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Mail

Please send letters to:

MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O. Box P-1064, Birmingham, Ml 48012

A SEPARATE PASSE

What does a young, talented, rock critic of a small college rag who enjoys Roxy, Iggy, Morrison, Zowie, Eno, Mott, Hendrix do when his roomate listens to nothing but K-Tel and sound effect records on a $20 Sears and Roebuck special?

Any advice will be appreciated.

Stranded,

Scott Fripp Street Life Pennsylvania

(Listen to your roommate's records. Eno and Bryan Ferry do: Where do you think they cop all their riffs? - Ed.)

BATTLE OF THE SEXES (MASON-DIXON DIVISION)

I made the mistake of reading "When in Doubt Kick Ass" in your November issue. Outrageous!!! You fill your magazine with flaming faggots like Bowie, Iggy, the Dolls, Lou Reed, and all your other glittery limpwrists and then you have the nerve to imply that the majority of Southern men are

twmkies. Back up Jack. Everybody knows the North (and California) are the faggot Capitols of the world. As for that cunt you interviewed, I'l) excuse her because it's quite obvious that she has her head up' her ass. Too . bad you couldn't interview my Rican queen. She could tell you a thing or two about Southern studsmanship.

Stars and Bars Forever "Arkansas Paul"

Presently doing time in Uncle's Navy Ceilba, Puerto Rico

(The difference is that Southern men blow it by going to unnecessary lengths to prove they "re not twinkies —. ex. your letter — whereas Northern men think the way to cop a kooze is to act like twinkies. God knows where all of this will end up — what have the ladies got to say?. — Ed.)

FAG SLAG

This letter is in response to a remark Mr. Bangs made in the January issue. He referred to Gay People as "Faggots" which I felt was really derogatory. The nurd comes off as being hip and understanding yet when he isn't playing his role some of his prejudice leaks out. You should consider what you write, Lester; a painful remark^ like that can hurt some of your devoted readers.

Rose McGuire Springfield, Ill.

P.S. I realize it is not CREEM's policy to publish "serious" letters, so at least slip this in Lester's notebook when he is out playing in the snow.

(Bangs: "As with the word "nigger,"and at the risk of coming off self-righteous, I didn't consider the word derogatory at all. But then 1 again, / wasn't offended when Spiro Agnew made that "fat Jap" remark, because I assumed he did so affectionately. I certainly wouldn't want to hurt anybody's feelings, but I think many people take all these words far too seriously. The point of the article you're referring to was not that David Bowie is good or bad because he's a faggot" — he probably is not, and currently is denying that he ever was — but that the whole gay mystique has been severely overrated by a public gullible enough to accept the egocentric exploitations of people like Bowie as in any way representative of the gay sensibility. ")

SEX DROUGHT STRIKES ROCK HONCHOS

Just a little note whil? the teacher is out of the room. Recently your magazine has done a marvelous job of stripping the veil off the myth behind the sexual machismo of these

musicians. The illuminating articles of Mr. L. Bangs have been of great service to the millions of young teenage women of this country, or at least this school, in devaluing our fantasies and helping us enjoy the reality at hand. (Ha ha.) I always though I was missing something. The articles about Deep Purple and Wet Willie proved me wrong. If they are that boring can you imagine what their wives are like? v Renee MacDougall New York City 1

(Bangs: "Those articles, only scratched the surface. Last time I sow the Blue Oyster Cult one of them told me: "I've fallen in ,love four times in the past year, but other than that I'd rather jack off. At least I can love myself. " ")

WASTE MASTER RACE Please stand corrected. Jay Gatsby couldn't

possibly be the m6st wasted boy alive — Keith Richard is.

Fondly,

M.M.

Farmington, Conn.

(What about George Harrison? — Ed.)

SNAKE OIL LIVES

Since I started reading your magazine, my itchy, scaly psoriasis has almost disappeared. I don't break out in reddish patches — as a matter of fact, I don't even go near them anymore.

Thanks a lot. A true fan,

M.R.

Payne Whitney

(Yeah, but what are you gonna do about the hair on your palms? — Ed.)

TECH IT UP THE ASS

So Dan Hartman (of Edgar Winter) got a new suit with a built-in bass — I'd like to see Chuck Ruff with his drum set wired into his underwear too. Or maybe Derringer could attach a pickup to his crotch and play his pubic hairs.

Bozo LaRebo

Astral Plains

Somewhere in Deep Space (Did you know that John McLaughlin's umbilical chord runs through a Leslie? — Ed.)

ENO'S WIENIE ROAST Thanx for giving the Eno Warm Jets album the great review it deserved. I wonder if you deciphered the lyrics to the title song. All I could make out of it was the chorus towards the end which sounds like "we're on our own and there's no place to pee." I read in another magazine that Eno is, among other things, a watershed fetishist. So maybe I heard the lyrics correctly. Also on "Paw Paw Negro Blowtorch" I did another double-take. On the last verse, it sounds like "He'll set the sheets on fire, barbecue your mittened penis, just another mother lover." I wish you would help me clehr this up. Either I'm hallucinating from the buzzsaw soundtrack or Eno's got some mighty important things to say.

