ELEGANZA
The first thing you learn when you’re really up close to rock stars is that they’re always much shorter than you thought they were. With few exceptions, the onstage or magazine page deception is amazing. When I once remarked to Robert Plant how Roger Daltrey seemed such a midget in person, Robert replied in his typically modest fashion, “Well, it’s only me who can be as glorious as I really am.”
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ELEGANZA
Tush, Tush Sweet Aerosmith
by
Lisa Robinson
The first thing you learn when you’re really up close to rock stars is that they’re always much shorter than you thought they were. With few exceptions, the onstage or magazine page deception is amazing. When I once remarked to Robert Plant how Roger Daltrey seemed such a midget in person, Robert replied in his typically modest fashion, “Well, it’s only me who can be as glorious as I really am.”
I recently attended a rock concert at the Boston Garden, and after some prodding was allowed, along with several of my colleagues, to stand on the side of the stage in' order to see Steven Tyler and Aerosmith up close. I had never seen them at all, so there were plenty of things I was on the lookout for. What do you think rock writers watch for when they’re working? Fluid runs and phrases? The overall mix? Numerical ratio of major diminished chords to major sevenths? The inner turmoil reflected^ by anguished lyrics? Don’t be silly. The following is the actual conversation that took place that night between me and an editor friend of mine; he’s been around for years and has seen them all come and go — I asked the questions.
What does he know about Lillian Heilman?
Q: Why do albof Aerosmith’s roadies wear those silly sweaters with the ties painted on?
A: They worship Art Garfunkel?
Q: What is with all this dry ice and smoke bit during concerts . . still.
A: I don’t know, but what if it causes cancer?
Ql it always gets a crowd reaction, hard to believe . . . Do you think there’s something psychologically symbolic about the lead-singer-overbite syndrome? You know . . . J agger, Carly, Joni, Tyler, Freddie Mercury . . .
A: Better that than a double chin like so many have.
Q: Well, Iheir 40th birthdays have done some of them a world of good. Do you think Tyler thinks he’s wearing the microphone? Like an extension of himself . .
A: It is curious that he never takes it off the stand.
Q: What’s with all those scarves hanging from the mike?
A: He doesn’t have enough necks to wear all the scarves he’d like to.
Q: Do you think he’s gay?
A: (Long pause.) Totally auto-erotic. Q: What do you mean?
A: He’d never get off on another human being.
Q: I’ve heard he’s a real hustler. Pulled his pants down for a certain photographer who shall be nameless here.
A: He’d do it for a subway token.
Q: Did he just say “Toys in the Attic”? Do you think they know about Lillian Heilman???
A: (Silence.)
Q: What do you think about that Johnny Thunder haircut and the Nick Kent sartorial? *
A: He has a cute tushie.
Q: I am so tired of these shagged heads. So English roadie —1969.
A: Gorgeous hair on the guitarist, not so gorgeous on Steven.
Q: What??? The guitarist has that Ron Wood hair.
A: Not the cut, the cut can change. I’m talking about the basic quality.
Q: Does Tyler wear makeup?
A: Of course.
Q: What’s that silly tattoo?
A: I don’t want to hear one jyord against his body!!
Q: What do you think is different about Tyler?
A: Not different, but another really sexy one. There aren’t all that many. , Q: He really reminds me of a slightly cuter, but equally sleazy, Freddie Mercury.
A: You’d have to discuss that with Josephine Mori. She writes enormous, fabulous essays about F. Mercury. A mavert!
Q: Why do you think Aerosmith is more popular in Boston than J. Geils? It’s sort of like Grand Funk’s success out of Detroit... or Kiss in New York . . A: Because. they’re young, serious, dedicated, and have cuter tushies.
Q: What about those little rubber ballet shoes Tyler’s wearing?
A: Cute. But he is wearing more makeup than any American lead singer . . . except Ktes.
Q: But what do you think about that ungapatchkied look, you know— the “wear everything you own at once” look?
A: Why don’t you ever talk about the guitarist?? Now there’s a tush!!
Q: Which one is the guitarist?
A: The'white hat. Italian.
Q: No kidding. Is Tyler Jewish, do you think?
A: I was wondering myself. I’d say part. Q: Which part?
A: It’s not the tattoo.
Q: Certainly not. Because then he% couldn’t be buried in a Jewish cemetefy. Does he shave under his arms? A: OH NO! But I’m sure he trims it so that no hairs show when his arms are are at his $ides. Who doesn’t??
P.S. Steven Tyler attended the postconcert party held for Aerosmith at the Orsoij Welles Cinema in Cambridge (Boston really is a hoot) in the very same ensemble he wore onstage. I don’t quite know what to makexrf this, I suppose it adds to the funky image . . . but still .
AND . . . While in Boston that very same weekend, I fought my way through thousands of shraying shiksas dressed in pale blue polyester' double knits and tightly waved gray hair who were in town for the Bi-Centennial, (or as Ed Hood fondly refers to it,' “the Bi”) and bought a copy of The Phoenix. Only to discover that this\“alternative culture” newspaper had a fashion supplement with a list of “What Is Hip? A guide to freak chic and social gauche, ” with suggestions on What To Wear When. “If you’re listening to a David Bowie album alone,” chic is “Nipple rouge and a mink jockstrap” and gauche is “Red toenails and wedgies.” Want some more tips? “If you’re an exhibitionist” chic is “A Venetian blind sheath” and gauche is — can’t you guess? — “Dr. Dentons worn back! wards”!! Want more? No? Me neither. Makes one think twite about pale blue polyester double knits.
