MAIL

MAIL

Please send letters to:

MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O. Box P-1064, Birmingham, Ml 48012

RAH

I recently was a winner in the CREEM and Korvette’s Meet The Guess Who Contest and would like to thank you for having the contest and article about them. I have followed their music since their first album, I have read CREEM for the past two years and in my opinion the best is getting better and CREEM is America’s Only Rock ‘N’ Roll Magazine.

E.A.W. III Detroit, Michigan

(Wanna date with a polar bear? - Ed.) WETWOOLY

Of course Eno says “We’re on our own and there’s no place to pee.” After all, the song and the album are both called Here Come The Warm Jets, aren’t they? What did you think he was talking about? 747’s?

Bestest,

Cygenet la Vedette Toronto, Ontario

P.S. If you really want to experience the full effect of Eno’s concept, keep your copy of Warm Jets in the Who’s Next jacket, like 1 do.

GROWING UP ABSURD At 19, Jay Gatsby was run over by a truck. .

At 20, his midsection (the one with the tire tracks) was put on display by Firestone. ■

At 21. his arms and legs were used for a dancing cigarette box commercial.

At 22. his head was used by Alice Cooper for a stage prop.

At 23, his brain was the one that Igor dropped in the movie Young Frankenstein.

At 24, Jay Gatsby is the most un wasted boy alive. Cream Ale Boys Kustom City, N.Y.

SAME PLACE, OTHER TIME O.K., so everyone knows Alice Cooper is not really Eddie Haskell, but is there any truth to the rumor that Iggy Pop is really Sky Saxton?

Pete Karoly Bay City, Mich.

(Now you’re cooking. - Ed.)

GERTRUDE STEIN’S LAST WORDS I’ve got 4 questions:

1. If you are such a great mag, why don’t you show a picture of Linda McCartney with her underarms shaved?

2. Does Sable Starr shave her teeth?

3. Will Mick Taylor drown too?

4. Does Iggy, Ziggy, etc. wear corrective jock straps?

Thank you for your time,

Burma Shave Dick Ft. Wayne, Ind.

P S. Queen is the best, Quatro’s the bust too.

(1. She has none. 2. See No. 1.3. In what? 4. On what? - Ed.)

M.LA.

You left out a category in your Readers Poll: Best Alice Cooper Single. I couldn’t decide between “Bungle in the Jungle” and “It’s Only Rock ‘n’ Roll.”

Shalom,

John McIntyre N.Y., N.Y.

(How about “Autobahn” - Ed.)

, HEY JOE. YOU GOT CHEWING GUM? David J. once said that Arthur used to buy pizza from Joe Dallesandro in Astoria. I’d like to know where Astoria is. I don’t like pizza, but 1 sure do like Joe.

Hungry for Love (Thanx Toddo)

in the Motor City

Barbara

P.S. If he’s not selling pizza, will he sell anything else? Anything he’s got I’d like some of.

(No soap, he’s giving it away now. - Ed.)

EMILY POST AT MAX’S KANSAS CITY I think Lester Bangs and Lou Reed both owe each other an apology. Didn’t anyone ever teach them manners?

Libby Hatch

Beantown, Mass, (but not because I wanna be here. Circumstances beyond my control . . .) (Lester: “Lou’s apologized too much on his records already.”)

RUDE ATTITUDE

Saw L.B.’s interview with Lou Reed yesterday. It was kind of like reading an account of two old, one-legged men engaged in an ass-kicking contest, with only one of them telling the story.

Incidentally, my Tull review (Feb. issue) contained the word worst when it should have been “worse.” Was that your fault, Lester? What if Anderson stops in the middle of his show here next week, hollers out “Hey man, is Clyde Hadlock here? He is? Hey, it’s worse, you asshole.” Huh? What the hell do I do then, when 20,000 people start laughing at me because of some dumb mistake in a dollar-a-throw magazine I didn’t make? Huh?

Anyway, I want a shot at this damn editor job. I’m perfectly qualified: I know next to nothing about it, I got a rude attitude, I’m an alcoholic, and I love to sign my name on checks. How ’bout it? Clyde Hadlock, Jr.

Cleveland, Ohio

(How about publisher instead? - Ed)

OOH. WOW. BOW WOW PART TWO Dear Lester Bangs,

I loved your battle with Lou Reed, but why in the hell do you use such words as nihilism, misogyny, bette noir badass pose and vicariously? Come on, Lester, I’m just an average sometimes ignorant boy. Stop all the college language. Gear your articles to a newspaper that is on 8th Grade level. Mike Farrah St. Louis, Mo.

(L.B.: “Lou uses big words like ‘cataracts,’ ‘foliage,’ and ‘thorazine.’ Go complain to him.”)