Jim Fallon

New Hyde Park, N.Y.

(Our staff, Eno fans all, listened to these lyrics very closely after reading your letter. Believe it or not, sportsfans, that seems to be exactly what he is saying. The question now is, is the man totally depraved, or the greatest poet in the English language? — Ed.)

HIS BELLY BUTTON

BECAME HIS MOUTH

There may be some long pauses but I'll have to keep talking so as to convince myself I'm still hearing.

Annson Kenney

Philadelphia, Pa.

(Are you Gerald Ford? — Ed.)

WEDDING NITE OF THE YEAR WHAT ABOUT THIS QUESTION: Why no rap in CREEM about the engagement of Carol Doda (first chick to go topless) from San Francisco, Calif, and Rock Musician — Boxer, Henry tfHank" Grey from Miami, Fla. The rumor is unique as the couple will be wed at the Prison Chapel at Union Correctional Institution of Florida, where "Hank" is an inmate, for being a bad little boy. Just think the chick with the Golden Boobs and the dude with the Golden Hands. They will make a good pair - a lot of playing. I'll wage a bet with you V NO BOOGIE FOR THEM ON WEDDING NIGHT? Is it a bet?

A NOTE DROPPER Boyd Lane Raiford, Fla.

(We know you "re. Sue Lyon; why don't you leave happier folks alone, creep? — Ed.)

INDIANA WANTS US

Man, that article by Chet Flippo on the Allman Brothers made me want to cry. My girl friend could have saved Duane's life! It's true. He whizzed by us and if she had been standing in plain view instead of seated in my car waiting for me to make a phone call, chances are he would have pulled over to talk (she was a friend). Not only would I have met Duane Allman and gone out of my fucking mind, but he'd still be alive. Two blocks after he passed us was where he had the accident. Sincerely,

Tony Cotrotsos Eugene, Or.

GIRL IN TROUBLE

Your reply to Weird & Gilly and the Spiders from Mars was that anybody can do it. So I tried my hand at it.

HIT IT ZIGGY STARDUST!!

Astra played a role/

Wishing hard for David Bowie For a groupie she was She grouped in New York Bpt felt bad because —

She was a special mame/

But still not Bowie's dame Astra really flipped/

Seeing Bowie at his concerts For five nights in a row.

She had met him by trying But at parties you know —

She became so loaded man/

From beer and smoking and!

So where was D. Bowie .

When her hangover hung like hell With just rock mags to guide her Well she bitched and made a frown/

Cause now his show's out of town Aw!

Astra

(Pres. Bowie/N.Y. Groupies Club) (Anybody, hell, you're BETTER! - Ed.)

E=MC2

It is impossible to experience one's own death objectively and still carry a tune.

Sincerely,

One Thirty

P.S. Batteries not included.

(What is that, a Joe Cocker review? — Ed.)

METAPHYSICIAN'S CORNER CALIFORNIA IS STRANGER THAN NEW YORK BECAUSE IT'S HAD 200 YEARS TO CRAWL ACROSS THE CONTINENT ...

get off yer knees i know when i been licked,

Valium DeKay Kansas

P.S. Eternal Nothingness is okay if yer dressed for it.

SCARLET PIMP OR NELL?

We have solved one of the most baffling mysteries of this or any time. And then you ask what that may be.

In answer, I suggest that you first take a couple of Patricia Hearst's pictures from your bedroom wall. As soon as you've wiped it off and can move them, (I hesitate to think where these are located), dig up a couple of pics of another 70s great Patti Smith. Place the pics next to one another and compare.

TURN TO PAGE 82.

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 10.

Now that you've regained consciousness, tell yourself it can't be true and destroy this absurdity. But try to forget.

Angela Dust Forever

Toledo, Ohio

Psst. We think your great and give L.B. a Kiss. (Let us know if the FBI drops in. — Ed.)

ANGRY YOUNG FAN

At 16, I just farted on a picture of Jay Gatsby. Does that make me the most wasted boy alive?

Scott Gilbert

Angola, Indiana

(Stick with us, kid. - Ed.)

MORE IDENTITY CRISES

Did you ever notice how much David Bowie looks like Carol Burnett? Doesn't sing as good, though.

Without the slightest regard for common decency,

Pizza Hut

P.S. You goddamn well better print this, cause I'm the only one who knows the cure for the kind of V.D. Lester Bangs probably has by now (Did you ever notice how much Ron Wood looks like Cubby Koda? Ever notice how much Cubby Koda looks like Atom Ant? — Ed.) ®