MAIL

MAIL

ALL THE YOUNG WHATCHAMACALLITS

Dear CREEM:

I just listened to All The Young Dudes, (the album) The Rise & Fall of Ziggy Stardust and Lou Reed’s Transformer, and then Country Joe and the Fish’s “Who Am I?” True words, huh?

Danny Barhydt

Los Angeles, Ca.

Dear CREEM:

I just got the Duane Allman anthology and upon slippin’ and slidin’ along with “Down Along the Cove,” my most recent ancestor (mother) tol’ me to turn it down before I woke the dead. She was too late (sic).

Uncle Meat

(No return address)

(Imagine if she’d been right, though! — Ed.)

Dear CREEM:

Ben Edmonds’ review of Nuggets (Dec.) really got to me, because I read it about three hours .after I’d bought the Remains album in my local'bargain bin for 50 cents.

Re: Moulty and the Barbarians, I’m pretty sure that the band was still together when “Moulty” was released, because they performed it at my alma mater, Holy Cross College, along with their other single, “Are You A Boy (Or Are You A Girl)?” Laterin the year, they did another show, with the Yardbirds. That was October, ’67, (Five years!) and I jumped in my seat when Moulty and company did Cream’s version of “I’m,So Glad.” Those guys were hip!

But who were the 13th Floor Elevators?

Frank C. DeMasi

Schenectady, N.Y.

(The Elevator was sort of, uh, the Texas equivalent of the MC5, if the Red Krayola were Texas’ Stooges. —Ed.)

Dear CREEM:

According to your June issue, Dave Marsh looks almost exactly like Jackie Lomax.” What I want to know is, who does Lester Bangs look almost exactly like? I got him pegged as a Zal Yanovsky so far.

R. Milton Siegel

Wilmington, Ohio

(Zal Yanovsky!!! Lester Bangs - although he denies it - looks exactly like Rob Reiner, of All in the Family. But then again, Greg Shaw looks like Mark Famer so it just goes to show... - Ed.)

HANK FRANK RETURNS

Dear CREEM:

I think my review of the Sparks album is excellent. If I ever see R. Evan Cirkiel I will definitely punch him in the nose. I am serious! You guys had no right making fun of me at my expense. None of the boys will lick my poozle anymore. Thanks a lot.

Hank Frank

Bronx, N.Y.

Dear CREEM:

My dog is a Leon Russell freak. When I play “Hello Little Friend,” he barks in harmony. He told me that he would write y’all to express his appreciation for the heavy article on the dude in the Dec. issue. But he said he couldn’t spell “appreciation.” By the way how about a cool Cocker story for my aardvark.

Cosmos Zilch

LaGrange, Texas

NODDY'S BODY

Dear CREEM:

Slade’s lead singer sounds like Steve Marriott with someone standing on his feet!

Maybe it’s Leslie West...

Stu

Yonkers, N.Y.

BETTE IS BEAUTIFUL

Dear CREEM:

I just wanted to write a few lines to thank Mr. Aletti for his article on Bette Midler in the December CREEM. I’ve enjoyed it and liked what he had to say about her. After reading about Bette and catching her on a television appearance I fell in love with her.

So watch out, you Super Stars, Bette is climbing on up.

P.Z.

Bronx, N.Y.

Dear CREEM:

You have always been pretty good on talking about my brothers, the Allman Brothers Band. I am a “sister” in the family, and I hope that you will print this letter. Why? Well, because I am leading an organization called ABBF (Allman Bros. Band Freaks). What it does is try to crush rotten rumors and answer questions about the band. Please write to the address below and you will be answered honestly and promptly.

Eat a Peach for Peace,

Susanne Bair

1009 Forest Ave.

Jeffersonville, Pa. 19401

CREEM AS VOMIT GUNGE

Dear CREEM:

I am in the employ of a public relations firm in Los Angeles (which will remain nameless) and CREEM is one of the “required” readings since some of our clients are in the field of music (term used loosely).

The main problem with reading your magazine seems to be that on a full stomach, I have a constant fear of uncontrollable fits of vomiting. Usually, I can screen it rapidly on days when we aren’t busy and I haven’t yet been to lunch, but if it’s after lunch . . . Wow.

® Illustration: Brian Cullman and Robot Hull’s Ten Worst Restaurants in America (February). Last year an article about Bo Diddley’s “funkiness’ by Phil Spector, which described in full/gory detail, Diddley’s nose mucus and his inventiveness with same, on stage (or in rehearsal, which involved other members of the group - really a delightful/ delectable piece of reading).

, Trying to picture the writers of these hideous little unnecessary pieces is difficult; attempting to understand their intent, impossible. The four-lettered words (common enough today) merely show ignorance and a desperate desire to be known as hip. But what does the pointless, sickening indulgence with nausea-provoking writing prove? And to whom? ARE THERE REALLY PEOPLE WHO LAUGH AT THIS?

