MAIL

MAIL

Please send letters to: MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O. Box P-1064, Birmingham, MI 48012

CHOW MEIN KAMPH

I seen Bunny Sigler at the Peppermint Tree but not probably the same night your guys went there and he went out in the alley and done some stuff you know, and he was real good. But what I want to say in the letter is something Mike Goodwin and Ed Ward missed whichls because they aren't Chinese but Bunny has to make it big you see because he started to do his thing real good in thfs year, and for us this year started in Feb. and it is the Year of the Rabbit. Do you see?

Shake Your Bootie—

T. Woo

San Francisco

KISSOFF

(Boy) Howdy—

1 just finished reading your record review or whatever you call it, on "Kiss" ""Dressed to Kill alburn. It is imperative that 1 congratulate Richard Riegal on saying the least'in the most amount of words. (456,1 believe, but my eyes are bleary and I might have counted wrong). I'm a Kiss freak and already have the album, but if I was somebody else, never before hearing of Kiss and reading the review, I wouldn't know whether to buy it or not because it says absolutely nothing,. Instead of wasting your energy, get to the point. Just write, "It's worth wasting your money on," or "It smells like shit." The magazine has a lot going for it, but nothing couldn't stand a little improving now and then; could it?

P.S. Confidential to CREEM Magazine; Don't let Richard Riegal slip away, saying a lot of nothing in a lot of words takes great talent!

P.S.S. Chug-a-lug a 12-pack of Boy Howdy, Beer and this letter just might make a little more sense.

P.S.S.S. Tell Riegal to do it too. Maybe thep his writing will make more sense.

P.S.S.S.S. To the Ed: Keep on editing!

P.S.S.S.S.S. (Think that's long enough to name a shampoo after?)

Celia Browne

Ferndale, Michigan

(Riegel: "Ofcay, Celia, as they say down at your faue hangout, have it your way! Dressed to Kill is worth wasting your shit on, and it does smell like money! I appreciate your offer to "do it, " but I'm a married many [No wonder you don't get any dates if you put that Pisssss Stuff on your hair.]")

CHOCOLATE CREEM

After reading one of your back issues (April 75), must say you folks must really be trying to send soul music and all us "darkies" back to Africa.

Not in some eight years have I read such blatantly redneck-if-I've-ever-heard-of-any trash like this. Now I realize that your tnagazine is for yOung, white teeny-boppers of no particular socio-economic class. I've always felt I could read a book or magazine of any nature and not be offended by its contents.

But no, this book proved me wrong. It wasn't what you said about Ike and Tina Turner being the Sonny & Cher of rhythnv-and blues. Even though those black to white analogies are demeaning and imply lack of identity. And gosh no: it wasn't the fact that some jerk with the initials L.B. tells all the readers not to buy soul music unless his colleagues or himself say it's okay. (It was ratherfunny, at first I thoilght he was serious.) No gentlemen, and persons of CREEM, what pissed me off so much was that in your half-assed record review section you distinctly neglect the oest R&B music and deal with the more commercial, more mediocre stuff. Sure, I like the Ohio Players, and Stevie Wonder and Rufus. Butthey're not where black progressivism really are atjwell, except for Stevie) musically.

Hell people, look at Earth Wind & Fire, the Isley Bros.} Donald Byrd and the Blackbyrds, Billy Cobhams etc. No, don't tell rpe you've never heard of these people. It's bad enough calling somebody as camp as the J. Geils Band rhythm and blues, but to actually mean it.. .c'mon CREEM, keep your evidently thin, straight noses and steel blue eyes out of the soul record section unless you are actually willing and capable of critiquing black music with more open head and a more sensitive attitude.

Reginald McKnight III

Camp Pendleton, Calif.

(1. Earth, Wind & Fire aren't commercial? 2. All right, Ike & Tina Turned are the First Couple of Vegas soul; 3Everybody on this staff has brown eyes; 4. We don't discriminate — we're prejudiced against everybody!-* Ed.)

CREEM: WE BEG FOR QUESTIONS

Dear Ann Landers,

Whaf is the difference between pot and dope? I would also like to know if you are supposed to wear your glasses while involved in romance. I am (very nearsighted, and have always taken them off but as my experience increased I realized 1 was missing something. What is it? ,

Blinjd anc* Horny,

D. Ildo

Short Hills, N. J.

(2. The latter may sometimes be found sitting on the former; 2. Notunless you want them stepped on; 3. Your mother?—Ed.)

TAKING SOAPERS

Did you know that when 1 was watching The Young & the Restless today I saw Clair reading a CREEM magazine?!

A loyal fan

Beth Crenshaw ,

Smiths, Ala.*

(Nah, we're loyal to All My Children—Ed.)"

