MAIL

Mail

Please send letters to:

MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine

P.O. Box P-1064, Birmingham, MI 48012

NO ZIGGY, NO JIGGY I am quite displeased with you. In your May issue of CREEM, a girl wrote in asking where she could write to David Bowie. I was also wondering where I could write.

Well. I wrote to H. Rap Brown (it's where you said to write to) arid the letter came back marked "Return To Sender."

If it was meant as a joke, sthen I am infuriated!

Can you possibly print, or send me the correct address in which I cart write to David Bowie?

I shall very much appreciate any type of response. /

Sincerely,

Marilyn Schlagel

Minneapolis, Minn. -

(Any type? All right,* all right; just to get you off our backs: you can write to David c/o Mark ffudd at The Playboy Building, 8914 Blackstone, Chicago, III. 60619 Attn.: Passing bept. But hurry, because there's no telling where he'll hole up next. —Ed.)

BOY HOWDVS DATING SERVICE^

WE USE SYNTHESIZERS INSTEAD OF COMPUTERS

• Can you tell me where I can write to Olivia Newton-John?

Lynn McGraw

Columbus, Ohio

. (Sure, c/o David Bowie, c/oH. Rap Brown, c/o Kraftwerk, c/o Perfect Blondes Unltd., 8824 Aryan (Vay, Hamburg, Deutschland W4X 32Z. Be sure to enclose a S.A.S.E. She's a-tightwad about postage. -^Ed.)

POSTCARD FROM JIMI Watch out! Did you ever know how much David B. looks like Jorii Mitchell in that spot for Young Americans?

Clean-up my headstone.

Buddy Holly

Out Here

P.S. Eddie, Gene, Bopper & Ritchie say hello/' P.S.S. Josh Zuppke (age 11) is a faggott and Johnny Ray says "Hi."

("I liked his Sister better."—Josh. Bowie looks more like the star of iodine bottles these days— Ed. "I think Lester was right."—John Fitzgerald Kennedy, The Vaults. ""All you ofays are alike: pansies."—John Coltrane, Out Tlfere.)

THE FATHER OF SEVENTIES ROCK REFUSES TO DIE

Wilt there be another "Jim Morrjson Memorialx Disappearance Party" on July 3rd at the Whisky a Go Go in Los Angeles again this year as there was last year?

Details, please.

The Phantom

In Hiding (afraid for my life)

(Probably not, but if there is Bryan Ferry will appear and perform "I Left My Heart In San 1 Francisco" while Danny Sugerman weeps; if you want the freshest, realest, most truly magical spiritual rebirth of what Jim stdod for, start chasing Patti Smith now. —Ed.)

BEATLE FANS: LIVID PUSTULES?

I just got a look at your recent issue of CREEM mag and that article by Lester Bangs about the Beatles being washed up was incredibly DUMB!!!! This is a personal note to him: "Mr. Bangs—go shoot yourself!" Not only did he tear the Beatles apart as individual artists but he tore them down as'The Beatles!" 1 bet he hates his mother too! To say Sgt. Pepper would not be remembered 100 years from now was his LAST mistake!! He probably loves Tiny Tim and that's as far as his tin ear can-take him! Lester f^angs sounds bitter that The Beatles are not a group anymore and I think that's his one big problem! Me can't cope with the news they made, the music that influenced people around the globe, and the news they still make! Without news what would Lester do? The only "bad news" is Lester!

Coleen Flanagan

Temperance, Pa.

P.S. Lester said Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" will be played 100 years from now— Led who?