Just a secretary named Barbara

Los Angeles, Ca.

(We’ve never promised something to offend everyone, BUT if you’ll let us photograph you puking while you’re holding a copy of CREEM, we’ll cool it in. the future. Our number’s on the Contents page. - Ed.)

MORE PUKE

Dear CREEM:

The Brian Cullman/Robot Hull food guide (Dec.) was real good but they missed the worst fuckin’ eatery anywhere and if they’d been anywhere they’d have spotted it and checked it out: Jai Alai at Bleeker and Baqk in New York, New York. The decor is jai alai but the jai alai guys don’t have those whatever-you-call-’ems that jai alai use — they have tennis rackets or maybe squash or badmitton. And the grub is worse than a tennis ball, order the crabmeat in white sauce and what you get is PUKE WITH LARGE HUNKS OF SOMETHING. Me and Nick Tosches were there the other day and the only good thing we found about the place is you ain’t gonna be goin’ back so you don’t gotta leave a tip.

R. Meltzer

New York, N.Y.

BEER 8c FROTHING: MORE PUKE?

Dear CREEM:

Thanks for your article on Texas (Dec.). I lived near where you were talking about. Many many times did I hear the Triumphs play in Hillige and Tatin and it’s exactly what you printed. Fights, rednecks, people givin’ you strange looks.. . It’s a real strange experience, but not one that’s too enjoyable. Your article made me realize how lucky I am to be away from there. Poor people who will continue living there and not see anything else - because they don’t know there’s much else.

Also, I’d like to say something about the dude from Oakdale, La. I used to live there, too, when I was younger.'Ask him if “Superwoman” is still there, okay? Thanks for letting me go back into my past without feeling guilty about it.

Ashlea Varnado

Memphis, Tn.

ALICE COOPER, LESBIAN DWARVES 8c ME

Dear CREEM:

I’U start this off with praise for CREEM, the best rock coverage on the market.

I especially dug your article in the Jan. ’73 issue on Alice' Cooper’s promotional movie. However, next time he’s in town, somebody up there tell him to let me pass out the party funnies instead of that lesbian dwarf. I’m not a dyke or a dwarf and my jokes are real gems.

Reba MatheWs

Detroit, Mi.

Dear CREEM:

R. Crumb (famed underground comix artist and creator of CREEM’s own Boy Howdy) once said that comix should always have a message, but the message should always be “By the way, how’s your Mom, Ed?” or something similar. If we had more rock stars that thought this way about rock it’d be a better planet.

Rave on,

Eddie Flowers

Jackson, Ala.

P.S. By the way, there is a really nice Gulf Coast rock paper called Boogie available free from John Bialas, 221 Venetian Ave., Gulfport, Ms. 39501. Heck, even Lester Bangs likes it.

Dear CREEM:

Now that Flash has used up all the erogenous zones, I guess they won’t put out another album, unless they invent a new one.

Pat Hertel

Chicago, Ill.

(Everywhere, friend, is an erogenous zone. -Ed.)

; CACA CRITICSM?

Dear CREEM:

Does Brian Cullman have an anal fixation? Or does h,e take a lump of shit to bed with him at night and. fuck or 69 with it? The reviews I’ve read by him all have obnoxious references to assholes and defecating-1 mean, it’s his ass if he doesn’t like Harry Chapin, but I do believe every artist is worthy of more than jejune jolts from some cock who loves caca criticism.

Steve Esmedina

San Diego, Ca.

LESTER'S BANG REVEALED

Dear CREEM:

I’m just writing to tell you - actually to tell Fred Mills - wha Lester Bangs is. Lester doesn’t bang his ol’ lady or his typewriter. Actually, he used to do record reviews for Rolling Stone in ’69! So there goes the great mystery of who or what Lester Bangs.

Also, I must say I enjoyed your article on America’s ten worst restaurants. You have a weird magazine.

Nylon, dacron, wool, long life cover.

Thanks,

George and Frank Pemuts

Orange, Ca.

(We got a weird magazine because of people like you, that’s why. — Ed.)

Dear CREEM:

Is it Beth Lester Bangs? And if Todd Rundgren is dead then who the hell is it that sings like Carole King on The Ballad of...? And no, there isn’t a hell of a lot to do in Iowa, except read your fucking fine magazine.

The Plumber

Cedar Falls, Iowa

(1. Lester ain’t tellin’; 2. The Ballad of Todd Rundgren was recorded by a dozen mutant snail-fetishists during a lunar eclipse at a remote location in the Chilean Andes. And if you don’t like Iowa, why don’t you move to South Dakota and make fun of George McGovern. — Ed.)