NEW FORM OF SELF-ABUSE DISCOVERED

1 used to stand for the Star Spangled Banner at football games, wear underwear, and read only publications such as American Girl and Young Miss. That is, until one day I found a tattered remnant of CREEM lying among the National Geographies and Highlights For Children at my dentist's office (I should have suspected that he was weird by the anaesthetic he administered)-. ™ Anyhow, finding a cover picture of, Roger Daltrey somehow more appealing than'one of pygmies in Outer Borneo learning how to brush their teeth, I started flipping through your mag. As I skimmed over the letter col I began cackling pervertedly, by the! time I got to the record reviews I was telling lewd stories to the 70 year ola nun beside me, and before I .closed the back cover, I was pouncing on innocent male passersby. Anyways, you get the idea.

So my life has changed drastically since that first ish. I'm happy. My new friends are h^ppy.

M^) old friends are understanding and my family is being very patient. So everything's peaches and CREEM, except for one thing. Mom's afraid it may screw my chances of getting into the D.A.R. \

Regards,

The Plexiglass Maiden Buffalo) N.Y.

(We want to join, where do you write?—Ed.)

BEYOND THE FRINGE

One month ago I thought your magazine was vulgar, sick, and disgusting. Since then I have:

1. begun smoking pot (a lot)

2. developed a fondness for vodka (also most other booze)

3. tried my hand at bisexuality

5. I mean 4. (I'm stoned) become a nicotine fiend

5. ? |

I still think your magazine is vulgar, sick, and disgusting. Keep up the good work.

Zigzag Starbust

Ex-Straight Kid

P:S. I'm still saving my virginity for Keith Moon, and I refuse to take my Elton John posters off my wall. Some things never change'.

(See, we never corrupted anybody. —Ed.)

NO VICTIMLESS CRIME

Well, I did it! I just happened to stop into Two Guys store to pick up a few things when I was overpowered into the record dept, by some strange force. It lead me right smack in front of the " R" section. And there it was, we were face to face, me and the new "Lou Reed Metal Machine Music" album. Then thjs uncontrollable force made me carry this 2-record set up to the cashier and actually pay for it!!! (And it wasn't even on sale!!!) I then proceeded home, at about 110 ^ MPH (with my bicycle). I tore off the plastic outer cover and pulled out sides A & D. I then dashed over to my turntable, took off my "Sally Can't Dance" album, and put on side A of this new musical-?

Within 2 minutes I had thrown Up all over side A and my turntable—Dick Wagner, Steve Hunter, come back!!

Hary K6py

Linden, N.J.-.

P.S. Be forewarned!!!

P.S S. I wonder how long it'll be before it hits the $1.99 bluz rack?

(You been had, kped. — Ed.)

JUST A HOBBY?

Now that pro wrestling has infiltrated rock (e.g. Handsome Dick Manitoba) I would like to know if Rodney Bingenheimer is actually (dr viceversa) Sir Oliver Humperdink, manager of the Hollywood Blonds (Valiant Brothers ripoffs who suck anyway). Also in this; year's CREEM Poll you should have a "Best Rock Wrestler" category. (Pete Townshend gets my vote for his body slams and airplane spins.)

Eddie C

Brooklyn

(Yeah, who's gonna produce Dick the Brusier?—

Ed.)

DISSATISFIED CUSTOMER

This poem is in reference to a concert I saw at the Providence Civic Center on July 16, 1975. It started at 8 PM. The James Gang preceded Alice Cooper and was off the stage before 9 o'clock.

Alice left us shortly after 10:30.

Alice Cooper,

you're a blooper

with your hour long show.

And what do they do

who go to see you?

Well, they don't even seem to know.

At $6.50 a ticket

they should picket,

raise some goddamn hell.

But screwed-up poppers

and starry-eyed hoppers

think that it's all too swell.

You hide .your band

by making them stand

in the dark behind your props./

Well listen freak

I thought I'd speak

because without them you'd be a flop.

When Hunter plays

he holds your gaze

But only as long as the great (???) Alice lets him.

Blind Cooper,

you must be in a stupor

for you seem to completely forget him.

So laugh your way to the bank

but honey, I'll be frank:

you ain't nothin" special so be cautious.

"Cause if the crowd catches on

your money will be gone.

To put it simply, No-More-Mr.-Nice-Guy

you make me nauseous.

Shirley Costa

Somerset, Mass.