(L.B.: "I love my mother even better than my dog, even though they both left me! Get down, clown! You leave my mother alone ot; I'll bust your lobes! The only disagreement me and the old gal ever had was wheh I'd play White Light/ WhiteHeat, if I played side one, she'd say 7 don't know what it is, but there's something about that record that just tears my nerves right out of my body!" If I played side two, she'd say 7 didn't know you had that kind of a mindl" She didn't know they were the same record! You probably don't either! And who wants to remember anything anyway, from last week even, much less for a century! Tiny Tim sold out after he did "Celebration of the Lizard" at Mar Y Sol! Anyway I gotta have SOMETHING TO BE BITTER ABOUT! Why don't you go pick on Ben FongTorres! All the news I know's what I read in Fran Lebowitz" column! I never said the'Led would last—they've had it already! But unlike the Beatles they just don't know it yet1 You must be a truly hate-filled fanatical human being to write such a letter! Will you marry me?")

BEATLE PUSTULES: LIVING IN FLAMES? /

Lester Bangs: Just finished reading your (as usual) semi-factual, semi-truthful and (as usual) highly critical article. 1 found this one so repugnant, I felt I must write or develop an ulcer.

Your article on the Beatles was the most stupid, immature bunch of trash put together to form so-called "sentences" ever published anywhere. 1 would be interested to know where you took your training in psychology to feel so competent to psychoanalyze.

Just because the Beatles split up, doesn't mean the records they made will be on the shelf, while records by the conceited faggots (who were good in the 60's) called the Rolling Stones will be played. Did the Rolling Stones ever write sorjgs as beautiful or be recording by as many other artists as "Yesterday" and "Something"? ("Sure, — "We Love You," "Turd on the Run," "Gomper" ...the list is endless."—Lester.)

1 don't think that it's Paul's "cuteness," George's "religious beliefs," Ringo's "un-lovableness," or even John's "inferiority complex marriage" that annoys you, Lester Bangs, but the fad that they were, still and always will be the best group in Rock and Roll History and they are,still doing a super far-out job of recording and composing on their own.

Actually, I feel a great deal of sympathy for. you. It must be terrible to steep in pseudo-intellectuality to the point where you can't really enjoy music for fear of losing face with your peers.

Hoping you'll do better in the next issue, Kimberly Ingram North Little Rock, Ark.

P.S. Speaking of "far-out," who gave you the right to say what John Denver stands for to his fans?,

("/ think Lester was right, too, but don't tell my mother,"—Lee Harvey Oswald, Down There.)

THE FINAL SOLUTION What is happening to Lester Bangs?

It's funny because his whole appeal was built on the premises that he was very hip, and that if we were very hip also we would dig what he liked. If we didn't dig what he liked, he made us feel inferior. H? said things like, "You just gotta have this album." And people would buy the album and think "Boy, I'm hip. I got this album here and Lester Bangs said it is great."

But now. Autobahn. OH MY GOD.

I suppose one of these days I'll pick up the New York Times and read how Lester committed suicide, leaving a note behind saying Rock "n" Roll couldn't save him anymore.

What will I do. then? Slap on "Raw Power," have a beer, and think about the great critic he used to be.

Mark Singer

Columbus, Qhio

(Lester: "In future years, it will be understood that the invention of the synthesizer was a turning point In the history of popular music. Right now,

we have plans for all you punks who BUZZ— WHIRR - CLICK... CLICK... CLICK...")

PUFF THE MAGIC DRAG l am ja big fan of Rick Wakeman. Xhere is something I just gotta know.

What kind of cigarettes does he smoke? Rock

Cherry Hill, N.J.

(He doesn't smpke cigarettes, he smokes tubes. -Ed.)

IN MEMORIAM OR JUST ANOTHER GLAM BAND?

Please allow me to tell you about the final days of the Archies. Betty, Veronica, Reggie and even Hot Dog were-all insanely jealous because I was the front man and I was getting all the limelight. As for Jughead—he started drinking so much he was nothing but a one-dimensional vegetable. We had to bring another drummer at our concerts because Juggie couldn't handle it. We took the skins off his drums so he could still swing his arms like a maniac, but he mostly fell off his stool all night. I broke up the group while Veronica married Reggie's little brother (you didn't even know he had one!) along with a $40,000 wedding.