INSURMOUNTABLE PROBLEM I have a million pictures of everybody’s main man Elton John. Now don’t get me wrong, I jus’ love him! But there’s one thing that bugs me. In all the pictures I have, even when his pants are so tight they shine, I don’t see nothin’!! No lumps, no bumps, just nothin’!! I know everybody can’t be a Jim Dandy Mangrum, but this is crazy! If you can find me one picture of EJ that shows something ... anything of what he’s got, I doooooo so promise never ever to miss another issue of this magazine! Deal???!!!

Dee

New York’s No. 1 EJ fan & “Front gal” (Whattaya think this is, the National Geographic? - Ed.)

WRONG DEPORTMENT Hey will you guys tell my chick that they don’t really shoot puffed wheat from guns. She thirtks she’s hot shit and knows all about rock, but she doesn’t even know all she should about sex, and rock is sex, know what I mean? Why, just the other day she barged in on me when I was romancing my hand, and she had the gall to ask me to let her see the dice. What? Oh sorry, I thought this was the Playboy Advisor.

Pete “Gummy” Smith

The Long Road Between Hair and There

Windber, Pa.

(Maybe you and Dee should get together. - Ed.)

CRITICAL REVISIONISM DEPT.

Dear Ed. 1 want ELTON JOHN. I crave over his beautiful glasses, I just can’t stand smoking marjunia without him. His singing reminds me of those happy days when every injection of herion counted. His funky clothes remind me of getting laid in bed and really enjoying it. And I think David Bowie has a great bod and I mean great. Josh Zuppke Age: 11

Southfield, Mich.

P.S. Lou Reed is a faggot and I take all the things away that I said about him.

ZEP DROPS ANOTHER ONE Physical Whack Off. That’s a better name for Led Zeppelin’s new double album. Zep 1 is a classic rock masterpiece but this album is garbage, most of it anyway. I’ve waited a year and a half for this album, now it’s here. Big deal. Robert Plant is starting to dog out and sound like Rod Stewart (God forbid) and Jimmy Page does some pretty awful leads. I waited for eight hours at the Boston Gardens and struggled for my life in a cage-like facility for nearly five of them just to get tickets to see those guys. I had dynamite seats about 40 feet away from the stage but they got cancelled due to approx. 20 thousand dollars worth of damagd to the building. So don’t get me wrong I am a devoted Zep fan.

If Jimmy thinks that a lot of what came out of San Francisco was laughable he ought to listen to Physical Graffiti. The joke’s on you Jimmy, go collect your royalty checks and get fat as a bastard. You just wait, time will show that Physical Graffiti will dwell in the ever mounting inferno of repetitive musical seagull shit.

Music before Money Louie Thibaulz Fall River, Mass.

PEDOPHILIA REARS HEAD Roger Meadows Taylor (Queen) is such a darling twinkly liddle kiddle! He must be No. 1 on the national child molesters’ charts. I can just see him drawing raptuorous sighs jn a remake of Lassie Come Home, with his big, sweet cupcake eyes and that dear little belly button peeking out. I may do the strand with Bryan, but I’ll race trikes with Roger anytime. He can even be my dentist if he wants.

Love and kisses,

Mirandaline

San Diego, California

SOME PEOPLE ARE NEVER SATISFIED

When are we going to get an album from Todd Rundgren, produced by Eno, arranged by Pete Townshend, with lead vocals by Lou Reed and Leonard Cohen, backing vocals by Joe Cocker, Noddy Holder and Lord Sutch, guitars by Ariel Bender, David Bowie and (only on cover versions of his own songs) John Lennon, bass by Keith Richard and Overend Watts, drums by Keith Moon and Paul McCartney, keyboards by Nico, violins by Jimmy Page and John Cale, with liner notes by Bob Dylan, all songs written by Ian Hunter, Jon Anderson, Ian Anderson and Iggy Stooge, with a full color cover (taken by Linda McCartney, Lee Black Childers, Mick Rock, Neal Preston, Charles Auringer, Andy Kent, Terry O’Neal, Bob Gruen, Scavullo, Michael Putland, Michael Zagaris and me) of Dana Gillespie going down on a full length mirror, reviewed in advance by Jaan Wenner (sorry, Lester)?

TURN TO PAGE 82

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 10

Or am I asking too much?

Thanx,

Jeffrey Morgan Toronto, Ontario, Canada [There already is such an album. It’s called Tommy - The Movie. - Ed.)

KICKS JUST KEEP GETTIN' HARDER TO FIND

For an Instant Cheap Thrill, play side one of Hotter than Hell on 45 rpm, and try to read the japaneze lingo on the jacket sideways (That’s how the japaneze folk do). That’ll show ANY speed freak their oats are sour.

(I kinda like the album really, KISS fans, so don’t waste your trouzerz)

Keep it up, CREEMSTAFF, your sado-humor is funnier than a Mastodon in full-battle-array makin’ love to a mailbox ...

The Enlightened Musical Stringer, John DeVlieger Cheboygan (yes, Cheboygan!!!) Mich.