Thank god the age of drug sickies is over. Those bread ‘n’ butter boys, Alice Cooper, have provided exemplary leadership into the genial asskicking renaissance of alkiedom. They stand for booze almost as much as great music, and though they may total Porsches, puke up pop tabs and bite off their fans’ thumbs, none of ’em will ever make the cover of Rolling Stone by ODing in a Continental opium den. All-American lushes to a.rii^v^hetf^nt fnUo&ltWHf'good example. So PUT DOWN'those needles and quaaludfes, kiddo. and pick up the jug! Jt:s the surestTaStesi'tway.\tor glean ajl the Chrome hotcha charisma of Alice hlfnself for your very uwn; just stiimble around-drunk on your, ass all the time and instant stardom is ■assured.’Stan Cornyn will break,down,yodr dob? with a recording contract and all the boys and girls on your block will want to ball vou. Vou can starf,svifh‘ tunpaid ping) Bndweiser beer, which is the Cooper crew's staple suds,'consumed b$t the gaUqft tJhbsfe intrepid souls and old alkies witb^k tolerance who want to machete their wav into the exotic recesses of. classic Alice Cooper toxicity^ the band has provided us with the following iruly lethal recipes, each and every one employing spiritus fermenti in a diabcdic manner unique to Alice Vtaste and lifestyle on the road and at home

ALICC GOOPGR.

Pinacolada a la Cooper (for six)

10 ounces dark (151 proof) rum

1/6 fresh pineapple, chipped into sections

16 ounces fresh coconut milk

*our the rum into a bowl. Soak the pineapple into the runt. Pour into blender, adding two more ounces rum. Add coconut milk, then two ounces fresh pineapple juice and one tray ice. Blend until you freeze it. Garnish with pineapple wedge and cherry.

Velvet Hammer

1 ounce gin

1 ounce apricot brandy

1 ounce dry vermouth

1 dash Maraschino liqueur

1 dash orange bitters

Stir with ice. Strain into standard cocktail glass.

Royal Setup (for preconcert)

2 ounces Crown Royal

8 ounces coke

1 ice cube

Drink until you feel prepared to face 20,000 screaming teenage maniacs.

Lizard Skin

Hollow out half a large orange. Pour in one large jigger of brandy, flame brandy, extinguish after a moment.

Drink.

Tunafish Malted (for hangovers)

1 can tunafish

2 scoops pistachio ice cream

4 ounces cream

Blend. Drink. Go Back to Bed.

miCHAGL fBRUCC

Night of the Living Dead

2/3 jigger 90 proof rum

1 1/3 jiggers 86 proof Gold Seal rum

2/3 jigger 86 proof White Label rum

2/3 jigger pineapple juice

2/3 jigger papaya juice juice of 1 lime

1 teaspoon powdered sugar

Shake well with ice and pour into a tall glass. Decorate with pineapple and cherry and float on top Demerara Rum, 151 proof. Sprinkle with powdered sugar and attack.

H-Bomb

1/4 yellow chartreuse

1/4 green chartreuse

1/4 brandy

1/4 bourbon whiskey

Shake well with ice and strain into glass. Beware of alcoholic fallout.

Mai Tai Massacre

1 ounce light Puerto Rico rum

1 ounce light Jamaica rum

1/2 ounce orange curacao

1/4 ounce Orgeat syrup dash of juice of whole lime

Mix and pour. Leave no trace of the struggle.

Alice Cooper Ass-Kick

Squeeze 1/2 time into a 12 ounce glass and drop in the rind. Add ice cubes and 11/2 jiggers vodka, and fill with ginger beer. Stir and serve.

Certified Gold

Combine in tumbler the juice of 1/2 lemon, 1 jigger raspberry syrup and 1 jigger brandy. Fill with chilled champagne and celebrate.

Dennis ounAuiAY

Dunaway’s Devil

2/3 jigger brandy

1/3 jigger green Creme de Menthe

1 pinch red pepper

Shake brandy and creme de menthe. Strain into glass. Sprinkle red pepper on top.

Kiss of Death

1/3 rye whiskey

1/3 dry vermouth

1/6 Dubonnet

1/6 orange juice

1 slice orange

Stir well with ice and strain into glass.

Gold Cadillac

3/4 ounce white Creme de Cacao

1 ounce 100 proof vodka

3/4 ounce Cointreau

2 ounces fresh orange juice

3/4 ounce Galliano

3 or 4 ounces ice cream handful of ice .

Blend until smooth.

Alexander the Great

1 ounce brandy

1 ounce dark Creme de Cacao

2 or 3 ounces cream.

Blend it. Serve with powdered nutmeg on top.

neAL smiTH

Greenwich Mansion Dip

1/2 apple brandy

1/2 white creme de menthe

3 dashes Pernod

Shake well with ice, and strain into glass.

Billion Dollar Baby

11/2 ounces whiskey

1/2 ounce curacao

1 dash grenadine

1 white of egg

Shake with ice as though all five Coopers had turned all the way up and were playing right between your ears. Strain into cocktail glass.

Creme de banana

1 chilled shot glass

Drink by the shot until you get there.

Evil Eye

2/3 Pernod

1/3 peppermint

Shake well with ice and strain into glass.

Stinging Whip

1/2 brandy

1/4 sweet vermouth

1/4 dry vermouth

3 dashes curacao

1 dash Pernod

Mix and sip.

GLCO RUXTOfl *

(*Because of the severity of Glen’s pancreas problems, he’s been ordered by doctors never to drink again. He’ll still go you shot-for-shot, but with gingerale please. What we’re presenting here are Glen’s favorites from his days of wine and Budweiser. - Ed.)

Buxton’s Bomber

1 jigger cognac

1 /3 jigger Cointreau

1/3 jigger anisette

2/3 jigger vodka

Shake well with ice and stain into large glass. Drink. Repeat indefinitely.

Black Plague

1 wineglass rum

1 tablespoon molasses

Stir vigorously in glass. Fill with hot water. Stir and serve with nutmeg on top.

Ten-Ton Terror

2 ounces whiskey

1 ounce French vermouth

1 ounce grapefruit juice

Shake well with ice and serve with bulbous cherry.

Baby’s Blood

1 ounce lime juice

4 ounces Jamaica rum

2 dashes Angostura bitters

Shake with finely cracked ice.