Dear CREEM:

I used to kiddingly say that Lester Bangs was to journalism what Capt. Beefheart was to rock. I don’t kid anymore.

Sandy Barhydt

Playa Del Rey, Ca.

(Is that an offer to become his publicist or didn’t you like the last Beefheart album? — Ed.)

'NOTHER TOP TEN

Dear CREEM:

I can’t figure out most people who write to you. Most of it is plain old BULLSHIT! Prejudiced bullshit!! I hope, for a change, this letter will be fair in listing the Top Ten groups with reasons listed also. O.K., people disagree; but I don’t think this is prejudiced, just experiences and opinions of friends.

1. Alice Cooper — by far the meanest, raunchiest, cruelest rock and rollers ever. Alice & Friends are faggots - like hell they are!! An all-star cast of musicians, especially drummer Neal Smith. He makes more sounds come from a drum than I have ever had. Alice is good at controlling audiences. See ’em in concert and elect him president.

2. Black Sabbath - not far behind A.C., another all-star group. Ozzie is great with peace signs. Their new album is great.

3. Grand Funk — Craig Frost is great in concert; they get cut down a lot yet sell out everywhere and always have gold records. Mark Farner is cool, and knows more than his vocals.

4. Uriah Heep — David Byron ought to lose his head they way it moves on stage. Ken Hensley is catching Keith Emerson, if he hasn’t already.

5. Jethro Tull — Every album that comes out is better.. Ian Anderson is a fabulous flute player.

6. Led Zeppelin — They were number one three or four years ago, but slacked off a little. Nobody can sing like Robert Plant or play lead guitar like Jimmy Page. How about a U.S. tour?

7. Humble Pie — Steve Marriott makes this group good. Close to Grand Funk but not in overall song competition.

8. White Witch — Ever hear of ’em? Better in concert than on record.

9. Deep Purple — Just starting to make all-star level. Machine Head is great. Ritchie Blackmore is great on lead guitar and Ian Gillian is a neat lead singer.

10. So many groups deserve to be in the Top Ten, so I’ll name 10 Number 10’s (alphabetically): 1. Atomic Rooster; 2. Bang; 3. Chicago; 4. Edgar Winter’s White Trash; 5. Emerson, Lake and Palmer; 6. Frank Zappa apd the Mothers of Invention; 7. Jeff Beck Group; 8. Ramatam; 9. Ten Years After; 10. Yes.

CONTINUED ON PAGE 82.

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 10.

I feel rock music has progressed so much that the Rolling Stones can’t keep up. Too bad. They were good in the good old days.

Maybe my’ top ten (actually 20) isn’t exactly right, but it isn’t prejudiced, it’s just rock’n’roll’s best. I hope you disagree ’cause I’m glad you care about more than bubblegum shit.

Keep on rollin’

Zachariah

Jacksonville, Fla.

(Yeah, but do you think next issue’s CREEM Readers’ Poll results will agree with you? — Ed.)

MORE GARBAGE COLLECTION!

Dear CREEM:

Graham Carlton and Laura Haster, I’ll betcha I’ve got better credentials than both of you! Like Mick Jagger’s beer can, Nicky Hopkins’ paper cup, and a handful of rose petals Mick threw to the audience in June. Or these goodies: Ringo Starr’s Apple Wine cup or Ringo’s empty cigarette pack. Or even Dicky Betts’ coke bottle and guitar pick.

And I wouldn’t sell them for all the reds in China.

Brent Stoker

Nashville, Tenn.

Dear CREEM:

Where the hell is “Walled Lake, Michigan”?? I had a dream that I awoke from a terminal drunk on the floor of this strange room littered with album jackets and was greeted by a gorgeous redhead who told me, “Lester may not want you here, but you look o.k. I’ll ask him when he gets back.” (In the dream) I think, “Lester?” And then say “Where the hell am I?” She smiles warmly and says, “Walled Lake Michigan.” The rest of the dream involved horses.

Anyway, subscribe me henceforth.

Thank you,

Peter Laughner

East Cleveland, Ohio

(That’s about right. — Ed.)

Dear CREEM:

In your January ish, you had a letter about grabbing the broads in small towns. I live in a town so small it isn’t worth the effort (pop. around 2S0). So any broads not too stuck up to write, please do so.

Jim Johnson

Burnside, Pa.

P.S. If you have the time, drop in.

(Stick with us, kid. - Ed.)

Dear CREEM:

Can you give us the address of the Stones, ’cause we gotta give them something.

E. D.

Victoria, B.C. Canada

(You may write them care of H.R. Hughes, Mangua Relief Fund, Managua, Nicaragua. We don’t know the Zip Code. — Ed.)