As for me, I'm scared to death of this rock and roll life, but what the hell, I'm getting rich. I've done an In Concert show called "The Romance," and cut a solo album for Atlantic called Welcome to My Romance, which has a guest shot by Marilyn Mohroe. It's a great album.

See ya in the books,

Archie Andrews

Hiding out in

Bentonville, Arkansas

P.S. The part about Juggie's group was a laugh. I know he made it up because Cornelius got shot in the third Planet of the Apes movie and Snorkey told me that Drooper is in the New York dog pound.

STATE OF THE NATION:

ENTROPY WINS AT A CRAWL Got this maniac on the phone yesterday. I was plugging subscriptions for TV Guide{ and I said "Your sub to TV Guide ran out. " And this maniac in Florida says, in the most chilling Other Side voice: "Everything's run out. The flowers didn't come up, the vegetables didn't grow. My wife ' died. She died last October. They cut her leg off. They were gonna cut her other leg off. But she died. She just died. And then the flowers didn't grow. And the vegetables didn't grow. And now the TV Guide's run out, everything's run out. My wife diedI said as politely as possible, uh, thank you sir good bye, but I have a feeling he's still doing it. Shudder.

Kathy Miller

Long Island City, N.Y.

THE FINAL SOLUTION PT. II

How about this: The United States parses a law dealing with critics. The law states that in order for any human being to write criticism, he must first take a test. Now the test is relatively easy because all the person has to do is go into any recording studio, be given full use of all the available equipment*, then write, score and engineer an album. This might sound hard to the average person but a person with musical talent should be able to come up with something. Then the album is distributed to all and anyone wishing to hear it. Then a ballot card is filled out and sent to a panel to decide if the majority of cards liked or disliked the album. If the album is liked the person in question is given a license to criticize. If the album is not liked the, person in question is immediately put to death for being such a smart1 ass, son-of-a-bitch, asshole phony frustrated scum-shit. In my opinion, if this were factual, every one of yoUr staff would be laid out. They don't know music from their asshole, chumps! Why don't you go out and work for your money, faggot shits.

TURN TO PAGE 82.

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 10.

Sincerely,

One Who Loves Music, But Hates Critics Chicago, Ill.

(Hey, you've got a great attitude! We need more people like you on OUR side! Wanna write some record reviews?—Ed.)

DON'T CHUCK SPEARS AT BOWIE

Chere CREEM:

Your review of Young Americans was so narrow, I just had to inform Ms. Balm of her stupidity. The unfathomable Trixie states: "Bowie's thrown in the towellon,..concept music... " What is the title cut if not a blatant social comment on the despair common to idealistic "young Americans?" Perhaps she has mithed the point of the song which I feel is thus:

All us here young idealists living in the land of open skies and, opportunity are easily swept under the current when bad times and the wrinkles hit...That is, all us young, white Americans, for the black mannequins (?—Ed.) among us have long learned to live with such despair and at times find us in the backs of the busses (If they ■ do they'll probably spit on you and call you queers.,—Ed.), sitting on -our hands (young Americans" hands are scarred with razor slash marks due to missing the legion steps to suicide, don't you know!) and blushing at them there blacks" ability to survive all the corruption about us. Not to mention the white American male's equalization of the new car (fod§ Mustang) to "HIS" "woman."" (Yeah, spades HATE automobiled. —Ed.) Seemsvto me Bowie is saying something that maje American artists ain't never attempted to put in their selfish, conceited lyrics. Love Through Christ, 1 Justin American Saginaw, Mich,

(Lou said fit much better in his editorial on the New Bowie: "I wanna be black, and have natural rhythm/And shoot 20 feet of jissom!" Relate to that scientist!—Ed.)

FOUND: A BIGGER LQU REED GROUPIE THAN L. BANGS!

I love you, Lester, but I love Lou more. In fact; last time he was in Chicago, I made ja grab for his penis. The trouble was 1 was about 20 rows back, so I missed. (You coulda caught the jissom, fool. —Ed.) By the way, how doels one go about getting to ball Lou? I'm poor, but I'd make a great white slave. God DAMN! I'll admit...I'd do ANYTHING for a hump with HIM. ,

Got any suggestions?

