don't worry. And you're implication that* Keith has undergone a moral decline is totally off-base; when was the last time a slob offered you two aggies? — Ed.)

ORSON WELLES GONSALEZ About the Chain-Saw Massacre: I never saw the movie, but we went to the Tubes concert and Fee runs down the aisle with a going chain-saw (real? running?). My girlfriend stuck her arm out in the aisle while he ran by and retracted it quickly deciding it was going and real with a real blade! Can't you irtiagine Fee'js surprise if he cut off her arm? Make a great effect.

Hollywood Refugee Anaheim, Ca.

(There are filmmakers in South America who could use creative people like you. — Ed.)

MARTIN BORMAN FOUND!

Hello!

I am a Brazilian fan of CREEM. I'm looking for a true friendship. If you want to be my friend, please write to me. I have 17 years old. You can write in Portugese, English, French, or Spanish. Jorge Luiz Hynoyo ■

Brazil

(Maybe you could work something out with the guy who wrote the preceding letter. — Ed.)

WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW Am I the only one who hates everybody? Or did Ozzy Osbourne come back from the dead? What do you do when Black Sabbath albums tell your life story?

Yrs forever,

Leslie Osbourne

"Almost heaven (sic), W. Va."

(Be happy that someone cares. — Ed.)

TURN TO PAGE 90.

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 12.

MAGMANIMOUS

CREEMstaff, these things are true: Roger Zelazny wrote A Rose for Ecclesiastes, not Samuel Delany. "Mekanik Kommandoh" is the name of only one track from MAGMA's first U.S. release. The album is titled Mekanik Destruktiw Kommandoh.

If Job Fernbacher is really unable to visualize the events on Kohntarkosz, even with the plot of each work on the cover of the album, his imagination must be dead and decayed. I cannot believe that "Ork Alarm," with its frightening sonic portrayal of an ultimate, all-conquering evil, can be put down as being merely "especially frantic" .. .but Mr. Fernbacher does just that.

To me, MAGMA's music is the aural counterpart of the writings of the Master of fright, H.P. LOVECRAFT. Such works will, of course, not appeal to the vast majority; however, there will always be some whose soul is touched by visions like MAGMA's. The next time, find someone who can understand what they are reviewing.

James B. Lee,

Hugheston, W. Va.

(Elitist. — Ed.)' _ i

CREEM: THE ABYSS You know I was amazed. Reading such articles as "Kiss, Tracking Their True Origins," Records, Mail, I got nothing out of them. I never do. But every month I'm the first one at the 7-11 to buy it. Buying CREEM is the same as buying 75 blank sheets of paper.

Voices scream,

Nothing's seen (not even this magazine) Real's the dream.

Thank-you,

Robert J. Brosmer Camp Springs, Md.

(She contracted shigella, an institutional disease, one month after admission to the School. She was treated at the infirmary 6nd released, but jsome infection remained undected. A few weeks / later-, her eyes had to be removed. — Ed.)

HATE, HATE, HATE

Hear today, yawn tomorrow — Questions■: , 1.Where are the pictures of El Bruco (Springteen) with Sinatra?

2. Does he buy his mom & pop a duluxe ritzy mansion in Bev Hills?

3. Does his Rolls have N.J. or N.Y. tags?

4. Will Cher let him do the sleaze street shuffle on

her show?

5. When does ol Broose move to Englarid so he

can leave there because of high taxes?

6. How long before Mr. Bee starts dating Valerie

Perrine?

An Avid Bruce-0 hater,

Four Eyed Mjck Phila, Pa. .

(1. With the pix of RFK and Marilyn. 2. No, Teaneck. 3. He hasn't had time to buy one yet. 4. Stop trying to make more trouble for poor Gregg. 5. When Jethro Tull moves to Macon, Ga. 6. When Handsome Dick Manitoba gets tired of her. — Ed.)

PAKI183

I am a listener to Pakistani music, might be kind of weird to write toa rock magazine, but 1 am also a listener to rock n roll.

My favorite sitar player is Ravi Shankar. I wanted to know who played sitar in The End by "The Doors". Dothe Doors still exist? Somebody told me the lead singer is dead. Is this true?

How many rock n roll bands use sitar in their music? Pakistani music has a lotta beat, and rock n roll music sounds close to it,' if you wanted to know that's how I became a rock n roll listener. One more question, is it true that April Wine has a 17 year old lead guitarist?

Sincerely,

Elizabeth Laboucan British Columbia

P.S. I got the Dolls first album, tell the Dolls I love their music, also tell this to Alice Cooper, Deep Puiplfe, The Sweet, ZZ Top, and Pink Floyd if it isn't too much trouble. One more thing, tell Alice Cooper he's cute... (Alice looks like my boyfriend) .

(Want a job? — Ed.)