HUNTER GETS CAPTURED BYTHEGAME

In his article on the new Alice Cooper band, Lester Bangs leaves out what I consider a very important fact concerning Steve Hunter. It seems that the powerful Mr. Hunter was the original choice of Jack Bruce as lead guitarist for the latter's new band and not Mick Taylor. Hunter, along with drummers Jim Gordon and Jim Keltner, played on Bruce's Out of the Storm album and the sound was incredible. It features some of the best lead work around (sometimes reminiscent of Cream), especially the title track. Hunter was all set to join Bruce then optionedout in favor of Alice. Bruce was quite upset, saying that Mr, Hunter was wasting his talents. It was only then that Mick Taylor joined up with Jack! I wonder what would have happened if Hunter did join Bruce? A lot of rock history might have been altered!

Gerard P. McNulty

Long Island City, N.Y.

(Genius will out. — Ed.)

SIC TRANS-LUX

OBITUARIES: New Yawk, New Yawkx-The New York Dolls expired recently (date unknown), after an extended illness. They are survived by the Dictators.

BIRTHS: New Yawk, New Yawk—A brainchild was found in a popular gutter on 42nd St., wrapped in swaddling clothes. The discovery was marked by spontaneous fruggin" and shitting in tubas in the streets.

These guys fulfill and complete all the promises the Dolls left unpromised. They play better, harmonize better, deliver their punchlines better than can be imagined, and just completely outclass them. Abe Beame has been quoted when asked how he felt about having the group in his city, "As long as they don't try to make me into a lampshade, we'll getalongjust fine." That's good enough for me.

John Mastrodimos

Landing, N.Y.

P.S. Anytime Handsome Dick wants to go a few rounds, he can sit on his turntable.

P.P.S. I wannabe your first reader to hail these heroes.

LETTER FROM THE NETHERWORLD (MARYLAND DIV)

I know after reading some letters in your August issue that you will probably be deluged by defenses for Led Zeppelin so I won't bother with that. (They are great.)

I would instead like to defend "hobbits.. .dumb fairy stories and spiritual Hessean bullshit." I don't blame that person for not giving his name. I'm sure he has managed to offend quite a few people and creatures besides me. (The Gryphons and Wargs will be in a rage.)

The Trilogy of the Ring is the best book I have ever read. That poor person seems to have an overabundance of common sense. Open your eyes, your arms and your mind.

1 have to cut this off now so I can stable my unicorn before the wolves come down from Mirkwood tonight.

Dream on...

Myrrdin Emrys

N. Lithicum, Md.

(May the Vulture Demonesses sit on you and go "GRAAAAAAK!"—Ed.)

YOU POSE "EM, WE'LL DISH "EM

I have a few questions to ask of you.

1. How come David Bowie can't stay where he belongs? Ho\v come his puss is in the puss of every rock figure, is he up to something?

2. IsSuzi Quatro pregnant by Alice Cooper? I ask this because she got kicked off her tour awfully fast.

TURN TO PAGE 82.

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 10.

3. Who (if anybne) does Bad Co."s laundry? I have a friend who wants the job.

4. Is Paul Rodgers really as dirty as he looks? If he is may I marry him?

5. Are there any rea/ dykes in R&R? I'm desperate. ■

6. what do you major in in college if you want.to become a roadie?

7. Does Karen Carpenter really have a boyfriend* or is it a rumor started by her brother?

Thank you very much (I think)

The Black Red-Headed Neurotic of Washington, D.C.

(1. He's got sticky fingers; 2. No, her leather wilted; 3. They shred it with their teeth; 4. Filthier but why not try for Jim Dandy? 5. Yeah, Jim Dandy; 6. Bullyism and Defecation; 7. Does he or is that a rumor squelched by his sister?—Ed.)

EARLY CASUALTY? \

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' METAL MACHINE MUSIC ow ery eaky ours

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FEAR IS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND

Help me! I'm gonna be TWENTY!

Jeff Whittington Belton, Texas

(Don't worry; now you'll be considered an adult, and people will take your childish complaints seriously. —Ed.)

BARMAID. ANOTHER BIER

One morning recently, I finished taking a long bath in a scummy cockroach and ljzard-infested, two-bit two-franc hotel here in the armpit of Paris.

After combing my beard, which had grown a bit during my bath, and reeling my pecker into my leather jeans, I walked downstairs to the littered streets and saw a copy of CREEM on a sidewalk magazine-stand. Thumbing through, I noticed a crack by Lou Reed (didn't he write ""Little Bit o" Soul"?) about Iggy not being a "good imitation of a bad Jim Morrison." When I read this my bulge dropped nine inches! I saw the Ig perform at the "Jim Morrison Memorial" at the Whiskey l^st summer (I went disguised as a six-foot condom) and thought the kid had promise. Maybe he ought to get into a band. As for Lou Reed, I think he's a good imitation of a[ Teutonic enema bag with shades.

As for me, when 1 lose my pruniness it's back to the old typer. This rock "n" roll biz is too "VICIOUS."

James Morrison Paris, France