Venus in Furs—19 yrs.—35/24/36 Lansing, Ill. (This town is for shitI)

P.S. I'd even be more than happy to do "just like Sister Ray said..." Does Lou even read this magazine? I kind of doubt it. O yes, and Josh Zuppke can EAT WHAT DIVINE SCARFED IN FLAMINGOS, "coz Lou's not a faggot. (Lester: "Lou's'not a faggot; he's the kind of person who gives hotnosexuals a bad name. Although he does read this magazine compulsively. As for ypur Dreem Date with the anthropomor-

phicization of the amphetamine molecule, forget it; he's settled into a long and finally sedate life of domestic tranquility With hishffectionate companion Rachel, to whom, incidentally, I apologized. Why don't you get together with Mike Saunders?")

OF PREVARICATIONS & FLAPDOODLE

After reading Lester's article on the Beatles, I'm wondering: Is everything bullshit?

"The closest I ever get to happiness is peace of mind, and peace of mind is a blonde chick in bed with you."—Lou Reed, Crocus magazine, May 74.

"...here'sLou Reed, the cat's gay../"—Lester Bangs, CREEM Magazine, March 75.

David "Merv Oaf" Meissl

Northridge: Calif.

("I don't especially tell the truth most of the time anyway. "—Lou Reed, CREEM, July "73. "Lou Reed is incapable of telling the truth; if he did he wouldn't be half as interesting."—Lester Bangs, CREEM, August "75. "Fits so tight, fits so tight, realize it's gonna bite. "—Iggy Pop, "Shake Appeal,"sometime in 1972. "I think Lou Reed is a creep/I need a girl,"I need release/"—Adny Shernoff/Handsome Dick Manitoba/The Dictators, "Two Tub Man, " sometime in 1975. Take your choice. —Ed.)

MORE ZEP SNIPES '

(The following letter was sent with a picture of Robert Plant screaming:)

Why is this man smiling? I'll tell you why! He's, saying: "Ho-Ha suckers. Go ahead, go believe all those lyrics about stairways, hobbits, Jesus and trampling feet. (Hee-hee$$$). We all know that I can't write unless 1 cop lines from dumb fairy stories or from spiritual Hessian bullshit. (Indja.) (HEE-HEE!!!) And you see it's all my plan to turn the former greatest band into a post-1967 stringy soqnding (psychodelic) thing. A warped hang? over band."

Alas! Poor Zep. Now you roll but don't rock. Too much metaphysical nonsense on Graffiti: we all know these metaphysical (ndw word for me) mumblings only have meaning to thp people who spew them out. Jimmy get back to your roots. Like "Livin" Lovin" Maid" or '"Dazed & Confused." Alas! Once the spirit begins to dominate the substance is left behind, my friend. It's still not too late but hurry don't wait.

Lisa's article was good but truthfully although it > doesn't seem lonely at the top, it really doesn't seem so great! Everyone sounded like a character from a Beckett or Pinter play. Why is it that first & second albums always last & last? Also one more important word: Even though everyone says "Stairwav" is a classic, I'm inclined to agree with Marsh. It's pretty but not classic. (No fairy tale inspired thing is. Check your feelings! "Satisfaction," "We Gotta Get Out of Tnis Place," "As Tears Go By" are real because the feelings they talk about are timeless. After reading your classic interview, with .Marianne Faithfull I told myself "Now I know what "Wild Horses" is about." It is a classic because love, joy and pain are common to us all. More so than gold and whispering winds, especially if you live in the city.

Bye bye for now, please don't print my name or even initials because my friends would bash me if they knew who wrote this.

(Correspondent's l.D. withheld.)

Brooklyn, N.Y.

"This is the stuff great quotes are made of. (Surprising the number of people who echo your sentiments; seems to be a rnighty schism in the Zep ranks... —Ed.) ®